Desire

I like absolutes and guarantees and for sures. 

But sometimes we just don't have them.  And sometimes we just have to trust in God that all will be okay, or according to His plan for our lives.  But then I get stuck in trying to decipher what the plan is and it gets complicated.  That's where I am right now; just trying to work it out.

Robyn and I went to the Women of Faith conference in Washington, DC over the weekend.  It was a great conference with Beth Moore for the pre-conference Friday morning.  It was also nice to spend time with Robyn and she really liked the conference and plans on going with me next year.  We laughed a lot (Put her in a tent and hose her down.  She's a survivor, ya gotta keep 'em wet.) and ate good food and drank coffee drinks, and took a swim in the hotel pool.  The Brit got us great Marriott reservations from his Marriott Rewards program and I tell ya, I wanted to take my bed there home with me.  Talk about comfortable!  Everything from the mattress to the down comforter to the pillows was sheer bliss!

There were moments when I thought some of my questions about going through with this surgery were answered during the conference and now that I'm home, I find myself doubting.  I have six months to make up my mind completely, but it would be nice to have a feeling of knowing for sure it was the right thing to do.  I almost get frustrated with the fact that I know God already knows what I'll do and how it will turn out!  This is one of those moments when I long for Him to really share His wisdom with me! 

One of the speakers at the conference referred to this life on earth as an errand we are running.  We're here to get some things done for Him and then we are going back Home.  That part of it is really comforting;  knowing that no matter what happens, there is something so way better than this awaiting us! 

All my life, I have had these moments of intense yearning.  They come at odd times and they are all consuming.  A yearning for something that isn't explained and for the longest time, I never understood what they were.  They were so powerful that at times I felt like crying.  Now, what I think is that these moments are the yearning for Home.  I believe we started out there and then were sent down here on the errand and at times, something in our spirit cries out to go back Home.  It's the only thing that makes any sense to me.

Anyone else ever have those melancholy moments of wanting?