Set it on fire

Talked to Alice today and she has everything other than yesterday's bariatric education stuff.  She told me call them and get on them to get it faxed over, but when I called, I got a machine and left a message for them to call me back as soon as the information was faxed.  If I don't hear from them by morning, I'll call again.  Alice said, once they had all the info, they opened a case file and faxed to insurance, often in the same day, so it is not a longshot to say that by Friday our stuff could be in the hands of the insurance company.

I can't believe we are actually to this point...this horrible, apprehensive point of second guessing everything.  Will they approve me?  What if they approve the Brit and not me?  What then?  Is there any reason for them to not approve me?  (The answer to that question is technically "No" but waiting and worrying will cause me to ask the anyway.)  How long before I know?  What do I do with myself until then?  How in the hell do I wait in patience each day until I have an answer I can accept?

It's crazy!  Technically, I have only been on this wagon for seven months, but it seems like so much longer that I have been anticipating this.  I'm okay as long as there is something to be done; psyche appointments, Weight Watchers, nutrition appointments, etc.  I am then actively working towards something.  I have a goal and a purpose.  But to be finished all the prep work and just sit and wait?  I'm not sure of how to do it?

Ya know what started me on this whole thing?  Did I tell ya'll that story?  Last summer, on the YouthWorks mission trip...that experience was life changing for me.  Helping those people in that little poverty stricken community touched my heart in ways that I never imagined possible.  The problem?  I wanted to do so much more, but my out of shape, too heavy body would simply not allow it.  I so wanted to work on the houses instead of doing the kid's club, but I knew I'd never make it out in the heat all day doing manual labor.  I wanted to experience more, at least my spirit did and I did know that this was something I wanted to do more often and I wanted to be able to do it without feeling self conscious and being the biggest person there.  That's what started all of this for me; bringing God's love to people through the things we were doing, the actions we were performing to help others.

So remember a month or so ago when I wanted a song for the journey?  Well, I think I found one.

 I wanna set the world on fire
Until it’s burning bright for You
It’s everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use?

I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There’s nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do

I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father’s hands

I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There’s nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do

My hands my feet
My everything
My life, my love
Lord, use me

I wanna set the world on fire
I wanna set the world on fire, yeah

I’m gonna set the world on fire
Set the world on fire