There is not enough wine

So the weird friend situation I was dealing with seems to continue to be weird for reasons I don't understand.  Though no more has really been said, there is just an undercurrent; tone of voice, too few words, my gut is telling me things are still off. 

I have to walk into this situation tonight.

I'm hoping for the best and have decided that any strangeness or oddness is not going to be coming from me.  If things are strained I will make an early departure.  I'm hoping I am way wrong about the tension continuing, but again, that gut feeling....

I learned years ago to go with my gut.  I walked into a situation in my early twenties where people were angry with me for reasons I still don't completely get.  It sort of had to do with me spending time with a guy I had a huge crush on, S,  only unbeknownst to me, he was gay and spending time with another male friend of mine, J (again, that I did not know at the time was gay).  J was apparently angry over the time I was spending with S and J maybe got another friend of mine angry over it too.  I went over that night to return something with S, who was urging me to go return it, despite the fact that my gut was telling me not to do it.

I walked into a huge, at the time bewildering to me, confrontation, which ended with me upset, and S and J discussing things as apparently they had been seeing each other. 

I vowed to never walk into a situation again in which my gut was telling me not to.  But not going tonight could make things worse, if they are indeed already bad.  Again, I want to be wrong.  Again, I don't think I am.

I have prayed for this situation all day today; prayed that God could use me to start healing in this situation.  Prayer can do amazing things and I hope it does this time.  I've also prayed for the strength to get through it if healing is not yet ready to happen.

There are so much bigger things to worry about.  A friend of mine is facing her stepfather having cancer and another friend may be having a reoccurance.  I don't want to be worrying over petty crap and misunderstandings.  Life is short and there is just no time for this kind of stuff, especially amongst friends (thank you, Shell for that insight).  I am not going to dwell in this place of hurt (and yes, three of us were hurt in this situation) any longer and I can only be responsible for myself.  The rest of it is up to each individual.

Anyone who thinks blogging isn't therapy is sadly mistaken