The High Road?

Kim left me an interesting comment on yesterday's post:

I wanted to tell you that this post gets to the heart of what so many of us want to get across to the world. My journey has been long and at times very hard, but I don't EVER want to forget where I came from. I don't want the world to judge me based on the weight that I am now - or the weight I will be this time next year... but in a lot of ways it will. In my heart though, I will always be sensitive to the feelings and limitations of overweight people. Shortly before my surgery, my husband asked me one night if I'd still love him when I get skinny. (mainly because I'm having the surgery, but for the forseable future - he won't be able to) It really got me thinking, because to me... he's loved me and seen the real me at my worst... and there isn't anyone on the planet that I could love more than him. Anyone that gives me attention or things like that when I'm thinner - will always be questioned about their motives... if that makes any sense.

Personally, I think that makes a TON of sense!  There are people out there who are very prejudiced about overweight people, sad as that is and if they won't give me the time of day now, then I don't them giving it to me a hundred pounds from now either.

I'm a pretty decent judge of character, I think and I know that the people in my life now will still be there when I am smaller.  I don't think I have the role in their life of "the fat friend" or the person they don't need to feel threatened by.  I've read about friendships that have gone sour after WLS, but I'd like to think that since I'm 41 years old and most of my friends are somewhere in that vicinity too, we are all mature enough to not label each other like that.  I certainly don't think of Kelly as "my pretty friend" or Lisa as "my healthy friend"or Robyn as "my cancer surviving friend".  Yes, those things may be true about them, but those things are only a small part of who they are, just as I hope that "fat" is only a small part of my overall picture.

And no, I don't ever want to forget where I came from once this is all over.  It could be so easy to stand on the "other side" of a weight problem and instruct others on "how its done".  Just like those folks who think all fat people need to do is get up off the couch and move their tushes (ignorance is indeed bliss).  But the fact remains that the decision to have surgery has been the hardest decision of my life and I know, without a doubt, that is is not the answer for everyone.  I have had to accept the fact that I could die on the table or even after surgery due to a complication.  I have had to accept the fact that many foods I am so fond of, I may never be able to tolerate again.  I have accepted the fact that once this surgery is done, that my entire thought process regarding food must change forever.  I have accepted the fact that I will still need to eat healthy foods and exercise.  So why do some people consider surgery "the easy way out"??  I think what surgery gives is hope to the hopeless, who are convinced that no matter what they do, they will never lose the weight for good.  It may give a head start to weight loss in that it will come off relatively quickly, as opposed to my last attempt of 20 pounds in six months (talk about discouraging!).  There are people who can lose weight by diet and exercise alone and I envy them and wish I could do it and God knows, I've tried to do it....again and again and again. But the weight always comes back on plus more. 

So, the easy way out?  No, I don't think so.  If anything, for me, I would call it the desperate way out or a last ditch effort, but easy?  No way.

The other thing I wanted to comment on was how hard it has been for me to address my weight in this here blog.  I've been blogging for awhile, knowing that strangers or people I have never met in person are reading here and in the internet world, no one knows your size unless you tell them.  It's part of the charm and safety of the web.  But to admit to travelling along a weight loss surgery path, I have had to admit a weight problem here and I even got brave enough to post a picture of me and my sister in law a month ago.  Posting that was really, really hard for me.  Yes, it was taken at a distance, but there is still no hiding anymore.  Yet, I knew I could not come here and talk about this surgery and my weight struggles without being honest, with my readers and with myself.  There will be more pictures, closer to surgery, so I have a record of "Before" shots to later compare.

There's nothing easy about weight, no matter how you look at it.