The Angel

So not too long after The Brit and I got married, my mother went shopping in Lancaster, PA and she brought me home this beautiful ceramic angel.  I am very angel particular.  They have to have pretty faces as no one likes a pissed off angel; they just have to look "angelic".  This one did and she was pretty big; about 8 or 9 inches high, kneeling, hands raised, dark hair, long blue skirt and white blouse.  She is one of the prettiest angels I have ever seen.

She came to my house in a box and when we opened her, we sadly discovered a broken wing.  It had broken clean off, but The Brit was certain he could fix it and he did.  As the wing attached in the back, looking at her one could not see any evidence of the breakage.  

I kept her safely on a shelf at the desk, up high where the cats could not knock her down and she resided there for several years until one night, someone knocked the desk and caused her to fall from the shelf and break into several pieces.  Worried at first that she was not fixable, I was thrilled when The Brit once again pieced her together, minus a spot here and there where holes remained, those remnants broken into pieces too tiny to repair.  

These days, at quick glance, the angel appears perfect; a striking image of the perfection God would have made her were she real.  She is kept in a lower but still safe place and it is only at closer inspection you can see her battle scars; a missing piece here, a rather large hole in the back.  Still beautiful but far from perfect.

How like us she is!  For some reason the saga of my angel was on my heart the other day even though it has been probably three years since her last accident.  But she is like us.  From the outside we can appear to have it all together, to even be somewhat perfect, but only once you really start to see inside of someone can you see their "holes"; their scars that life has dealt them.  Sometimes you have to look very closely because many of us keep our imperfections, our hurts,  our betrayals well hidden.  But often it is worth the time to look and to try to understand.

What is wonderful is that like the angel, who was created by a master craftsman somewhere, we have also been created by a Master Craftsman who sees all our holes and loves us not just despite them but because of them.  In His eyes, we are perfect and precious and loved, despite our faults.

Just sayin'.

 

Another Trip Around the Sun

Yesterday was my 45th birthday and it was a fantabulous day.  Unlike some, I do not need presents or a big party to make it a great birthday.  In fact, for me, yesterday was about as good as it gets.

I only last week learned that we have something called Shenandoah National Forest pretty much in our backyard.  An hour and twenty minutes from home, it is a one hundred mile drive one way through some of the most beautiful country I have ever seen on the East coast.  Breathtaking views, deer a-plenty and bear sightings as well, it was just awesome.  It was just me, The Brit, the kids and my dog, but it was a damn near perfect day.  The humidity here at home has been rough the last week but in the mountains, the temps dropped to the mid-seventies, so it was windows down, fresh mountain air blowing through the hair and breathing in the smells of nature.  


We drove the whole Skyline Drive, which is 100 miles and that took us to about 4:00.  Well, we had lunch and the boys and I hiked six tenths of a mile down to a waterfall (and then all uphill on the way back but I did it and felt great for the experience).  So at 4:00, we elected that instead of grabbing the highway home, we would just turn around and drive the Skyline Drive back.  As twilight descended, even more wildlife ventured out, and our ride back was full of deer sighting; does and fawns and even some young bucks with velvet still covering their antlers, as well as an additional black bear sighting.


It was beautiful and breathtaking and we are doing it again in two weeks and are also planning a tour in the fall when the leaves are brilliant colors.


Don't give me cities.  My preference is always nature.   Beautiful and peaceful it makes me wonder how anyone can doubt the existence of God (and that is not a call for snarky remarks.  I don't bash anyone else's beliefs, so leave mine the hell alone) when I am watching a sky change colors after a storm or just listening to the sound of waves crashing onto the sand.  It's like the story of the watchmaker.  If you find a beautiful pocket watch on a log in the middle of the woods, you cannot prove that someone made it.  You cannot see the watchmaker, yet you know he exists.  For me, the same is true of creation.  It didn't just "happen".  Someone took the time to design it and in all its glory, it is infinitely glorious.

I'll show you pics when I get then downloaded.  Maybe even tomorrow.
 

Don't Ya'll Faint Now

Yeah, two in two days!  Who would have thought?  Jimnotmike threw down the gauntlet after all so I guess I need to try to get back on the ball at least a wee bit.  No promises but I am trying.

Today has been one of those days I have been in awe of.  Nothing extraordinary happened, but it was just a good day.  Work was busy as we have a huge event Saturday night (I do not have to be there but am very involved in the prep work), so my day was spent on laminating and creating signs, working on silent auction items, helping B, my work husband who is head of Events, and running errands.  B and I went off to lunch together and there has been lots of camaraderie in my little department which is a welcome change from all the kitten sadness that will eat me alive if I allow it to.  It's just nice.  My boss thanks me on a daily basis for my work, T, the head Admin, jokes and carries on with me all day which is great fun, B and I get along famously and my least favorite staff person just gave her notice.

Tonight, The Brit and I went out to dinner with another couple we are friends with, Emily and Dave, and my church gals, who I adore.  We had some wine, chatted and laughed for two hours and I just again marveled at the way God works.  In an odd way, I thank Him for the horrible things that happened at the old church because they caused me to finally leave a place I was not being fulfilled.  Though it was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do, when I think of how it all turned out, I am just amazed.  When I think that I could still be at that old church, fighting to keep it together and not getting anything back spiritually, I almost shudder.  I cannot imagine still being somewhere that is close to dead now that I am a part of something that is on fire.  Sometimes our blessings come in unexpected and unwanted at the time packages.

This weekend we are heading out for the day Saturday, potentially to a dog peach near Annapolis.  I still adore my pup and I want him to have some doggie fun on the weekends.  He loves other dogs so I try to find him some playmates over the weekends.  Next week starts VBS so I will be busy every night.  Yes, I hated VBS at the old church but I do not have to run this one and I am only playing a part in the drama each night.  Bring it!

And I'm Oprah

I'll get to why I am Oprah in a minute.  

I have been battling the creeping crud again.  That thing that disguises itself as a head cold until three days later when all your....stuff...is green, indicating infection and me with no sick time till July 1st.  Not that I would call in sick, but seeing a doctor would be nice.  I do, however, have some leftover antibiotics from the sinus infection which I started popping today. I was pretty low key all weekend, just trying to kick this thing; only did some little things around the house and my church stuff on Sunday.  The crud is still hanging on.

Work is still good.  Caught up on all the backlog by last Wednesday.  Today I was actually bored as my boss and our new Events Coordinator went off site to a meeting.  In the absence, I finished what I was doing and then looking around for more work.  I found T, who I LOVE...what a doll...and she asked if I could put away supplies that had just been delivered to the supply closet.  I wound up cleaning out the supply closet, at least 90% of it.  It was in desperate need.

Another interesting story, at least to me.  Last week we had a staff meeting and they made us new kids get up there and introduce ourselves and then opened the floor for anyone to ask us anything, which was rather interesting.  One of the things that came up during my Q&A was that I sing with the praise band at my church.  After the meeting Nice Girl approaches me.  I call her this as she was one of the first people to talk to me and has always been very sweet.  We ended up talking about church and how she was very hurt by her last church (hmmm..sound familar?) and that she had not been in a church for about two years since that.  I told her that I had a similar experience but that I went and found a new church that I have been not only thrilled with, but spiritually uplifted by.  At the end of our conversation, she hugged me and said "I'm so glad you're here!"
Today, NG (Nice Girl) came in and rushed over to me and said "I went to a new church yesterday!  It was like coming home! I had missed going so much!"  She went on to tell me how two people she had not seen in a long time were members there (she did not know this when she walked in the church doors Sunday) and how they were able to reconnect.  Loved seeing her JOY!  Loved seeing how God is already using me in some ways that I am not aware of till they happen which just seals the deal on the fact that I am where I am supposed to be!

So, Oprah!  I have a new favorite thing.  Check this out!  I can't stop watching it, but then I love birds!  And she has some babies under her!

Kindness and Understanding that Have Your Back

Today we were taken in as members of our new church.  It was good; really good and it felt very right.

This morning before church I posted on the "evil" (as some of my friends refer to it, Facebook, something that said " is becoming an official member of "Name of church" this morning!"

I got a few nice comments, some congratulations and then this comment from a woman who was the wife of one of my former church's short lived pastors because he had much greater issues:


"Wow.  So soon...."


I was kind of angry about it.  I wanted to rant at her that this change in churches had been at least two years coming, but yet I didn't want to sound snarky nor did I want to offend any of my Facebook friends who still attended the former church.  So, I settled on "It has actually officially been four months and when it feels right, it feels right."


I wasn't entirely happy with that answer, but I chose the high road.  I felt she was judging me, like I had made a rash decision in my leaving the former church, but I tried to let it go.  Somehow it still diminished my mood somewhat and made me wonder if other people felt I was acting in a brash manner.


But a few minutes ago I got another comment from my new music director at my new church, who also coordinates my contemporary service there.  Her words were simple:


"We are so blessed to have you."


She didn't need to say anything else.  My guess is that based on the other woman's comment and my defense to it, she "got it" and spoke out her feelings and there was no need for anything else to be said.




God reminded me through her, that the battle isn't mine and I don't need to sweat the small stuff, because He has it for me.

Just Wow

I know that some of you anti-God folks will say this is just a coincidence but I am a firm believer of that quote that said, "Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous." 

So you all know my nightmare that started back in October with being attacked for not conforming to the Pastor fan club.  Then the second church we walked into once we started church shopping almost immediately felt like home.  So we in the process of joining officially; our membership has already been transferred and our new pastor is coming to the house tomorrow night to meet with us and answer any questions before we make it official in front of the congregation.  I told you on Sunday, I was asked to write a lenten devotional, right?  So given everything that happened from my tears and depression over people turning on me for not agreeing and attacking my husband for preferring to work with the kids in the nursery instead of listening to non-planned sermons, guess what verse was assigned to me? 

"He has redeemed my soul from going down to the pit, and my life shall see the light." Job 33:28

And if that doesn't give you little goosebumps, tonight's sermon had to do with not staying in the past; that it is fun to visit sometimes or to grieve after something bad happens, but that God wants us to "Let go" so he can give us a new spirit  Isn't that what I have needed to do?  I have been working on letting go of what happened at the old place and am really doing well with it.  The bitterness is gone and I don't dread going in there anymore.  Sure,  I am still job searching but working there is not unbearable; it would just be nice to cut that tie and only keep ties with the ones who seem interested in keeping ties with me.  With working to put all that behind me, my life has seen new light at my new church.  It is exciting and the pastor is full of  JOY.  I have known a lot of miserable, stagnant Christians in my life and I never wanted to be one of them.  I have never understood the Christians who feel they always have to be serious and reverent all the time because knowing God and Jesus is a joyous thing!  The other interesting thing is that my seemingly new spirit that has come with being in a place that feels right, is now a part of their praise band and their praise band has a name.

THE NEW SPIRIT PRAISE BAND

I just think it is all way cool.

Why Are People So Offended?

So I was sitting at the American Red Cross this morning, waiting to give blood and they had the news on the television which is always enough to annoy me.  You would think on Christmas Eve, they could find something good to talk about but nah.  They were debating about this monument in Georgia, I think, where there were several different flags erected, one of the many flags being a Christian flag.  Of course, someone had to gripe about it so now they have some kind of lottery where people can decide what flag they want flown that month and now the question is, is that constitutional? 

Here are my issues.  I don't get why people get so offended.   I have friends who are Wiccan and if the Wicca people had a flag and it was flown at a monument along with a bunch of other flags, that would not offend me.  Now if the Wiccan flag was the ONLY flag being flown, that would be different.  The one woman on the news was saying that some of the soldiers who died for their country may not be Christian.  My thinking is "they are dead, do they really care what flags are flown there?" The other thing is that if my loved one was being remembered in that place, and let's say, we were Muslim, I would have no issue with another religion being represented.  I figure any "good thoughts" or prayers offered from anywhere are a good thing.  When I in a rough spot and my Wiccan friends say they will pray for me, it does not offend me that they are not praying to my beliefs.  Belief in a higher power is belief, no matter what you call that Being.  

My biggest issue is that it is Christmas Eve so is this a pot that really needed to be stirred up today?  Oy. Doesn't this country have bigger issues to deal with?

Anyway, it is Christmas Eve and no matter how much I am not a fan of Christmas, tonight I love.  Tonight is filled with anticipation for me, and candles and a feeling of reverence as we sit on the precipice of something wonderful.  I love tonight.  Tomorrow, you can have but tonight is special. 

So I hope you all feel that sense of anticipation tonight; that knowing that many years ago, probably not in December, something wonderful happened.  I hope you all took a moment to do something special for someone else that maybe didn't involve a gift in a box.  I hope you gave some love or a little of your time to someone who needed it and if you haven't, there is still time.  Because for as what I believe, we were given the greatest gift ever that we celebrate this night.

Home Again

So I plan to blog all about my latest journey but right now, I am behind on life and Christmas in particular, so I have not yet even gone through the photos.  So stay tuned for that.

We just got home last night and The Brit is already en route to the airport for work, and will be gone until Thursday.  This will hopefully give me some time to get my life caught up a bit as well as get to some serious work at the gym.  I have gained a few pounds over the last few weeks between work stress and vacation and it has got to go.

On the flight to California, I was listening to my ipod and was reminded of something I had wanted to blog about during all the church drama.  When I was at my absolute lowest about the situation (and I am so much better now.  Stronger, leaving the drama queens behind me) I heard a song that has been out for quite some time that I had never taken any notice of before.  It may have played on my radio before, but I promise you, I had never actually heard the lyrics before.  What I do know was that God gave me this song on that particular day.  I get goosebumps now when I hear it on my ipod.

Lord move, or move me

I can't find the words to pray
I'm a little down today
Can you help me?
Can you hold me?
I feel like a million miles away
And I don't know what to say
Can you hear me anyway?
What I need is for you to reach out your hand
You have taught me
No matter what you'd understand

CHORUS:

Lord move in a way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move), or move me.  (and He moved me, pretty much physically)

I've look every where to find
A simple peace of mind
I can't find nothing on my own
So I got to leave myself behind
Take up this cross of mine
Give away everything I hold onto (and in so many ways, I did.  I had to let go of things and people that felt impossible to ever release)

Lord I know the only way is through this
Lord I know I need you to help me do this

CHORUS

Lord move in a way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move), or move me.

Out of this place of complacency  (*this is so true of the way I had been feeling at the church before it all went bad)To a place of fellowship with thee
Cause I am weak but Lord you are so strong
And you know it's been way too long (been way too long)

Lord move in the way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and I'll knock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move)...

CHORUS

Isn't it just amazing?

My email daily devotional

Governed by His Providence

"But He saith unto them, It is I; be not afraid." John 6:20

When storms come into your life, I want you to remember this truth: "I am governed by His providence."

The storm did not take the wave walker, the Lord Jesus, by surprise. As a matter of fact, the Bible says He's the one that "commandeth and raiseth stormy seas." (Psalm 107:25)

Perhaps you're in the eye of a storm right now. It looks like your boat is sinking. Maybe it's so dark you can't see your hand before your face. I want you to know there is nothing that comes to you that He does not either cause or allow. Whether I can see it or not, whether I can understand it or not, it is a fact that God has not relinquished His rule upon His universe.

Read Matthew 8:23-27. Does Jesus see the storm in your life? Bow before the One, the only One, who can calm your storm. Trust His ways. He's in control.

So is it a Heavenly Brick I Am Being Hit with?

I firmly believe that God tries to get our attention with things He may want for us to do.� When I was jumping through all the hoops before my RNY surgery, I was terrified, but from the beginning, I told God that if He brought me to surgery, I trusted He would get me through it.� I figured He could put the brakes on it at any time and He didn't, so when I went into surgery, I knew I would emerge on the other side of surgery safely.



I also believe that God places certain things on our hearts.� I mean, if someone always wanted to be a doctor for as long as they could remember, I think God places that on the heart and then makes a way for it to happen.� Now, I know you all are sick of hearing about my little dream of being a writer.� I have it, and am terrified to pursue it seriously, yet the desire never goes away.� I dabble in writing, but nothing I would or could publish.� I already know if I were to write a story, it would be in the Christian fiction genre and I already know the story I would tell.�



When I was at Women of Faith in August, in the program they give you, there was a WOF fiction writing contest.� There it is again...that whole writing thing that I believe God is trying to lead me to, though I resist kicking and screaming out of fear of failure.� And yes, I know all the cliches about "The only failure is the failure to try" blah, blah, blah.� Got it.� Have told myself that a kabillion and a half times.� Anyway, I sat right there in the arena and logged onto the website through my phone and entered.� Sitting in an arena, full of women who face the same daily struggles as I do and who love God as much as I do, I felt confident.



Once I got home?� Not so much confidence.� Back into avoidance mode.� Actually forgot all about the contest...till yesterday when I got an email from the publishing company thanking me again for entering and again giving me the list of rules and regulations.� I rolled my eyes, "Yeah God, I know.� I know.� But I don't think I can do it!"



Today my cell phone rang and it was the publishing company!� They were offering their support, thanking me for entering and urging me to call with any questions.



So really, is it God trying to hit me with a brick again?� Or just coincidence?� Coincidences are way easier for me as it helps avoidance reign.

Comments on Comments

So in response to yesterday's blog, Jimnotmike, posted this:

So, what I want to know is how your "Friend", when faced with such disdain from those fellow "Christians", handles it? I'm curious, because for me that particular "Christian influence" is what played such a huge role in my rethinking of my belief system. I guess where the gray area falls for me is in what makes a Christian a Christian and what makes a Christian a wacko? Any thoughts on that subject?

My friend handled the situation with grace and dignity that the author of the original email did not deserve, in my opinion.   Amongst the things he very politely told her, was this "I am no less of a Christian than you are. I'm proud of who I am, who God has created me to be. Do you think that the people of *name of church* can't be led to see God by someone who thinks differently than they do? Can only conservative *name of denomination* point the way to Him?

So yes, this young man handled himself very well in the face of horrible judgment and criticism.  Kudos to him and I do believe this is the way God would feel.  Can only those morally, upright (or in many cases "uptight") Christians show the way?  My vote is "no".  Often the same kinds of Christians are also against females preaching and I have been involved with those who felt that way several years ago (so Jimnotmike, it is not only the gay issue for many of these self righteous people).  My argument to that is, who were the first people Jesus showed himself to after his resurrection?  Women.  And what did he tell them?  "Share the news with others." 

As far as the "what makes a Christian a Christian and what makes a Christian a wacko?" part, I think people can go the extreme with anything they believe in strongly and it's sad and often what gives the rest of us a bad name. Who would want to follow a God who wants His people to pass judgment on others?  Not too many folks sign up for that and I can't say as I blame them.  Looking down the end of one's nose at anyone else, in my opinion, is not a Christlike thing to do.  Jesus hung out with the tax collectors and the prostitute amongst others that the rest of the community looked at as "The villains" but he didn't judge them.  He didn't tell them they were going to hell.  What did He do?  He loved them.

I think a lot of Christians also hold too tightly to the Old Testament which is where all the anti-homosexuals get most of their ammunition.  But Jesus came in the New Testament, many years later and made a new covenant with God's people.  Jesus was a rebel.  Think about it.  Think about who he hung out with and some of the things he did.  He was human; fully human yet fully God.  And the greatest commandment He gave us, that Jesus himself gave years after the whole Ten Commandment thing?  "Love your neighbor as yourself."  Doesn't that just say it all? 

But you are always going to have people who are over the top about their beliefs and not just about Christianity.  I have an acquaintance, who after he lost a bunch of weight got absolutely crazy with exercise.  Not like me, crazy. Like 900 crunches crazy and running three times a day crazy.  People get their over the top crazy on with politics, with animal rights (I am all for animal rights, but c'mon, sometimes those PETA people....).  People go to the extreme and maybe it is to make themselves feel better or maybe if they are pointing the finger at someone else, they don't have to look too closely at themselves.  I have known Christians with gay siblings who refuse to associate with them and I know God isn't smiling down on that.  Common sense alone tells me that and if that isn't enough, that whole "love your neighbor" thing, I'm pretty sure that would include siblings.

Anyway, I could ramble on about this forever and I am so passionate about it, but I won't bore you with what many would only see as my own "uneducated and unchristianlike" opinions.  I am fortunate enough to be a part of a church who accepts people for who they are; the same way I believe God does.

And Sylvie said:

I think Christians like her are really the ones who keep non-believers like me from even talking to believers. Why do I want to start a conversation where the other person will just unleash vitriol instead of understanding? I think we need more Christians like you Kim, to bridge the gap.

Sylvie, thank you.   I always hope that if my words can make just one person think about things differently, then I have done some good for the world.  I totally get what you are saying, which is why when my church split, I could not go with the other side.  There were too many judgments of things I just didn't believe in, but when it was all said and done, I stood with the minority and now as a church, we struggle a bit financially, but when it comes to love and acceptance, what you find at my church is amazing.  And you know what else, Sylvie?  You are a non-believer talking to a believer in her comments section...and that's enough for right now.  We all have to start somewhere to bridge the gap.

To Save A Life

I went to the movies today to see the above film.  I had never heard of it, but someone on Facebook suggested I become a fan of it, so I went to the website to check it out and was interested enough to go see it.

The film deals with teen suicide and is Christian based, which probably means it won't last long in theaters, but it was extremely well done.  It was the kind of movie that makes you want to be a better person, mother, youth group leader, whatever. 

Yet films like this always make me doubt everything where my own parenting skills are concerned, especially with my eldest son, who has always been a challenge to parent.  I never know if I am parenting him correctly.  His early childhood was not good with his biological parents (let's face it, had it been good, he would still be with them) and it is hard to know whether those experiences have made him the often difficult kid he is or if it is his ADHD.  But I keep trying to renew my efforts; to try to do things differently, to try something else.  I don't know what the answers are, I can only keep praying to find them. 

Had another little issue to discuss...the kid I mentioned a few weeks ago who came out of the closet?  Well, he has a great voice and is a passionate Christian.  However, the music person at his church has decided he should no longer be allowed to sing for his congregation.  She said he has "taken the name of God in vain, professed to be a Christian and then got up to sing" (sorry, what?) and that he had abused his "God given talent".  This troubles me so much because it is Christians like this woman who give the rest of a us a bad name and I hate it.  Being a Christian does not give us a right to judge and if I know nothing else about God, I know He loves all His children....and I don't think He would be pleased with the judgments this woman passed on this kid.  Christians have done so much damage to these relationships and I just wish there were more people willing to try to make amends.

Things I Don't Understand

Why is it suddenly socially acceptable for people to wear their pajamas out in public?  I'm talking about clothing that is obviously pajamas...not like a pair of sweats.  I'm talking about pajama bottoms with little bears or something on them and slippers and "Hey, let's go shopping at Walmart!" (or the mall or anywhere really.  I've seen it all over).  Is this just happening in my little town or is it going on everywhere?  Hell, I won't leave the house without makeup 99.9% of the time...without "real" clothes is just not an option. 

I know I have probably beaten this horse to death, but I keep hoping and praying that maybe each time I address it, one person, just one person sees it and starts to change their way of thinking.  So here's the story:

A young man I have had the privilege of recently meeting, has come out of the closest and admitted to being a homosexual.  As most gay men I have had the joy of knowing in my life, this person has known it about himself for as long as he can remember (because ya know, five year olds out there are making choices about their sexual preferences) and there have been some struggles within his family (which to an extent I understand) and within his church (which I do not nor will I ever truly understand).  A member of this church elected to get on this person's personal web page and point out the error of his ways for all the world to see, as opposed to sending his opinions privately.  It's not that the person was mean, but obviously very opinionated and very unwilling to consider any other way of looking at things.

These kinds of things make me so angry and they frustrate me greatly.  Regardless of what you believe, doesn't a certain amount of common sense have to play into things somewhere?  I don't even understand those people who believe that being gay is a "choice".  Who would make that choice?  I sure as hell wouldn't, given the stigma that is attached to it.  I also know that I didn't "Choose" anything at any point in my life as far as who I was attracted to sexually.  Yet, so many people think they did...and those people seem to think they can just change.  Okay, straight people, if you were suddenly told it was now illegal to be with the opposite sex and that you had to swing the other way, how would you feel?  Could you do it?  Would it be uncomfortable or feel unnatural to you?  Sure it would.  So why on earth do you think it would be any different for them? 

And that whole Sodom and Gomorrah thing was so Old Testament.  What about Jesus and what he came to do for the whole world WAY after that whole incident?  Why is it that Christians never seem to take that into account?  I always place so much more weight on words that Jesus said...he was after all, the Son of God.  Did God intend it for homosexuality to exist?  Probably not, but did he intend for cancer, or child abuse to exist?  Nope, I'm bettin'.  Did he intend for children to be born with sex organs of both sexes, or better yet, did those babies "choose" that?  Couldn't that and homosexuality kind of be tied together at different levels?  And why do Christians feel it is their job to change these folks by quoting scripture to them?  Why not just love them and let God do the rest?  Why does "Christian" and "judgmental" always seem to go together for so many people?  It's not our job. 

Okay, stepping off the soapbox now.  Look, I don't know if I'm right about any of this, but I do think that God has placed it on my heart to talk about it every so often.  I mean, I am a heterosexual female, so why should I care?  Fact is, I do and because I feel so strongly about it, I firmly believe it comes from above. 

So tomorrow it is off to the gym to kick things up a notch.  My veggies are cut up and it is back to better eating, thank God!  How are you spending the first Monday of the new year?

It's Been in the Pain that I have Grown

Today was fairly amazing.  We spent the morning at the pre-conference where we heard from Steve Arterburn and Marilyn Meberg (Who I adore and is only in second place to Patsy Clairmont in my book) with amazing messages.  Sandy Patti sang and actually did two songs I really liked for a change and I really enjoyed her speaking today.

We came back after the pre-conference and had an amazing dinner (I told you the day was amazing, so it is the word of the day).  I had chicken parm and it was yumilicious.  Then we headed back down for the evening session where we heard the amazing Patsy Clairmont's talk which ended in talking about the death of her best friend last December.  Her friend died of breast cancer and it was all very sad and tears were shed.

For any of you who follow Christian music, you are probably aware that Steven Curtis Chapman lost his youngest adopted daughter last May in a terrible car accident involving his teenage son.  The son, Will, had just gotten home and Maria, very excited to see her brother somehow got in the way of the car as it was pulling into the driveway.   He performed tonight and his two teenage sons were part of his band.  Not long after the accident, I remember hearing "Cinderella" on the radio, which basically talks about as a father, taking the time to dance with your daughters because "I know something the prince never knew....that all too soon the clock will strike midnight and she'll be gone."  I remember being very teary the first time I heard this song after Maria's death and thinking "How will he ever perform this song again?"  Tonight, he did and Shell and I cried the whole way through it.  He spoke of the need to sing this song because he knows that he will dance with Maria again one day in heaven.  VERY emotional night!

Now we are back in our room, drinking the bottle of wine I brought along as it is after all, Friday night.  It's been a great weekend, full of thought provoking thoughts for me about parenting and the need to want to do it better.  Doing so will require giving up some of my human selfishness and the need to have quiet time. I think I am a fairly normal parent, but I so want to raise my kids in an apparent Christian home.  I mean, we are that, but there are days it probably doesn't seem like it, when life and problems and weariness gets in the way of stressing the important things to my kids.  Sometimes it is easier to be critical instead of guiding and I need to be aware of the fact that they are not going to make correct decisions at this time in their lives.  I need to open the doors of communication, especially with my oldest one, despite the fact that he is so often a closed book.  

I need to take a lesson from Steven; that the clock can strike midnight at any given moment.  Yes, when the song was originally written, his thoughts were that the child would grow up, but "gone" can also mean gone.  We are never promised tomorrow and we never know when the decisions of our children, a terrible accident or the decision of someone else can take our children from us.  Every single moment is precious so even if the child is a difficult one, most importantly, they need to know that they are loved.

I'll be doing a lot of praying on this in the weeks to come, about being more honest and forthcoming with words and affection, about being more patient and less impatient with my time.  We only get one chance to bring our kids up in a way that will hopefully impact their lives forever.  I need it to be positive.  

Ending the Day the Same Way I Started it....

.....exhausted!

Maybe it was the long weekend, but this morning I just woke up tired and continued on that way.  I got lots done at work....

Finish graduates 2009 powerpoint
Do four weeks worth of PP announcements
Finish the newsletter
Go over information with volunteer who will be helping out in the office while I am away.
Call Wolfe's about June 20th car wash
Call Trivent rep about June 20th car wash
Get all copies of kid's paperwork for mission trip

...so I'm getting there.

Got very little done at home other than dinner, making something for The Brit's potluck tomorrow and using up our bananas before they went off in a sugar free jello pudding.  Then it was off to kickbutt class.  I have changed the name of the class as of tonight as Jack kicked all our butts this evening!  Man!  He is so nice in every other aspect!  I get there early just to chat with him as me and the Jack McFarlands of the world get on well together.  He's funny, engaging, concerned on how my knees are doing and has a good ear for listening.  But put him in front of a class, and man-o-day!  He can be brutal and reduce me to a puddle of sweat on the floor.

I will totally miss him in the month of June, but also do not look forward to my first class in July after being gone for so long!

I was sitting in the living room tonight and had an interesting text message conversation that went something like this:

An incoming message that said, "Um, I'm pregnant."

There was no name attached to the number, so my mind was racing.  Holy cow, is this one of my youth girls?  No, can't be...I have their cell numbers and their names would totally show up!  So I reply with:

"Who is this?"

"Ain't this Henry?"  (I've been called a lot of things before, but never Henry!)

no sorry

"OMG, I'm so sorry.

thats ok good luck

"please don't tell no one or give my number out i will get killed jk but still and thx for the luck

your secret is safe tho i dont know who you are anyway

"ok thx bye"

Then another incoming message from her:

do i kno u r u in Hagerstown and go to school here

i live in hagerstown but am an adult. are you a student

yeah

high school?  Are you pregnant for sure?

yes and yes I took three tests my mom wants me to get an abortion but i dnt believe in that r u a woman

yes, I am a woman. do you know there is a pregnancy crisis center downtown?  they would be happy to talk to you.  i don't know them personally but I work at a church and get mailings from them.

thx alot and goodbye please pray for me and i thnk u a lot

I will pray for you and hope you find the right solution.

*******************************************************************

Blog fodder from a wrong number.  But my heart goes out to her.  We all make choices that sometimes lead us to trouble.  I hope she stands her ground with her mother.  Though I don't think a high school student should raise a child, there are other alternatives to abortion in this situation. Yes, there are always other alternatives to abortion, but you all know I am pro-choice simply because we never know someone else's circumstances or what they have gone through, ie rape, incest, etc.  But this kid is already against abortion and if she can give birth to a healthy baby, there are families out there who would love to adopt it. 

So I'll keep this girl in my prayers.  I don't know who she is, but God does.

The Year in Review 2008

   Hard to believe it is the last day of 2008 and of Blog 365!  I had this post all written once and then I hit some key accidentally and it all went away!

I have stories and pictures from our NYC trip to show you, but tonight is the annual "Year in Review" here on Knitten-Kittens, where I hit the highlights of 2008.  So here we go!

 1.  Meeting Meg, Lacy, Jil and Kim.  These girls were the "ones who went before me" on the WLS front and they have been absolute jewels in my life.  Their support has been wonderful as they answered all my questions and shared their experiences with me.  My non-WLS friends were also wonderful, but there is something comforting about those who have "been there, done that, got the t-shirt" Cut and Paste girls.  Their friendships continue to bless my life as we find our way through this new C&P life we now have.  Thank you, girls, for all you do!

  2.  Surgery.  So much I can say here as it was the one single most significant part of 2008 for me.  It has changed my life.  Yes, there are those that think the C&P girls have "tampered with God's handiwork" but what those people don't know is just how hand in hand with God I walked on this journey.  I went into this decision prayerfully and God and I were in agreement that if He brought me to surgery, he would bring me through it.  I also knew that if I hit any Dead End signs prior to approval or surgery, that was God's way of telling me it was not what He wanted for my life.  So anyone thinking we Christian C&P girls are "tampering", maybe you should get to know us first.

        Anyway, surgery.  There is so much I can say but I can probably sum it up in a handful of words: healthy, joy, ability, confidence, possibility.  I feel like there is nothing I can't attempt to do.  Yes, there are days I screw up and eat some things I shouldn't and there have days I've dumped, sometimes off innocent things like grapes and other times off things not so innocent, but 100 pounds later, I can say with absolute certainty, that it has been worth every minute of it.  Several weeks ago, my friend Mandy was here and I forget what we were doing, but she was sitting at the computer and I was leaned over the desk showing her something and she said something to the extent of "You have just changed so much and not just physically; your confidence, everything."  I have no idea what I said or did to bring those words from her, but apparently there are things that are different and I hope good different.

3.    Family dynamics.  I'm still learning them and not always liking them, but working on accepting them.  However, I am no longer willing to be treated as second best.  Not that I think I am the "Best" but it is more like not allowing anyone to treat me like a second class citizen.  I am a good person, I try to do the right things, I try to be kind to everyone.  I expect the same in return and if you don't give it to me, well, you may not hear from me too often.  I'm not trying to be nasty, but the hurts of the summer will never again be repeated because I will not allow it to happen. Even though we all know that beach trip was just a dream, kind of like, was it Dallas where Bobby shot JR and it was all a dream?  After all, the newsletter failed to mention I was there, so surely that can't be wrong.

4.    I can't leave out last night.  Seeing Patti Lupone on stage in "Gypsy" was a realized dream for me.  For years, she has been one of my favorite performers and I had never seen her live.  Now, I have.  Thank you, Brit, for making that come true for me.  NYC in general was a highlight for me as I have missed my favorite city.

Resolutions?  A few.

1.    I want to get down to a size 12-14.  I will be happy there.  That will involve getting my butt back to the gym on Monday.

2.    Horseback riding.  It's still on my to do list for Spring.

3.    I want to do some more traveling in 2009.  I love doing it, especially by car. There are just things I still want to see.

4.    To start running.

5.    To write.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that.  I need to start setting aside some time to work.

There may be more, but that is what I can think of at the moment.  And The Brit did some Before and Afters for me.  The latest photos were taken the weekend before Christmas.

Happy New Year, readers!  May God bless you abundantly in 2009~