Sleeping With Bread

So for weeks now, I've been meaning to start the Sleeping with Bread Monday meme.  If you click on the SWB icon on my side bar, you will find an explanation of what SWB is all about.  In a nutshell, it has to do with highs and lows of the week, or emotions at opposite ends of the spectrum.

So much of how I've felt lately has had to do with how I'm doing on my quest to become more healthy.  Last week, when I was able to hit Curves three days, I was on top of the world.  I am finally back on track with that and even though it is difficult and most days when I get in there I am SO not in the mood, by the end of the workout, I am feeling good that I did it. 

I like feeling in control of things so when I allowed my control over getting healthy to be taken away from me Saturday night, I was very frustrated.  However, in looking back, the only one at fault was me.  We had gone out to dinner as is the rule on Saturday nights and I chose the place: Cafe Del Sol.  I like it because they have a different menu, that consists of salads, paninis, wraps, etc...things that I like and are a treat for me, but that I don't have to feel guilty eating.  Well, then it all went wrong.  JJ wanted pizza, but I know JJ's appetite and though they are not huge pizzas, 14 inch, I know he is only going to eat maybe two slices of it.  I was hoping that Aaron, who also loves pizza, would agree to share one with his brother, but Aaron had his eye on something else entirely.  So, for some reason, I went for martyrdom and decided to share JJ's pizza with him so as not to waste it.  I didn't want to, I was angry about it, but for some reason, I let it play out that way just the same.  It didn't have to.  I could have ordered whatever I had wanted off the menu, but at that moment it just seemed silly to me to order a pizza for a seven year old that was barely going to get eaten.

But, here's what I learned.  Though, I too, am a pizza fan, because that was not what I wanted to eat, it did not satisfy me at all.  It was almost like senseless eating; I ate it because it was there, but didn't enjoy it.  The other thing I realized was that I allowed my control to be taken away...by myself!  Now, I don't quite understand that one yet, but I'm working on it.  What I do know is that it is not something I plan on repeating again.  If I'm going to eat something that would be considered a "treat" for the week, it is going to be something I am craving at the time, otherwise it is just empty feeding.  It didn't taste as good as it normally would have, being angry at the situation cast a negative light on the whole meal for me, and the guilt that followed over eating something that not only was not the best choice, but that I didn't want, just made me see how not worth it the whole thing was.

So, maybe I should have titled this post "Sleeping with Pizza" .

Anyway, we got more of this yesterday:



This is across the street from us.  You can just make out the park behind the neighbor's houses.



Yes, those are still Christmas lights....