Just another manic Monday

So, after the nutritionalist ala expensivio was ruled out, as of today, we are both scheduled with different nuts.  I will be seeing someone at Hopkins (not for $535, but for $179) which was at the recommendation of the program coordinator there.  She said that one of us should go through the Weight Management Center for our consult, while the other, the Brit, can see someone locally.  Both appointments have now been set up and the next week is looking a little bit insane.

Tomorrow, 1:00 bariatric education at Bayview in Baltimore.
Wednesday, 9:00 PCP for my letter stating she believes I will benefit from surgery and then 10:00, my psyche evaluation to find out if I am mentally stable...well, at least mentally stable enough to deal with having my insides rearranged.

February 2rd, 1:00, eye appointment and then I have to be in Baltimore at 5:30 to meet with my nutrionalist.  I am not looking forward to doing that drive on my own but it will be good practice for driving the beltway after the Brit has his surgery and has been released.

We had prayer group tonight and I lifted up both Lacy and Meg for safe journeys on their surgeries!

I know it seems like surgery is all I've been talking about lately but in all honesty, it is taking up a big chunk of my life.  I'm either scheduling appointments, going to appointments, or imagining what life will be like after surgery, both with reprogramming my brain as well as with losing weight and becoming a normal size for the first time in my life.  When being faced with something completely life changing, it is difficult to think about much else.

In talking to a few post-ops, it seems that they really only told a handful of people they were having the surgery, where I have told the majority of my friends.  My friends, if I have to categorize them, go into two groups: church and knitter girls.  At church, Paula was the first to know, closely followed by the prayer group (as we needed prayers while trying to decide if this is what we really wanted to do), and then some of the youth group and adults that are affiliated with the youth group.  My knitter girls have either found out from here or because I told them (I forget which came first).  Then there is a small but growing list of online people who I'm following and who are following me.  Each of the three groups has been instrumental to my process.  Their support, understanding and in some cases, expertise have been amazing.  I don't know what I'd do without them.

Surprisingly, the one group that I have been really selective with is my family.  My mother knows and I think I told one other sister.  Some of them may read here (Hi Shannon!) and know for that reason though I have not officially told them.  It's hard when I am part of a large family that is seperated by distance.  Often, I don't feel close to many of them and part of that may be my fault.  I've always compared my relationship with my siblings to that of my younger brother and in a few instances, he seems to be the "preferred one".  Of course, in my mind, the reason for that is because of my weight.  I guess I'm not always sure that I would have the support from some of them that I feel I would need to have if they knew (and they might and I just don't know they know).  But again, time, distance and ages are not always on our sides.  I'll just have to trust that if they all do know, that they are supporting me in prayer and that if they don't know, they'll understand down the road when they find out.  I don't think I've not told anyone on purpose, but when we don't always stay in touch as we should, it seems impersonal to send an email that says "Guess what??" 

The friends I've told were chosen because they are physically present in my life and I need their support.  I need for them to understand this procedure and how my life is going to change, hopefully all for the better.  Losing weight and getting healthy will not take away my faults, nor will it alter my personality in any negative ways, yet there are still going to be so many changes. 

Can you imagine??