Hodge Podge

I am usually a great lover of Christmas.  Not only because I truly know what it is about, but even putting that aside for a moment, I love the decorations and the get togethers and the shopping (A license to shop; what could be better?).  Christmas Eve has always been my favorite day of the year as it holds the promise of things to come.

My deep love of Christmas has waned a bit since adopting the boys and not for the reasons you think.  I love our kids and they have made Christmas a brand new thing for me once again, but we have a unique situation with:

cast of characters:

Great Grandma (GGM)
Great Grandpa (GGP)
Grandma (GM)
Egg Donor (EG)
Sperm Donor (SD)
Cute Little Bio-Sister (LS)

I actually like all the grandparents but GGM and GGP (I think it is more GGM honestly) tend to push the envelope around the holidays especially.  Actually it started a little earlier than usual this year, at Halloween.  JJ was with GGM and GGP the Monday and Tuesday before Thanksgiving and he came home with two bags of candy, one for him and one for Aaron and they were signed "From Daddy and Danielle" (Danielle is the new girlfriend and SD is in jail again last I heard).  I'm sorry, when you don't take care of your kids to the point that they go into the system more than one time and then they don't hear from you EVER, you lose the right to the name "Daddy".  JJ also informed me when he came home that he "Watched Bob the Builder at GGM's house and he hasn't watched that since he lived with her and his last name was __________ (insert biological last name here)."  Those words were not coming from my seven year old;  they were being repeated by my seven year old.

I emailed GM as she is sane and addressed the issues.  She in turn, talked to SD about not signing things "Daddy" and she told me she had talked to him and he was "okay with that."  I'm sorry, I don't give a rat's ass what he is "okay" with.  I'm telling it the way it is.  He can sign things by his given name or he can sign them "Love, your sperm donor" but that's as good as it gets. 

We have always allowed the Grandparents to have the boys Thanksgiving night as well and keep them for a few days.  So this time, GM informed us "You won't get them back till Monday" (this wasn't a threat or anything like that, nor did it come across as mean.  ) And I told her I needed them back on Sunday as they were rehearsing a Christmas program at church. 

Now, the problem is that though they are bringing them back Saturday evening, I have a feeling they will want them on Monday as JJ's birthday is next week and they'll want to celebrate it on Monday with "just the family".  Those words were used last year by GGM in reference to JJ's birthday and they left me trying to explain to JJ why his dad and I were not coming to this particular party.

The other recent problem I have is that GM had JJ Wednesday night as she was also getting LS for the night so the two siblings could spend some time together.  LS lives with the ED.  So when GM brought JJ back home yesterday, he was informing me that he now knew where LS lived.  When questioned, he said he did not go into LS's house, but HELLO!  Why wouldn't GM have brought JJ back first instead of driving him out to the ED's house??? 

The flip side of this whole thing is that I don't want to take the relationships of the boys and their grandparents away from either party.  I feel it is an important relationship to cultivate.  But with that being said, I'd like to feel like I can trust these people to play by the rules.  When they are throwing up ED's name or SD's name, they aren't that for my kid's sake, they are doing that out of their own sense of insecurity.  I wouldn't let my kids go with people I don't trust, so why should I have to allow this??  I know that I don't have to allow it all.  I am not required to let the boys see them at all, but if I stop the visits, then I'm the mean parent as they are not old enough or mature enough to understand the mechanics of this whole thing. 

So, on another note, I braved Black Friday briefly today to buy this.  WLS patients swear by them and this thing was marked 59.99 and I got it for 18.88.  I was very excited.  I generally don't shop on this particular shopping day, but I also love a bargain.