Okay, here is the deal

Some serious shit hit the fan a week and a half ago over my blog.  Many of you already know the story, but the fact is that when it comes to my job or the church right now, I can't post there because I don't want anymore crap stirred up (and I will explain all that crap in a moment).  I have another option and that is to pay the extra money (like $122.00 extra over what we already pay for that domain name) to make my godaddy account private.  I don't know if I want to do that.  So you all have received an invitation to this blog and you are the only ones who are permitted to read here.  It is an invitation only blog so none of the freaking trouble makers at the church can see anything I write here.

Here's what happened.  I had a venting post back on September 27th.  I had gone to the church council in August of 2009 to voice my concerns about our pastor and his lack of sermon prep and the fact that he had started a new job with no guidance.  Nothing happened and 14 months later, nothing had still happened.  I was swamped with extra work at the church that was not within my job description because other people no longer wanted to do anything, I was getting nothing spiritually and my frustration had grown for 14 months, so I vented on a blog I pay for.  I did not mention the name of the church or any one's name.  Well, apparently someone at the church saw it, who had been reading there for some time though she never left a comment.  I think I know who it was, but am not sure but I don't have many enemies in there and only one or two people don't like me and let's face it, not everyone is always going to like us.  Anyway, I believe this person put her friend's husband up to presenting a hard copy of that post in the council meeting where The Brit is the president of the council. 

So you can imagine how it all went down.  The VP of the council is, in my opinion, a woman who wants to run everything and doesn't really have a clue as to how to go about it.  But The Brit and the VP cannot stand one another so there were apparently loud voices.  People were threatening to quit and The Brit was told that maybe he should just leave the church.  Yeah, nice.

When he came home and told me all this, I was devastated.  My blog is my diary and for someone...no, people I trusted and had known since high school, to use it as some kind of ammunition against me made me beyond angry and hurt.  Had I plastered the church's name all over the blog or post, that would have been one thing, but the only way people would know the church is 1) if they knew me personally and 2) knew I was writing the blog.  The average Joe Schmo would have no idea.

The next day, Tuesday, the Bible study met at the church.  Now, the Bible study consists of some older folks who don't understand blog or change for that matter.  The pastor had been on vacation, so he was not present and when I was going to the bathroom, I could hear their loud voices trash talking me from the study room.  This is a church for crying out loud! The council VP was the one I heard the loudest, talking about "That crap she wrote..." and I could not bear it.  I am not a confrontational person; in fact I avoid conflict at all costs, but I walked into that room and confronted all of them.  What that basically boiled down to was them making it very clear that not only was I wrong about his sermons not being good, but that if I thought they were bad or that they didn't reach me, was a character flaw on my part. There was reference made to how mad The Brit had been at the meeting and I told them that I don't know what transpired but if he had felt his wife being attacked....the VP interrupted me and said "He reacted exactly the way he should have."  Remember that point, it will come up later.

I left that meeting upset and still angry.  The council had elected to allow a cooling off period after Monday night's meeting and they would reconvene in a week, but no one was to discuss it until then and that was exactly what these six were doing in that "Bible study".  And three of them were not even on the council!  Granted, two of them had told their spouses and I do not fault them for that, but the other woman was no one's spouse and she was one of the nastiest ones to me that day in that room.

Wednesday was uneventful but Thursday the VP came in to see me.  She was actually nice. She said she wanted me to attend the council meeting Monday night to present my position (on my personal blog where I mentioned no names) and that though she did not agree with me about the pastor, she could sort of see my side.  She felt my blog post was a "cry for help" and she was going to try to help me.  Honey, it was a venting post, period.  Let's stop reading so much into it, shall we? 

At the end of our conversation, she told me she was also going to invite the pastor on Monday and that floored me.  I told her that would not be uncomfortable AT ALL and that if the purpose of the newly forming Mutual Ministry committee was NOT to have someone with complaints or concerns sitting face to face with the pastor, why on earth would she put me in that position on Monday?  She said she would have to pray about it and think about it.

Friday, the man who threw me under the bus came in and sort of apologized, saying he probably just should have spoken to me to begin with.  His concern was that it seemed I had blogged on church time (Both The Brit and I tried to explain the timestamp to him but he is old and doesn't get it.  Of course, I asked him point blank that if that were really his issue, he would have chosen a different post to bring into the council.

Went to church on Sunday and I was tense.  The VP and her kid were the only two of the trash talkers at my service, but the only reason I had gone at all was because Pastor Phil was there filling in for our pastor.  So at the very least, I got a great sermon and a wonderful potential last memory of this church.

Monday, the council met again and though things were more civil, it was still tense.  The pastor was not there but I knew he was at the prison ministry so I had no idea if the VP had told him or not.  Two people resigned from the council, one being the throwing me under the bus guy.  The VP had a go at The Brit, saying that his loss of composure the previous Monday made her feel unsafe (but remember, he acted just as he should have given the situation).  The Brit felt she expected him to resign after her tirade but it didn't happen. 

Tuesday of this week was the infamous Bible study and it was very quiet down the hall and I knew damn well The Brit and I were again the topic.  Again, the VP had stated in the meeting the night before, that this would  not be discussed with the pastor until after the Mutual Ministry committee had met on Thursday and again, she lied.  The Bible study was still there when I left and they are usually gone long before me.

Today, after a sleepless night, I went to work and the pastor asked to speak to me.  Actually, it was the best conversation I'd had about this since it started.  He wasn't upset with me; said he wished I had come to talk to him about my discontent with the church.  I explained it felt awkward because I was an employee.  He is holding a meeting on Monday with the council to try to right things.

So, here is where I am.  I am church and job hunting.  Minimally, I need a cooling off period from this church.  I feel they treated me badly and unfairly.  The VP, as far as I am concerned is corrupt or at the very least, two-faced as hell.  Some of the others will never let this go as they have not let go of the church split five years ago.  So I highly doubt they will let go of this one anytime soon.  Giving up the youth and the praise band feels next to impossible, but again, I have done a lot for this church and for them to pull this crap is beyond hurtful to me.  We have freedom of speech in this country.  Had I plastered the church name all over the blog, it would have been different,but I didn't do that. 

The other problem with the job is that we are so far over budget that the only thing left to cut is salaries and my job could be done by a volunteer.  I think unless things pick up, a volunteer secretary is only a matter of time.  So, anyone hiring?

I feel as if I have been on the worst roller coaster of my life.  About the time I felt better after talking to the pastor today, The Brit got upset about the two-faced VP talking to the pastor and is threatening not to go to the meeting on Monday and resigning from council.  I don't care if he resigns from council, but I want him to end it peacefully, if for no other reason, that I have to continue to walk in those doors until a new job opportunity presents itself.

So, there you have it.  I could not think of anything worthwhile to post on the other blog while all this was stewing around in my mind and I had to come up with a solution to vent it.  This works.  Once I am no longer working there, I can write what I please on the other blog and not have to worry about it.  Until then, I have to speak of this subject here.

Churches are not supposed to act this way.  I have felt as if I am being led to slaughter for having a different opinion than the Forces that Be.  Maybe I shouldn't have written it but honestly, never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined this.  If anything, I would think if there was concern, it should have been for me and how I was feeling.  Instead it was a stealth attack by people I trusted and have for years.  But no more.  I doubt I will ever trust them again.