Sleeping with Bread #3

Sleeping with bread is about hope and todays post is about hope, and watching my meme Friday, meet my meme Monday and intermingle with a relay.

Two Fridays ago, I gave you the story of the fantasic and incredibly brave, Robyn.  Robyn saw the doctor today and the news was not necessarily good, though nothing is yet definitive.  A suspicious area, right at the spot of the last tumor removal.  Another biopsy had to be done today and the doctor will call her on Wednesday with the pathology results.  The area looked "granular" which is not a good thing.  It has thrown me for a loop, so I cannot begin to imagine how Robyn feels.

As my mind reels, I feel angry, wanting to shout out about how young my friend is to be going through this.  My next thought is that cancer doesn't discriminate.  All the children who have it, the teenagers, young adults, middle aged, elderly...cancer doesn't care, and my anger doesn't do anyone any good.

I watched my father suffer from and eventually lose his battle with cancer at the age of 60.  I sat by his bed that last night with my sister and my mother, and urged him that it was okay to go.  We watched and held his hands as he took his final breath in this world, to awaken in a new world, without pain...without cancer.  It was one of the most compelling, thought provoking moments of my life.  Dad never showed he was afraid.  I'd imagine he had to be at least a little, but through his battle, he kept his faith and his hope very much alive.

My dad had a favorite piece of scripture which has since become a favorite of mine.  I actually gave this piece of scripture to Shell yesterday on her birthday as she fights her own battle.  I love these words: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Isn't that beautiful?  God already knows how everything is going to turn out.  He has a plan, even when we don't have a clue.  God can make sense out of the senseless and he knows the answers to all our questions.  When he says "plans to give you hope", he's encouraging us to sleep with bread; the bread of life.  And as we hold onto that bread, we can know without a shadow of a doubt that he is holding onto us.

Pastor Phil once said that he tried to imagine the comparision between God and us, because God is so much bigger, knows all, he has it all worked out.  Pastor said that the best analogy he could come up with was himself holding an ant in the palm of his hand.  Imagine that.  God can hold us in the palm of his hand and we don't have any need to fear anything.  All we have to do is trust him.

So why is that so hard to do?  Maybe because it means letting go of our own need to be in control and that so many times in our lives, we think  we are in control.  Maybe God lets us think we are, kind of like we let our kids think they are winning the game of cards, just so they can feel good about winning.   He lets us think we're in control.  But we aren't!  We never are!  And then one day, we're hit with something really big.  Huge.  And we scurry around, trying to do the right things, trying to fight our way to the surface, trying to beat cancer, trying to do it all our way because we have got to be in control. 

And just maybe God whispers to us, "You can't control this.  Let go.  Let me."  How hard is that to give the reigns of our lives over to someone we can't even physically see?  It feels damn near impossible.  God tries to take those reigns from us, but we still hold on tightly, afraid to relinquish that last little bit of control and he isn't going to force the issue with us.  We have to give it up all on our own, or it doesn't mean anything. 

"Let me."

"I can't."

"Let me."

I think his voice is soft and oh so patient and we sink a little bit deeper as we struggle to hold onto to the reigns, but we finally realize that we need to let go and let God handle it.  It's bigger than us; whatever we are battling; cancer, bad marriages, troubled kids, diseases, bad health...whatever it is, it is bigger than we are...and God is bigger than any of the battles we try to fight.  He's the only one who is! 

"Okay, God...you take it...I can't do it anymore.  I'm tired..so tired."

"It's already been taken.  You rest now.  I have a plan, you'll see.  Sleep with bread; my bread.  I have you in the palm of my hand."

And it's only then that we can experience true peace in the face of whatever it is we're facing.  I want Robyn to remember that, and anyone else who is going through something that is incredibly hard.  God has a plan.

Part of God's plan for me, is that I walk in Relay for Life on June 2nd.  Our team will walk from noon that day until sunrise the following morning to raise money for a cure.  One of the things I love about this is that it is not cancer specific.  We're not walking for breast cancer, colon cancer or oral cancer.  We're walking for cancer.  To raise money to find a cure so that hopefully one day in the near future, people won't have to face this disease that knows no discrimination.  Yes, God is always in control, but often he uses us to give hope and maybe one day a future to those who may not otherwise have one on this earth because they are fighting this horrible disease.

I don't believe for a second that God created cancer.  I think the world we live in, full of imperfections, toxins, pollution etc has taken care of that all on its own.  But I think that God can use even cancer, to make a bunch of self absorbed, cell phone chatting, electronic loving people, care about each other, even those we don't know.  Love and caring don't have to have a face, and in this case, those we are fighting for have millions of faces.

If you haven't already, would you please take a moment to visit my Relay page and make a donation for a cure?  God is having this out of shape, forty year old, who can't keep her eyes open past 11:00pm, walking for cancer.  My goal is $500 of which I have $110 thus far.  I'd love to exceed my own personal goal, as well as to see Relay for Life, top their best past numbers.









Thanks for listening.  Sleep with bread.