Almost Friday

This week has been almost as long as last week.  I am going to the end of the praise band rehearsal to rehearse two songs Paula, Dave and I are supposed to sing at a UCT (United Commercial Travelers something or other) Saturday night and I don't even want to do that.  Ruth asked us to sing and I have done it every year for  the last few years for her but a few of the people who have been so angry with me are going to be there.  Though not a church event, some of them are members of this organization and with my very real trust issues at the moment I am afraid someone might try to start something.  I almost can't imagine it, but then again, I could not have imagined any of this stuff happening.

I think another part of what has them so much in an uproar is that in my blog post, I had been talking about trying to find a Bible study, when all our church was offering was a study on Lutheranism.  I have been a Lutheran my whole life so I have that down.  I blogged that I "didn't get hung up on denomination" when discussing my desire for a Bible study and I think some of the people got upset thinking I wanted to change our church to a non-denominational church.  Maybe that was the cryptic message I didn't know about.  Like I am so powerful?  I have no desire to change the denomination of the church; I just wasn't interested in a Lutheran study and before I am a Lutheran, I am a Christian.  Period.

I forgot to tell you all in yesterday's post that someone also anonymously called the Bishop's office about the council blowup and maybe the blog post too, I have no idea.  Am I the only one who thinks this thing is being blown up into unbelievable proportions?  Seriously? 

And no, Margaret, though all of this, no one, including the pastor, has offered to pray with me.  That is what you have been doing with me.  No one has offered to sit down to talk to me to try to understand why I do not feel spiritually fulfilled.  No one had any concern for my feelings.  Their only concern is that my feelings did not match theirs. 

The Brit is going to go on Monday night and make nice with the council.  And then resign.  The VP will be delighted to be president, though I no longer see her as any kind of leader.  Leaders don't betray the rest of the council by discussing what they had agreed not to discuss and leaders would not be trash talking a member in a supposed Bible study. 

I am looking at non-denomination churches though I don't want any of the people at my current (or rather ex-) church to know because that would only cause them to "Read between the lines" that I didn't want to be Lutheran.  I am not against being Lutheran, but I would like to worship in a larger congregation.  My experience with a small congregation of late has been less than stellar. 

I did talk to the pastor again today and told him I was taking a break on Sundays.  He is hoping it will not be forever, but I explained that I was not comfortable, no longer trusted a lot of people, and thought that church was a place you were allowed to be confused or broken.  Not a place for people to try to break you.  Huge difference.