I Wanna Play!

I don't actually think it is the waiting that is annoying me so much; it's the not knowing about my future over the next few months.  It's like everything has a great big question mark in front of it until I at least have a surgery date and maybe even beyond that depending on how I feel post op.  I feel very torn about not wanting to put anything in front of this surgery but at the same time not wanting to miss a few things that happen in the late spring and early summer.

Examples would be:

First weekend in May: Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival.  This is the best thing in Maryland for us knitters as it is a huge wool show with some great bargains.

May 31st and June1: Relay for Life.  I got involved last year and this year have been doing some work on church participation.  But I don't have a donation page for myself up and running as I simply don't know if I will be able to walk in it this year.  For all I know, I could be a week post-op at that time.

Mid May to mid June: My inlaws have a timeshare in Florida and we have been tossing up the idea of driving down this year (suits me fine as I hate to fly) if we are beyond surgery at that point and feeling up to going.

And of course, the mission trip the end of June that I SO want to be able to attend.  The thought of missing it makes me ache as it was what made me start thinking about surgery in the first place and I hate the thought of missing that time with the youth.

It isn't that I think I am going to feel poorly post-op, but I know I could, but more that there could be complications.  Again, not anything I'm planning on, but I have to remain realistic at the same time.  

I know in my heart of hearts that none of this other stuff matters as much as my health.  I could postpone the surgery until after the mission trip, but again, I don't want to put it off any longer than I have to.  Plus, going without surgery is going to exhaust me from lugging around the extra pounds. 

The Florida trip would be nice post-op as a time to relax (Hey Meg, are you anywhere near Orlando?) but I don't want to still be dealing with the "hows" on eating.  I would want to feel semi-comfortable with what I was doing by then.

I'm just whining, I know.  I have to think of it as my weight has kept me in the sidelines for a long time with some things I have either wanted to do or haven't been able to do well.  If I have to miss any or all of this stuff this year because of having surgery, I will be sidelined because of my weight hopefully for the last time ever. 

God will show me what He wants. I'm sure of it.  Maybe that is really the thing to remember.