Upping the Ante

So, people are starting to notice, even if I can't really see it yet.  My mother has commented on how much better I look and Paula can see in my face that I've lost weight.  And even though I can't see it in myself, I do know that I no longer to have one of the side buttons undone on my bibs for breathing room.

I have never been a patient sort of person, which probably pretty well sums up why weight loss in the past has been so difficult for me.  I'm all about instant gratification and with some things in life, I just can't have that, but that still doesn't stop me from wanting to get the job done as quickly as possible. 

I think I'm going to up my Curves days from three to five.  Tomorrow should be an off day, but I'm going to go and then go again Friday and we'll see how it goes.  No workouts on the weekends...or at least no intentional ones.

I'm still really amazed at how good I feel already and how much more energy I have.  There are times when I've been out and I've seen really large people using those scooters to shop or having to be pushed in a wheelchair and I'm unable to help but wonder that if I had continued to eat the way I once did and continued to be so sedentary, if in ten years, I would have been one of those people.  In all honesty, I can't stand the thought of it; losing my health, my ability to walk, my independence, just because I refused to reinvent my lifestyle.  I would like to think that I never would have become one of the folks who can't walk through a store, but I doubt any of those people thought it would ever be them either.  I seriously doubt any of them wrote in their journals, "I want to lie on the couch and eat until I need a scooter to shop at the Walmart because then I can die happy."

The thing is that we all have a certain responsibility to our families and those who love us.  If I'm not taking care of me, then I'm not going to be around to take care of my kids or my grandkids.  I certainly don't want to die early because I couldn't quit eating crap and refused to move my rear end.  What is that teaching my kids?  And because I'm female, I just don't want to be the kind of mom my kids are embarrassed about.  I mean, I think they'll love me no matter what, but you know what I mean.  Other kids can be cruel and it isn't the overweight parent who is going to get teased by my son's friends.  No, they'll say those things to my kids.

I'm not going to say that it's easy to change, because it isn't.  There are days when I fight the urge to slip back into my old ways; to skip Curves and come home instead, or to pick up something delightfully sugary and fat loaded from the Dutch Market.  But instead, I keep reminding myself that I'm not a quitter and that though I thought there was comfort in food, there is no comfort whatsoever in being fat.  To change my life I have had to step outside of my comfort zone and become involved with myself.  You would think that was not a difficult thing to do, but it is!  We are always so involved...too involved with our jobs, our spouses, our kids, our friends and the kabillion things we think we "have to do".  But don't you see?  If we don't invest in ourselves first, none of the other things matter because we are not going to be around for the people who depend on us.  Being overweight, I am much more at risk for a heart attack at a much younger age, I'm at higher risk for certain cancers, and diabetes.  Wow!  Who wants that?  And all because I won't eat healthy foods and move thirty minutes three to five days a week?  Ya know, it would be very easy for me to feel sad that I didn't invest in myself sooner but there is no point in regrets.  They don't change anything.  Instead, I'm just going to keep pushing forward.

Because I'm worth it.