Monday, March 12, 2012

Manic Monday does not begin to describe it

Today was insane!

Let me set the scene...I am currently working two jobs.  My old job of Admin Assistant kept me busy nearly every single day the past year for eight hours a day.  Plus, our Events Coordinator, who was almost my work husband before I decided it just would not work out, uses me all the time to do his work.  So when I was just an Admin Assist, it was fine because I would have just enough spare time to help him design posters or whatever else he needed done.  Now, I am the Volunteer Coordinator, a position that has been empty for a few months so I have 165 applicants that need to be interviewed, they need to have an orientation and they need three training classes....all of which are my responsibility and I have never done any of it before.  Oh and I am self training really as my boss has never run the volunteer program.   They have not yet posted my old position (and I will need to train that person) so I have two full time jobs right now and one paycheck.  Though the paycheck is not the problem; the problem is being insanely busy, trying to keep up with my old job and trying in the midst of that to learn my new job.  

So this morning, the Events guy, my ex almost work husband, starts slamming me with things he needs...stupid things which are not my job.  Then he needed help with the stamp machine, then he wanted me to work one of his events which is not my job and I ignored that email.

Then the high school called with my son in the office.  See, he (The Genius) has broken up with his girlfriend because he decided he might be bi-sexual.   Then Friday night, she called him despite the fact that a week ago her parents told The Genius that they would call the police if HE called HER again.  So she cries to him that she still loves him and misses him and then he puts her on Mute to talk to me and she hangs up on him.  He calls her back and she has her father answer the phone to tell The Genius that she is "Done" and he is not to call her again.  WTF?

So today, he was in his class with one of her friends, who passed him a note asking what had happened between them and The Genius proceeds to write the girl a two page note talking about how crazy his ex was and how she had been committed to an institution for help a few years ago, etc.  Though he was in no trouble, I was furious with him beings he and I had sat up Friday night and I had told him he needed to leave her alone completely.  Basically the principal told them both to stay away from each other, but I am still waiting for the police to show up at the door.  I am so done with teenage romance.

Now in good news...I RAN yesterday!  First time in a year and it was not as bad as I thought it would be.  On top of a run, I also had a walk with MyTod so it was a double day.   Every day is a struggle for me still with weight.  I don't think that is ever going to go away.  It's so hard.  But I am doing the best I can, some days better than others, but always trying to be conscious about it.  

Here's to winning the battle one day and to tomorrow being a better day!

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Weight Struggles

Time for my quarterly post!

No, seriously, I really want to try to get back here more often.  I am starting to miss it and I think after the blog blowup at the old church, the idea of blogging left a bad taste in my mouth for a long time.  We always remember the bad stuff, don't we?  

So I am still struggling.  Have not been on the scales due to fear.  Still wearing a now snug size 18 pants and so do not want to switch sizes.  I still have a plastic bin full of size 14s that I had goals of wearing one day and I still cannot bring myself to get rid of them.  I am able to hit the gym about twice a week and I manage to walk twice a week in the evenings or weekend afternoons.  And I still snack all the freaking time.  Pretzels, animal crackers, sometimes those chewy sugary goodness called orange slices or swedish fish.  Chocolate?  Not so much.  On rare occasion if I really want to feel lousy afterward.  

Every single day I think about getting the extra pounds off.  Mostly it is a carb downfall.  Bread, how I love you!  Pasta is an easy pack and go lunch.  I have almost forgotten how I used to eat but I think part of the problem is that is that since my surgery I have never learned how to eat on a full time work basis.  When I was part time at the church from hell, I had a plan.  I had a snack after two hours and two hours later, was off work and hitting the gym.  Came home, had something light and was good until dinner.  Now, I have five hours from the time I start work until I take lunch and  will nibble things in that time.  Then there is lunch where I try to take some leftovers from home with the exception of Fridays when Teressa and I always split a small pizza.  Breakfast on a good day is either some Kashi cereal with soy milk or oatmeal.  On a bad day, it is bagel and low fat cream cheese from Panera, which of course, is all carb and doesn't stick with me long.  

Do I still get full?  Yes, uncomfortably so.  But I am often convinced that the food tastes too good to stop eating.  Gotta finish the whole thing.  

I need to get a plan back in action.  My muffin top is becoming a cake top and it has to go.  My energy is not where it used to be, I don't feel as good as I used to and I have been battling a cold for three weeks, where when I weighed less, it was rare for me to get sick.  

So let's talk!  What works?  What snacks are satisfying and still healthy?  Anyone else doing battle?  I am resolving to buy no animal crackers or pretzels tomorrow at the store.  But I will need to substitute it with something.  I know I can get this weight back off if I can come up with a plan.  I had a great taste of what health was like and I crave getting back there!

In other news, I have gotten a promotion at work to Volunteer Coordinator, but am currently trying to learn that job while still doing my old job until I am replaced.   My oldest son has decided he is bisexual.  My youngest is in middle school, which is a whole 'nother ball game.  My dog is still awesome, I love my job and am anxious for winter to be over.  

Seems that what is standing between me and happiness is a bag of pretzels, some animal crackers and a handful of orange slices.