Enough with the sleep already!

Oy Vey!  This sleeping thing is getting insane! 

Last night, I took a half of a rozerem, figuring it would be my last night of decent sleep until after I left the hospital.  The kids went to their grandma's place last night, so there would no one to wake me up on Saturday morning.  A whole Rozerem always makes me feel really foggy the next day, so on the occasion that I take one at all, it is always a half.

Hello, three am!  I tossed and turned, trying to get back to sleep, before I wandered downstairs, drank some juice, sat in the living room in the dark for awhile, before finally taking one Tylenol PM and going back up to bed.  I did finally get back to sleep, but woke up this morning in what felt to be a drug induced fog.  Went to breakfast and ran errands and then came home and managed about a two hour nap.  I now feel a bit better and am getting ready to head out to dinner with friends and the youth kids.  It's my last favorite dinner of hibatchi at my favorite Japanese resturant. 

Lots of thoughts mulling around in my head, which I will hopefully save for Monday's post if I can form a coherent sentence by then. 

The home tour

So I had promised a pic of the new shower, so I also snapped a few more around the house in the event anyone is like me and loves to look and see where people live!



The new shower.  I need to go out and get some little hooks or something to hang up the shower scrunchies as I call them, but other than that, I love it!



Half of my living room.  My favorite spot is that corner of the couch with the little table which is full of whatever I am reading at the moment and my knitting stuff.




The room off the living room has been everything under the sun.  It started as a dining room, then once we got the kids it was a playroom for awhile.  Now it has been transformed into another sitting room.  The baskets against the wall?  All full of yarn as well as the set of drawers next to them.



The kitchen is a bit of a thorn in my side as the functional cooking part of the kitchen is all back in that corner. The open door goes to the basement and if you look on the floor, you will spot one of the six felines, Micah.


The master bedroom.  I love the window to the left.  On the other side of the bed that I did not photograph, we have a loveseat and the room actually has two closets; a his and a hers. 

I didn't bother shooting the kid's rooms as they are rarely all that tidy.  But there ya go.  An extra little post today!

Sleep. It does a body good

I did finally sleep last night and that is a wonderful thing.  Lack of sleep makes my mind turn dark and scary and I was bordering dangerously close to morbid last night.  Odd, yes, but it has always been that way.  For example, I am not one to fear death; I know God is on the other side of that for me and knowing that, there is nothing to fear.  But when I am sleep deprived, I find myself positively terrified about death (and this is true when I am not facing a surgery, btw).  So!  Sleep!  Much better today!

I'm a little stunned that it is already Friday and I am approaching the final weekend before surgery.  I am so ahead at work, I am bored, and there is very little left to even do at home and what is left will be finished this afternoon.  Basically, it is just mopping and waxing the kitchen floor and running a mop over a bit of the hardwood floor downstairs as JJ dripped something sticky on it this week.

Celia called me this morning; my friend who had this surgery ten years ago.  She has been wonderful through all of this and what is so neat is that I was out of touch with her for years!  We only worked together and we never did anything socially together, but I used to stop by her desk and chat when I worked in Corporate Amerca Hell.  I've been out of that environment for 7 years now.  Celia was always big, but then I remembered her suddenly losing lots of weight.  When the Brit and I started pursuing this journey, I thought about Celia and something in the back of my mind said that she'd had WLS.  Well, last fall, I ran into her and I was like "You may think I'm nuts, but did you have gastric bypass?" She said yes and we fell into easy conversation about it all, standing outside in the warm sunshine for nearly 45 minutes.

Since that time, she has called to check up on our progress and has sent me encouraging emails.  She called me this morning, knowing how close I am getting to the BIG DAY and reminded me again how amazingly wonderful this was going to be.  How it was like suddenly having this new life you never knew you could have.  She told me that when I needed clothes, she wanted to buy me my first outfit.  She's a doll and I look forward to her paying me a visit once I get home from the hospital.

Everyone has been just wonderful.  Shell accompanied me to Baltimore last Friday for my appointment and is going to intercept my kids on Wednesday.  Kelly is going to get them on Tuesday.  Lisa brought over a frozen meal (which will probably go for two meals as there is so much!) this week for the Brit and the kids when I am recovering.  Robyn is taking off work to be at the hospital with me along with my mom and sister.  Paula will be at my house Tuesday morning to get the kids off to school, unless we don't have to be at the hospital till late, which I doubt.  Laura is blogging for me.  My prayer group is laying hands on me Monday night.  I am just overcome with the depth of love and friendship I feel from everyone.

One more weekend and one more work day.

T Minus Sleep

 So, we're back to not sleeping.  Brilliant. 

Something ya'll may not know about me is that I am a worrier  (Yes, I know some of you are going "Gee Kim!  Ya think???).  Apparently, I take after my dad, as my mother has always said that if dad didn't have something to worry about, he would find something to worry about.  Luckily for me, my OCD behaviors help to keep things balanced.  So basically, during the day, I keep myself busy enough and it keeps my worrying at bay.  But at night when I lie down to sleep, despite Tylenol PM, my mind starts to go all over the place and then when I finally do fall asleep, I have been awake an hour or more before the six 'o clock alarm. 

At this point, the only remedy, I think is having Tuesday get here and getting the surgery over with.  There is really just nothing more to do other than fill time and worry, both of which are getting old. 

In other news, the shower and tub have been completed today and I am thrilled!  I never did take pictures of the old nightmare, but I will get up there tonight to take a pic of the new one for you.  And speaking of pics, I still need The Brit to do Before and After shots for me.  Ugh.

And one more thing.  Thanks so much to Kim and Meg for calming my fears in the comments the other day.  It is very much appreciated.  Oh and I have one more fear.  Will I be coherent enough Tuesday night to watch American Idol?  Ya know, priorities and all that.

T Minus Holy Crap

So today has been a bit better but I think probably because I got minimal sleep last night and I am just too tired to be all that high strung today.  Last night was good though at praise band rehearsal because PK was there.  PK as we call her, is our former pastor's daughter who is sixteen and she is a hoot and a hollar, and as I am convinced I have the mentality of a sixteen year old, we had a total blast, just being giggly and silly.  It burned up some of my nervous energy and was a God send!

I wanted to share this from a friend and I thought it was just one of the neatest things anyone has sent me in regards to my surgery:

"I know we are of different faiths, yet we are both Christians.   Right now, your name is on the prayer rolls of every Temple in the world ......126, in all, with hundreds of people praying for you in each of those Temples.     I'm keeping your name in until you are fully recovered and doing well."

Is that not totally amazing?  It gave me goosebumps when I first read it and I was reminded of just how blessed I am with the people who surround me, both in person and through this marvelous invention called the internet.

My final grocery shop was accomplished today and I hope I have everything.  I think I do. I feel like everything is picking up speed now as the weekend is nearly here.  We went out to Wings tonight as we tend to do on Wednesdays as they have fifty cent leg night and ninety-nine cent kid's meals on this day of the week.  When we left, I knew it was my last time for a long time and it came as quite a relief to me in a way.  There was no regret.

And in closing, can I say KUDOS to American Idol tonight for ending their Idol Gives Back night with "Shout to the Lord".  Awesome.

The Ball

I couldn't think of a more appropriate word than "ball" to use in describing what feels like a huge ball of panic and anxiety that starts in my stomach and slowly works its way up to my chest, making it feel like I need to scream for a moment.  I then search desperately for something to distract myself with in order to subdue it once more.  These little "attacks" started yesterday.  Great!

So what am I freaking out about?  Maybe if I list them, someone will have some answers or maybe it will just help to list them so I can talk myself through them.

1) A cathetar.  Never had one before, but I'm going to have one when I wake up from surgery and it will probably be removed the morning after surgery.  Do they hurt?  Do they hurt coming out?  Do they hurt when they make you get up and walk?

2) Pain.  Will there be much?  I have a high tolerance generally.  My last arm break was horrendous as it was my upper arm and you can't cast that.  You have to cast below it with a heavy cast so that the weight of the cast itself pulls the bone into place.  That was big fun, let me tell you.  The nerve ending in the upper arm are insanely painful with a break.  So in light of enduring that, I should really not be too worried about post-op pain and morphine is probably way better than vicodin anyway (Though Dr. House may disagree), but when it is the unknown, isn't there always fear?

3) Just general surgery worries.  Will it go okay?  Will I be aware of anything?  Will I have a reaction to the anesthesia?  What if they get in there and find cancer?  (I don't really think they will, but cancer is one of my phobias, so play along).  

I just want to be there and want my IV cocktail of "I don't give a shit" so I will no longer be freaking out.  Once the Twilight or whatever it is called is started, life will be good no matter what happens, for at least awhile.   Why can't we just fast forward to that part?  Just skip the next few days and the drive to Baltimore at still some unknown time next Tuesday and the signing of the papers and get right to the good stuff.  That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

T Minus 8 Days

I keep thinking that each day this week should in some way be eventful, but the truth is, they are pretty run of the mill days.  Work, some house cleaning, getting ready to cook dinner.  I feel like maybe I should be hearing a drum roll or something in the background.  I am actually sleeping pretty well (knock on wood) and still so ahead of schedule that I feel like a freak.

Now, a week from now, I'm thinking there won't be much sleeping getting ready to happen, but we'll let next Monday take care of itself.

There is now blog music and if you hate it you can either mute your computer or pause the playlist.  I debated whether or not I wanted music, but these are some of my favorite songs, so get over it and enjoy them

I really have very little to talk about today.  Things are moving right along as normal.  My last dinner out for awhile will be Saturday night hibatchi at Nikkos with Paula and the clan (and anyone else who wants to go!  Just give a hollar!).  I added my book to my overnight bag "Amish Grace" as I've been wanting to read it.  Don't know if I'm going to have the time or feel like reading in the hospital, but I'll have it just in case.  Put my Advance Directive in my bag and have another copy here at home.  

There's just nothing else to say today.