Pressure Pushing Down on Me

Why is it that when you are successful with something, there are those in your life who make you feel responsible for the success of others?



I am dealing with this right now and it confuses me to no end.There are people in my life with health issues, whether it be weight, some kind of substance abuse, etc and for some reason, some folks put it on me to try to change these people and I don't find it fair.



Okay, yes, there is nothing I would love more than to be able to influence someone to be healthier.� Truly, their health matters to me.� The people in�my life who struggle with one thing or another, I love dearly.� Loving them dearly means wanting to keep them in my life for as long as possible, in the best condition as possible.� I have well founded fears about losing certain people early and sometimes these fears keep me up at night.



But here is what I know.� For years, no amount of nagging, cajoling, humiliating or sarcasm could make me lose weight.� It actually often made me angry enough to set me on a food binge.� It made me feel not good enough for anyone, especially the "well meaning" people making the comments.� Did they love me?� I'm sure they did.� Did their comments make me feel crap?� Absolutely.� It was almost like saying "I would love you more if you would lose weight.", and that feeling made me think "Screw you.� I am who I am and if you don't like it, that's your problem."



It was easier to think and feel that way than to implement the changes needed to change.� Losing weight is hard no matter what route you chose to take to do it.� If anything, if someone hurt me badly enough with their "well intended" remarks, I would decide to lose weight...by not eating...or not eating anything but rice (been there, done that.).� This happened because I was angry and hurt and determined to "show them".� But it never worked out because I was not in it for the right reasons.�



Trying to lose weight to please someone else is setting yourself up for failure.� It's not a good enough reason.� In fact, it is a crap reason.� You�have to want it for yourself.� It is getting up in the morning and making the decision to make good choices that day, all day, with food and exercise and water and attitude.� And then going to bed that night, knowing you did well and then getting up the next morning and doing it all over again.� It is not a one day fix and if you battle weight or have ever battled weight, it is a lifetime thing.



For me to nag someone about their weight just feels wrong to me.� It's like saying "You are not doing well enough."� Yes, I can say "I am worried about you and want you to lose weight." but let me let you in on a little secret.� When you are overweight (or a smoker or whatever) you are aware of the problems; the health risks, the lack of energy, the chance of early death.� You also have the desire to do better.� Trust me, no one was ever harder on me and my weight than yours truly.� No one.� My weight consumed my thoughts day in and day out.� I�could come across as being perfectly content with who I was and it was the biggest lie I ever told.� I was not content; I was miserable, but damn if I was going to let the world know that.� I was almost belligerent about it.



Because change, people, is hard and losing weight is a slow process!� It takes a long time to see the change and there are times you feel as if you are working on it for next to nothing.� It takes time to feel looser clothing and to realize you are no�longer out of breath when you walk up stairs.� Those things don't happen right away and I would venture to say that if they did, we would not have the obesity epidemic we have today.� Weight loss is slow and gradual and it takes a huge commitment.



And I cannot make that commitment for someone else.� I wish I could.� I truly do.� But I can't.� I can't lose weight for someone else and I can't nag and cajole and ridicule to make it happen.� If you have a loved one battling obesity, believe me, they know your fears for them.� I knew my families fears for me.� They don't always have to say anything; it�can be said with a look, with a meal.� Lucky for me, my mother was always very outspoken about my weight problem (that "lucky" word is sarcasm in case it isn't coming across that way) and hurt my feelings more than once with remarks.� Why?� Because I KNEW I WAS FAT!� I knew it.� I didn't need�to have it pointed out to me as if it was the latest, breaking news.� I have mirrors.� I shop for my own clothes.� I knew the picture and the numbers.� No one had to tell me.



So I don't need to tell anyone else.� If you make the decision on your own that you want to be healthier and you ask me to help you, I will move heaven and earth to help you.� I promise.� But you don't need me telling you how worried I am and that�how much I love you makes me terrified to not have you in my life.� You already know.



I made my decision two years ago that I was going to lose weight and every day I make a new decision that I am going to keep striving for health.� I pray that all of you battling it, do the same, but don't look to me to point out your problems.� I know you are aware of them.� I am still aware of mine and every single day, I make the choice to keep working, to not give up, even when it would be easier to do so.�



Because anything worth having is worth working for.�