Sunday, September 23, 2012

My Ass is Kicked

I think I would blog more if my computer worked properly.  Honestly.  Keys don't work, I have to use the Shift on the left side of the keyboard only because the other one is broken, keys's amazing really.

BAD WEEKEND.  It didn't start out bad....not completely though I think life was giving me warnings on Friday when little shit was going wrong.  I had a sleep over on Friday night with some of my dearest friends in the world and had an amazing time.  The Brit was taking the Red Eye home from San Francisco and the kids were at grandma's for the night.  We had four bottles of wine, played games, laughed a lot and went to bed very late.

Woke up Saturday to finding out that The Genius had gotten up in the middle of the night at grandma's and took her car for a spin.  He doesn't have a license and has not yet done driver's education because we won't let him until he becomes motivated enough to get a job.  He drove from Clear Spring to McDonalds and then to Williamsport.  When heading back to grandma's house he was pulled over by the police and will have to go to court. I guess as he was in the grandparent's care and their car, the police called them and left us a voice mail at home, where no one was, so we did not know about it until 10:00 Saturday morning...which bothers me a little bit.  

After talking to a therapist through my EAP, I went out, picked him up and took him to the hospital for an evaluation.  They asked him a million questions.  He was pretty emotional, not suicidal and very shaken up.  Said he had never been so scared as he was when he was pulled over.  He and I actually had a really good conversation. I figured it was of little use to be yelling; he only shuts down.  He always has.  I learned some thinks through the therapist's questions that I had never known before- such as that his bio-dad used to smack around his bio-mom.  He remembers that, but very little else about his childhood.  

The therapist and I talked privately and she was wonderful.  She had seen many other adopted kids like The Genius and was knowledgeable about them.  She recommended a therapist and when I explained his last therapist she shook her head and said "He doesn't need a buddy-he needs an aggressive therapist."  She also wants a meds re-evaluation.  She said she would have diagnosed him that day on depressive something or other but I forget the term she used.  She said that some things that can help these kinds of kids are over-praising what he does right, hugging often etc.  She told me without my having to tell her that she knew I barely knew this kid because he is a closed book and she knew my stress levels with him were through the rough, but she said lots of hugging, even if I don't feel it.  That's a hard one for me, because I am not overly huggy anyway, but I am trying.  We have had several good conversations since yesterday which feels like a good start if I can keep him talking.  Per the therapist, he is not longer allowed to answer questions we ask him with "yes, no, I don't know or fine."  She said he had lots of stuff deep down in his gut that need to come out and she is hoping with a good therapist, in six months time, we will see a difference in him.  

But it has been stressful at my house.  The Brit is still not speaking to him which is frustrating and fruitless in my opinion.   I know we all get upset with him as he pulls some stunts and he always has, but I still think we have to work through it all together.  Being a mom, this scared me too as no matter how not close I have felt to this child, I still hope that one day he can live a normal life.  If he can't, I at least want to know I have done all I could for him.  He has always had issues and has always been closed off and so far, no therapist has been able to reach him.  I am hoping that one with a reputation for being aggressive might be able to do just that.  

So long weekend....

There may be another interesting story in the next day or two that has nothing to do with my kids...will keep you posted.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Recovery is a Process

So pink eye or as the doctor said "viral conjunctivitis" takes a long time to heal when your doctor sucks.  Thus was my experience with The Bergman Eye Center.  The doctor told me even after a second visit that it just had to run its course.  After nine days of not being able to read, drive or watch television, missing two days of work and popping pain killers for the agony that had become my eyes which looked like they were bleeding, I consulted my regular eye doc (my PCP had set up the specialist appointment with Bergman).  My eye doc was appalled at the treatment I had received and promptly prescribed me three medications that had me improving in 12 hours.  Almost three weeks later, my eyes are still not completely back to normal, but I have been able to resume normal activities.  

Food-wise I am doing better.  I am in the process of setting new rules for myself such as:
1) No fast food-cannot believe I fell back into this at all.  It was not severe but it was bad enough to remind myself that I know better.
2) No soda.  One cup of coffee, then water or tea.  Period.  No diet soda either.  Too much sodium and I have read some scary things about diet soda.
3) Exercise is a must.  

I  have lost eight pounds in the last two weeks.  I can handle that.  I am a dieting expert but now it is time to become a food expert.  I know what is bad for me and bad is okay now and then, but only now and then.   The fact remains that I feel so much better when I eat well.  When I eat crap, I feel like crap and every time I feel like crap I am reminded of that fact.  Wish I could bottle the horrible feeling unhealthy food gives me and take a tiny sip of it when I am tempted to not eat well.  It would make my life so much easier.  

Okay, going to try to blog much more regularly now that I can see again!


Monday, September 3, 2012

Pink Eye and Weight Gain and Sinuses...Oh My!

Life has been rough since August 12th.  Started with a sinus infection which has gone on forever despite antibiotics.  Now I have spent the holiday weekend with bilateral pink eye, which has been bangin'. They look slightly better now than they did this morning so i am hoping the eye antibiotics are working.

So here I am again, trying to turn over a new leaf.  I could probably not even step up the exercise (though it would not hurt) if I turned down the food.  Every day starts out with the best of intentions, but then something gets stressful or there is a better lunch offer on the table than what I have brown bagged, and it all goes to hell.  

Obviously, control with food has always been an issue in my life and WLS did not fix it.  I am far from gaining everything back I lost but I also know if I don't get things back in order, it could only be a matter of time.  I'm in an exercise rut as well; still kickboxing once a week and walking a few nights a week but I need to switch up the walking route I think.  I have read that the body gets accustomed to one routine and it no longer reacts the way we want it to.  It's just easier to keep walking the same route.

Nighttime snacking is another issue, so issues I got!  Carbs have always been the issue.  Oddly enough, I love fresh fruits and veggies but prepackaged carbs are easier.  Do we see a theme here?  

Working full time has given me an issue the last year and a half.  I am tired when I get off work and morning workouts are not really an option due to kids, school and well, I am not a morning person.  The flip side of this, of course is that getting my weight back down will make me feel better in all aspects.

The other battle I face is living with all males who eat all the freakin' time. An hour after dinner, they are back in the fridge and then a half hour after that, etc.  The good news is that usually they are watching male stuff on television so I go upstairs.  What I need to change is that when I go upstairs I need to get on the treadmill and watch something interesting.  It is easy (there is that word again) to fall into the patterns of those around you, whether it be at home or at work.  I work with many people who are not healthy eaters, several who get fast food several times a week, one who does not eat properly as in she doesn't eat enough (for lunch she drinks a bottle of water if she is hungry).  I can easily fall into the fast food pattern and have on too many occasions lately.  

Now the good news is that every day is a new start.  Tomorrow it begins again.  I know how to play by the rules and need to go back to not doing what is easy.

Easy needs to no longer exist in my health world.