Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Just a reminder

I'm not going to say much tonight as I have spent the day cleaning in preparation of not only family from England arriving tomorrow late afternoon, but also to clear some time for after work tomorrow to start writing for NaNoWriMo.  Just to remind ya'll that since I am also doing NaBloPoMo, I will posting excerpts here from the novel writing, which will have to do with my weight issues and what has brought me to the point I am now, which is pursuing RYN.

Another reminder:  I will be doing next to NO editing on the novel because as the creators of NaNoWriMo say "Editing is what December is for."  I will try to be coherent, but please bear with me. 

Also, any cheer leaders during the month of November would be gladly welcomed!

Here is what was in my inbox this morning in regards to my novel writing month:

Dear NaNoWriMo participant

Well, we're on the cusp of another beautiful noveling November. The turn-out so far has been phenomenal. Between our main program and Young Writers Program, we'll have over 90,000 authors on board by the end of the week, making this officially the largest NaNoWriMo since the event was first adapted from an Andorran mule-wrestling ceremony back in 1999.   

For those of you who are new to NaNo, I want to quickly run through the noveling schedule for the month ahead.

Step 1: Keep reading this email; learn the secret of NaNoWriMo.
Step 2: Wait for 12:01 AM local time on November 1.
Step 3: Write a novel.

No problem.

Okay, back to Step 1. The secret of NaNoWriMo. Which is this: There is a door in your brain. The door has been there your whole life. You may not have noticed it before because it blends in with everything else in your brain. Weird art. Mismatched furniture. Squis hy gray bits clinging to everything.     

So what does this door have to do with your novel?

Your job this month is not so much writing a book (which is intimidating) as it is finding that door (which is easy).

It's easy because you'll have guides in November who will take you right to it.    

These guides are also known as your characters. They're kind of an abstract notion now, but you'll meet them in all their glory in Week One of NaNoWriMo. They'll be a strange lot. Insecure warlocks. Stamp-collecting squirrels. Teenage detectives.

Whoever shows up, go with them. And go quickly. You may have a general sense of where you're going together; you may not. It doesn’t matter. Just write your allotment of 1667 words (or more) on November 1. Don't edit any of it. Editing is for December. Then come back and write another 1667 words the next day. And the next. And the next.

By Week Two, you'll be at the door. A few words later, you'll be through it. You'll know you're there because the writing will feel different. Less like work, and more like watching a gloriously imperfect movie with cringe-worthy dialogue, heaps of confusing tangents, and moments of brilliance so delightful that you'll want to scream.

Once you've stepped through that door into the vast reaches of your imagination, you'll be able to return there as often as you like. It's an enchanted, intoxicating place, and there are other great things besides novels in there.

But we'll talk about that later.

For now, here's our game plan for the coming week.

1) Make sure you've affiliated with a region and then made it your Home Region. This is a two-step process. You do it by signing in and then going to the My Regions page of My NaNoWriMo. The far-left tab gives you a list of regions to choose from. Choose one by clicking "affiliate," then go to the far-right tab called Home Region and make sure your region is ticked.

2) Make sure you have your Edit Profile settings geared to allow emails from us (if you got this, you're good), and that your email program knows to accept messages from Pep talks from esteemed authors will begin landing in your inbox this week, and will continue to arrive every four days or so. To turn off emails from us, just head to Edit Profile and change your settings to "No mail."

3) On November 1: Begin writing. At this point, you'll be able to begin updating your word count on the Author Info tab of the Edit Profile page. You can do this on the honor system by just typing in the number, or you can paste the whole book in and let our robots count it for you. If you paste your book, please scramble it first, using instructions in our FAQ. You can also post an excerpt of your book in the same area of the Edit Profile page.  

4) For the first week of the event, the site will be on fire. This year we moved to a completely new back-end system, and it has made me beat my head against the wall almost every single day. Pages disappear. Parts fall off. Error screens everywhere. It handles high traffic the way a country lane would handle a freeway. We have so many plans on rebuilding the site it for next year it's not even funny. But for now, we have to work with what we've got. Russ is making all the improvements he can to make it suck less.

If the site isn't functional, just postpone updating your word count until the dust settles. NaNoWriMo does not live on a website. It lives in your heart, in your powerful typing fingers, and in your dramatically escalating word count.

We'll keep working on the site. You keep working on your novel.

Together we will rock November.

Happy noveling, everyone! We're so glad to have you writing with us.


Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Almost time

I can finally say that on Monday, we have our consult for RNY!  I'm very excited.  The weekend had me feeling rather wistful about a lot of things.  People who have never had weight problems, may not understand the full impact fat has our lives. 

We discovered some old video tape on Saturday from the first year we had the boys.  It consisted of Christmas, Halloween and our trip to Florida (if video doesn't give you a good idea of what you really look like, nothing will) and it made me a little sad and then it seemed to fuel my determination.  Disney and Sea World can be difficult when you are big in the size department.  Lots of walking, trying to fit into rides that are not necessarily made for larger people, heel/back/leg pain after a day in the park.  I find myself thinking that we are shortchanging our kids.  Our inability to be as mobile as we should be impacts them.  I found myself wanting to do Disney again after surgery and weight loss.  I want to go and do it as a normal size, where I can truly have my children experience it and have me experience it with them. 

That all got me to thinking about the beach.  I love the ocean with a passion that may not even be normal.  I love the sound, the smell, the sight of it.  I love playing in it and treading the waves.  I love the feel of sand between my toes.  But again, weight impacts my ability to enjoy it fully.  Walking on sand is not easy when you are overweight big fluffy obese.  There I said it.  I hate that word with everything in me, but I said it.  So now, I feel like I am shortchanging myself!  I want to spend time at the ocean and be comfortable to walk the shore and lie on the beach (without someone calling marine rescue to come save a beached animal).  I am missing out on some of my favorite parts of life!

I think we can become too accepting of things, like being obese.  We start thinking "Well, that is just the way it is and the way it will always be and I just need to learn to live with it."  But why?  Why learn to live with it when you can fight back? 

I know that surgery is not the answer for everyone and I commend people who are able to take it off naturally and keep it off.  But time and again, that has not proven to work for me.  So, I became immune.  I gave up and tried to make myself accept the fact that this must be how God intended for me to be, and there are probably people out there who would adamently agree with that.  But if I am unhappy, is that what God wants for me?  I don't think so.

So in six days, I should have a plan to begin to change my life to one I am happy with.

And in two days, my life will change with lots of writing for the next thirty days.  Hold on, ya'll.  It could be a bumpy ride.

Friday, October 26, 2007

A better Friday

So, I made the decision to do both NaBloPoMo and NaNoWriMo and then on December 1st, ya'll can have me committed.  I need to make sure that the Brit knows (as he encouraged me to do this, even with company coming!) that this means I will need to be using his laptop on the drive to Canada if we are doing that while his brother is here.  Writing for NaNoWriMo will probably mean not taking a day completely off from writing as I need to write about 1667 words per day for thirty days.  Anyone know of a good word counting program??  I thought Word might have one, but I'm using a new version of it and can't even locate the "undo" tab yet, which is moderately annoying.

So, NaBloPoMo folks, I hope you visit, though I don't know how much visiting I'll be getting done on other participating blogs.  I hope I can manage to view some as I picked up a few great reads from last year!  Is anyone else doing both??  I'd love to know if you are!

Not much other news, though the weekend is looking like a bit of a bummer.  I have to go work a fiber festival on Sunday and though several of my best buddies will be there, the whole thing is a bit of a sore spot with me.  I have not been to my knitting group since June, partly due to a couple months of other committments and mostly due to the fact that the decision was made to participate in this festival.  While, in theory, it is a nice idea, for me, with a part-time job and two full-time kids, it was just not possible.  I am not a fast knitter...actually, I am the slowest knitter I know.  Mind you, I love knitting. Truly!  But it is a hobby that I have little time for right now, though as the kids get older, there will be more time.  The aspect of the festival put a level of stress on my hobby that I hated, so not only did I decide I did not want to do the festival, I boycotted knitting altogether from June until two weeks ago! 

There have also been a few other issues which I won't go into, but when too many rules inundate one's hobby, it is time to find another group.  When a hobby becomes "mandatory" it is time to find another group.  But I did sign up to work the festival on Sunday, so I will be there...if Lisa sends me directions

Other than that, not much going on tomorrow!  I'm looking forward to no early alarm clock, but we do have to go weigh in by 10:30!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

I have LSS!

I have just given myself an official diagnosis.

There is not a lot known about LSS other than it is prevelant among the overweight population who have made the decision to pursue WLS.  Symptoms are an urge to eat all foods not good for you, while feeling a sense of euphoria and freedom.  It also diminishes ones sense of guilt for such practices. 

Yes, dear readers, I have Last Supper Syndrome.  Do you like that?  I just made it up!

I have got to get this under control before the holidays hit!  Ever since making my decision, I have been afraid of hurting the feelings of any food that made me fat in the first place.  Not eating chocolate would certainly hurt chocolate's feelings and ya'll know how I am about wanting everyone to like me! 

In a sense, I suppose it is good and probably normal.  For instance, my mind is preparing itself to say goodbye to old habits.  Already, I am looking at Christmas and thinking that this will be the last Christmas where I can fully indulge in all my favorite sweets, such as homemade candy, peanut butter blossoms (OMG, Peanut Butter Blossoms!) apple pie with Bird's custart, etc.  Then I look at that on the flip side.  Indulge?  What that translates into is not just enjoying a taste of something sweet, but deciding to divide and conquer that particular food for that particular season, to the point that when the last crumbs have been swept away and the tree has been put to the curb, and the decorations are back down in the basement, I am looking in a mirror thinking "What on earth have you done and how long will it take you at least get back to the weight you were before Christmas?

I guess it is a bit of a mourning process as I grieve the loss of an old friend, probably a best friend: food.

Then in a sense, LSS is bad because because I don't really want to gain weight before surgery.  Add to that the fact that I don't know what my insurance company is looking for in six months of structured diet programs.  Some say, that they think insurance companies put this in place to discourage people.  How many folks really want to go through it all again for six months in order to get the surgery?  Others say that insurance companies have you do this to see if you can stick to a program pre-op.  Now, does stick to a program mean, lose weight on a program, or just be present?  I have no idea.

But I need to get myself under control and find a way to think a bit differently, at least in a place of Happy Medium. 

Monday, October 22, 2007

Where the crazies gather

So, ya'll are killing me with all the comments about November.  Is it just indifference or fear of standing up in public

Anyway, in honor of Crystal's Walmart experience I remembered that not all the crazies gather at the Walmart.  No, there is at least one other place where everyone goes, regardless of sanity, goofiness or any other general absurdity.  That place would be the MVA or the Motor Vehicle Administration.  Because just as everyone loves to shop cheap, most of those folks like to drive to get there.

I had the unfortunate experience of the MVA last Friday due to the little incident with the car and the robbery.  At that point, my purse had not yet been found, so it was fairly important to me that I get a replacement license in the event of being pulled over for any reason.  So, while my window was being repaired, the Brit drove me out to the MVA, though he was not foolish enough to actually enter the building with me.  Smart guy.

The place was the busiest I had ever seen it, though I try not to make a habit of going.  It may have been because school was out on Friday, so it was time to take all the teens out to try for their driver's licenses, but the joint was packed.  I explained my situation and got the dreaded number that I had to wait to appear on the little screen that shows what numbers are being serviced (Yes, I'd like a back massage and a facial please) and then took a seat to people watch. 

Not too much was going on until this little old, white haired lady got out of line with her number and started wandering around.  She had a little grin on her face, so she didn't look distressed or anything and she was obviously alone.  My amusement was already unfolding.  She approached this handsome, young man and was apparently asking him what she needed to do.  Though I did not hear the question, I did hear him explain to her three times that she would need to watch the board for her number to come up and then he directed her to a seat and escaped as quickly as possible.

Grandma puttered over to a bench and sat down quickly but with the longest, most vocal groan I had ever heard.  Despite the business of the place, there was no missing that sound.  The lady sitting across from me and her two teenagers, joined me in silent giggles until we were on the verge of tears.  It was about that time that grandma decided she was tired of watching the little screen, so she started talking to it too.

"Come eeehn" ("Come on" but it sounded way more like eeehn)

Another round of giggles from the two women and two teens who are all apparently really five years old.

"Come EEEEHN!"

By this time more people are looking and giggling until finally grandma's number pops up.  She jumps up from her seat, (no groan in the reverse) and putters up to the counter where she is getting a handicapped tag for her car.  That seems to go without incident.  Once she is finished, she turns and putters through the room, towards the door and is stopped by an elderly man in a handicapped cart, maybe trying to hit on her.  I have no idea what he said to her, but her response was a very loud,

"I'm goin' to HELL!"

Either that or she was headed to the Walmart.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

So, here's what I'm thinking

I've really been struggling with the idea of abandoning my blog for the entire month of November for NaNoWriMo for a couple of reasons.  First and foremost, I have readers, no matter how quiet they can be in the comments, and I certainly don't want the readers who do not know me personally to forget I exist where there aren't many posts for 30 days.  The other reason is that not posting is going to limit my chances of getting new readers. 

I am certainly not hung up on numbers when it comes to readers, but here is what I am loving right now about the blogging world.  There are a ton of WLS patients out there who blog about it and I am learning so much from them.  I have even started a journal where I take note of the tidbits of valuable information I am picking up from fellow bloggers.  Things like Stubbs Chicken Marinade and Fage Yogurt and Laptop Lunch boxes, not to mention such important information about vitamins, exercise, water, and protein.  Their willingness to share their journey on the internet paves the way for my journey to hopefully have a few less bumps or at least a few less moments of being completely overwhelmed.  No, what works for one person may not work for me, but with taking notes from different bloggers, I am developing a list of possible options.  I do not want to go into this life changing experience blindly!

So with that being said, here is what I have been thinking and I ask you lurkers to come out of hiding long enough to tell me what you think.  I have been feeling a wee bit sad about abandoning NaBloPoMo and doing NaNoWriMo instead, so I'm thinking of combining them and doing both.  I can work on the autobiographical novel that will help me work through my food and weight issues and then post pieces of it here for ya'll to read.  I don't know whether it would be interesting for you to read, but it might be helpful to a new reader who is looking at her own weight issues or considering surgery.  I plan on attempting to delve far into the past to when I can first remember having my own issues.  I plan on being what will probably be for me, painfully honest, about myself, my life, the things that have caused me to have the relationship I have with food and weight and body image and self esteem.  I will spend time analyzing and pondering and I may not always get it right, but I'm going to make a truer attempt than I have ever made before, because it needs to happen.  I deserve to go into this surgery with my eyes wide open, not only about the procedure itself but about myself.

I know that some of my friends probably have reservations and concerns about what I am planning on embarking on, but I have to thank them for being nothing short of supportive so far.  I'm going to need all of you to help keep me sane over the next few months with waiting for insurance approval, when a surgery date looms closer and I start to freak out a little and in the aftermath of learning to nourish new wiring in my body.  I have no doubt you will all be there.

So, what do you think?  Would you be interested in reading some tidbits of my delving into my weird psyche during the month of November? 

Saturday, October 20, 2007

This and That again

I know that I don't usually blog on the weekends, but as I sucked so badly blogging this past week, I'm trying to make up for it.

I ran into a woman I used to work with when I worked in Corporate America hell.  I had just been talking about this lady to someone like a week ago, because I knew that she had lost a lot of weight and I was fairly certain she'd had RNY.  I hadn't seen her in years and years but today, I ran into her!  She looks fabulous and did indeed have RNY.  She talked to the Brit and I for a long time and gave us a lot advice as well as her phone number in the event we had any questions.  I loved talking to her because she had this surgery ten years ago and is doing great!  I'm so excited and cannot wait for my turn to arrive!

We had a youth gathering last Sunday night and I have a few pics to share.  There are more, but godaddy is giving me all sorts of grief about downloading pictures lately and they aren't responding to my to my problem tickets.

They're kinda scary, aren't they?

Does he look Asian to you?

He's doing an impersonation of one of the girls.  Too funny!

I love all these kids and am so glad to be a part of the group!

Friday, October 19, 2007

Thank God Friday is over!

**Warning:  There could be some cursing in this post

So, no I have not blogged all week, mostly due to the Brit being away on business until yesterday and when I am single parenting, the kids tend to wear me out a bit, plus Aunt Flo was visiting this week.  I also really didn't have much that was blog worthy until last night.

Thursday nights are praise band rehearsal at the church, so last night, we rehearsed and then the three of us sat around and gabbed for a bit.  The church is usually pretty busy on Thursday nights, because the cub scouts also meet that night in the basement.  Now, I don't practice irresponsibility regularly, but there are just certain places, ie. a church, where I feel pretty safe.  I have left my purse on the floor of my car at the church literally HUNDREDS of times in the past and have never felt the least bit concerned. 

Until last night, when the three of us went to exit the building.  The scouts were already gone, and we were all laughing and joking on our way out to the parking lot.  I was still chattering with Paula when I unlocked my door and that is when I realized that there was glass on the passenger seat of my car.  My passenger window had been shattered and my purse was gone.  I said a few choice words, as Paula and Dave realized what happened.  Dave started to scour the area looking to see if the culprits might have at least tossed the purse out after taking what they wanted from it.  Paula and I headed back into the church to first call the Brit ("Start cancelling stuff, honey, stat!") and then the police.  While waiting for the police, I just kept exploding.

"Damn it!  My ipod was in there!  My cell phone!  Damn it!"

What I didn't have in there was cash, as I rarely carry it.  But there were a few credit cards and a book of checks. 

The police arrived and he took note of what had been in my bag and he asked me to call him the next day with the serial numbers for the phone and ipod. 

I was absolutely livid while driving home that night, wind rushing in through the non-exisitant passenger window and glass covering the passenger seat and floor.  I will never, ever understand why anyone thinks they have the RIGHT to take something that does not belong to them!  I felt angry and vicitimized and I hated it.  They had my license and knew where I lived.  They had  my medical card and the kid's medical cards, library cards.  Fine, take the credit cards (I can cancel them and already had) and my phone (cancelled that service too) and hell, even my ipod, but damnit, leave me my personal things that are simply a pain in the ass for me to replace! 

I didn't sleep well at all last night...too angry, stunned and a little afraid.  Rationally, I knew that the asshats who broke out my window IN A CHURCH PARKING LOT and stole my stuff, were probably not out to murder me and my family, but it was still a wee bit unnerving. 

This morning I made the appointment for noon to have my window replaced and while that was being done, the Brit took me to get my driver's license replaced.  Then it was to the Sprint store to see how to get a replacement phone.  Once I picked my car back up, I had an hour and a bit before I was to meet Paula and Kirk to go see "Across the Universe", so I headed out to the mall early to try to find a new purse and a new wallet.  I couldn't find a bag I liked for a price I was willing to pay and no one had my Stone Mountain wallet, which I dearly loved, so I was just getting more and more pissed off.  I decided that even more than the ipod these idiots would get, I hoped they kept and read the little Bible I carried in my purse....I hoped they either read it or that someone beat the snot out of them with it (I am not always rational).  I finally found a knitted bag at Old Navy that I could live with and then it was time to meet the friends for the movie. 

They were walking up to the theater about the time I got there and my first words were "There has not even been a word invented to describe the level of pissed off I still am."  To which they replied in unison "The Brit called; the police found your bag."

I was stunned, but skeptical.  Of course they had discarded what would be of no use to them, so maybe at least the medical cards would be there.  I went to the police station after the movie and what was totally amazing was that everything was there other then my now cancelled credit cards and my book of checks.  They didn't take my ipod or my cell phone which totally confused me.  But I was still thrilled to find most of my personal cards and my ipod (I love my music).

So let this be a cautionary tale...don't think you are safe even in what you perceive to be a safe place.  Apparently even in small towns, there are people who think it is their right to help themselves to someone else's stuff.  Oh and if anyone needs an extra driver's license, I now have two.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

NaNoWriMo Ut Oh

So, after deciding to do NaNoWriMo this year, I found out that the first two weeks of November the Brit's brother and sister in law would be visiting us for the first time.  I immediately panicked, but the Brit seems to think that I can manage.  I have completely changed what I was planning to write about to something that is going to be way easier.  My original thoughts were of the Christian fiction novel I have always wanted to write, but after reading Crazy Aunt Purl's book, I came to the realization that something autobiographical could be beneficial, both from a time standpoint as well as it being rather cathartic.  I need to delve into some of my food issues as a way of preparing for a new way of life and that can be done through writing about the experiences that have made me who I am.  In all honesty, I have led a rather interesting life, with some interesting and amusing experiences, so why not write them down?

I am also a little bit sad about not being a part of NaBloPoMo this year, but I don't think I can handle a novel as well as blogging every day for the month of November.  I thought about signing up just to see if it could be done, but the jury is still out on that one.

This Friday is Stitches East in Baltimore and I am going with Kelly, Lisa and Robyn and am very excited.  There have really been few girls days out during the summer months so I'm about starved for one!  I went to this event last year and completely enjoyed it.

I have been posting for quite some time on a message board dealing with weight issues and most recently on the WLS part of that board.  I had visited that part of the board many times over the last year, but have recently become more active there.  It is a small, albeit  warm and friendly bunch of folks with a wonderful moderator from NJ who had the surgery in 2002.  Yesterday, I posted about my consult being scheduled in Baltimore for November 5th (Ack!  Something else to do in November!  I may need the Brit to update my new laptop soon before then!) and today I had a Private Message from the moderator, that goes like this:

Kim - honey - i'm coming down to baltimore on Friday for STITCHES EAST. will you be at stitches, too?? <i saw that you're a knitter!!!> i'm leaving on Sunday - maybe - just maybe - we could meet up????

let me know. we'll tawk!!!!

How amazing is that?  So we exchanged cell numbers and as she will not get down there till the afternoon, she will call when she arrives so we can find a spot to chat for little while.  Just made what will already be a fabulous day that much better!

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

I love fall television

I'm always so happy when the Fall television schedule finally starts up again.  After a long summer of reruns and little to watch, it is so nice to once again be able to engage in a little boob tube time.  So, in the event you are interested, or even if you aren't, here are my pics and opinions on my favorite shows.

Daytime Television:

I don't watch a lot of it, but I do admit to being a bit of a Dr. Phil/Oprah fan if the topic interests me.  There are also times when one or both of them annoy me in some way as well.  Dr. Phil last week had on an up and coming singer and her mother, who the singer girl now hates.  It was obvious the mother and daughter had issues and neither one was guilt free.  What really annoyed me though was the friend of the mother's who chaperoned the daughter on a trip and let the daughter drink, smoke and party.  Dr. Phil never took so much as a swing at her, but boy, I had a lot I wanted to say to her!  Sometimes he just doesn't quite get it right, but more often than not, he is right on the money.

Prime Time:


It just doesn't get much more interesting, amusing or snarky for me than watching this show.  The cast is fabulous, Hugh Laurie is brilliant and I love the little snide joke and remarks.  I have had a great affection for Wilson ever since "The Dead Poet's Society" and have greatly enjoyed seeing his work once again.  House's character is so complex that it keeps you guessing from week about what layer may next be unpeeled.  I love it.

Thursdays-CSI Las Vegas

I know that many people prefer Miami or New York, but for me, Crime Scenes don't get any better than the original cast.  I may be one of the few people on the planet who still wants Jorja Fox in the cast, but that is fine by me, and I was happy to see her return this season.  Now, comes the question on what will happen with her and Gil now that the cat is out of the bag about their relationship.  I could stand to see less of Catherine at times and would like to see them develop some of the other characters a bit more.  The show is probably not for the squeamish, but as long as I avoid the bugs in Gil's office, I do just fine.

Sundays-Brothers & Sisters

If you are not watching this show, you should be.  The cast is amazing.  Sally Field doesn't look a day over "Steel Magnolias" and though I have never seen Calista Flockhart in anything, I love her work.  What also surprises me is how damn good Rob Lowe still looks...not that he's old, but "St. Elmo's Fire" wasn't exactly a movie from last year. 

The show is essentially about a family, minus one deceased father, who left behind both a widow and a mistress.  He also had a child by the mistress that the family has recently found out about.  The family is highly dysfunctional in both a warm and amusing way.  If you haven't watched it, check it out, Sunday nights at 10:00!  You won't be sorry you did!


I am also a fan of "Big Medicine" and "Little People, Big World" but these shows seem to run on different times and now no new episodes are out until winter (I think).  "Big Medicine" is about weight loss surgery and LPBW is about just that...a married dwarf couple, who have children; three of regular stature and one little person. 

So, to end tonight, I thought I'd share this story as a bit of an inspiration:

Hamden (WTNH)_ The Hartford Marathon is expected to draw thousands of runners this week. One Hamden man is running the marathon of his life. (Rest of the story here)

Monday, October 8, 2007

The Strawberry Conspiracy

I have such a headache and it is refusing to go away.  I fear that bed might be the only answer.

This little box nearly sent me into a tizzy today.  Crystal Lite Energy Strawberry flavor has single-handedly had me drinking water for the past six months.  Any of you who know me well, know that I despise water.  Too boring, no flavor.  The flavored waters you can purchase make me want to wretch, as does putting lemon in a glass of H2o.  But six months ago, when I spotted this on the shelf at Wally World, I bought it and fell in love.  64 ounces of water a day is noooo longer an issue; in fact it is the only thing that truly quenches my thirst.

Last week during my grocery shopping excursion at Wally World, I discovered, to my horror, that they didn't have any of the strawberry flavored packs.  I didn't panic as I knew I had another full box at home.  But today, when grocery shopping, they still didn't have it and I was OUT!  I was totally traumatized.  If I'm having RNY in the spring, and I need to get in water, this stuff is what I will probably need (hard to be totally sure of that as they say your tastes change and some things you used to love are suddenly too sweet after surgery).  I finished shopping and tonight, I had to go out and pick up Aaron's meds, so I stopped in at Food Lion to purchase the Crystal Lite.  THEY WERE ALSO OUT OF THE STRAWBERRY!  It is now a conspiracy and I am panicking that they have discontinued it for some reason.  Why else would everyone be out of it.  My concern led me farther away from home to Martins, where I did find it and bought four boxes for a greater price than I pay at Wally World, but hey, can you really put a price on peace of mind in regards to water intake?

Next Tuesday, the Brit and I venture to Hopkins Bayview for an informational session on gastric bypass surgery.  We're supposed to bring our questions, but honestly, with all the message boards and blogs I've been reading, I already know tons!  I will still be anxious to hear what they have to say though and one session is required by who will hopefully be our surgeon.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

No Crying in Baseball

I got the following from a WLS website and loved it.  Plus, I want the Brit to read it and be aware of it.  I think once we have the surgery, I'll be posting this to the fridge as a constant reminder:

"There's noooooooooooooo crying in baseball.....!!!!!!"


That's the sentiment (scenario) that comes to mind sometimes when I hear some of the comments from people who've already had the surgery. In case you haven't made the connection, that's a line Tom Hanks made famous in the movie "A League Of Their Own." Resorting to tears or just giving up every time the going gets tough.   Or your sick of taking vitamins, getting in protein is hard, water doesn't taste good, etc.   That kinda' thinking is NOT going to make you successful or keep you healthy. ENOUGH already! It's time to LOVE yourself enough to get "TOUGH" with your aftercare. Your long term health is worth it!!

Success comes with a backbone, NOT a wishbone!


First and foremost, you have to keep it POSITIVE.   As with everything in life, if you think you can't - you WON'T!  Simple enough?


I have to wonder when "we" (as adults) finally take ownership for our actions, our life and our health?  We have been given a gift, a second chance to actually LIVE life again instead of merely existing on the sidelines.  It's up to each of us to do that as healthily and productively as possible.  


We're ALL statistics waiting to happen and the insurance companies are chomping at the bit.   The bean counters are eager to drop Weight Loss Surgery ("WLS") from the policies; some already have.   Don't you know that any negative feedback thrown into the mix only strengthens their cause?   I may not be able to control every thing that happens to my body after WLS, but most things I can.    I CHOOSE to take control and I will be a positive statistic when the numbers get counted. 


We live in a spoiled society, expecting everything in life to come with a bunch of really cool choices. Well, guess what? When it comes to your health, you're not always going to get a choice. You either DO IT and stay healthy, or you DON'T and your body pays the price.  


The way I saw it, I had a 90 day healing and adjusting period after surgery.   My 'super morbidly obese' body had more then enough stores to survive the learning curve.   In turn, it gave me plenty of time to heal, adjust and learn.  For those of you OVER 90 day's Post-Op, the probation period is over - its time to get serious and LIVE what you've learned.


~*~  You say you can't get in enough liquids through out the day, don't like the taste of water, or just keep forgetting?  --  TOUGH!   It's not an option anymore. Find a way to do it, get suggestions and tips from others in support groups, message boards, etc.   Read, learn and JUST DO IT!!   Why do you think there is a choice here?


~*~ You say you don't like the big horse pill type vitamins, or the tart chalky chewables?'s just too many to bother with?  Or maybe you just can't remember to take them?  --  TOUGH! You gave up the option NOT to take vitamins when you agreed to have your insides rerouted.   FIND a way to get them in; crushed, minced, chopped, liquified, in a shake, etc.   No exceptions, your health depends on it.


~*~ Protein is a must.  So you can't get it all in via foods and you don't like the way the shakes taste?  --  TOUGH!   Either get it through your meals (and there are a gazillion food choices out there) or supplement it with protein shakes and bars.  


Trust me, I don't drink my protein shake every morning because I think it tastes like a chocolate blizzard from Dairy Queen.  I've tried many varieties over the last 2 years.   I'd even venture to say 25 of the top sellers/flavors have crossed my lips.  For the record?   I've yet to find one that is as 'delicious' as boasted by the distributor.  So what.    I still drink one every morning.   My HEALTH dictates that I need "X" grams of protein per day.   If I'm not getting enough from my meals then I supplement a shake.   'Nuff said.


This surgery is a gift, I owe it to me and everyone else fighting the approval process, to do it right!     I will continue to choke down my vitamins, my water and my protein every single day, for the REST OF MY LIFE.   Some days will be easier then others, regardless, no days will be missed.


It's all about discipline. Create a routine, set a timer, develop a pattern, tie a string around your finger, glue a note to your forehead, whatever it takes.


You're an adult - take responsibility!   If this surgery doesn't slap a back bone into you, not much will.

Written by * Leilani

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Consult Scheduled.....check!

So today the surgeon's office called to schedule our consults.  November 5th.  Woot!

Tonight was Weight Watchers.  The Brit was running a little late, in a meeting, so I arrived first and went inside.  Several years ago, I went to this same WW for a few months and as soon as I walked in, the smell hit me.  I don't know what it was, but I remembered it and maybe it is what diet failure smells like, I don't know (at least for me.  I know others very much succeed on this program).  My heart immediately started to beat faster as I was met in the door by thin woman who led me to the forms I needed to fill out for the Brit and myself.  I immediately didn't like her, because below her name tag it said "I lost 24 pounds in 1998."  Now, I know that extra weight is extra weight and to someone 24 pounds overweight, that was a big deal.  But in the face of that smell and my rapidly beating heart, my only thoughts were that (as Robyn said) "24 pounds?  Honey, I can GAIN that in a weekend!"  Obviously, with the amount of weight I want to lose, I have a problem relating to someone who was 24 pounds overweight, who lost it and has kept it off for nearly ten years.  Honestly, Leader Lady, that is wonderful, but I'm facing surgery to get rid of my weight issue that is so far over 24 pounds....nevermind.  I was feeling cynical when I walked in the door and the feeling continued and we'll leave it at that.

So, I filled out my paperwork and another lady gave me my little books and things and then said the dreaded "You can step on scale" words.  The way it works now is that when you get on the scale, you cannot see your numbers; only the chick behind the counter can, which is nice for privacy if there are other members around.  So, I get on the scale and chick behind the counter says, and I kid you not, "YOU DID PUT YOUR HANDBAG DOWN, RIGHT?"  Nope, skinny lady, I have it around my freakin' neck, along with my kitchen sink which is neatly tucked inside of it.  Though it isn't very Christian-like, I had the urge to smack her.

The meeting wasn't terrible.  The people were nice enough.  The fact of the matter is that Miss 24 pounds was not telling me anything I didn't already know or hadn't heart a kabillion times before.  Obviously, I didn't tell anyone that I was there for an insurance requirement to have RNY surgery, but I would actually like to give it my best shot of losing 10% of my weight.  That will not only shrink my liver for surgery, but also help to put me in the best possible health for surgery which will help make recovery faster and hopefully with no complications.  If I have to be there and do this, I'd may as well do the best I can to make it a positive thing...despite Ms 24 pounds and the handbag lady.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Must sleep soon

I'm thinking the Brit is going to have to watch television downstairs tonight before bed so that I can go to sleep before 11:00.  Generally, 11:00 is my bedtime, but then there are nights where I am just TIRED and want to curl up under the covers around 10:00 or 10:30.  Tonight may need to be one of those nights.

Would you believe that is the most exciting thing I have to say today?  The week so far has been uneventful.  Tomorrow, Weight Watchers begins and I am way not looking forward to it.  So glad I only have to do it for three months instead of six. 

Okay, that's it for now.  Maybe tomorrow will be more interesting.