A Year Later

So a year ago, a huge part of my life changed.  A year ago, after not getting any results from the church council, I blogged about my discontent and was attacked by people I had known and trusted my entire life.  I have learned a lot in a year, some good, some not as good.

• I have learned that no matter how much you think you know someone you really don't. 
• I have learned that people who are supposed to be among the most trustworthy will lie to save their own ass or to make themselves look better.
• I have learned that not even church is safe, even though it should be.
• I have learned that people will go to great lengths to be "right".
• I have learned that sometimes good people who should fight for you won't because they are afraid and that this does not make them bad people.  It only makes them fearful people.
• I have learned that there is no replacement for people who know you well and you can be yourself with.  I miss being with these people.
• I have learned that at times God wants me to act, even if I don't want to.
• I have learned that maybe you cannot be spiritually fulfilled and still be surrounded with people you want to spend a lot of time with.  So far in my life, it has been one or the other.

So there you have it.  It has been a hard year.  I am spiritually happy and miss my friends.  I still see them but not as often as I would like and certainly not every Sunday.  I spent some time with them Saturday and there is just no replacement for those relationships.  They are what I lost.  I gained being spiritually fulfilled.

One day maybe there will be both.

Final Coundown

So Jimnotmike is getting impatient with my lack o blogging.  Just busy, writing a lot, just not here and no, I am not giving any details on that.



One more day in the hell that is my church job!  Tomorrow is it, peeps!  I am off on Thursday and Friday and start the new endeavor on Monday.  I have made lunch dates for every afternoon this week in honor of my last week of free afternoons and with each lunch I am having a beer.  Don't know why that last part is a goal, but it just is and it has been fun.  Today was my final day of the Lutheran Study from Hell and no one had any sudden revelation that they were acting like children, not that I expected it.  


I actually had a really nice conversation with The Church Lady today.  She had heard, of course, that I had resigned and came in to talk to me.  I had not said one word to her the last four months about anything that happened. Not one word.  But today, she asked.  She knew I had not been coming to church and I told her where I had been going and she had nothing but good things to say about my new pastor.  Then she asked what happened and I gave her a condensed version.  Basically, my thought process was that once I was out the door tomorrow, anything further said about me by those people would be more lies as that is what they have been telling such as I didn't want to be Lutheran and that I had brain washed the youth group.  She was horrified.  Could not believe, like me, that such things went on in a church.  She was teary eyed at the end of our conversation and even said that though she and I did not always see eye to eye, that she enjoyed working with me and that I was easy to work with.  I thanked her for making my job easier by the things she did that I did not have to worry about. It was, hands down, the best conversation I had ever had with her.  Would'a thought?


I still have to hit thrift shops this week for dress clothes for work.  I did find two Coldwater Creek items on Sunday in Chambersburg for the total price of $10.  I love second hand shopping!


The Brit is in Atlanta again this week until late Friday night so I am going out for dinner and drinks Friday night as The Genius is going on a youth retreat and The Lawyer is heading to grandma's house.  Looking forward to it and it keeps me from worrying about Monday.


So there ya go; what has been going on in a nutshell!

Closing a Chapter on a Book that Did not Have a Good Ending.

I accepted a job offer today from the Humane Society to be an Administrative Assistant. I am thrilled to bits and a little bit sad, but on the same note, anxious to finally be done with the other church for good.  I placed calls today to my favorite people at the old church to let them know and to tell them that my formal letter of resignation would be ready for Monday night's council meeting.  I owed these three men an immediate head's up and also offered to do some work from home after I begin the new job on March 7th if they needed more time.  I do not want to leave them high and dry as that is not my style and these guys have been very good to me and highly supportive.

I'm a wee bit sad because I did enjoy working there.  The job was easy but on the flip side, other than dealing with The Church Lady, not very challenging.  I am leaving behind four weeks vacation which will be painful.  I am going from 20 hours a week to 40 which I don't really mind but it will be challenging for things like grocery shopping and working out, which has to continue to happen.  It's all do-able, but will just take some adjusting after being spoiled for five years.  It will be nice to have some extra money, not that we are strapped but The Brit has medical bills rolling in from these kidney stones and of course as they didn't happen till the first of the year, none of our deductible had been met.  

I will have to give up some things, like accompanying The Brit to San Fransisco this fall as I doubt I have more than two weeks vacation.  The kids will have to learn to get themselves out the door in the morning as I start work at 8:00.  They will also get home before me, and I am not giving up my kickboxing class so that will mean going right from work to the YMCA on Tuesday nights.  The kids and husband are going to have to help out a bit more as I no longer will have afternoons free to accomplish stuff.  So will all be adjusting for a bit but it is all good I hope.

So the chapter on CLC comes to a close.  There were many happy moments there, but the bad note a few select people caused can quickly overshadow the good stuff unfortunately.  Despite feeling a bit sad, I feel as if a great burden has been lifted....and that is a good thing.

Kindness and Understanding that Have Your Back

Today we were taken in as members of our new church.  It was good; really good and it felt very right.

This morning before church I posted on the "evil" (as some of my friends refer to it, Facebook, something that said " is becoming an official member of "Name of church" this morning!"

I got a few nice comments, some congratulations and then this comment from a woman who was the wife of one of my former church's short lived pastors because he had much greater issues:


"Wow.  So soon...."


I was kind of angry about it.  I wanted to rant at her that this change in churches had been at least two years coming, but yet I didn't want to sound snarky nor did I want to offend any of my Facebook friends who still attended the former church.  So, I settled on "It has actually officially been four months and when it feels right, it feels right."


I wasn't entirely happy with that answer, but I chose the high road.  I felt she was judging me, like I had made a rash decision in my leaving the former church, but I tried to let it go.  Somehow it still diminished my mood somewhat and made me wonder if other people felt I was acting in a brash manner.


But a few minutes ago I got another comment from my new music director at my new church, who also coordinates my contemporary service there.  Her words were simple:


"We are so blessed to have you."


She didn't need to say anything else.  My guess is that based on the other woman's comment and my defense to it, she "got it" and spoke out her feelings and there was no need for anything else to be said.




God reminded me through her, that the battle isn't mine and I don't need to sweat the small stuff, because He has it for me.

Highs and Lows

I have been riding a roller coaster of emotions lately.  Just many different emotions at many different times, whether it be anger, joy, sadness, etc.  Got 'em all!

The Highs:

I lost four pounds on my first week on Weight Watchers.  That was a good thing.  I am also total PMSing so it could have even been better were I not retaining the world right now.  But I can't dwell there as such is life.  The program is really easy to use and beings I would rather eat poo than count calories, it totally works for me...at least for the moment.  Let's hope it stays that way.

Church is still rocking.  E and I went to the women's Bible study last night and had a great time.  The group is small, there were only five of us, but the ladies are friendly and honest and a little off kilter like E and I are.  I think it will be a good fit.  The whole new church experience has been a good fit.  

I won a book today.  WaterBrook Multnomah, a Division of Random House had a contest last week where they were giving away copies of books.  There were about ten new books and if you were one of the first ten to request a particular copy, and you told them why you wanted to read it, you won a copy of the book.  Today, they told me I won a copy. I was thrilled as I rarely win anything.

I have a job interview tomorrow at the spa/salon that Strat told me about.  Think lots of good thoughts and prayers please.  I am longing to get out of the church.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Zumba tonight was awesome.  There is a  young latino guy in our class, probably in his twenties who may be training to be a Zumba instructor.  He got to lead the last song and it was wicked fun.  The thing about this kid is the sheer joy that radiates from his face all the time.  So cute and so happy and it was just an awesome way to end the evening.

The Lows:

There are moments being at the old church working really bums me out.  Only moments.  But the moments are heavy ones.  Today a guy I have known for a really long time, who attended the second service, came into the office.  They needed something out of the shed.  Now, let me say that I have not broadcast to anyone what happened there or even that I am no longer there.   I assume my absence is now common knowledge however.  So this guy and his wife came into my office and he said to me "I need a hug from you."

So I  hugged him and he went on to tell me how upset he was that I was no longer there. He said that I was the one person he knew for a fact loved that church and would do anything for it.  I explained a little of what happened, not implicating anyone.  He wished me well and hoped that things changed one day.  So there was a great testimony sort of to the things I did there and then on the other side of that spectrum is the evil VP who refuses to even acknowledge my work in 2010 in her letter to the congregation.  

There is another bit of sadness that lingers with me that only one person in the entire world understands and that is my Brazilian friend, Deyse.  We share different things with different friends and even if I attempted to explain it here, no one would truly understand.  Only Deyse.  So we struggle together with this one in ways that sometimes we don't even understand, but it is still nice to have someone to share it with.  

On a good note with Deyse, she may be coming to the USA at the end of this year and DC is one of her destinations and if it happens I am there!  For like eight years now,  I have had an adopted Brazilian sister and one of these days I am going to meet her.  And then one day, I plan on going to Rio to see her as Brazil is on my bucket list anyway!

From One Extreme to Another

Yeah, it's another church discussion so you non-church people can tune out if you want. 

This morning, the evil VP came in with her letter that will go into the annual meeting program that everyone in the congregation gets next Sunday.  Though she is no longer on council, because The Brit resigned, she was acting president until last Monday.  So, she gives me this letter and leaves and I read it.  I am immediately concerned about her first sentence which basically says that someone in the congregation recently told her that the council had not done anything all of last year and that they were wrong.  Okay, maybe that person was wrong, but do you really want to start out your letter with an "in your face" comeback to the person who apparently ticked you off?  I have no idea who told her that but it obviously annoyed her.  However, using that information in a letter that the whole congregation is getting?  Totally unprofessional and immature, IMHO.  Thoughts?

Anyway, read on and she goes onto name all the things that were accomplished in 2010, making sure to give everything she was directly involved in plenty of props.  Then she talks about what a fabulous job the music director( and she does) and the pastor have done for the church in 2010.  I guess it should not surprise me that she gave me nothing.  It was like the church only has two employees.  I fumed for awhile.  I know I do not need her praise or approval, but I still worked my butt off for that place last year...and she ignores me as if I never existed there. 

I did call a few wise council people with my concerns about her first sentence however and they agreed it was not a good idea.  So it has now been passed onto the president of council who is my wonderful Papa D.  We'll see what happens.

Then tonight, my new pastor made a home call here.  My mother came over as well and he stayed and chatted and answered all our questions for an hour and a half.  Truly a delightful visit.  At the end of it, he PRAYED with us (remember my last pastor could not even mention God in a conversation!).  Just a great night.  It made the Evil VP crap, and that is precisely what it is, from this morning melt away. 

I  made three weight watchers dishes today.  Whew!  I spent a lot of time in the kitchen!  I did chicken and used a rub under the skin made up of olive oil, cumin, fresh parsley and garlic.  Total yum and only 4 points.  Then I did sweet potato fries from scratch instead of out of a bag.  And lastly, for the pastor's visit, homemade WW's lemon squares.  Totally wonderful and I had to refrain from eating more than one.  But as of this morning, I am down three pounds.  Four more to go to lose all of the ten I gained since October. 

I am working on losing those pounds along with the church that started me gaining them.....

Feeling Very Sad

I am proud to say that I was a major fan of "Touched by an Angel". Part of the reason was because of this very cute actor who died today.

John Dye, best known as the angel of death Andrew on Touched By an Angel, has died. He was 47.

The actor died Monday from a heart attack in San Francisco, his brother, Jerre Dye, told The (Memphis) Commercial Appeal.

Born in Mississippi, Dye majored in theater at the University of Memphis. He made his film debut in 1984's Making the Grade, which filmed in the Memphis area, before moving to Los Angeles.

In 1995, he landed the role of Andrew on CBS' Touched By an Angel. Originally a recurring role, Dye was promoted to regular by the third season. He remained on the series until its end in 2003.

"Dear, sweet John Dye, rest in peace," Angel co-star Valerie Bertinelli tweeted.

Dye's other credits include guest spots on Murder, She Wrote and Promised Land, and the films Modern Girls, The Perfect Weapon and Sioux City. His last role was in 2007's Fist of the Warrior.







I am more upset about this than I even want to admit.  He was only three years older than I am!  So, I am rather shocked and a bit grieving over this celebrity I never knew but who came into my home once a week and often times made me cry. 


Okay, in other news, there is still crap going on at the old church as I got the scoop from a very good friend today.  Apparently on Sunday, Pastor Extraordinaire decided to not give the council any notice about installing them during the second service.  He sprung this on the young man who beat out the evil VP at the end of the contemporary service.  When the kids (aka, teens) asked him when during the service he was going to do this, he told them it would be after the sermon.  Now, that is over halfway through the service and these kids had already sat through their normally attended service.  My friend argued with him, as the kids were planning to go to lunch together before several of them had to go to work,but the pastor did not want to budge.  They tried to get him to move the installation to the beginning of the service but he didn't want to do that.  My friend said, "Pastor, we've already been to our church service."  He replied, "It won't kill you to sit through another one and some people don't consider the first service a real service."

Hello?  So the contemporary service is not a real service.  Now, the people who have the opinion that it is not a real service are the majority of the "Bible Study", but that isn't even the problem.  He never should have said that!  My friend is writing a letter to the council addressing this.  Beings The Puppet Master is still on council, he will certainly carry what is said in the letter back to the "Bible Study".  I warned my friend that he was going to have people upset with him and he told me, "Kim, they can bring it.  I don't care.  I am so over this pastor."  So stay tuned....


I went to the praise band rehearsal last night and got there right about the time they were doing communion (There is a Wednesday night contemporary service at 7:00 and the praise band rehearses when it is over.).  I slipped in the back and took a chair up against the wall.  Not many people were there, but as I looked up, I saw my pastor beckoning to me.  Getting up, I walked to the front and he gave me communion saying, "You're never too late, Kim."  My heart warmed. 

Going back to my seat, a lady who is severely mentally disabled motioned for me to come to her and not wanting her to cause a scene, I went to her.  She hugged me and kissed my cheek and I took a seat behind her.  As the praise band played the last song which had to do with marching, this lady really wanted to march!  Her caregiver was trying to keep her in the aisle and the pastor came up and took the woman's hand, assuring her caregiver that it was okay.  He then marched with her once around the sanctuary.

This is the difference between a pastor who is present in the moment and in the lives of his parishioners and one who is just going through the motions. 

Praise Band rehearsal went well and at the end of it, Kim, the music director approached me and asked me what my schedule was like as she would like to do lunch and get to know me and find out a little about my faith journey.  Really?  No one at the old church gave a rat's ass about my faith journey or lack of it at the time all the crap went down.  The differences between these two churches is amazing and I am so glad God led me to this one.

Finally hit the gym today and ran three mile increments (walk a minute, run a minute, constantly increasing the run speed).  It was rough after the two weeks of the sinus infection but I did it.  Go me.

Not as Behind as I thought.

It has been a fly by the seat of my pants kinda week.  I had a schedule and despite the fact that I have not stuck to it, I am not that far behind.  When The Brit is away, I don't sleep as well; it takes me longer to fall asleep and I awaken far earlier than is normal for me.  Also judging by the circles under my eyes, I am PMSing, so I am sleep deprived and lacking in energy at the moment.  Yet I remain more or less on schedule even if I have indvertantly rearranged it.

I worked out with Sonia today and this one is brutal.  The last one now feels like cake, but I guess that is the point, huh?  Got home and finished decorating, then took The Genius and went to church as I am going to miss the next two Sundays.  Oddly enough, I had just gotten to the Y today and was warming up on the treadmill and saw this guy waving to me as he was leaving.  I was confused for a moment before I realized it was my new pastor.

Tomorrow, I cheat on my hair girl and then I am supposed to go run with Bebecca, who is a beginner runner....and it is freakin' cold outside!  I also need to call our alarm company to see if they can walk me through an adjustment again because the heat is setting off the system and we got a notice from the police again that we have used up our two "get out of jail free" cards and the next time the police are sent out, it will cost us $30.  We adjusted the kitchen one last year in the winter as the heat can set it off but it is happening again. 

Friday I am riding up to Kirk's college to see his roomie's senior project which is a series of plays he has written.  I am going with the music director and her hubby and I am wondering if the question of "are you ever coming back to church?" is going to come up.  I would imagine it will be hard to explain but I have been thinking about it.

When we left, I did not yet have in my mind the mentality of "I am never coming back."  But I also didn't expect to walk into a church I am growing to really enjoy.  I think in different stages of our lives, we feel different ways about God.  As teens or young adults, often we keep God at arm's length.  We want to know He is there but we want to do our own thing and not think about it too much.  As we get a little older, we need to be involved and we want to set the right example for our kids where God is concerned.  So we are there out of a sense of obligation.  Then we get a little older and we realize that at times life is hard and we need to rely on Someone more than just ourselves and we want to know as much about that Someone as we can.  I was there.  I was craving more knowledge; I wanted to be able to understand and know the words that could help me handle some of the things life was throwing at me.  I wanted to discuss these things with other people who were craving the same things.  I wanted to be led by someone who had been Called to serve.  The problem was that the pastor where I was, though Called, was not, in my opinion, leading anyone.

When the split happened five years ago, I was still in that obligation place.  Then we got Pastor Phil and he made me sit up and listen.  I started actively pursuing my faith.  A void I had not even realized I'd had started to be filled.  A year later, he was gone and we had the next one, who was so overly dramatic and a bit of a jerk in person.  He was nasty to me on a regular basis and by the time Sunday rolled around, I could barely look at him yet alone try to get anything out of his sermons and I NEVER would have even considered talking to him one on one.  Four months later, the problem was discovered; he was having an affair and had been caught and he was gone.  Our next interim, though a horrible sermon giver, was amazing one on one, so again, I started to get some of what my soul craved.   Most of the congregation didn't like her due to her lack of decent sermons but the employees loved her due to that one on one time during the week.  When she left, we got the current one and you know how that story goes.  With this one, I started to lose faith that there were "real" pastors out there other than retired ones. 

So when this all went down at church and I left "temporarily" God had something else in mind.  He had been nudging me for awhile and I been ignoring but He knew what I needed and led me to it but putting a few people in front of me to guide the way. 

But will this make sense to those I left behind?

Hooray for Unevenful Tuesday!

All was quiet in the Lutheran Study room today.  They are either crushed by the loss of the Evil VP on council or plotting their next move.  Either way none of them stopped in to say hi.

I am just so glad that the VP lost the election without our help.  We would have been within our right to go in there are vote.  We are members.  But it only would have made people angry, at least those six people.  But she lost without us and maybe that sent her a message.  See, she used to be a nice person.  But after she quit/got fired from her job, she got so involved and started trying to run everything and with that comes stepping on some toes.  Plus her behavior with me, which people know about, has not been good PR for her.  The VP of the church council should not be bad mouthing anyone in the church.

Anyway, I'm getting over it.  Find me another job and I will get totally over it.

So, December 21st from 6-8 we are having a major kickboxing session, open to ANYONE for the cost of a hat, pair of gloves or socks.  Seriously.  The Y is starting to do these sessions to raise items for different charities.  They did the first one last week with a two hour Zumba and approx 300 people were there.  Our goal is to beat that numberm so I am asking any of you within my area to mark the 21st on your calendars.  It's a great cause and a fun workout and if I can do it (and I am a little worried about a two hour session myself as you can mop the floor with me after an hour of Michael!) anyone can do it!

Tomorrow is hump day.  Cannot wait till Saturday and "Blast off" as JJ always called it!  California bound baby!

Happy Thanksgiving

Busy day today...insane morning tomorrow with a 5K I am not ready for.  I do have a cold but TheraFlu is keeping it under control for the most part and I don't feel too badly.  We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

Tod and I went to the Health and Fitness Expo at that college today to pick up our race packets.  The expo was a little lame, but I did find a new hair stylist to try.  I love my current stylist but she had some problems taming my hair which is very thick, and though I keep telling her to not worry about how short she goes, two weeks after a cut I am hacking at odd pieces with scissors.  So there was this newer hair place that was at the expo and she tamed my sticky uppy piece of hair in the back, so I am going to make an appt and give her a shot.  She was telling me how she would do my hair a little differently.  I feel like I am cheating on my girl though!

Okay, so in honor of Thanksgiving, here is what I am most thankful for.

1. My God, who is forever faithful to me and only judges with love and mercy and not condemnation.

2. My family.  Even when they are annoying, I still love them.  I am especially thankful for my sister in law, Margaret, who has guided me through these last few weeks with prayer and scripture.

3. My friends; the amazing ones.  The ones who are not fair weathered but the real deal.  You have been available to talk, to help move my blog, whatever was needed.  I appreciate you more than you know.

4. My health.  Though my diet has not been up to my normal standards the last few weeks with my stress eating, I am still doing a 5K tomorrow.  Who would have thought?

5. I am also thankful for St. John 's Lutheran Church for restoring my faith that worship truly can be a place to learn and grow and that there really are pastors still out there that know how to pastor their flock.  We are still in the early stages with this church, but so far it feels like it could be home.

For my readers, have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving tomorrow.  And for any of you going out on Black Friday...well, I have no sympathy.  You are obviously insane!

Gotta Love a Short Week

So Saturday, we had a pre-Thanksgiving dinner at our friend's cabin with them, an older couple we love, and the music director and most of her family.  I told you that her husband lost his job a week ago so a week ago Sunday at church, he tells Pastor Extraordinaire (PE) that he needs to speak with him.  He waits while PE chats with someone for about ten minutes, then pulls this man into the office.  Husband tells him he lost his job last week.  PE says "That's too bad.  The economy is tough."

That was the end of his pastoral counselling.  No words of reassurance that God had a plan.  No "Can I pray with you?"  Basically, too bad, so sad.  PE told me three weeks ago after The Brit quit council that he was going to call him.  Still waiting on that call.

Yesterday at our former church, PE's wife prayed for us.  Then the Evil VP prayed for "the Blind." I assume that is also us.

Now, this past Sunday, we walked into the new church we have been attending and the pastor greeted The Brit, my mother and I ALL BY NAME.  He took the time to learn our names.  At the end of the service, he spoke to me again and I asked him if he would be available to talk and he told me to call him after lunch around 1:30 Monday.  I had originally wanted to talk to him a little about what happened at our former church, but then my mother called me and didn't think it was a good idea.  I am still conflicted about that. Anyway, I got home today and a friend brought me over a bunch of clothes for the boys that her boys had outgrown and I got busy going through closets, getting rid of stuff they didn't wear, putting away new stuff and loading up my car with stuff for Goodwill.  About 3:00 as I was getting ready to leave, my phone rings.  It's the pastor from the new church, following up with me because he had not heard from me.

Do ya'll see the major difference here?  This is a man who gives a damn about people.  I did not go into any detail about what happened.  Basically just told him we had been very hurt by our former church and then I asked him questions about the youth group, praise and and Bible studies that the church offered.  They offer a lot, especially compared to what I just came from.  They do a lot in the community, which I love. They are holding a Thanksgiving meal on Thanksgiving day for the needy of the neighborhood.  They are collecting mittens, scarves and hats for kids.  They are active and present in the community, doing things that matter. 

The same council meeting 14 months ago, when I spoke of my concerns about PE, I also spoke to them about a list I had written of things we could do within our community.  No one did anything.  No one even expressed interest. 

The last five weeks have been really hard for me.  When my church of 30+ years attacked me for not being spiritually fulfilled, it left me reeling.  I cried.  I got angry.  I was depressed.  I suffered insomnia.  But over the last three weeks with being in this new church, my faith in my faith has been restored.  My faith in Lutheran pastors is starting to be restored.  I have found out who my true friends are and I have discovered those who are only my friends when it is convenient for them.  I have shaken my head at the absurdity that people found me to be some kind of threat to their church because I was not smitten with the pastor and have been crushed by the way some Christians have chosen and are still choosing to conduct themselves.  None of us are perfect and we all have our issues, but any house of God should be safe for all who enter. I have seen true apathy and true caring.  These have been tough lessons to learn but so worth the journey.  My spirit no longer feels restless where my spiritual growth is concerned.  I know in my heart that restlessness came from the Holy Spirit, because I was happy in the praise band and happy in the youth group and then it suddenly over the last year and a half was no longer enough.  But still I dug in my heels and refused to move.  But God moved me.  He knew there was a better place where I could grow and maybe we have found it or maybe we haven't but I will say it is a far cry closer than where we came from. 

So Nothing Much Apparently Happened

Apparently, though it was discussed at the meeting how poorly the situation was handled, The Pupper Master never uttered a word.  What a crock of crap.  Of course, no one was going to apologize and two couples are still not speaking to me unless they absolutely have to, but whatever.  The two who quit council are now back on, which in a way is good.  The past few years we have only had enough people running for council as we had positions to fill.  Now, we only need three positions and we have five people running, so there is a chance the evil VP could be voted off as her term is up and she has to re-run to get back on council.  I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Now The Brit has ideas about going in long enough to vote on Sunday, but I have ZERO desire to do so.  I am never planning to attend there again, so though I would like to see the VP voted out, I am not going to stack the vote as someone who never plans to worship there again.  Plus, I have no desire to add any stress to the fact that I already have to be there five days a week with people who would rather I was not there.  I can handle it, but it does not make for optimal working conditions.  I would prefer to believe that God has it all in His hands and it will work out to His glory.  He certainly doesn't need my help.

Kickboxing tonight was big fun...all my normal friends were there so that made it even better than it normally is. Ray and Michael were particularly amusing and the three of us kept making each other laugh.  I needed it after spending an hour and a half in The Lawyer's room cleaning.  I swear in twenty years, the kid is going to be on Hoarders.  He keeps everything and buys the dumbest stuff!  He goes to a yard sale in the neighborhood with two dollars and comes home with a freakin' coffee maker for his room!  Not that we allow him to drink coffee because we don't and I generally only buy the Folgers Singles anyway and you don't need a coffee maker for that.  Plus he has no idea what a hamper or a trash can is, though he possesses both.  In an hour and half we filled three trash bags of garbage and a huge box with crap for Goodwill....and there is still more to do.

I have to say that I really, really like this new Lutheran church we have been attending.  So far, very good, but it has only been two weeks.  I just like what I see and hear so far and they do real sermons and the pastor is engaged with the people, which for me is another novelty.  I'm hoping it continues along these lines!

No news yet

So the council is meeting again tonight so we'll see what happens.  I am very calm...I'd like to think I have gone beyond caring about this situation.  I want to see this church succeed even if I am not a part of it, but that will be up to them.  They have got to stop doing this kind of stuff (this is not the first time since the split five years ago that a few people have ticked off a family and they left).  Church should be a safe haven for everyone, regardless of where they are in their life journey and when it stops being that, it changes the way you feel about that particular house of God. 

My sore throat is back again today which bites.  I went to the doctor with it a few weeks ago and though she could see the redness in my throat the strept test came back negative.  So now it is back.  Tod thought last time it was stress related, or it could be allergy related.  Either way, it is annoying.

But I did go to the gym today and did my whole workout.  It doesn't take as long anymore as I have it down, but after not doing it at all last week, today was rough, but I survived it.

We are having a New Year's Eve gathering if anyone is interested that I haven't spoken to.  We are forgoing our usual Christmas Open House because of Christmas being on a Saturday, that would mean we would have to do a Sunday plus I am just not in the mood to do it.  I forced it last year but it is a lot of hassle and you never know when people are coming, etc.  So at Tod's suggestion, we are taking NYE.  We are thinking maybe a dinner where we are picking three ingredients and each attendee has to pick at least one ingredient and incorporate it into their dinner offering with a potential prize for the dish that gets the most votes.  Then we will have a game and of course, drinking, theme.  I am already excited about it!

Fabulous Friday

So much relief comes with Friday.  Two days of not having to stress.

The music director's husband lost his job today.  We ran into them at lunch today and they told us.  I feel terrible but yet the conversation felt strained and I don't know if it was because she was stressing or because she is annoyed with me.  I have already decided that I am not going to go out of my way to keep this friendship going.  I will be who I have always been, but if I don't hear from her, I will survive.  This church thing has brought a whole slew of losses so what the hell is one more.  The thing is that if it is a loss with her friendship, it will be her choice, not mine.  If it happens and she can live with it, so can I.

Shiloh told me tonight in a FB message not to let the church steal my joy.  I am guilty of allowing it to do that.  I get so wrapped up in stress and as I am a girl who hates contention and confrontation, when I am assaulted with it, it takes every tiny bit of energy I have to cope with it.  I hate conflict and have been surrounded by it all because of one asshat with nothing better to do.  But I am giving them and the conflict too much power. 

My eating has been for crap the last three weeks.  I have been afraid to get on the scale, though all my clothing still fits.  I stress eat like nobodies business and I need to get that back under control.  I only hit the gym one day this week, and that was for kickboxing.  I did walk two or three days this week and raked a bajillion bags of leaves, but I have been isolating myself in the afternoons which is why I have not been to the gym.  I did not crave being around people.  That is also not like me.  I enjoy people but this situation has had me feeling so overwhelmed that I don't even feel like I can act like everything is fine around other people. 

There are plusses that have come out of this so far.

1. I have found a potential new church where they do for real sermons.
2. I have had my eyes opened about some people and though it is painful, it is better to know than to remain in the dark about what can lurk just beneath the surface of people's psyches. 
3. I have truly discovered who my true friends are, both inside and outside of the church.

Life is full of lessons, even the ones we would rather not have to learn.  But God knows what we need to know and I know He has been pushing to leave this church for some time.  He knew how spiritually bankrupt I had been feeling and He was the one causing me to recognize that fact.  The discontentment in my spirit came from Him, but I fought against it for more than a year because it would be too painful to leave the praise band and the kids.  And though leaving those two things has been painful, I have survived it.  There will be moments of sadness over this in the future; I know that grief is a process, but at the end of the tunnel there is light.  I can already see it even if it is in the distance.

Almost There

Another Friday at long last is on the horizon.  Thanks for the comments.  Not sure what was up with them but they seem to be coming through now.  Jimnotmike, sorry about the lack of being able to type your given-by-me name, but the peace of mind I have here now is so worth it.  The other blog is now completely gone and it makes me moderately happy at the thought that some people were probably annoyed by that.

The Brit is home for a week hopefully, though he may have to go to Chicago next week.  Ugh.  I know the travelling needs to be done right now and it is generally fine and it would be more than fine if this church crap would just completely blow over.  There is another council meeting Monday night and I think some crap is going to go down on my behalf.  Out of all the people who know what happened, I have some big guns on my side.  I hate thinking of it as "sides" though.  The people on the "other side" only had half a story that the Busman gave to them after adding his own special twist to it, and then they were too upset to hear the real story.  I think I am changing the Bus Man's name to The Puppet Master because that is how he operates.  He pulls strings and gets other people to do his dirty work, while he just sits back and watches it all unfold.  The Puppet Master does not think like ordinary people.  Rumor has it he was asked to resign from his last job (he is in the retirement age catagory now) and he was just asked to leave another organization, so there are lots of issues.  I am just his latest victim.  I know in the big scheme of things, this is not that big a deal but yet in some ways it is.

The other troublesome thing for me is that someone I considered one of my closest friends, the music director, has not called me and I have not spoken to her since we sang at that dinner almost two weeks ago.  This could be due to a few possibilities:

1. She is not one to pursue friendships.  It is nothing for her to just not bother calling people which is why she has very few friends.
2. Beings she is not very internet savey, she may feel that this whole thing is my fault because I blogged.
3. being another employee of the church she may be worried they will come after her next so she does not want to be seen with "the enemy."
4. She blames me because she is concerned the church could fold and with that would go her job.  The church is struggling anyway and now we have left and my mother has left...and there could be more unless this thing gets turned around.

So, this whole thing has been one giant hurt on top of another.

I am reading this book called "When God's People Let You Down" and the way I feel is best described by this paragraph so far:

"No sane army commander looks out across a battlefield, sees his men shot and dying in dirt and blood but says to the medics, "Forget these guys.  There's more where they came from." Too many Christians feel like good soldiers wounded in action-and the leaders and fellow soldiers who were supposed to notice and help  have ignored them.  What an added insult!  You find yourself blamed for getting hurt in the first place."

I Don't Like Mondays

With not attending my former church on Sunday, it makes Mondays a bit of a concern for me.  The current situation leaves me never knowing what might have been said over the course of the weekend.  So this morning, the wife of one of the council members who is on my team, came in to speak with the pastor about the freak who threw me under the bus.  Their discussion lasted almost two hours and she told me after the fact she had told the pastor that if someone didn't stop this man from causing her friends to leave the church she might kill him.  Yes, our Christian attitude remains.  Then her husband and two of my self titled "Wise men" of the church got together to brain storm.  They don't want The One Who Threw Me Under the Bus (now known as BusMan) to become council president in the new year, which means one of them has to agree to do it and the rest of the majority will second it.  

Then the Twisted VP came in asking me questions including if I had an employee handbook she could see.  I explained to her that the parish admin had it and that really annoyed her. So, is she still trying to come up with a way to fire me?

One of my wise men called from the meeting and asked me if I was leaving them.  The convo went something like this:

Me: Leaving the church or leaving as your secretary?

Him: As our secretary.

Me: I don't know but I won't lie to you and tell you I'm not looking.

Him: I can understand that.  I would like to ask you to give us a little time to try to fix this.  It never should have happened.  I am sick about it.  I am sick that I was away for these meetings.  My wife is sick about  it.

Me:  You and I both know the economy is crap, but I am keeping an eye on the paper.  That's all I can promise you right now.

He understood completely.  It's good to know that there are truly good people out there amongst some, who, though not bad, are maybe confused?  The Wise Man told me that one of the people who are angry with me said that I had said to them " I am not a Lutheran.  I am a Christian."  He asked me to confirm what I said.  What I said was "I am a Lutheran because I have always been a Lutheran, but before I am a Lutheran, I am a Christian, because I am a follower of Christ."

I don't get it.  Why do they twist my words?  I never said I was not a Lutheran or that I didn't care that I was a Lutheran.  Jesus was not a Lutheran.  Would that bother them?

Anyway, another interview tomorrow at another dental office and I have to take a dental terminology test first.  If I don't get enough right, I don't get the interview, so I need to get my butt of the blog and relearn how to study.

Apologies

I still feel like I am trying to get back to normal.  There are still lingering hits on the old blog and I feel both satisfied and upset that I even had to close it because of two people who felt it was their....right?....responsibility?...to pass on my blog post to other people.  There is still tension at the church but most of the rumblings are from those disgruntled with what these other two people did.  See, the last time four people left our this congregation, it was because of these same two people essentially.  Some of it could have been blamed on my mother, but she was set up by the two crap stirrers.  But what do you do with these kinds of people?  It's not like you can fire them from the congregation, right?

Anyway, went to the gym again today and went through the agonizing workout that has left my thighs aching for the last three days (after doing it Wednesday too).  But I do feel so much stronger in so many aspects of my life after a really good workout.  Sorry, Jimnotmike, but low carbing doesn't do that for me...only exercise ;)  I've been wimping out on the elliptical and stupid rowing machine though and have opted to just run the sprints each time.  Of course I have a Turkey Trot coming up in a few weeks and have not done any running to speak of in weeks!  Yeah, that run will go well.

Okay, have a happy weekend.  I plan on chilling out and then hitting another church on Sunday.  Hope you all have something fun to do and maybe our paths will even cross.

All Moved Over

So here we are!

Had a job interview today for a dental office. I was really excited about the interview but then once the interview was over, I think they were more excited about me than I was about them.

The main administrative office where they interviewed me was a mess. We are talking stacks and stacks of papers strewn everywhere, dirty dishes lying around on limited desktop space, just a disaster area. The two dentists are indian, which is fine. The hours are Monday through Friday, with two of those days being till seven in the evening, and then every other Saturday 9-2 and when you work the Saturday, you have off the Friday. But there are no benefits at all. Nada. No paid sick time, no paid holiday time, no paid vacation time, no health benefits. They are looking to pay about twelve bucks an hour with no added anything. I am all about laid back, but this place was too much so; there just didn't seem to be anything professional about it. So if they offer it to me, I am going to decline. It was just not a good fit and as much as I want to get as far as possible away from the church, it needs to be right.

The church is what it is right now. I fear for the place to fall apart, and not because I am leaving. But because the people who threw me under the bus are notorious trouble makers. They seem nice and sweet but they throw a mean punch when the mood hits them and I have to wonder if the retired of the world just don't remember how the real world works. They have far too much not just to read my blog, but to try to decide what cryptic messages I am trying to convey (and there were no cryptic messages...I was just trying to decide if it was time to leave my church...not take it over and make it non-denominational, which is what I have more or less been accused of. Insanity).

I am just making every effort to be pleasant to people while I am there but the problem is that the ones who are in during the week most often are most of the ones I am put out with. The VP does seem to be on speaking terms with me again, at least today. Tomorrow could be a different story but who cares? Tomorrow is Friday!

I am still working on sprucing up our new home here. Laura got the posts transferred over (don't tell her mama, as they are mad at me!) but we couldn't get all the comments for some reason. I left my final post on the godaddy account tonight and if you haven't seen it, it simply says:


This blog has been moved to a private domain, where only those who received the email with the information two weeks ago, are able to view it. Some folks were invited into my "virtual living room" and then decided they didn't like my feelings. Right or wrong, those feelings belong to me and no one has the right to judge them. This blog has always been my safe place to stay in contact with my family and friends; the people who truly care about me. I was wrong about some people, but we all live and learn, sadly. But life also goes on and my blog has been returned to me and those who love me.

If you believe you should have had an invitation, you will need to friend me on Facebook to request one. I gave the information to my friends who have always followed my blog and to those friends who left me comments.

So as I have always loved quoting songs, I leave you with a line from one of my favorites, from Wicked's "Defying Gravity".

"Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love, I guess I've lost
Well if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost"

The comments are not open for this post. It is simply a farewell and I will see most of you in our new home.

I guess some of those folks will just have to go back to checking books out of the library if they want something to read.