The Real Scoop & Happy Birthday to me

Okay, here is the deal.  I have been tiptoeing around this situation for two days now, using generic references and all that good stuff.  But it's time to put the story out there and before I do that, just let me say in advance, I am not doing this to upset anyone.  I am doing it to put it out there for me, so I can hash through it, then put it behind me and stop feeling like dog shit about it.  I have been on the verge of tears nothing short of three times today over this situation and enough is enough.  I can't change it; it happened, it is what it is.

The argument I made reference to two weeks ago was with my mother.  After said argument, I did not call her for two days (this is not really abnormal as I don't talk to her every day anyway.  The difference is we ended on a bad note.).  Before I went to DC, I called her because I didn't want to go away with a disagreement hanging between us, regardless of whose fault I thought the argument was, I try to live my life with a "no regrets" kind of policy.  We spoke again on Sunday in church, and then again on Monday.  On Tuesday, I went out for a pedicure and when I came back, my mother and my sister, Vicki were here.  We chatted and it was all well and good, but mom did say she was going to Baltimore on Saturday.  As Vicki lives down that way, I assumed she was going with mom as mom does not drive in the city or even on the highway.  So when they were leaving, I asked Vicki if she was staying until Saturday and she said no, that she wasn't going to Baltimore.  After several more questions (I kind of felt like mom was trying to keep information from me) mom said that my other sister, MaryAnn was here with her husband and that John, my younger brother and his wife were taking her to Baltimore to meet up with MaryAnn for a ballgame and dinner.  I had not even been aware that my sister was HERE (she lives in California).  It was at that point, that my mother, who was still annoyed with me apparently from the argument the week before said, and I quote, "You and the boys were invited to the beach with them but you weren't talking to me so I didn't tell you."

I was obviously furious.  I don't get to see my west coast siblings very often and I reacted to the situation with the anger I was feeling.  I immediately called John, to ask him for MaryAnn's cell phone number and I explained the situation to him (This was time #1 when things could have been corrected.  This fact will be important later).  He gave me the cell numbers.  I called MaryAnn and asked her if we could still come down and she said yes (Technically time #2 things could have been explained to me but this would have been the most awkward way to find out for both MaryAnn and myself) and asked me if mom was coming with me.  I told her not that I knew of, but agreed to call her to ask.  So, I called mom to tell her the kids and I were going to the ocean to see MaryAnn and was she going. (This was time #3 things could have been explained).  She said no, because Vicki was down and they had decided not to go.

The next morning, Vicki called and now I forget why (time #4 it could have been explained to me) but we talked a bit and she agreed that mom had been rather nasty the night before.  The next day, the kids and I left and when we arrived, something didn't feel right to me.  In all honesty, I had some time within an hour of being there when all I wanted to do was to turn around and go home.  No one said anything to cause it; it was just a feeling I had.  But by that night it was better and we had a very nice time.

Since coming home, yesterday, Vicki called me to explain the story, which was as follows.  MaryAnn and her husband were there for a three year planned family reunion.  MaryAnn has a daughter and so does her hubby and both those daughter have a total of five kids between them.  The one daughter had to take her family and leave on Thursday, two days early, so MaryAnn had been hoping mom would come down but knew mom would not drive herself.  She asked Vicki to bring her, but that didn't work out and apparently my name came up as a way for mom to get there.  So, it wasn't really me or the boys she wanted, it was mom.  BUT, no one told me this!  What I got was "You and the boys were invited to the beach with them but you weren't talking to me so I didn't tell you." and that's it.  All I had to go on.  Vicki also told me that when she and mom left my house that night, she told mom that she had not represented the situation correctly, but again, no one bothered to clue me in.

After talking to Vicki yesterday, I emailed MaryAnn to apologize.  I mentioned no one's name in how I knew the situation was misrepresented to me, only that it was and that I felt now like I had invaded a vacation I should not have.  Of course, she came back saying it was fine and that they enjoyed having me and then explained that the reunion had been planned for a few years, etc and that then they were going to go to Baltimore to meet up with the others (not me nor my family however). 

Today, I got an email from my sister in law, explaining the same thing; the real story which no one bothered to tell me. 

I guess I am from the school that there are just some things people don't need to know. I went over this with my youth kids on the mission trip, after one of the African American kids called one of our boys a "hunchback quasi modo" and two of our girls came in and told the boy he said it.  There was no point in that information to be repeated, other than to upset the boy who was called the name.  In retrospect, if no one was going to tell me BEFORE the fact, what the hell is the point of telling me AFTER the fact other than to make me feel like a total shit, which is where I've been for two days now.  People could have fixed this if my mother wasn't going to, because obviously I was the ONLY one who didn't know the situation.  I am so angry and so hurt right now it is hard to see straight.

I also have a new motto:  If I don't get an engraved invitation from a family member to be somewhere, I'm not going.  The last time people from this family were together, my feelings got tromped on and I don't want to play anymore.  I'm quite happy with my husband, sons and friends who are like family to me, because none of them have ever made me feel lower than I do at the moment.

Okay, case closed.  I'm drying my eyes now and moving on.  Life is too short and I have dreams to realize and I have all I need right here to do that.  If this posts sounds negative, I'm sorry it is, but I'm really hurt by how all this played out.  I'm sure I'll get over it in a week or so, but the engraved invitation thing?  That still stands.