This week has felt like nothing short of five weeks and I am not even halfway through it yet.� It probably has something to do with vacation and the heat, and moodiness and PMSing.�
Basically, I am PMSing and men are moody, they just don't have an official name for it, such as PMS, nor do they have a monthly period to blame it on. They also seem to lack the social skills to discuss why they are being so moody, which makes things difficult from my end.� One is a teenager and he is supposed to be moody (more on him in a moment), one is a husband with a stressful job and at times it doesn't seem like he has anything left when he gets home.� I dunno, maybe it is just my PMS and my desperate need for a vacation as it has now been over a year since I had one.
It is no secret to anyone that I struggle a lot with The Genius.� I also beat myself up a lot about my struggles with him.� Part of the problems are mine and though it may not be fair, here are the facts:
On a whole, there are very few males I trust and the trust must be earned.� I trust completely�my moody husband, my Tod, Jimnotmike (Even though he disagrees with me most of the time), two of my brothers, The Lawyer most of the time, my father and brother in law�and Kirk.� There you have it.� There have been men in my past who have hurt me and what it has taught me is not to give trust freely.� Much too risky.� This is a behavior I have learned and I am sure there is no changing that now and I am not sure my rules are trust are bad things.
The Genius, from day one almost, has elected to lie and often times manipulate to get what he wants.� Okay, he was/is a kid and I let a lot of it roll off, but from early on, he bucked against my role in his life.� He has always pulled crap with me he would not pull with The Brit.� If I tell him "no" about something, he will wait until he can�ask permission from his dad when I am not around in order to get what he wants (The Brit of course, will have no idea I said no originally.).� As he has grown older, his lies have become more frequent.� A lot of this stems from his ADHD and the fact that this disorder causes him to live in the moment.� But regardless of the reasons for his behavior, I have learned not to trust him.� I have tried in the past to give him trust up front but it often backfires.�
There are times, a lot of times, I think I expect too much.� I think I need to chalk things up to being "normal" for a teenage boy, but he and I have fallen into a pattern.� The pattern of "He lies and I get mad and tell him off."� These words almost define us now.�
I will tell myself over and over with a new day that I am going to change this (Jim seems to think change is so easy but how do you change when you don't feel the things for someone you are "supposed to feel"?) and within hours the battle has begun again.� I love him.� I don't like him.� How can I "change" the fact that I feel this way?� With his ADHD, I have to assume he is not going to change his behavior, which means I have to try to find a way to change how I react to his behavior.� Yeah, no idea what that might be.
This kid and my reactions (and often times The Brit's reactions) to him�often set the tone for the household.� This child tends to bring out the worst part of myself and I think it is because I often resent the stress he brings to the house.� When The Brit gets frustrated with something The Genius has done, I resent it.� When The Genius has upset me, I resent it.� When I have to take my phone and ipod to bed with me and make sure all the computers are on lock down when I go to bed, lest he get up in the middle of the night and decide he has the right to use them to do things he should not be doing, I resent it, just as I will resent having to take car keys to bed with me at night soon, because I do not put driving in the middle of the night past him in a few years.
�He�can be totally agreeable at times but due to his past behaviors, and my lack of trust, I�often think when he is being agreeable that he simply wants something.� But sometimes he is just�genuinely being nice. He's not really belligerant and I don't think his crap decisions are often intentional but more a product of his living in the moment, but the results are still the same.� So how do I find balance and harmony?� How do I react to his lies in a way that is different and maybe more positive?�
I would really like to enjoy this vacation 100% with my family, without concerns about behavior or stress.� What is the best way to make it happen?
I know at least one of you will have some suggestion?
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Tuesday? Really?
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Dearest Kimmie,
ReplyDeleteLord knows I would love to give you the way to enjoy your vacation stress free and 100%. However, I would venture to say that your choice of traveling companions precludes this option.. when you take kids, there is going to be stress. That being said, look for different things rather than lack of stress from the kids. They will be out of their element and you know that's not easy. At least in England, you had Allen and Daphne to soften the way. That you all arrive safely, have what you need along with you (or are able to buy it), that everyone is well and that there's nothing unforseen costing eleventeen million dollars is the only way to look at it. I know you're hoping for more, but unfortunately, at the age they are now, it's fairly unlikely (hate me yet?) Our trip is coming soon, and I will try not to abuse you so that you dread it. Take it for what it's worth.. no work and a new environment. I hope it's a good trip, and I'll be thinking of you all.
Love,
Shell
Well I hate to rain on your parade, but I see no way that this vacation isn't going to be exactly like your home life. They always are. Family vacation should be banned by law. I mean, look what happened to the Brady's!!! A cautionary tale if ever there was one. My family and I stopped taking family vacations, thankfully, around the time I was entering my teens. It also happened to be the time my older sisters were going off to college. What this meant is that my mom and I could spend some time in the summer doing what we liked to do together and my dad and I could do the same. Heck, I could even be sent away on my own vacation( a vacation for them perhaps?) as I grew older. I spent many years vacationing alone...because that was the least stressful. I could do what I wanted when I wanted and be as social or anti social as I wanted. Now I vacation with friends. People I chosen to have in my life for the benefits we all provide to one another. My hubby and I do not vacation together. Mainly because we like to do different things. I want a sweaty and sleek cabana boy serving me cocktails by a pool(dullsville for him) and me wants to be surrounded my musty German architecture and people who don't speak english(a fate I fear worse than death). So, I can't wait to hear the stories from your vacation, chuckle and roll my eyes at them and be terribly thankful that, that like the rest of my life, I have created a Vacation Scheme that works for everyone.
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