Yeah, I know...

I keep promising those quilt pictures and I promise I will get there!  Actually, I like to save posts like that for days when I'm not sure of what to yammer on about because they are quick and easy. 

I watched Dr. Phil yesterday and he had on his show via satellite, a man who weighs approximately 1000 pounds.  His name was Bob and one of the things Bob said was something to the extent of "I just don't know how I got here."  I felt tears filling my eyes when he said that because I think that statement is true of anyone who has weight to loss.  I have often asked myself "How did I get here?"

Gaining weight is a process and often we tell ourselves things like "As long as stay below <insert number here> it will be okay."  Then one day we wake up and realize we have reached that number, so we invent another number to try to keep ourselves in check.  I'm imagining that many people probably watched Bob yesterday in horror.  He could barely get out of bed.  He had been in the same room for either three or four years; a prisoner in that room.  Getting to the bathroom was an effort.  I wasn't horrified.  I understood.  I empathized, regardless of the fact that I thankfully, don't have anywhere near as much weight to lose as Bob does. 

But I could.

If I kept on eating the way I used to eat, I could probably easily get close to where Bob is by the end of my lifetime.  Sadly, I often think that people who have never had a weight issue, have great difficulty understanding weight issues.  A person on the Dr. Phil message boards (which I don't generally read, but I was hoping to find out more about Bob as I'd love to send him a supportive, encouraging message) made a remark to the extent of "How could any person of normal intelligence allow themselves to get that big?"  Maybe I'm being judgemental, but I don't think that woman had a clue about food addiction, or genetic factors or any number of other things.  I find that very sad.

Just as some people can't gain weight, no matter how hard they try, there are those of us it just comes so easily to.  Lucky us.  The media is out there commercializing how we are supposed to look and the messages we get are that we are not okay.  I remember a favorite episode of "Designing Women" where Suzanne attends a high school reunion and all night long her classmates are whispering about the weight she has gained.  She won the award at her reunion for the person who was "most changed" and when she gave her speech, she said something to the extent of "No matter what your problem is, alcohol, drugs, etc, people are sympathetic...unless you're fat..."

People just don't see food as an addiction...and I'm not using that as an excuse, but rather, am trying to change that about myself.  But just like a drug addict who has great difficulty staying away from the crack because of how it makes them feel, food is also a drug to a food addict.  It soothes when we are hurt or feeling rejected.  It's how we punish ourselves for our failures due to our weight (I once ate only rice for two weeks because I wasn't the right "size" for a part I auditioned for).  Food, drugs, alcohol; they don't judge us or make us feel badly ourselves.

No matter how much weight I lose, I never want to lose the empathy I feel for those struggling with weight.  I KNOW how hard it is and I get so angry with people who judge other based on appearance, like what we look like makes us more or less of a human being.  I'm not trying to lose weight to look better.  No.  I want to feel better and be healthier and there is a difference.

Bob, if you're out there, I'm in your corner.  You can do this and so can I.