What Matters Most?

I am not upset with anyone, but I have to put something out there to hopefully have some folks see things from my perspective.� I write a lot of stuff on here that I don't want certain people to view and I feel safe writing it there because I know these people either don't read my blog or don't do the internet at all (yes there are non-internet folks out there still!).� There are some people in my life who don't read here and I am glad because some of the situations I write about, those people are close to them...and sometimes those people can be loose canons with little to no filtering skills.� While these folks might make my "side" of things, what I don't want is them shooting off at the mouth about anything I have said in reference to my unhappiness with certain things in my life right now, to anyone who may be making that part of my life unhappy.� Not everyone has the capacity to filter or to be quiet and I like that I can vent here without some people, who would be most vocal on my behalf, knowing my thoughts.� If I wanted them to know, I would tell them, but with some things, in order to keep the peace, it is better they not know so that I don't have to live in constant paranoia (like I am now) of them saying something to someone.� I hope this makes some sense.� Just understand that some people close to me are too close to some of the situations I speak of, so it makes me much more comfortable that they don't know anything.



Moving on....



I am not a huge fan of The Anti-Jared , mostly because at times he seems a little impressed with himself and I see this mostly on Facebook.� When he posts a question like "how many times have you worked out this week?" his very next sentence is "Me?� 7 times." I find it annoying.� Almost as if his status was not about how everyone else is doing but more about how well he is doing.� Might just be my perspective.� Anyway, he did�post something yesterday that I liked and related to on several levels; as an individual struggling with weight issues for the rest of her life, as a blogger, as a wife.� You should read it.



With that being read...or said, or whatever, today begins my tightening the reins on my life again.� Am I strong?� Sometimes.� And then there are days at a time I struggle with food.� I have been working out to support my food habits lately and I need to gain control of it again.� I am maintaining my weight loss, bouncing the same pounds up and down again and again.� Though not all bad, it is far from good.� I still have a number in my head and I'm not there yet.� But here's a new's flash:� I AM CAPABLE OF ACHIEVING THAT NUMBER.� Yes, it is hard.� You will never, ever, ever hear me say that losing weight is easy.� NEVER.� Keeping it off?� HARD!� Every single day brings with it new challenges and new emotions.� There are always things I have to be so careful of, because they will cause me to eat when I am either not hungry or for me to�make bad choices.� These kinds of things are as follows but are not limited to just those things:



Depression

Boredom

Anger

hurt feelings

Television (don't we all want to snack there?)

Frustration

Comfort



But you know what?� None of these things are GOOD reasons to eat.� They are just reasons...most of them are emotions and we cannot eat those.� One of my favorite things Jared said in his article was "Being a food addict does not mean you are a failure. It does not make you weak. It does not make you less of a person. It means the relationship with food is different."



We have all have had relationships in our lives that we have had to navigate in special ways, because the way someone else managed it would not work for us.� We are not a "one size fits all" world, so there is no one answer for everyone.� But we still have to work out how to navigate our relationship with food so the relationship is healthy.� Any and all relationships can become unhealthy; abuse, neglect, apathy.� Food is right in there with people relationships!� We can abuse it, we can neglect our bodies or we can not care in that moment what we doing to our health.� But don't let the day come where you lay dying and thinking "Why didn't I do something while I was able to do it?"� Don't let that day come!



Sometimes doors can close on weight loss that we had hoped would be open for us.� But I have to believe that the reason is closed is because God knew it would not be a good thing.� Maybe you planned to run a marathon and broke your ankle...maybe God knew if you ran the marathon something else, much worse would have happened and he didn't want you in that place at that time.� Maybe you were denied for surgery because God knew you would not have survived it, due to health or doctor error.� We don't know the reasons things happen as they do, but our health still needs us to take control of it.



So I am taking my control back, one bite at a time.� And it isn't going to be easy.� I love food.� I love to snack. But do�I love it more than I would love being around for my family and friends for many years to come and to be able to interact with them physically and not from a bed completely immobile?�



I hope not.

 

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