I have LSS!

I have just given myself an official diagnosis.

There is not a lot known about LSS other than it is prevelant among the overweight population who have made the decision to pursue WLS.  Symptoms are an urge to eat all foods not good for you, while feeling a sense of euphoria and freedom.  It also diminishes ones sense of guilt for such practices. 

Yes, dear readers, I have Last Supper Syndrome.  Do you like that?  I just made it up!

I have got to get this under control before the holidays hit!  Ever since making my decision, I have been afraid of hurting the feelings of any food that made me fat in the first place.  Not eating chocolate would certainly hurt chocolate's feelings and ya'll know how I am about wanting everyone to like me! 

In a sense, I suppose it is good and probably normal.  For instance, my mind is preparing itself to say goodbye to old habits.  Already, I am looking at Christmas and thinking that this will be the last Christmas where I can fully indulge in all my favorite sweets, such as homemade candy, peanut butter blossoms (OMG, Peanut Butter Blossoms!) apple pie with Bird's custart, etc.  Then I look at that on the flip side.  Indulge?  What that translates into is not just enjoying a taste of something sweet, but deciding to divide and conquer that particular food for that particular season, to the point that when the last crumbs have been swept away and the tree has been put to the curb, and the decorations are back down in the basement, I am looking in a mirror thinking "What on earth have you done and how long will it take you at least get back to the weight you were before Christmas?

I guess it is a bit of a mourning process as I grieve the loss of an old friend, probably a best friend: food.

Then in a sense, LSS is bad because because I don't really want to gain weight before surgery.  Add to that the fact that I don't know what my insurance company is looking for in six months of structured diet programs.  Some say, that they think insurance companies put this in place to discourage people.  How many folks really want to go through it all again for six months in order to get the surgery?  Others say that insurance companies have you do this to see if you can stick to a program pre-op.  Now, does stick to a program mean, lose weight on a program, or just be present?  I have no idea.

But I need to get myself under control and find a way to think a bit differently, at least in a place of Happy Medium.