Choices

Some days I just wake up with someone or some situation I am aware of in the forefront of my mind.� Because I care so deeply for people, I always have the desire to want to reach out fix the problem for someone, which is a very arrogant of me thing to say, really, because it is so easy to stand back and decide what someone else is doing�that�is maybe toxic to themselves�and so much harder to look at ourselves and see our own issues.� But I have spent the last three years looking very deeply inside of my own problems with food and feeling vulnerable and making bad choices and have solved some, but not all of it...for now.� I would never be cocky enough to say "I have that licked for life." because we all know things can change in a heartbeat.�



I think that sometimes we make the same bad decisions over and over and over again, not because we don't "get it" but because it is simply convenient.� Is is what we are accustomed to doing.� It is our knee-jerk reaction to a given situation that we find ourselves in too many times.� We also find ourselves at the end of that day beating ourselves up about why we fell into that trap once more.� We knew better.� We know it never works out, but still we do it, hoping somehow, in some way, it will be different this time.� But it never is.



It is so difficult to look at our situation, whatever it may be, and admit that it isn't working for us any longer, or maybe it never worked for us to begin with, but we kept hoping for a different outcome.� Addictions and bad habits are not only toxic to us, but to those who love us.� They have to pick up the pieces of our broken life when we have once again smacked ourselves into a clear glass door, forgetting that there was glass separating us�on the inside to the prize we desire on the outside.� We see what it is we want on the other side and we sprint for it, like we have so many times in the past, only to feel the pain of hitting up against the tough as nails barrier and never being able to reach what it is we are certain we want and need.� It's convenient to do, because we have always done it that way.



Some people learn quickly�and it may only take them one or two times of smacking up against that wall, but others seem to take much longer to understand that they need to re-evaluate and change the behavior of what they are doing.� It's not easy to do.� Old habits, either good or bad, do indeed die hard.� Weight, cigarettes, bad relationships, addiction, gambling, whatever your vice is that is not healthy for you, the fact that it is not healthy doesn't make it any easier to give up, until we allow ourselves to have that moment of clarity.�



Nothing easy about taking a step back and taking a good, hard look at how we have handled ourselves in the past, dissecting it and discovering that we really are a mess.� And we are all a big ole mess when you get right down to it.� I have never met anyone who has their stuff all together, not even the people that look like they do ever truly have it all figured out.� Life is a messy game.� No doubt about that and we all have our vices or issues even if we are very good at keeping them hidden.� We can't hide from ourselves.� We can try.� We can ignore our own damaging behavior; we can not look too hard at it because we are afraid of what we may see, but can we really do that forever?



I guess some would say "yes", that we can can do it and we can take our mess to the grave with us, but in so many ways, I find that really sad.� Because if life isn't about figuring out as much as we can to make this part of our journey as enjoyable and meaningful as possible, then what is it?� Just because we've "always done it that way" doesn't mean we should continue to do it that way.� Change is hard, but often really worth it and we tend to find our own worth in the process.



So my challenge to everyone who happens to stumble across this is to find that thing you inwardly struggle with, whatever it may be, and take a good hard look on why it is what it is.� And then decide what you can do to start changing it.� It isn't going to happen overnight and you even have moments of falling back into that old behavior because staying the same is always easier than changing.� But stick with it and don't give up.� Every day, every minute is a chance to make a different choice; a healthier choice and that health is not always physical.� It can be emotional or psychological.� What in your life is tearing you down in some way and why are you allowing it to?� Then figure out, start figuring out, what you can do to change it.� Empower yourself to change your life, one small choice at a time.