Thursday, February 28, 2008

Annoyed and a day off!

I have Google mail and iGoogle comes with it.  One of the things you can do with iGoggle is to set it up to look for certain things each day.  For example, mine looks for not only gastric bypass surgery and WLS, but also Christian fiction, NaNoWriMo, Christian writers and urban legends amongst other things of interest to me.  I generally love this feature unless it happens to pick up something written by this psychopath, Fat Acceptance blogger who is so freakin' opinionated, I want to gash my eyes out with an ice pic for ever reading her. 

I'll hit the link innocently and then be directed to one of her *ahem* MANY blogs, and from there it is like watching a car accident where I can't look away until I read what ridiculous drivel she has spewing out of her fingers today. 

Now let me clear something up.  I have not one issue with the whole Fat Acceptance (FA) movement.  I don't.  I get it totally.  I am someone who will accept anyone at any size and I think everyone should do that and that no one should be judged on how they look. With that being said, I am getting WLS because I am not happy with my own quality of life due to extra weight.  I would not push this surgery on anyone.  Are there people who would benefit from the surgery.  Probably yes, but the decision is extremely personal as it should be.  So, just to recap, this is not a post bashing those into FA.  Not at all.

What I would like to know however, is why some of the FA people think it is okay to bash those of us who have had or are getting WLS?  The impression I get from reading this woman's opinionated self-indulgant crap is that she think we are all uneducated on the surgery and uninformed.  She believes that anyone who gets this surgery simply knows one friend, who had the surgery no more than two years ago, and that friend was a success, so our research stopped there. Well, other than watching Big Medicine of course, (because none us read.  We just talk to a person, watch television and then make a life altering decision) where all the stories have happy endings.  How stupid does she think the rest of the world is? 

Her latest bunch of hogwash is that there is a hospital that has an entire floor dedicated to WLS patients gone bad and for some reason not stated on her blog, that floor is apparently the hardest floor to work on within the hospital; much worse than the neuro ICU.  My first thought when reading this, which was later a validated thought by Kim, was "Dang, someone better find out what surgeons in that area are doing wrong!"  But again, the writer does not go into what is wrong with these people, though she does rattle on about people who can't stop losing weight or who have neuropathy as a result of the surgery (which you can get from getting diabetes as a result of being obese as many of our patients had when I worked for the podiatrist). I'd really like some details such as where this hospital is, how many patients are there as a direct result of WLS and why it is such a difficult floor to work on.  She seems to have not answered any of those obvious questions, but instead used this story as a platform to again state her own narrow minded opinions about how retarded those of are who want WLS. 

I can further blow open her theory as of the two people I know who have had WLS, one is ten years out and doing beautifully and the other is around five years out and also doing very well with no complaints nor health issues.  Do I know people two years out?  Sure on the internet.  I know people on the net who are only a few months out!  But this chick should head to some of the WLS message boards and poll those folks, who are years and years out.  But then again, if she did that, she would have trouble writing within her own little world of denial. 

Oh and I purposefully didn't put her link to the article here because I don't want to give her any attention.  She really doesn't deserve it.

Hey, no blogging tomorrow!  It is our one day off this year from Blog 365, so don't check for me!  See you on Saturday!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

American Idol; the Girls

For me tonight the only two worth anything were Brooke and Carly.

To go home tomorrow night it should be Amanda and Kady, but I have a feeling Kady will stick around a bit longer (she has an atitude that makes me want to slap her) and Alexandrea will go home instead. 

Waiting and Preparing

So remember how I said that waiting for insurance approval was the worst part of the whole process?  Yeah, that was way not right.  Waiting for your surgery date which is 48 days away, is definitely the worst part.  

I have been having a couple of moments of "Oh crap, I am really gonna do this!" but honestly, all they are at this point is moments.  A minute later, I'm feeling confident once again.  I know I am doing the right thing as when I first started this process, I told myself that if God brought me to it, He would see me through it.  I believe that completely.  Is it unnerving?  Of course it is, especially for someone who has really not had much in the way of surgery, but I'm tough and God, my family and I will get through it.  The future for me has never looked brighter, as I will still have my husband and kids, but we will be able to do so much more together!

I have already started picking up some odds and ends for the first few weeks post-op, like sugar free pudding and jello and sugar free Carnation Instant Breakfast, as well as Flintstones Complete (the recommended chewable vitamin for the first several weeks.).  I still need to order or find calcium and B-12 and Iron as well as make a dreaded trip to GNC to explore the world of protein shakes.  I dread it because I have real issues drinking anything that tastes bad.  I had one experience with Alka Seltzer and it scarred me for life.  Hard liquor, the same thing.  If it tastes bad, it will only pass this way but once!  Protein in shake form is a big unknown to me and I need to figure it out.  I've heard about mixing it in with coffee and have read some recipes for some really tasty sounding shakes and I need to go back and find those in the next 48 days.

I have told the council president at church as I am going to work from home for as long as needed though with being part-time, I don't think I'll be at home too long.  He was very supportive, but then my church is very supportive.  I assume my mother has told my family though I have only heard from one sister and she reads here regularly.  The others may or may not, I have no idea.  I guess hearing nothing is better than hearing any criticism about having this done, not that I think that would happen, but I just don't know.  But with my mom, one sister, the Brit, the church, my on-line girls and my fantastic group of friends, I have a great support system as it is.  Anything else is just a bonus.

Anyone watching American Idol?  David Archuleta, folks!  He is so adorable and so good!  I love him!  I'm also a fan of David Cook, and a few other guys.  Going home this week for the men?  I'm gonna say Jason Yeager and David Hernandez.  We'll see what happens.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Together Wherever We Go

Would you believe I just had half a post here and IE decided to stop working and it erased the whole thing?  Hate it when that happens.

Anyway, I've read on some message boards and in a few blogs how people's relationships can change after WLS and the thought of that happening to me just wigs me out.  The reason is because I have this awesome group of girlfriends who I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.  They know who they are, Lisa, Kelly, Robyn, Mandy, Paula, Shell.  They have been nothing short of supportive about this whole thing.  I sat next to one last summer and finally confessed that I was considering WLS.  I watched another of these girls talk to a WLS patient about what they could do to help me post op.  Another gal has already offered to intercept my kids if need be while I am in the hospital and another is on standby for me (without my asking) to be wherever she needs to be while I am in Baltimore.  Others have simply said "Let me know what you need to me do."  They've been amazing and even though many of us are not physically together all that often (a few times a month if we are lucky) I can feel their support loud and clear through cyberspace.  

So the mere thought of things changing, rather distresses me and I've been trying to figure out what would cause anyone's friendships to change after WLS.  One of those things I suppose would be a change in the patient's role within the circle of friends, but I really don't think that applies to us.   I don't think I am anymore the "fat friend" as another girl is the "animal advocate friend" or the "kind hearted friend".  We all just are who we are, not what we are.

I suppose that friends could get tired of hearing about the patients post-op and that one is hard.  I plan on trying really hard to keep myself in check, but I gotta say, I am for awhile gonna be like a kid on Christmas morning.  I don't remember much about being six years old and that was the last age where I was at a normal, healthy weight.  Even if I could remember back that far, a six year old mentality does not allow for thoughts of "Wow!  I'm healthy and thin!  This is cool!"  What I'm saying is that when it comes to not being obese...I have no point of reference.  This is always what I have been.  I have never been able to shop in normal size clothing stores, so that's going to be a really big deal for me.  I'm very used to buying something because it fits and less because I actually like it.  At my weight, clothing options are limited and we wind up paying way more for them.  I'm looking forward to being able to shop.  Hell, I'm looking forward to getting my butt into some clothes in my closet that I HAVE NEVER WORN!  Bought 'em, didn't fit, put them in the closet and wait for Someday to arrive.  I haven't been able to ride a bike since I was a teenager (and I was overweight then), I can't go upstairs without gasping for air, I can't sit on the floor without spending the whole time I'm there, worrying about getting back up again.  I can't get seats for an event without praying that the person sitting next to me is going to be tiny so that I have enough room and that I'm not spilling out onto their seat. 

What I'm saying is that there are going to be these amazing moments where I'm going to try not to blurt out "OMG, I fit!" or "I got up and it was so easy!"  I don't want people to think I am trying to draw attention to myself; I am actually experiencing something as a normal sized person would experience it!  Those little moments, I long for!  On the same token, my friends, don't let me be obnoxious.  I'd like to think I won't be, but again, I am travelling someplace I've never been before and I don't know how I'll react to it until I'm there.  But if I get annoying, please tell me.  I won't get offended and I love you all enough to not want to make you want to hit me. 

The first few months are going to be tough and there may even be moments where you are sure I regret having had the surgery.  I have to learn a whole new way to eat and relate to food and for a couple of months my energy level is not going to be up to par as I recover.  This is all normal stuff and I am sure I'll bounce back sooner rather than later. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is be honest with me.  Keep the lines of communication open.  I may be oblivious at times, so don't let me be.  I've read enough on line about strained friendships to try to be vigilant of my own behavior, but if you need to point it out, then point it out. 

Ya'll are a big part of my life and I'd like to keep it that way.

Monday, February 25, 2008

I have a date!

April the 15th is the day I go under the knife.  Whoot!  

It's really nice to have a date and know when it is going to happen even though it is happening a bit later than I'd like (I'm still holding out great hopes for the mission trip).  I've already set up my PCP appointment for surgical clearance for March 18th and in a couple of days I'll have a packet in my mail from Bayview that gives me all my information such as when I meet with the anesthesiologist etc.  It's so hard to believe that after all the work and the setting up of appointments, going to appointments, etc that I have a date! 

I guess that technically, it is just far enough away for me to get all my ducks in a row with things at the church and having the right food/supplement items on hand.  As there is no one to back me up at work, I plan to have everything finished on the 14th of April for the April 20th service.  That way I can either be at work the next week, or if I don't feel up to it, I can just work from home for a few more days.  I'll only be in the hospital for two nights, so I'll go in on a Tuesday and go home on a Thursday. 

I spoke with Alice today, who is Dr. Schweitzer's secretary and I love her.  She is wonderful.  I told her I was starting to feel a little bit nervous and she filled me in on a few things.  She told me that Hopkins has some of the best surgeons in the world, but that my surgeon, was the absolute best.  She says she schedules him appointments with other doctors who want to speak to him about his techniques and these doctors come to him from India, Germany, etc.  Alice said she has seen him do amazing things in surgery, that he has perfected so many techniques and that we could not be in better hands.  As she said, "All the surgeons here are good, but you have the best."  That definitely makes me feel better!

I was going to write about something totally different today, but that was before the news came of my surgery date, so I'll save my topic for tomorrow.  Though it is something very important to me that I need to put out there now, because I've read too many blogs that talks about people losing friends because of weight loss surgery, due to the dynamics changing within the group.  We can't be having that as I love my friends dearly.  More on that tomorrow.

Psst...I have a date!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

I Wish Everyday Was Sunday...


I am not a big fan of the Sunday.  Somehow on Sundays, an evil spell seems to be cast over my house that makes men behave like...well, men!  The kids are either bickering or yelling at each other, and the Brit is just in an all out pissed off mood of unknown origin.  I don't know if it is because we get up early for church, or because he has to go back to work the next day or if it because he misses work.  Or maybe Sunday tv sucks, I have no idea.  I just know that more often than not on a Sunday, he is grouchy, growl-y and often times loud.  My sister in law, Gina, says that the Brit's brother is the exact same way on a Sunday so it perhaps some weird British gene they are born with that is caused by far too much tea being consumed by pregnant mamas. 

All I know is that something goes sadly amiss and that as much as I am not in a hurry to start a new week, it is often an actual relief to lie down on a Sunday night and sleep until Monday where the adults go to work and the kids go to school.  Then we start counting down the days till Friday because Friday nights and Saturdays are generally really good days.  There is just something about those dreaded Sundays!  Maybe it's the gnomes that CAP is always talking about.  Do gnomes cast nasty Sunday spells?

Right now, it is quiet.  The kids are in bed and the Brit is upstairs watching television.  No one is shouting nor bellowing, nor complaining about noise and tomorrow they will all be fairly normal again.  It's just so strange!  What is it about this day?  It never rotates!  The Saturdays are never weird.  Just the Sundays.  I open my eyes on Sunday mornings and just start anticipating when it will begin, because it doesn't always begin immediately, though today, it kind of did. 

I always wake the Brit up at 7:00 on Sundays because I have to be at church to rehearse at 7:30 and I wake him up before I go downstairs.  He has been attending church with me for over four years and this has always been the routine.  I wake him up this morning, tell him it is 7:00 and he says "Why so early?"

Ut oh.

It's a sign.  The gnomes must have snuck in while I was in the shower and sprinkled him with their Sunday dust.  It is often times slow to work, but the signs are already there.  I walk by Aaron's room, and he is sitting on the floor with his ipod headset in his ears.  I am trying to be quiet to not wake JJ because it is too late for him to get ready in order to go early with me (for some reason Aaron lives to go early with me...another weird Sunday thing).  Aaron looks at me, ipod blaring so I can hear it despite the fact that all sound is in his ears and says, "GOOD MORNING!"

Yeah, Jarrit isn't asleep much longer.

Then it calms a bit, until halfway through church.  The Brit runs the powerpoint projector which projects the words to our songs on the screen.  I simply copy and paste each of the songs during the week from a computer file that contains all the songs to a file marked for the upcoming Sunday.  The only hitch in the plan is that on occasion, Paula, our friend and the music director, sometimes changes the arrangement of a song.  She'll find a copy in a better key or a simpler arrangement and I don't always realize it is a new arrangement in front of me.  This can cause the words in the file to not be correct, if they are different in the new arrangement.  So, this can go one of two ways.

In the early days of the Brit doing this, when it would happen, he would narrow his eyes and glare at me.  Mind you, I am standing up front, microphone in hand, singing, so the glaring, doesn't really do a lot to remedy the problem.

The other, now more frequent alternative is he rolls his eyes and tries to find the correct lyrics within the file somewhere.  I make a mental note to correct the song in the orginal file on Monday morning so that the problem doesn't happen again.  It is really the best possible outcome.

But today, it was the narrow eyed glare.  Damn gnomes.  What have you done with my nice husband?

And things went downhill from there.

Hopefully this week will bring me a surgery date and a Brit approval.  That's what I'm shooting for.  Then looking forward to next weekend...except Sunday and now you know why.

Saturday, February 23, 2008


There are times when popcorn tears up my insides and tonight is apparently one of those nights.  We took the kids to see "The Spiderwick Chronicles" and with me, there must be popcorn at the movies (though that habit will be broken soon and if surgery wouldn't be enough to break it, the way I feel tonight should be.).  We went to dinner after that, and by the time we got home, my stomach was just aching.  It's an odd kind of pain, that I have only experienced a few times before, but it's like there is no getting comfortable when it is raging.

So, I'm heading to bed and will post more tomorrow.  I just couldn't stand to lose a day of Blog 365!

Friday, February 22, 2008

Changing it up

So after some thought and a chat with the Brit tonight, we are probably going to change things up a little bit and it is still settling in with my soul.

We think I am going to have surgery first.

My authorization currently gives me until mid-April before we would have to go through whatever would need to be done to extend the date.  That may be a very simple thing to do or it may be difficult, though nothing with the insurance has been easy so far.  The other thing to consider is that I will be laparoscopic and there is a chance the Brit could have to be done open.  Open may very well require more time to heal.  We figure if I go first, my healing will be fairly quick baring any complications.  Four weeks later, the Brit could have his and we could both be finished by the end of April.  

Now, I just have to wait for my stomach to calm down again.  With every new piece of this my nerves get the better of me for awhile until I find my peace with it.  Nothing about this has been easy; the insurance hoops, the mental toll, it is all difficult.  I just thank God for a few friends who have gone before me and are constantly assuring me that all will be well.  It won't be easy in the beginning, of this I have no doubts, but it will get easier.

Yes, it is short tonight, but I can't dwell on this just yet.  Not until I find that peace in my soul I mentioned.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Settling in a bit

I think I am still reeling a little bit while waiting for the Brit's approval, but today, this came in the mail for me:

Wow.  Makes it all feel very official, doesn't it?  

Of course, my mother chose today, when told I was approved to say "I really don't know how to feel about this."  I guess as a mother, that is a legitimate statement, but I kind of wish she had voiced it sooner as opposed when I have finally nearly reached the top of this mountain I've been climbing since July.  I can totally understand people being worried about me having surgery.  Is there a part me of that is worried?  Of course!  I'd have to be a moron to not be worried!  But some concern is healthy.  I can also pretty much 100% guarentee that when they go to wheel my ass back to surgery, I am gonna cry.  Know it now; that does not mean I don't want the surgery.  That means the moment has come for me to make the journey to "the losing side" as they call it and that you should simply pray that the journey be safe for me, because until they give me the happy juice and put me out, I'm going to be scared.  But let's put it into some perspective; the last time I was at MGM studios and the Brit was wanting me to go on the Tower of Terror, I cried then too...fear makes me cry.

So yes, though I totally understand that people, myself included, are worried or a bit scared, what I honestly don't want to have happen, is to have anyone elses fear projected unto me.   In other words, during the approval process, I gladly welcomed concerns and even now after being approved, I will still welcome any questions. All I ask is to please not come to me freaking out because what if something terrible happens during the surgery or in the days or weeks after.  I can't think about those things so much right now.  Though the reality of approval and the letter is ALOT scary for me, I still have to keep my sights centered dead ahead and on the prize.  I will deal with my waves of fear as they come and may even need you to reassure me that all will be fine, but I can't handle my own healthy fear and yours too.  I'm not trying to be one way or selfish, it is just the way it has to be right now until I am at home and recovered.

I'm excited too.  It is now within reach as all that is left is the pre op testing that is required, which I should hear about next week (and my chest x-ray has already been done! YAY!).  I want to take every precaution to know that my system is ready to undergo surgery, as does my doctor.  I have a lot of faith in Johns Hopkins and in our surgeon and I have even more faith in God.

It's all going to be fine.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Almost Home

Though the last twenty-four hours have been nerve wracking, I think we are in the home stretch.

I couldn't talk about this yesterday because I was waiting for some news to give to the Brit that was positive and that didn't happen until today.  Yesterday morning, I called the insurance company just to see where we were in the approval process and much to my surprise, I was told that I had been approved just within that morning.  My excitement was short lived however, to find out that the Brit's request was still being reviewed, so I sat on my own happiness in anticipation of his approval.

When I got home from work, I had a message from Teresa, who is the insurance person at the surgeon's office, for me to call her as soon as possible.  Upon contacting Teresa, she told me that the insurance company had told her that the Brit was not covered for WLS.  If ya'll remember, the insurance people and I had already had this conversation in January.  Teresa had actually told them that they had already approved me, so they needed to check my account.  She also advised that I contact the insurance company to clear up any confusion.

I called the insurance people to find out that they had already checked my account and that the Brit's stuff had been escalated to be reviewed and that a decision should be made before the end of the day.  I checked in with them periodically and finally just before 5:00, I found out that the Brit had been denied.  Reason?  Because when we met with our surgeon, the Brit's case had three possible scenarios.  Scenario #1 would be of course, lap RNY.  If that was unable to happen, then it would be open RNY.  For those of you not in the know, that would be one large incision to complete the surgery instead of four small incisions.  If there were still concerns, then it would be broken down into two surgeries.  The first would be the gastric sleeve (and actually I find this definition interesting because the Brit's BMI is NOT 85 or more by a long shot.  I'm thinking this really may have been a precaution maybe) and then about 7 months later, there would be a second surgery to do the actual bypass part of the procedure.  So, when this was submitted to the insurance company, it was submitted as a two part surgery (worst case scenario) and the gastric sleeve is still considered by many insurance companies as "experimental" due to not enough medical documentation yet.  Therefore, he was denied.

This placed me in an absolute tailspin.  How could I tell my husband, who together, we had vowed to go through this, that he had been denied?  Could I even in good conscience go forward with my own procedure if he was unable to?  There were so many questions and so much uncertainty.  Yesterday, should have been a really happy day for me as I finally had the approval I had been waiting for.  Truth be told, I had never had any doubts about the Brit being approved; I was the one afraid of being denied because of all things, there aren't enough things wrong with me!  But instead of a happy day, it was one of the most stressful days I'd had in a very long time. 

I elected to wait things out another day after speaking with the Director of the bariatric program at Hopkins, Christine.  She didn't seem too concerned and said they would talk to the surgeon and see what we could do. 

This morning, I spoke again with Christine and with Teresa.  They had spoken to our surgeon and he had stated that if it was all right by the Brit and myself, they would just resubmit his request as lap, possible open, RNY.  This made me wonder why we had just not done this in the first place, but after further investigation with the surgeon, he had wanted to do the two procedures as with the Brit's BMI it places him in a higher rate of complications category, such as infection or hernia.  So, at that point, I called the Brit at work and gave him the lowdown and made sure that was what he wanted to do.  There is no reason for the insurance to deny him for this procedure because they have already approved me, so now we just have to wait for the approval. 

The whole experience of the last two days has left me drained and with a bit more understanding of what the Brit's healing time could entail.  If they have to do his as open RNY, we're looking at probably 6-8 weeks total healing time, which will easily push my surgery into probably May, but at least I know what I'm looking at.  I'm still feeling borderline tearful tonight so I hope that no one looks at me wrong.  I'm not sure what is causing it, but I think it is having the reality of approval combined with not knowing if the Brit's was going to be approved.  It just opened up this whole new can of worms that I had never even considered before and didn't know how to feel or what to do.  Would he have given me his blessing on surgery?  Were the table reversed would I have been able to do that for him?  I think I would have been happy for him while at the same time feeling very depressed and jealous. 

The other issue in my head is wanting him to get as healthy as possible prior to his surgery, so that the risk of complications is as low as it can possibly be for him.  It's going to require some work and dedication with not much time to do it in. 

I had a brief moment today of wondering if God was trying to tell me that He didn't want the Brit to have the surgery.  The thought both rattled and depressed me.  Then like a voice directly to my heart, the thought was there that maybe God didn't want him to have two surgeries.  Who knows.  I just know I have to continue to trust.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Sometimes just a Breath Away

Sometimes I just wish that things could be easier or that the happiness and near perfection that seems just around the corner would soon be within reach.  

There are a few elements in my life right now that feel very unsettled.  I can't elaborate any more than that yet, but maybe soon as I sort it all out or as it gets sorted out.  I just sometimes wish the answers could be clear and stress free but they rarely are.  It makes me crazy sometimes.

All I can do in these moments is to trust God because even if the issue at hand doesn't make sense to me, it does make sense to Him.  I have to trust that He does indeed have a plan for my life and that it will all be revealed in His time.

Though the sorrow may last for a night, His joy comes in the morning. 

Monday, February 18, 2008

An Extra for fun

Getting to Know Me

1. What is your occupation? Church Secretary

2. What color are your socks right now? Dark blue

3. What are you listening to right now? The sound of the fish tank pump and the click of my nails on the keyboard

4. What was the last thing that you ate? some frozen custard

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes, I can.  At the time it was the only  used car I could afford, so I had to learn.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? The Brit

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I stole it from Kim's blog

8. How old are you today? Today?  41 years, 7 months and 6 days.

9. What is your favorite sport to watch? I am not a big sports fan, but it would have to be baseball

10. What is your favorite drink? Coke Zero Vanilla, green tea and wine

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Let's just say that I have no idea what my God given hair color is

12. Favorite food(s)? Sushi, hands down.

13. What was the last movie you watched? Ummm....Music and Lyrics, I think on HBO and I had seen it before in the theaters, but I loved it

14. Favorite day of the year? Christmas Eve

15. How do you vent anger? I am a bottler, so it is ugly.  I hold it all inside for weeks or months and let more things pile up on it until I eventually explode.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? A white teddy bear named Kimba
17. What is your favorite season? Winter

18. Hugs or Kisses? Both

19. Cherries or Blueberries? Blueberries in muffins.  Cherries on sundaes

20. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? They might post it on their own blogs...

21. Who is the most likely to respond? I don't really know

22. Who is least likely to respond? Again, I don't really know

23. Living where? Hagerstown, MD

24. When was the last time you cried? When Dane's cat, Buddy died.

25. What is on the floor of your closet? Lots of shoes

26. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Robyn

27. What did you do last night? Hung out at home with the Brit

28. Favorite smell? The ocean

29. What inspires you? Everything inspires me; the ocean, nature, people, God

30. What are you most afraid of? Cancer

31. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese

32. Favorite dog breed(s)? I have an infatuation with Great Danes

33. Favorite day of the week? Saturday

34. How many states have you lived in? 3, California, Maryland and New York

35. What is your favorite way to relax? By reading a really good book like the one I almost finished tonight.

Cast Your Votes, America

I am savoring these last few hours before the kids come home from a long weekend at grandma's house, knowing that the silence I sometimes crave is soon going to be only a distant memory.  I wish there was a way to have both; having the kids around and still having times of beautiful, absolute silence, but the two things so do not mix.

I went to Borders Books today to spend a gift card from Christmas (Thanks, Robyn!) and found what I was looking for, which was this:

Photography is something I love and would like to get better with, so a book in hopefully simple terms may help.  After surgery, when being flexible is easier, I would look to work harder at this hobby, so I can use this pre-weight loss time to learn more of the ins and outs of our camera.

I still had money left on the gift card and when I found the camera book, I turned around and immediately spotted this:

Okay, so maybe if I had to pay cash I would not have bought it, but as it was a gift and it did intrigue me, as the AI junkie I am, I had to have it.  

Question of the Day:  As today was a holiday, is it still included in the 24-48 business hours period?  Cast your votes here as I'm debating calling the insurance company tomorrow. 

Sunday, February 17, 2008

A night out

The place: Local restaurant with bar
The reason: To hear our favorite singer, Lana, and her band, Thique
Our Group: Me, Robyn, Phil, Lisa and Deanna
The cast:

Whoo GuyWG) Insane drunkard who spends his time standing in front of the band with one hand raised in that rock and roll sign, like this:


Only Whoo guy is way shorter, and way older than that dude.

Dancy GirlDG) Short chick who dances in front of the stage with extremely dramatic moves and often looks over her shoulder to see who is watching her dance. 

Stick GirlSG) As Lisa put it "Someone needs to hold her down and feed her".  Probably in her forties, and carries around drum sticks (Not from a chicken; the kind you use for drumming).

Stick Girl's Friend: (SGF) A female

Stick Girl's Ride: (SGR)

Drunk man: (DM)

So, a group of friends go to a bar....

We went out last night to hear Lana sing for the first time since last May.  Dinner was nice and as alway we enjoyed the band.  The thing is that it amazes me how drop down drunk some people get.

I am no saint, by any means.  I had my days of heavy drinking in my twenties and early thirties and even now will drink VERY occasionally.  I'm a cheap date in my old age.  I'm not even against young adults having that kind of fun as long as they aren't driving.  Some of these people though are just out there.

Last May when we went to hear this band, WG was there, acting the exact same way he was acting last night, almost a year later.  Then the other cast members got really interesting. 

DM comes up front to dance and as our group has the table nearest the stage, DM turns to Robyn and HANDS HIM HER COAT TO HOLD!  Drunk and rude, what a charming combination.  SG, SGF and DM got to dancing together and they fell over one of the band's speakers; one huge drunken mess on the floor.  WG continues his very loud "Whooo"s up front as he stands there with his hand in the air.  DM gets up and retrieves his coat, while SG and SGF start kissing on the floor (I'm not making this up).  DG is shaking her booty all over the place and Lisa was thankful she did not have a pole as heaven knows, she'd of used it.  SG and friend vanish over to the bar for a moment and then they come back and continue dancing.  We can only assume that SGR, who we believe is the boyfriend of SGF had stated that they were leaving as when SG returned to the front of the room, she was carrying her coat.  They started dancing again and then SG turns to Robyn and asks her if she can HOLD HER COAT!  At that point, Lisa, Phil, Deanna and I all yelled "NO!".

SG looks slightly indignant and holds her own coat.  Faster song is over and most people sit back down, while SG remains standing in the front.  SGR comes up to her, not looking pleased and harshly tells her they are leaving and she needs to come on.

I was amazed by most of it and only because most of these people were not in their twenties!  DG was probably in her mid-twenties and she would have been okay, had she not kept looking to see who was watching her dance.

When the band finished for the night, Lana sat down to talk to us, and WG kept coming up to her and saying "I'm sorry.  Hey, I'm sorry." When asked what he was sorry about, he only apologized again.  So, he patted poor Robyn on the head (she was sitting on the end unfortunately and therefore was easily accessible for all the crazies) and again apologized.

So, all in all, an entertaining evening and I'm thankful that no one at our table spent today nursing the huge hangovers the cast probably did.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

I Wanna Play!

I don't actually think it is the waiting that is annoying me so much; it's the not knowing about my future over the next few months.  It's like everything has a great big question mark in front of it until I at least have a surgery date and maybe even beyond that depending on how I feel post op.  I feel very torn about not wanting to put anything in front of this surgery but at the same time not wanting to miss a few things that happen in the late spring and early summer.

Examples would be:

First weekend in May: Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival.  This is the best thing in Maryland for us knitters as it is a huge wool show with some great bargains.

May 31st and June1: Relay for Life.  I got involved last year and this year have been doing some work on church participation.  But I don't have a donation page for myself up and running as I simply don't know if I will be able to walk in it this year.  For all I know, I could be a week post-op at that time.

Mid May to mid June: My inlaws have a timeshare in Florida and we have been tossing up the idea of driving down this year (suits me fine as I hate to fly) if we are beyond surgery at that point and feeling up to going.

And of course, the mission trip the end of June that I SO want to be able to attend.  The thought of missing it makes me ache as it was what made me start thinking about surgery in the first place and I hate the thought of missing that time with the youth.

It isn't that I think I am going to feel poorly post-op, but I know I could, but more that there could be complications.  Again, not anything I'm planning on, but I have to remain realistic at the same time.  

I know in my heart of hearts that none of this other stuff matters as much as my health.  I could postpone the surgery until after the mission trip, but again, I don't want to put it off any longer than I have to.  Plus, going without surgery is going to exhaust me from lugging around the extra pounds. 

The Florida trip would be nice post-op as a time to relax (Hey Meg, are you anywhere near Orlando?) but I don't want to still be dealing with the "hows" on eating.  I would want to feel semi-comfortable with what I was doing by then.

I'm just whining, I know.  I have to think of it as my weight has kept me in the sidelines for a long time with some things I have either wanted to do or haven't been able to do well.  If I have to miss any or all of this stuff this year because of having surgery, I will be sidelined because of my weight hopefully for the last time ever. 

God will show me what He wants. I'm sure of it.  Maybe that is really the thing to remember.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Update and a chuckle

So, I called the surgeon's office again this morning and spoke with Teresa.  She has the fax verification of the information being sent to the insurance company of February 4th, plus she refaxed it yesterday after getting my message (would have been nice had she called me back to tell me that, but whatever.  Surprised her name is not O'Dalys, but I digress).  So, I called my insurance company again and they have it noted now that they received it yesterday.  So, here we have killed a whole week.  See what I get when I'm patient?  Patience is overrated, I tell ya!  

Anyway, I asked Kimberly (the insurance rep) how long approval takes and she said 24-48 hours.  I asked "So 24-48 hours from yesterday?"  She says yes, unless of course, they need something else which they notify the surgeon's office for and then once they have that it could take another 24-48 hours.  Then she added "Business hours".  So what is a business hour?  Does that mean, no weekends, which I would have assumed anyway?  Or does that translate into 8 hours a day Monday-Friday, meaning they technically have 8 business days?  

They have till Tuesday and I call again.

I got an email today that I have gotten like three times before over the years, but it ALWAYS makes me laugh.  Might be my demented sense of humor, but I thought I'd share it anyway and even if you have already seen it before, perhaps it might bring you a smile when you need one today.  The whole pig thing just kills me.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)


  If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G !)

  A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)


  A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)


  Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)


  The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)


  The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)


  Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)


   Butterflies taste with their feet (Something I always wanted to know.)


  The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm......)


 Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)


Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing)


 A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)


  An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. ( I know some people like that.)


  Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too)


  Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)


  Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)


Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle. In other words, send it to everyone !  


(and God love that PIG)


Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Roller Coaster

There was no delay for school today.

The insurance company says they have no open claims for us yet, so I called the surgeon's office and they tranferred me to accounting and I had to leave a message.  There has been no callback yet.

The kids will be away all weekend with their grandparents.

Walmart was packed.

The Brit brought me home beautiful flowers.

Our basement flooded again while I was doing laundry.

Thank God tomorrow is Friday.

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you who make my world a better place to be.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The Moment of Truth...or Not

So have any of you actually watched that show?  The Moment of Truth?  I have not because I can't get past the twisted, sickening feeling I get in my stomach from seeing the previews.  Why is it that the American people think it is okay to destroy all of their relationships for the sake of winning money? 

I have issues with most reality television anyway as American Idol is as reality as I get and that is because of my love of music, singing and Simon.  I have never watched "Fear Factor" (isn't that the one where they had to eat live bugs?  No thank you!) or "Lost" or any of that stuff just because it doesn't interest me.  But the premise behind "The Moment of Truth" makes me feel almost physically ill.  From what I can tell, one's family and friends can stand up there and ask any question they want, such as "would you have an affair if your wife would never find out?" and of course, the wife is sitting right there.  An obese woman asks "Do fat people disgust you?" And this is OKAY?  Why on earth would you want to put every skeleton you had out there for all the world to see even if money is involved.  Folks, wake up!  Money will never make you totally happy at the expense of destroying your relationships.  I hope the show doesn't make it more than this season.

And speaking of truths, tomorrow is one week since our stuff was submitted to insurance and I am waffling over whether to call the insurance people for a status.  Customer Service Rep Girl had told me several weeks ago that they usually turned around a response in 24-48 hours.  Then there is the part of me that fears the answer and doesn't want to call, so what to do?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

A little bit of fun

The internet has allowed me to develop some amazing friendships that I would not otherwise have had the pleasure of having.  That is just part of the beauty of it; that sometimes you are fortunate enough to find a few kindred spirits to share a journey, or a laugh.  

Juli is one of those people who I met...sheesh, maybe eight years ago on a fandom website.  We hit it off pretty quickly as we have similar senses of humor and we tended to end our chat nights on MSN with playful insults (sleezebag, ho!) where before hand, we had spent time laughing or discussing something serious.  

The show we were obsessed with went off the air a couple of years ago, and the Brit and I adopted a couple of kids and my time on MSN was rather limited, plus there was a time difference anyway as Juli lives in Brazil.  But we would still shoot occasional emails or she would leave me the occasional blog comment that was either something serious or would make me laugh.  I couldn't comment much on her blog as it is in Portuguese and well...'nuff said.  

But recently we have reconnected as I am generally on MSN on Saturday and Sunday nights chatting with a few other friends in another countries and Juli popped on one night after I hadn't talked to her either months or at least year!  The amazing thing is that it was never awkward; we just picked up our friendship where it left off and we still chat in complete comfort with each other.

We were having such a chat this past Sunday and in talking I made mention that "I love my ipod".  She teased that it sounded like it could be a song and then that was the end of that part of the conversation.  Until I checked my email the next morning and found this (oh and let me mention that Juli has always called me "KP" for Kim Possible, though she would also call me "Kim Impossible" at times ):

Of course I couldn't get this out of my mind, so, here:

I love my ipod
Feel the love babe, feel the love babe
Oh, oh… Kay P.
Every day’s the same, it’s a fight
Oh, I struggle to survive
Many miles to go, rocks on my way
My plate is full it’s not easy
So much to do, so much to wait
Baby, I have no time to waste
Gotta take a break, take a breath…
I’m so glad I have you
Whispers in my ear all the things I wanna hear
Understands like no one else
I love my Ipod
Guesses my mood with just a click, works with all its power to fit
Pulls me up whenever I´m down
I love my Ipod
For days, for life
Keep it close, it is a shelter
Takes me away from all that craze
It will always make me feel better
Whispers in my ear all the things I wanna hear
Understands like no one else
I love my Ipod
Guesses my mood with just a click, works with all its power to fit
Pulls me up whenever I´m down
I love my Ipod
I love my Ipod  

Anyway, just wanted to share as it made me smile.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Why is it....

...that there are people out there who are so against gastric bypass that they will attack and throw out facts and become nearly hostile at the thought of someone else having it done?  

I'm not talking about anyone I know personally but am looking at the internet in general.  One woman said the following:

"RNY doesn't cure anything and causes a lot more problems than it "cures". The inventor of the RNY stated in 1980, after CAREFULLY following his patients for 15 years, that he felt the risks outweighed the benefits and he advocated that instead of cutting the stomach into two pieces and the gut into three pieces and sticking it back together in a very unnatural manner as done in the RNY, that surgeons are best to do types of surgery (like the lap band) which do NOT destroy the natural process of digestion."

Now, I don't know how much of this is true or if any of it is (though I am asking the questions of those "in the know").  This same person goes onto say in another forum:

Nurses who have worked with post ops in the hospital have many horror stories to tell. What Carnie Wilson calls "a bit of soreness after surgery" is excrutiating pain requiring morphene. Nurses have witnessed patients stay in the hospital for months after surgery and they have eased patients through parentinitis and being close to death. One surgeon who was described by one of his patients as a "saint" tells the nurses on his post op floor that because his WLS post ops are so large and the nurses might hurt their backs in lifting them, if one of these falls to the floor, leave them lying on the floor and call the paramedics. Some saint.

And a nurse friend of mine who worked ER for many years said that he saw WLS post ops come into the emergency room quite often with rather scary and painful complaints.

All of which we never read about in the popular media.

Criminal? Yes! Indeed.

Now, I'm not going to begin to point out the things that I find wrong with just this segment...oh wait, what the hell, yes, I will point out one thing.  As I have been following a handful of post-ops, not a one of them talked about "excrutiating pain requiring morphene"  (and yes, I know she has a few spelling issues).  Do they make you comfortable after surgery?  I'm sure they do, but I've read and talked to MANY people who stopped taking pain meds the next day.  So c'mon, if we're going to talk about it, give us the whole story and not just the first five minutes after surgery.  After all, post-ops do have 4-5 incisions and I'm sure they can be painful.  I've had papercuts that can make me curse like a sailor, so I'm sure incisions are more painful.

But anyway, I digress.  What I don't get is why these folks care so much.  I can totally respect their stance of size acceptance.  I accept people regardless of their size, but I guess I expect a bit more from myself when it comes to my own weight.  So, are these people just trying to save us all from our horrible wanting WLS selves?  The way I see it is, accept yourselves and your neighbors and even swear off WLS for yourself, but is there a reason to ridicule and belittle those who choose a different path?  This is the part I don't understand.  We're all different.  We all think differently and see things differently and what may be right for one may be totally wrong for another.  These are things that I was taught from a early age, so why do we continue to beat one another up for simply doing something else?


Sunday, February 10, 2008

My Personal Church

Using the phrase that Meg coined about Christian music being our "pastor", I have to say on this Sunday, what a like saver that really is.  

I love my church as the church is made up of people and other than about three individuals, I do love the folks at my church.  We're a family, we're committed, we're strong and loving.  Our interim pastor is a delight one on one and one on one, I can discuss nearly anything with her.  But at the pulpit, she leaves me spiritually starving.  

I think that if I didn't love this congregation so much and if I didn't work there, I would probably look elsewhere for another Lutheran church.  But then, on the otherhand, I know as sure as I'm sitting here typing that God has a plan for this little church.  And what I don't know, but rather think, is that He is currently testing our faith.  

I know that God already has a pastor picked out for us; that plan is already in motion, of that I have no doubt.  It's just in the getting there that we struggle, but that is also where we are asked to "wait on the Lord."  He's asking this of me right now, of us.  But it's still hard.

So, I turn on my music, my radio, and I let the words of the songs flow over and through me.  I let God speak to me through them and allow the inspired lyrics and chords to be my Gospel for those precious moments.  They give me hope and at times make my heart feel so incredibly full and for those minutes, I am able to truly bask in the light of my Savior.  He assures me it will all be all right, no matter what else happens.  

There is no perfect church, or perfect song, but there is a perfect God who is always small enough to hear the tiniest whispers of our hearts, and big enough to hold all of us in the palm of his hand. 

Saturday, February 9, 2008

My Tunes

So I spent most of last night loading up my ipod with some new music to begin my walking on Monday.  My ipod has an eclectic selection of tunes on it, ranging from full albums of Casting Crowns, Kathy Troccoli, Nicole Nordeman and MercyMe to a few soundtracks, such as Hairspray, Across the Universe and Aida.  Then intermingled into that mix are assorted songs such as "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree", "One Week", "Time and Tide" and "I Don't Like Mondays".  There are also many other CC songs by various artists as well as other pop songs and even some country.  I run the gamut with music!

Today was busy with errands, then the Brit and I watched "Across the Universe" (I saw it in the cinema, he didn't) and then ended the day with sushi for dinner tonight.  I'm trying really hard not to think about approvals and there are even moments where I succeed. 

So, I know this is boring, so I'll stop.  Just not much happened today!  Maybe tomorrow will be more eventful.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Thirty-Four and a half hours post insurance submission

So today in my extra curricular fantasy life, the surgeon's office called and said "It's a miracle!  Your insurance has approved you already!"

Yeah.  So did not happen that way.  And I guess I really didn't expect it to, but it was still nice to think about.  I've been a little bit cranky today and I'm summing it up to the stress of the wait.  Yeah, I get that there is absolutely nothing I can do to get around it or make it go any faster and that worrying about it is not going to make it happen faster, slower etc.  However, I am an obsessed by nature and here life has presented me with a situation to do my best obsessing.  So bring it on, I say!  

This totally sucks.

This was the only part of the whole journey I was dreading (other than being denied and I ain't even crossing that bridge unless it happens).  I'm not a waiter nor am I patient and now I am putting my life into the hands of people who want to try to sum up my lifetime of weight struggles in six months.  Does anyone else find that totally unreasonable?  They make you do all this stuff: structured diet programs, talking to a nutritionist and for what?  For the same end result.  Hi!  I'm still fat!  Three more months of Weight Watchers way didn't change that, of course, I've done WW minimally three other times in my life and holy cow, I can hardly believe it!  I got the same result this time!  Who'da thought?? 

Yes, sarcasm is just one more service I offer. 

But yet, I keep fantasizing with every commercial I see.  Amusement parks?  Yeah, I'd be able to do those again.  It would be so much fun to take the kids!  A cruise?  Sign me up as a normal sized person!  Yay and it has a water slide...I could do that by next summer! 

What I am going to start doing this coming week is walking.  Though I hate the cold, I'm being really optimistic about being approved, so I need to start getting some exercise in so that I have as easy a recovery as possible.  My heel spur and sciatic nerve will probably kill me, but it will be worth it to not be knocked flat on my ass after surgery.  If walking three days a week will help, sign me up.  Just gotta find my ipod headphones which have gone missing. 

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Breathing...sorta kinda

Okay, I am a little bit calmer than I was earlier....for now anyway.  I promise there will be other moments of totally freaking out, but for now I'm okay.

I read a lot of Karen Kingsbury and one of the themes she repeats through her books is the sound of God's voice whispering to their hearts.  I think I got that today.  Leaving work, I was pretty much getting my crazy on in the car, wondering how on earth I was going to manage to contain myself until we had an answer from the insurance company.  There is a church billboard in town that I always read and today it said something like "What need is there for worry if God is in control?"  

I immediately recognized this as a sign from God (get it?  A SIGN from God?) and started to rationalize to myself.

"Well, I'm not really worried...more like anxious.  Yeah, that's it.  Anxious."

As soon as I said it (yes, I do talk out loud to myself in the car...and at work and at home, and almost anywhere really) these words came to my heart "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Wow.  Okay, God, I hear ya and I'll do my best, but I'm not promising to not freak out occasionally.

I'm really glad to be hearing Him again because I'm afraid church has been jading me lately.  I'm not getting anything spiritually from our interim pastor, though she is a nice person, so often on Sundays, I feel like I'm going through the motions.  What I've been getting lately, I've been getting through Contemporary Christian music, which I love and is primarily what I listen to.  I also think that when you can directly link the lyrics to something going on in your life at the moment, it becomes all the more meaningful.  A bit like the Britt Nicole song I posted yesterday (Yup, Lacy, you had the artist right!).  I've heard that song dozens of times before, but suddenly I heard it as it applied to me. 

Today, I've discovered a new song that also applies and brings me hope.  Lacy, see if you can name this tune

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But you sing to me over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only be Yours I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the songs of the stars
of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
i pray to be only be Yours
I know now you're my only hope

I give you my destiny
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs
I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray To be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

I especially like "Sing to me the plans that you have for me over and over again".


The surgeon's office got the rest of our paperwork this morning.  We've been submitted to insurance.

I need to go throw up now.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Set it on fire

Talked to Alice today and she has everything other than yesterday's bariatric education stuff.  She told me call them and get on them to get it faxed over, but when I called, I got a machine and left a message for them to call me back as soon as the information was faxed.  If I don't hear from them by morning, I'll call again.  Alice said, once they had all the info, they opened a case file and faxed to insurance, often in the same day, so it is not a longshot to say that by Friday our stuff could be in the hands of the insurance company.

I can't believe we are actually to this point...this horrible, apprehensive point of second guessing everything.  Will they approve me?  What if they approve the Brit and not me?  What then?  Is there any reason for them to not approve me?  (The answer to that question is technically "No" but waiting and worrying will cause me to ask the anyway.)  How long before I know?  What do I do with myself until then?  How in the hell do I wait in patience each day until I have an answer I can accept?

It's crazy!  Technically, I have only been on this wagon for seven months, but it seems like so much longer that I have been anticipating this.  I'm okay as long as there is something to be done; psyche appointments, Weight Watchers, nutrition appointments, etc.  I am then actively working towards something.  I have a goal and a purpose.  But to be finished all the prep work and just sit and wait?  I'm not sure of how to do it?

Ya know what started me on this whole thing?  Did I tell ya'll that story?  Last summer, on the YouthWorks mission trip...that experience was life changing for me.  Helping those people in that little poverty stricken community touched my heart in ways that I never imagined possible.  The problem?  I wanted to do so much more, but my out of shape, too heavy body would simply not allow it.  I so wanted to work on the houses instead of doing the kid's club, but I knew I'd never make it out in the heat all day doing manual labor.  I wanted to experience more, at least my spirit did and I did know that this was something I wanted to do more often and I wanted to be able to do it without feeling self conscious and being the biggest person there.  That's what started all of this for me; bringing God's love to people through the things we were doing, the actions we were performing to help others.

So remember a month or so ago when I wanted a song for the journey?  Well, I think I found one.

 I wanna set the world on fire
Until it’s burning bright for You
It’s everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use?

I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There’s nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do

I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father’s hands

I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There’s nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do

My hands my feet
My everything
My life, my love
Lord, use me

I wanna set the world on fire
I wanna set the world on fire, yeah

I’m gonna set the world on fire
Set the world on fire

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

I've had better days

With the final appointment completed now, I should be jumping with joy, but instead the nerves are already kicking in.  Now we have to wait for the surgeon's office to submit to our insurance and then more nerve wracking, wait for approval...or denial.  Ugh.

It could be that today was not the best of days.  It started this morning with a nearly hysterical call from Paula...she had found her younger son's cat dead on the side of the road on her way in this morning.  Her son was home, and he was also a mess.  I hung up with her and burst into tears.  First and foremost, I am an animal lover and secondly, I know how much Paula's 17 year old son adored this cat.  Like us, they had six cats, but Buddy was D's favorite and at the lock-in Friday night, he actually had a moment of tenderness, not common to teenage boys when talking about a cat, where he talked about how hard it would be to leave Buddy in a year when he went to college.  In light of that recent discussion especially, my heart was broken for both D and Buddy.  Their newer feline additions to the family, they have been keeping inside, but as many people have told me, once a cat has been allowed outside, it becomes very hard to keep them in.  Paula's indoor/outdoor cats, when being kept inside, will use the carpet as a litterbox to express their annoyance, as well as tear up the carpets near the outside doors, so it becomes a struggle.  I guess I'm just thankful that my beloved felines have never been given the option to be outside.

Then tonight, I received another call from Paula, that another one of our youth kids, S, had a car accident tonight and rolled her car.  The word is that she is not hurt, but was taken to the hospital as a precaution.

So, today has been a rough one, but with God's grace and answered prayers, tomorrow will be better! 

Monday, February 4, 2008

The Light at the End of the Tunnel??

So, tomorrow is the LAST REQUIRED APPOINTMENT before submitting to insurance...however long that takes.  I'm feeling this ginormous sense of relief that all the hoops have hopefully been jumped through and maybe soon we will have actual dates!

With that being said, I think the stress of it all is catching up to me...or more specifically, catching up to my mouth.  I have always been somewhat of a fast eater, but here lately people, we are talking record speeds.  Hell, sign me up for Olympics in the food catagory!  I will get the US the Gold Medal for sure!  Anyway, I need to make a conscious effort to slow down as post-op, fast will no longer be an option.  It's almost like my mind is thinking "Quick!  Get in there before she goes under the knife and foils all our plans!"  I need to get a grip on that.

I saw something today that bothered me a little bit. 
In this article, about a man in the UK who had RNY surgery, he states "“As a result of the surgery I will never, ever feel hungry or thirsty again.."

This was news to me.  I know that the first year, hunger can be a rare thing, but I think it does eventually return.  Is this something his surgeon was telling him, because if so, I'm not convinced it is true and Arnold may find himself in some trouble in a handful of months.  And never feeling thirsty??  Thirst for me is never about my stomach, but my mouth gets dry.  So that will never happen to him again?  I really hope his surgeon reads this article and sets him straight before he feels a sense of disappointment when again having the urge to eat.  Is it me or is something way off in that way of thinking? 

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Imagination Station

My eight year old has always had an awesome imagination.  Last night, after we came home from dinner and I was valiantly trying to stay awake (I made it to 9:30), he approached The Brit with a small notebook and a pen.  It went something like this:

JJ: Hello sir, can I get you something to drink?

Brit(T No, son, I'm not thirsty.

JJ: (in a whisper) Dad, it's for pretend.

TB: Oh!  Then sure.  I'll have a Coke Zero.

JJ: Okay.  How about something to eat?

TB: A ham sandwich?

JJ: We're out of those.

TB: Okay, what do you have?

JJ: Tuna.

TB:  Okay, I'll have the tuna.

JJ then vanishes into the kitchen to return a moment later.

JJ: Can I interest you in our Drake and Josh card?

TB: What is that?

JJ: It's a card that when you give it to your waiter every time you come in, your food is free.

TB: Really?  That's great!  How much for the card?

JJ: Twenty thousand.

TB: Wow!  That's a little steep!

JJ: Okay, twenty dollars.

TB:  So, sure, I'll have one then.  So each time I come in here, I just have to give you my card and my meal is free?

JJ:  Yup, that's right!  But if you want a table, that'll cost you.

So apparently the food is free but you have to eat standing up.  I don't know where he gets it!

A few pics from our lock in, as promised.

Making sandwiches for our Souper Bowl fundraiser.

Playing Apples to Apples.

These kids are amazing and I love every one of them.  I don't think you could find a closer youth group if you tried.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Coma up ahead

For the sake of Blog365 you get a really short one tonight:

The lock in was fun but very little sleep was involved.  I got to close my eyes around 3:00am, to doze on the hard floor until about 8:20am.  The result of this has been a headache from hell, all day today.

So, tonight, I am going to veg totally and go to bed early.  Tomorrow, I will post a couple of pics, catch up on my fellow blogging peeps and gave you a more quality post. 

Girly Comments & Graphics

Friday, February 1, 2008

A New Kind of Segregation

Again, when exploring WLS options, one comes across tons of material on the internet that one never knew existed before.  One of those things I have discovered was the Fat Acceptance Movement.  Just Google it and  you will find tons of information, but the basis of it as taken from NAAFA Information site is "Founded in 1969, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance is a non-profit human rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support."

Some bloggers summarize it to "Acceptance at any size" and some insist that they have been both thin and very obese and their comfort zone for optimum health is somewhere in the middle.  I have recently discovered an enjoyable blog called The F-Word. org and the blogger appeared on the Mike and Juliet Morning Show with another blogger from BFD, another blog I check out often.  You can watch the green room discussion with these two bloggers and the lunatic Meme Roth here:

Anyway, when checking out the F-Word's blog last night, I found some truly offensive information about House Bill 282, which states:


Are you kidding me?  So now we're thinking of having scales in restaurants for the purpose of humiliating another human being?  For what purpose?  Because being obese is unhealthy?  Well, so is smoking but we haven't done squat about that yet and I can say that because I am a former smoker and if it weren't so bad for you (not to mention how expensive a habit is has become) I'd of never quit as I enjoyed it.  Sure, many food establishments will no longer allow you to smoke, but there is no humiliation that accompanies that fact for smokers.  Smokers are only identified by the act of smoking, so when they approach the restaurant door and see the "No Smoking" sign, they know the score, but anyone else walking in behind them would have no idea.  "No Fat People" signs are instant humiliation because there isn't any hiding your size from anyone else nearby and that would be the less scornful way to do it.  Imagine the shame and embarrasment that would accompany being told "We don't serve your kind here."

We're never going to humiliate people into weight loss.  If that worked, all the teasing and name calling overweight children and teenagers receive in school would be a cure all for obesity at younger ages.  The humiliation tends to send those obese individuals into isolation with the friend who never torments them: food.  The fact that someone even suggested this bill (and no, I do not think there is a snowball's chance in hell it would ever go through) infuriates me and this is coming from someone who plans on getting a lot smaller in the next year.  We used to keep African Americans out of establishments because they looked different, and this Bill is no different.  People are still interested in segregating any persons that they don't feel are up to standard or as good as they are. 

Shame on you, Representative W. T Mayhall Jr.