It's Been in the Pain that I have Grown

Today was fairly amazing.  We spent the morning at the pre-conference where we heard from Steve Arterburn and Marilyn Meberg (Who I adore and is only in second place to Patsy Clairmont in my book) with amazing messages.  Sandy Patti sang and actually did two songs I really liked for a change and I really enjoyed her speaking today.

We came back after the pre-conference and had an amazing dinner (I told you the day was amazing, so it is the word of the day).  I had chicken parm and it was yumilicious.  Then we headed back down for the evening session where we heard the amazing Patsy Clairmont's talk which ended in talking about the death of her best friend last December.  Her friend died of breast cancer and it was all very sad and tears were shed.

For any of you who follow Christian music, you are probably aware that Steven Curtis Chapman lost his youngest adopted daughter last May in a terrible car accident involving his teenage son.  The son, Will, had just gotten home and Maria, very excited to see her brother somehow got in the way of the car as it was pulling into the driveway.   He performed tonight and his two teenage sons were part of his band.  Not long after the accident, I remember hearing "Cinderella" on the radio, which basically talks about as a father, taking the time to dance with your daughters because "I know something the prince never knew....that all too soon the clock will strike midnight and she'll be gone."  I remember being very teary the first time I heard this song after Maria's death and thinking "How will he ever perform this song again?"  Tonight, he did and Shell and I cried the whole way through it.  He spoke of the need to sing this song because he knows that he will dance with Maria again one day in heaven.  VERY emotional night!

Now we are back in our room, drinking the bottle of wine I brought along as it is after all, Friday night.  It's been a great weekend, full of thought provoking thoughts for me about parenting and the need to want to do it better.  Doing so will require giving up some of my human selfishness and the need to have quiet time. I think I am a fairly normal parent, but I so want to raise my kids in an apparent Christian home.  I mean, we are that, but there are days it probably doesn't seem like it, when life and problems and weariness gets in the way of stressing the important things to my kids.  Sometimes it is easier to be critical instead of guiding and I need to be aware of the fact that they are not going to make correct decisions at this time in their lives.  I need to open the doors of communication, especially with my oldest one, despite the fact that he is so often a closed book.  

I need to take a lesson from Steven; that the clock can strike midnight at any given moment.  Yes, when the song was originally written, his thoughts were that the child would grow up, but "gone" can also mean gone.  We are never promised tomorrow and we never know when the decisions of our children, a terrible accident or the decision of someone else can take our children from us.  Every single moment is precious so even if the child is a difficult one, most importantly, they need to know that they are loved.

I'll be doing a lot of praying on this in the weeks to come, about being more honest and forthcoming with words and affection, about being more patient and less impatient with my time.  We only get one chance to bring our kids up in a way that will hopefully impact their lives forever.  I need it to be positive.  

Wine and Pizza

So we have safely arrived in DC and it is hot and humid with rain in the forecast tomorrow. 
But it is still all good.  I am in DC with a good friend and we are having a great time.  We got a late start leaving as we stopped to visit with Shell's parents as I had not seen them in quite awhile but that meant that the metro was not busy so it was a smooth ride into DC.  Our hotel was literally half a block from our metro stop, so for the first time in years, I had no trouble finding the place. 

We checked in and as all Shelley had for dinner was an herbal life shake, we went down to the restaurant for a bite to eat and split a small but awesome pizza and of course there was some wine involved for me.  It was quite good.  We then went outside as Shell needed a smoke and we got to chatting with this other lady who is here for the conference who now thinks Shell and I are lesbian lovers.  This is because we were talking about leg shaving and those of you who don't know, I am as obsessive about that as I am about vacuuming.  Shell also knows this about me and said in front of said lady, "Well, I brought my razor because I know how you are about that."

Okie dokie.

So we are now back up in the room and ready for bed and I am loving my little pink house as Deyse calls it (meaning my little Acer computer) which came along with me for blogging purposes.  We have to be at the Verizon Center at 10:00 in the morning for the pre-conference and then we have some free time until the next part at 7:00 tomorrow night.  Good food and a glass of wine will probably be involved.

A shout out to Susan who is doing fabulous with her exercise and Susan, you can totally hit that 100 pounds down by your one year surgiversary.  And you know what?  Even if you don't so what.  This is not a sprint, but a marathon and all you can do is run it well, and you will.

G'night all. 
peace out!

Countdown to Operation 14

Okay, so August 19th marks the start of the operation to get to a size 14.  I tried on a pair of the 14s I have in my closet and there is definitely work to be done.  The 19th is when the kids go back to school so I can get hopping back into my normal non-summer routine.of having a few hours to myself in the afternoon to kick up my workouts.   I am actually really looking forward to it.  I need the routine that has been interrupted by summer vacations.  I am planning on some afternoon biking on the canal and when the weather cools a bit I am debating heading to the high school and trying the C25K beginning runner's program.  I hear that sprints etc are excellent fat burners, so we'll give it a go.  I am also hoping for a weekend hike with Judith one of these days. 

Then there will also be the elimination of the foods I should not be eating.  Orange slices, I love you, but we must soon part ways.  I would love wearing those size 14s way more than I enjoy eating you and your chewy goodness.  Bread, though we do not cross paths often, my relationship with you is simply not healthy and I have to cut you out of my life.

I do believe in health at any size but I am not ready to be finished on this particular journey.  There are still goals to be met.  Could I technically be happy at a size 18?  Probably, but not satisfied and I am discovering that there is a difference.  After being 315 pounds a little over a year ago, I am pretty happy with my body right now.  It does some great stuff for me with less of it to be carted around.  Sitting with my legs crossed alone brings me moments of great joy.  But I believe I can push myself harder to get to that size where I think I can be satisfied.  I don't need to be a size 2 or 4.  Don't want to be really.  I prefer having some curves thankyouverymuch and I have never wanted to be a stick insect, as The Brit calls non-curvey girls (no offense non-curvey girls, this is just a personal preference).

So ONWARD to the 14s.  I'll keep you updated on the progress after August 19th.

So the Downside

So ya'll know that The Brit only had half of the WLS done a year ago as they had to give him the gastric sleeve.  The intent was to go back into surgery a year later and further reduce the stomach size and do the bypass part of the procedure...but stuff changes.

In the last year as he dropped over 100 pounds, his company changed hands and thus we were forced to change insurance the first of the year.  Our choices were Aetna or Aetna, so we went with Aetna, obviously.  Though Aetna does cover the surgery, The Brit's company did a WLS exclusion with their policy so for right now, we are screwed unless we win the lottery.  Totally frustrating.

I also have guilt because they were able to do all of my surgery in one hit, yet I am struggling to overcome this (some weird version of "survivor's guilt" or something).  He has done really well with losing and maintaining his weight loss.  Exercise is hard for him because he works long hours, so though he does hit kickboxing with Michael every Tuesday. If we are able to get him at least two more days of cardio, he will continue to be successful until something hopefully changes with our insurance or we win that lottery I mentioned earlier. 

Exercise is such the key.  I get this so much more than I used to.  I can maintain my current weight by watching my food intake alone, but if I want that scale to move, I have to move.  And the more I move, the more I find I want to move and that I enjoy moving.  I've even learned to love to sweat because it reminds me that I am working really hard.  I also love trying new things.  I still want to give running a go and would also love to try my hand at hiking.  It's really all about experiencing life instead of watching it go by.  I can't begin to tell you how much I have enjoyed my biking excursions.  The nature, the water, the friendliness of the other people on the canal; it's amazing.  I get so much more from it than just the exercise alone.  The same even goes with kickboxing.  Every time I finish, I have that satisfaction that I can do it and I feel so much better for having done it.

The assortment of cardio also keeps me from getting bored.  There are always new things to try and when I maintain a "can do" attitude, more often than not, my attempts are successful.  They aren't always easy, especially at first, but nothing worth doing generally is.  We have to work at the things that matter.

We just have to make the decision that WE matter and WE are worth it.

It Only Took 27 Years

Mondays often have very few redeeming qualities.  Complaints from people, kids calling me to tattle on each other, then a doctor appt for Aaron's meds where I was told I had to take my bottle of WATER back out to my car because they had just gotten new carpet.  Seriously?  What made it even worse was that once I took it out to the car, and sat back down in the waiting room, I saw that the chick sitting across from me had a bottle of COKE!  Deputy Dawg didn't see HER apparently.  Sheesh.

Then on the way home, I realized my driver's license had expired on Friday!  Oops!  So it was out to the MVA to wait forever as they were packed, but can I tell you this?  For the first time since I have been driving, I love my picture!  And I got to change my weight and lied ten pounds in my favor as I have to have this license for five years, I am so going to put under 200!  Besides, I will get there.

Got home and the kids continued to fight until their grandparents got here to take them camping.  YAY!  Quiet, down time!  Makes me happy.  Went out for sushi tonight with The Brit, Shell and JUDITH! then to the Christmas Tree Shoppe and Ross' (was not real excited about it).  So a pleasant evening after an insane day.

So two days of down time/VBS prep and then off to DC with Shell!

Sundays

I am editing this just to say that Sundays take on a life of their own and they are often weird.  I don't know if it is because we get up so early for church or what, but I am usually tired and or grouchy and I'm not the only one.  Somehow I need to remedy this particular day of the week with something.  Anything that can change the course of this particular day.  I vented earlier because I was frustrated.  I don't consider that wrong, but there are just moments where nothing we do is right.  We all have days like those.  Today was one for a few people apparently.  I was disagreeable as well and trying to find some stable ground...not sure I found it.

It passes.  Weird days always do.  I would just like a way to make them un-weird and way more fun like Saturdays tend to be.

Where did Saturday go?

My favorite birthday gift was a framed picture from Jim of our official Friday night logo that he created:


Is that not hysterical?  We have to find a place on the back porch/deck to hang it.

I did consume a good bit of wine last night but it was a great night.  We had Lisa and Phil, and Tod and Jim and Emily and Dave, plus Robyn, Laura, PK, Dane and Kirk.  It was awesome.  My guys took me out to dinner for hibachi before the fire pit and it was fabulous, then mucho wine and laughter on the deck.

Despite the fact that I did not get to sleep till after one in the morning, I did get up to go to kickboxing this morning at 9:15 as Michael/Jack was filling in for the usual Saturday morning person.  I actually had a tiny hangover when I got up but the workout helped a lot!  I felt fabulous when I was finished!   I adore him...I just want to keep him in my pocket as he makes me laugh.

So, an excellent birthday overall.  Not sure what tomorrow will hold but I'm sure it will be amazing!  After all, life is pretty damn amazing!