Reality

I have to tell you.  I cannot stop looking at this:



I mean, it just blows my ever-lovin' mind.  I really looked like that!  How on earth was I ever comfortable?  How did I do anything?  It looks as if I can barely breathe!

It's like a roadside accident where I can't stop looking no matter how much I want to.  OMG!  How did I function yet alone live?

The answer is that I barely did.  Yeah, I got stuff done.  I cleaned my house.  I even did yard work.  It all kicked my ass (though you wouldn't know it by looking at the size of my ass in those before photos).  I could spend a day cleaning, with taking many breaks because standing for too long would hurt my back or my knees and that night I would crash really hard and then have so much trouble getting up in the morning.

Now, I can get finished double or even triple what I used to do in a day, sleep like a baby that night and wake up before the alarm goes off in the morning.  I look forward to working out.  I have a list of things I want to do that is a mile long and I know I'll get it done.

I just can't stop looking at it.  But then, I look at this:



And though I can see how much work still needs to be done, I also see someone happy and someone who is growing comfortable with her body and how it functions.  This surgery has been such a gift; nothing short of a small miracle for someone like me who has been obese almost all of her life. 

I wouldn't trade my decision to have this surgery for anything.  It gave me my life back.   Because though I lived before, I'm not sure I was actually living. 

There is definitely a difference.