Sleeping with Bread and other things

They always say "Be careful what you wish for." and there is definate truth in that.

I really and truly want to like our new pastor.  I do.  I totally do.  Yet I struggle with that want and hope every single day.  He's new.  I know this.  He is probably trying to find his footing and that is all well and good but he needs to step a little softer and tread with a little more of an open mind and willing spirit.  I would really like to see him start getting to know people instead of just preaching at them.  I'm a firm believer in "You should listen twice as much as you talk" and I'd like to project that belief onto him, because he talks.  A Lot.  Yet for someone who talks so much, he rarely greets anyone and he really doesn't seem to care if he gets to know anyone on any kind of personal level.

My kids are scared to death of him.  JJ says "He yells, mom." JJ is referring to the pastor's need to become very dramatic and rather loud in his sermons.  In fact, now that I think about it, I'm not sure I've ever seen him talk to any of the children.  Teens,  yes.  Kids, no.  Children's sermon, yes.  On a personal level, no.

The last Saturday of the month has always been our church's Fellowship Breakfast, where we meet at a local restaurant and dine together.  It's always fun to be away from the church communicating with people.  So, this Saturday, the pastor also decided to ask folks to volunteer to go door to door to invite the neighborhood to our Easter services.  Now, that is all well and good, but on a personal note, I am in the church six days a week.  Even on Sundays when I am there for a service, I am often asked (and I don't mind) to do this or that for someone, because I am the church secretary.  That being said, I am completely unwilling to give up my Saturdays to do church work.  It has nothing to do with God; it has to do with having a husband I see for a few hours in the evenings during the week, two young children, six cats and a house that needs attention.  If that is selfish of me, so be it.  I can live with being labeled "Selfish" because I don't want to spend time at church seven days a week.

Now, the pastor set up this door to door time at the same time the breakfast was scheduled.  The breakfast annoucement ran on the powerpoint for the last two weeks.  He just announced the door to door yesterday.  Had it been me, I would have chosen to work with the breakfast, such as scheduling the door to door at a later time in the day, or maybe even saying to the congregation "Hey, let's go to breakfast and then those that are able can come back to the church and we'll do this flyer thing."  That would be working with us.  Instead, when I called outside after a friend who was leaving the church and asked her if she would be attending the breakfast (she always did and did not sign up this time), he was there listening.  When she told me to sign her up, I walked back inside with the pastor following me and he was saying "Evangelism, breakfast?  Evangelism, breakfast?"

I'm not sure if he was trying to tell me that I was making the wrong decision or if he was making a general remark that anyone going to the breakfast was making a wrong decision, but either way it was judgemental, immature, and I basically just ignored him and walked back into my office.

Things like this are the reason I'm having so much trouble liking him.  I like people a lot, but he has yet to show me a human side.  All I get is the preaching side and the bigger problem is that the way he makes me feel all week is sliding over into my reaction to him on Sundays during the service.  During his sermon, I found myself having trouble even looking at him and instead I looked up at the cross and thought "Lord, you have to help me out here.  I wanted him to be our new pastor, but Lord, right now, I don't even like him!  Right or wrong, God, it's how I feel!"

So that is where it stands.  I want to like him.  I pray every night for God to open up my heart or even maybe the pastor's heart, so that I can begin to like and respect him.  Respect has to be earned and so far, it just isn't happening.  I still have hope that he will eventually settle down and allow people in, as opposed to him trying to be a one man show of "All about me".  I want him to walk beside us, instead of running ahead or worse yet, tailing us while telling us we are slow.  I want him to stop hurting people that I care about and to start listening twice as much as he talks.

I continue to sleep with bread.

And worth a little mention

At Curves today, the lady who was working said to me "I have to tell you that you really work hard here.  A lot of the ladies don't work the equipment hard enough." 

I'm not one to really accept much praise like that, and I just explained to her that I needed to work it hard to meet my goals and that many of the other ladies liked to chat and so did I, but when I'm chatting I don't work nearly as hard.  So, I'm making the choice to work the machines hard and chat when I'm finished.

Losing weight is all about making choices; what I eat, when Ieat, what I do.  On Mondays, I never feel like working out, but I do it.  It just has to be done and I'm not willing to give up.