And pray in the Spirit on all occasions....

Sometimes, I get caught between who I am and who I want to be in ways that people close to me are probably not aware of.  Sure, I want to be slimmer, healthier, more patient, etc, but this has more to do with spirituality. 

God is so incredibly important in my life, more so than I probably often talk about.  The majority of things I read are either Christian fiction or Christian non-fiction as I am always working on trying to deepen that relationship between God and myself.  At first glance, one would think that this is not a difficult thing to do, but in reality, in can be, because one first has to get past their own negative ability to be too self-conscious.

I never want to be known as fanatical in a negative way.  Yes, I am crazy about Jesus, but I have also seen what can happen when people interpret things negatively or read into something, things that really aren't there.  What I would prefer to possess is a quieter faith and a gentler way of sharing.  There have been so many instances when I am with a friend who just needs help that only God can give her, when I have passed up the opportunity to say "Pray with me." or  "Can I pray with you?" 

I want to be the person who is comfortable saying those words and why is there even a reason to feel self conscious about saying them?  Most of my friends are Christian, so to be prayed with, I think, would be something special, both for myself and the other person.  I wouldn't think that those words would tag me as being fanatical in a bad way, but yet something always holds me back.  I have walked away from hospital situations thinking, "I wish I had prayed with her/him."  Yes, I can pray for that person or even tell that person that I'll be praying for them, but isn't it something spiritually special and reaffirming to pray together for that person?  I don't think there should be any greater honor for me to pray aloud for someone who needs to feel God's presence.  I just think it would be such a humbling experience.

The other connection I would love to one day become comfortable with is praying with the Brit.  We don't pray together, other than at dinner time when one of the kids pray or in church with the rest of the congregation.  Yet, individually as well as together, we are building things and should be praying together for what we are hoping to accomplish.  Raising children, growing as a couple and as a family...we are all still learning in that one and we still have a ways to go.  Though I pray for us, it's not the same as doing it together.  Where two or more are gathered in His name...

Once the kids go back to school (less than two weeks now!  Wheeee!) I plan on getting more into the Word.  It's time and it's something I've been wanting to do.  I often feel the Holy Spirit tugging on my heart and I'm going to start responding.  I'm hoping that through that, I will come to find my courage and my voice in living that quiet faith that isn't afraid of judgment.