I am currently trying to get over "the foamies" before I head to the gym. I decided that I needed something to eat prior to going and thoughI have eaten this snack many times before, today it is not going well.
Susan asked me about protein shakes and I am not the best person to ask about this. Honestly, I never found one I liked. Carnation Instant Breakfast sugar free is okay and I did drink those early on, but they are not real high in protein. 10 grams, maybe? Or is it 5? I tried Nectar proteins and unflavored proteins and it was all like YUCK. Oh and just a tip....unflavored does not mean "without taste". It has taste, believe me and it is gross. Kim H left a comment on yesterday's blo post about protein, which reads:
I guess that protein shakes were the only thing left out on the list - especially since each of our hospital experiences has been so different...
I used Isopure shakes, but I know that we've all had different preferences there too. It was what my doctor told me to use, and each shake has 50 grams of protein in it. Now, when I first started out - I only could take in about 1/4 cup at a time... I can still only get in 1/2 cup now - so it'll take the entire day to get it in, but when you first get out of surgery - that's pretty good. I made the shakes with milk too which raised the protein level a little higher.
I guess the hardest part is that this is still such a guessing game for all of us - that's why it's so great to have people you can talk to about each step of the process. All you can do is take the information in and figure out the best way for you.
Susan's surgery is 4 days shy of my 1 year anniversary!!
And Jaime, who is not a WLS patient said this:
I thought of you a few days ago when I was the university food co-op, and they were selling Bolthouse Farms drinks. Have you heard of them? I had tried their Vanilla Chai drink quite a while ago, and they had it, so I got another one (I remembered that I really liked it).
It has 19 grams of protein per bottle (10g/8 oz, and almost 16 oz/bottle), is dairy free, and low fat and cholesterol free. And it tastes amazing. Anyway, the high protein content made me think of you... the website, if you're interested:
I will say, Susan, I have tried the Bolthouse Farms and they aren't terrible. But again, this is just me. Some folks find protein they really like, I was unfortunately, never one of them. I think there are places where you can order sample packs of protein and maybe someone who is reading may have some links for that. The Bolthouse Farms, Susan, I can find in most grocery stores, generally with produce.
I have found some protein bars that I like, but again they are not the highest in protein. Kashi makes a Pumpkin Spice granola bar that is absolutely yummy if you like pumpkin and it is like 10 grams of protein. SouthBeach also makes a cranberry walnut chewy bar that is good and is also 10 grams of protein. SB actually makes several 10 protein gram bars depending on your tastes. The Brit loves the Cinnamon Raisin one and though I did at first as well, it soon became too sweet for me (Never thought I'd see the day when ANYTHING would be too sweet for me!).
Protein is a lot of trial and error. Best piece of advice I can think of is Google "protein samples" and try to find some. I spent a lot of money on large containers of protein that I wound up hating. Also, always check the comments here as the girls may very well leave some links that you can check out. They say that BariatricEating.com has great stuff, but I think it is a little pricey, but she may have sample packs available which would be well worth it!
Well, the foamies have subsided, so I need to go find my iPod and get ready to sweat!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
I was very happily down two more pounds this morning! So that leaves 38 pounds to go till ONEDERLAND!
I know some people refer to "Onederland" as that first 100 pounds lost, but for me it is that scale hitting 199. I cannot wait to see that number! No matter where you are, the morning I hit that puppy, you will hear my screams of glee!
I am still hitting the YMCA five days a week and my love/hate relationship with the elliptical continues to improve. Today, I actually programmed it to increase resistance off and on for twenty minutes. Nearly killed me, but I feel fabulous when it is all over and done with. The newness of being able to exercise with more ease than I have ever been to in my life has not yet worn off. When I sprint up the stairs in my house, I still sometimes marvel at the top how I am not out of breath. My body is becoming my new toy and I am just thrilled and enchanted with the things it can do when it is not hauling around an extra 78 pounds! Today at the church, I RAN down the hall to tell some folks something. Did ya catch that? I RAN! And no one was chasing me. And I was not out of breath from the effort. Holy crap, someone pinch me, will ya? There are days my mind will just not catch up with the transformation of my body. Today was one of those days.
Susan's surgery date is November 11th and girl, I am counting down the days with you! This is such an exciting, nerve-wracking time. I remember it well! So other WLS surgery girls, what advice do you have for this pre-op? Here is what really worked for me:
- If you have family living with you, do some meals for them in advance and freeze them. I did that for The Brit and the kids, so that in my first few days home, I didn't have to deal with cooking. It made things very easy!
- Make sure you buy all your vitamins and supplements so you have them. Your calcium, Flintstone Chewables, etc. Also stock up on some sugar free pudding (I did the instant and then all I had to do was mix it once I got home) and sugar free popsicles (The sugar free fudgesicles are awesome, btw). Soup broths, etc. You are so not going to be hungry when you get home, but you still have to put things in your system. Also, the Danon Light and Fit yogurt, has the least amount of sugar and 5 grams of protein and it comes in yummy flavors. You will be introduced to it at Bayview!
- Know that you are probably going to go home on a blood thinner injectable. It sucks but is necessary. If you can't bring yourself to stick yourself (this will be in the tummy) prepare the hubby!
- Best thing to do to avoid clots and to get yourself moving in the right direction once you get home? WALK. I couldn't make it far at all at first as surgery really makes you tire easily, but each day, often more than once a day, I would take a little walk outside; down to the end of the street, eventually further. Exercise is so important and I realize that fully now. You'll want to tone up as you lose, as soon as you are able to do so. Don't overly push yourself as your body is healing; do what is comfortable. A few months after surgery, you will start to feel like you can take on the world!
- Document. I had The Brit take Before photos the day before my surgery, then I have him take pics every three months. Please do this. Your mind takes awhile to believe what is happening to your body, but when I could place my Before and current After side by side, my mind could no longer deny the changes. Plus, it documents your WL journey and it is a journey.
So, what did I forget, girls?
Sunday, September 28, 2008
I have The Brit's blessing to go do "A Christmas Carol" and now I am wondering if I want to take up my free time to do it. I do miss it though and with JJ willing to give it a shot, it would something fun to do with him. And I'd have to come up with a song to audition with! Ugh! I'm still thinking.
Today was dull. Church, groceries, ebay postings and I'm really sleepy. With the weekend starting with the robbery, it has just wiped me out. The Brit will call the insurance people tomorrow. I want a camera. I know it is just a material thing and the most important thing is that we are all okay, cats and people alike. But I love photographing those moments I love and freezing them in time and this is my favorite time of the year for pictures. Fall is so beautiful and there are all the harvest festivals, etc. But, there is always next year.
Hope you all have a great Monday!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
So tonight we went to see "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" at the Apollo. They did an amazing job and it was so much fun to see four of my friends in the show and another working backstage!
However, it made me realize one thing.
I really miss doing live theater.
Auditions for the musical "A Christmas Carol" are next weekend and in talking to Mandy, she said the director wants about 50 people in the cast, both adults and kids. JJ may have an interest since his buddy, Delaney is going to do the show. I just need a blessing from The Brit to do it. I think it runs two weekends and if I remember correctly, The Apollo breaks the rehearsal schedule down so that not everyone has to be there every night, but that could vary per director.
I would never want to go back to doing back to back shows like I used to do and those shows ran eight weeks. But two weekends, a show here and there? I would love it. "A Christmas Carol" would give me a gentle easing back into it as it has been six years since I've been on stage (or maybe 7). It is about a twenty minute drive to get there as it is in WV, but I don't see myself ever doing theater in my town again (I am not a fan of the two theater companies here, though I have done shows with both groups in the past.) We'll check The Brit's mood tomorrow and maybe discuss it. Reheasal nights could be a bit crazy, but doable.
Still reeling a little from our break in, but neighbors have given us some information and they also spoke with the police. We have a very possible lead on who it was but we have to wait for a detective to be assiged to the case.
I miss theater...and my camera.
Friday, September 26, 2008
So I got home today after going to the Y and I immediately went upstairs to run a vacuum cleaner. When I plugged it in I noticed that there was a sponge in the toilet that had fallen out of the cupboard above the toilet, but the cupboard wasn't opened. I shrugged it off as one of those things and vacuumed JJ's room, the bathroom and the hallway. As I pushed the vacuum into the walk-in closet, I frowned. Some things had been knocked over; like a suitcase, and a few things were just slightly out of place, but as I have six cats, I figured they had simply gotten into one of their kitty crazies and I continued to vacuum. As I vacuumed my room, I noticed the pillows on our bed were out of place, so I called The Brit at work to ask him if he had come home in the middle of the day today. He had not. I again shrugged it off as the cats. But as I looked again, more seemed strange. We have a cedar chest in our room and stuff was askew on it (again, could be cats having one helluva party).
Tidying up the dresser, I picked up about six pennies that The Brit had taken out of his pocket the night before and opened my closet door. To the right, just inside my closet, we keep a Honey Brown beer pail which we throw all our loose change into. I never have to look as I know right where it is, so I tossed the pennies to it.
And they all landed on the floor.
The bucket was gone. Okay, that absolves the cats. I opened up The Brit's closet to see if maybe he had moved the bucket for some strange reason and what I found was that all his clothes had been moved to one side of the rack. He never does that. Turning around, I notice that two of our dresser drawers were not firmly closed because clothing was caught in them. I never do that.
I was soon on the phone calling 911 and waiting for a police officer. While we waited (Aaron had arrived home by this time) we discovered that they had stolen my beloved (and rather expensive) Canon EOS 30D camera, my guitar, a video camera, a handful of DVDS, our two boxes of checks from the desk, prescription meds from the medicine cabinet and the change out of the computer room as well. They had gotten in through a window one of the boys had forgotten to lock the day before.
I was livid over the whole thing. I called The Brit and he came right home after calling the bank to freeze our accounts for a few days. We do have a lead that I'm not going to discuss here right now and I have also already called all the pawn shops to give information on the electronics and the guitar (thank heavens for saved boxes!).
I'll let you know how it all turns out. I will just never understand how anyone thinks it is okay to take something that doesn't belong to them. We work as hard as the next guy and no one has that right.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
In light of last's night blog about making myself to go work out, can I just say that as of this morning, I am OUT OF THE 240S!!! Check the weight ticker box, people! FINALLY! Felt like I was never going to see 230-anything, but here we are! Going to the gym last night? Totally worth it to see that number today!
Secondly, I swiped this from "She's a Rebel; She's a Saint" (who totally rocks, btw) (and for some odd reason my hyperlink thing is not working this morning, so I will check it when I get home.) and I really liked it. Hope you do too.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
So this afternoon, I went to lunch with Paula, our new pastor's wife, and Ruth, our Parish Administrator. My plan was to go to the gym after lunch and then to the post office to mail off eBay items to buyers, but lunch turned into a gabfest (all good and much fun) and before I knew it, it was 3:00. There was no way I had time to work out and go to the post office and still be home by 4:00 when JJ gets off the bus. So, I elected to skip my workout. I rationalized that I had not skipped a day in three weeks and that one day was not going to kill me. So, I did the post office thing and then headed home.
Once home, I did a few chores and then sat down to finish watching The Biggest Loser, which I have just started watching this season. The guilt began to eat away at me and along with that, fear. Guilt that I hadn't gone to the gym; fear that my allowing myself to not go could become a habit.
Wednesday is Wings night for us, so after Wings, I went to the YMCA and completed my workout.
I just can't let myself not take full advantage of this first year after WLS. I just can't. There is too much at stake, like how much weight I lose. Like how much, if any plastic surgery I will need (and for the record, I so don't want to have to have more surgery). I need to work and tone NOW while I am still losing weight and gaining muscle. I want to give this first year everything I have to give. WLS was not a "get out of work free" card. I can either coast along and let my weight be whatever it is, or I can work my butt off and maximize my investment.
The latter is my only option because I am deeming it as so.
Oh and for anyone trying to reach me via cell...my phone is dead. I'll be seeing the Sprint people tomorrow.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
On a whim today, I stopped into the Rescue Mission, then Good Will to look for fall and winter clothes. I hit paydirt.
For just over $40, I got two pairs of jeans (one CJ Banks and one Lee), one turtleneck sweater, one fall shirt and like 7 gorgeous sweaters. One of the sweaters is hand knitted...I paid $6 for it. A CJ Banks sweater? $6. It was even better than eBay, as there was no shipping charge.
And you know what was really cool? Other than the hand knitted sweater (which is black with lovely flower designs knitted on it) none of what I bought was black. I used to live in black and now, I avoid it most of the time. That is progress!
The rest of the day was uneventful really. Still hitting the gym five days a week. It's taking me about twenty minutes
for the elliptical to kick my assto do two miles on the elliptical, so I'm making up the ten minutes on the treadmill as I just can't do a full thirty minutes yet on that baby. I'm wondering at what point, I need to change up my weight workouts. When a machine gets easier, do I do more reps or increase the weight? So much I don't know!
Monday, September 22, 2008
I've been following a blogger for quite some time who gives me great faith in the human race, especially now, when my vision has been blurred by issues too close to home.
Crystal over at Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper has a heart about as wide as the ocean itself. She is a woman who has lived through more than her fair share of heartache and hard knocks, and her life can make any piddly little issues I've been seeing lately look like a walk in the park. Though she and her incredible husband often have trouble making ends meet for themselves and their three children, Crystal never asks for things for herself. But she spends a lot of time doing for others to the point that she gets requests for help. She gives her readers a chance to contribute financially to whatever her current cause is and many of them jump right in, anxious to do something for the greater good.
But her latest request from someone has caused several of her readers to complain and gripe about her often being a "charity blog". They have even gone so far to say they are no longer going to read her, which I find sad. So few people are willing to put themselves out there in order to try to help others, but this woman, who has so little, yet is so rich in so many ways, does it again and again. And I love her for it.
Crystal can curse like a sailor, would give her life for her children and knows that Jesus is her Savior. Does she sometimes become too involved? Maybe. But what a refreshing change from people who can't see past the end of their nose.
Reminds me of a song by Casting Crowns:
It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in
Trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way
A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances
Are better out on the road
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the Body of Christ
If we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
Jesus is the way
Crystal is one who is definately part of the body. I wish more people would aspire to be the same.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
I scarfed this up from blogger A Blog in the Rough and decided to use it as my Sunday night post due to spending the day cleaning the basement and then ending my Sunday with dealing with more church crap (I want all people to leave me alone on the weekends when it comes to stress at church. I am there four hours a day, five days a week, when I get paid to be stressed out; I don't want to do it for free.)
Anyway, this blogger bought a book about themes to blog about and the first one is as follows:
This first post is #28 - Blow Your Budget
"Imagine you've just come into ten million dollars. How do you spend it? Put together a wish list of epic proportions -perhaps a six burner gas grill (for your yacht)." (If ten million isn't enough, add some more!).
The first thing I would do is to pay off our debts. We don't have tons but we have enough. Once we are debt free, I would sell my house and move close to the Eastern Shore, but not right on the water; just within commuting distance of maybe 45 minutes to an hour. I would then buy us a sweet little farm, just big enough for two dogs and maybe four horses, all rescues, in addition to the cats we already have. The house would be a typical roomy farm house, large country kitchen, huge living room with fireplace, 3 bathrooms, minimally four bedrooms, finished basement for the kids to have their friends over. It has a huge wrap-around porch and a big deck out back with a fire pit and a hot tub. Hmmm, what else do I want? I would find myself a church with just enough members to be comfortable, where stress and contention are not the emotions of choice (I'm still so upset right now about things that are being made worse than they have to be). Weekends would be spent on the water with our jet boat or horseback riding through our fields and surrounding areas.
I would donate a sum of the money to a local no kill animal shelter. I would spend the weekdays while The Brit is working (I'm not sure he would ever be able to not work as he might get bored) and the kids are in school, working on my second best selling novel.
Hey, if you're gonna dream, dream big!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
So this morning, I wake up and The Brit is sitting on the edge of the bed, and he's bouncing around and I woke up (He was actually putting on his socks, I think).
Me: (Mumbling sleepily) What are you doing?
The Brit: A tap dance (he often gives me sarcastic answers in a teasing manner).
Me: Are you any good?
Him: Nah, I'm crap.
So a few minutes later, once he is fully dressed with his shoes on, he attempts the tap dance until I am giggling.
Fast forward to tonight and we go to dinner at The Orchid Garden. At the end of the meal, we each get a fortune cookie. The Brit's reads as follows:
"Just because you put tap shoes on an elephant doesn't mean he can dance."
Priceless and the timing? Impeccable.
Friday, September 19, 2008
I've just been reminded of how chilly it gets at night this time of year. I just had to close the windows in the computer room. Brrrr.
So, I have about two dozen little holes in my neck at the moment that are smarting a wee bit. I found out a couple of weeks ago that a friend of mine (not a close friend; she works as a waitress part time and we met her by being customers.) worked for a dermatologist in Martinsburg. So, I thought it was time to have a consult about these horrid skin tags that I have hated for years. I wasn't expecting them to actually be removed today, but there ya go. They would be gone. Not too painfully. Kind of irritating as they numb the skin by each tag with a little needle. Not overly painful, but needles in general make my palms sweaty. The actual clipping off of the tags I didn't feel at all until the last few hours when the numbing agent wore off and now they are stinging a bit. She also took off a mole that was two different colors and that needed to be sent to the lab to make sure it was nothing scary.
I have a dream of going to Deep Creek Lake when the leaves are turning and I just discovered this. I wanna go. I really want to take a bunch of photos up there because it is a beautiful place anyway, but I have never seen it when the leaves are changing. It's my favorite place to boat, but our boat is currently in the shop having a hole repaired but we won't talk about that.
Oh! And in other news...we are finally doing something with our stupid kitchen! If you remember, it looks like this:
We have hated the fridge for forever, but knew to move it to somewhere else, would require a bit of work with some new cabinets and counters, blah, blah, blah. Well, after like 7 years, we have finally ordered cabinets, additional counter and yes, a new fridge! The hutch, which you can just see to the right side of the photo will move into the dining room (which we use as an additional sitting room). Then on that wall, we'll put the new fridge, with cabinets around it, one of them being a full pantry (YES!). Where the fridge is now, we will extend the counter space, replace the cabinet above it to something more user friendly (translation, where short asses like myself can actually reach what is in it) and then add a cabinet under the new counter as well. I cannot wait!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I got nuttin today. I'm tired, having been up since about 6:15 and had a full day today, including praise band rehearsals starting back up and I didn't get home from there until 9:30 tonight. I'm headachy as well.
But can I tell ya'll that my hormones are all over the map lately? They said this would happen with weight loss, but good golly. Not that is all in a bad way...but this is a PG rated blog
Okay, I know this is short, but I'm sleepy and heading to bed. I'll do better tomorrow!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I have this irrational need to try to make sure everyone is happy at my church. We're small, we need everyone, but we aren't always going to get along. That doesn't make anyone WRONG, it only means that people perceive things differently or react to things differently. When an issue arises, I rarely see anyone as wrong and I know for myself, it is okay to have a difference of opinion.
We're having some growing pains right now. We have this amazing new pastor, who I genuinely like. Fact is though, we have been without a permanent pastor for over three years. So what does that mean? That means that we have carried the church. It means that a handful of people stepped up to the plate and made sure that we survived. And I think those people did it well.
Now, something that shouldn't have been a big deal, has turned into a big deal. Where I don't think anyone was WRONG, I also don't think anyone handled it perfectly either, but we can't handle anything perfectly as we are human beings with faults. We simply do the best we can and hope that is okay, but apparently in this case, it's not okay.
Sometimes it's hard for me to understand because more often than not, I can let things roll off me. Or, I can take my frustrations to a safe place to vent, gain new perspective, and then I move on, but not everyone can do this. So, here comes my innate need to make it all okay. And I tried. I touched base with wounded parties, I tried to correct other parties who weren't seeing things clearly, as I had been present for part of the problem (on the sidelines thankfully). I stress over it, I worry.
But the fact is that all the worrying in the world isn't going to change how anyone feels. No matter how much I want to be the peacemaker, I can't be that. I tried. It's not working. So, I have to let it go. I have to let God.
I can't heal a heart, but He can. I can't make someone want to forgive, but He can. I've had to realize that it isn't up to me. Even when I feel on top of the world, that doesn't mean I can save it. I simply don't have that kind of power. It's been a hard thing to let go of, because it is ingrained in me. But God wants me to let go.
It reminds me of lyrics from a Cheri Keaggy song:
Sweet peace of God come over me
Like a gift from Heaven
Sweet peace of God take hold of me
Before I lose it forever
For I haven't been thinking much about You
And I know I've lived my life in vain if I live without you
Sweet peace of God come over me
Jesus you deserve more than I'm giving
For You gave your life so I can find the land of the living
Sweet peace of God come over me
Cause I can't find peace in the ways of the world
And I can't find the love that I'm seeking
So I won't waste my time
I will leave them behind
And run to the One whose been there all the time
Holding on to my life
Only You can be the refuge that I need
In the shelter of Your loving arms is where you will find me
Sweet peace of God come over me
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I wanna go Christmas shopping.
Not just random Christmas shopping. I want to plan a trip...a girl trip. Maybe to Gettysburg or downtown Frederick, some place I have always wanted to explore. A place with little original shops and not full of chain stores. I'm thinking Kelly, Lisa, Shell, Robyn? Anyone have any suggestions? Obviously, I don't want to go like this weekend or anything. Maybe the end of October or early November?
Life just suddenly feels as if it is full of endless possibilities. Nothing feels impossible and everything feels exciting and new. Who'd of thought, eh? If I were a person who regretted things, I would be regretting waiting until I was 41 to have my surgery. But I'm a person who doesn't believe in regrets because every life experience causes me to learn something and therefore makes me the person I am today. No. Everything happened exactly the way it was supposed to happen.
So many of my WLS goals are so close at hand. I'd venture to say that in a few more months, I will be reposting the list I made and bolding several things that have been accomplished. The world has suddenly opened up to me, or so it feels like. Does that make any sense? I'm not always sure that the actual physical weight loss has anything to do with it, but it is more of the mental changes within myself that have occurred because of the weight loss. I feel like I can accomplish almost anything.
No, not every day is a joy to behold. I still have my moods and there are days when things just don't go the way I wish they would, but even the bad days feel different now than they would have six months ago. I feel better equipped to handle them somehow.
I think the biggest change is the fact that I no longer beat myself up about doing something about my weight. I have done something; I am doing something every single day to be healthy and fit. The hours I used to spend feeling sad, writing in journals about how much I hated my weight, making lists of the things I was going to do to correct the situation, diet after diet, starving myself at times. It's almost mind boggling. I would lie in bed at night, resolving that tomorrow would be the day that I would find a way to turn it all around, only to arrive at bedtime twenty-four hours later to knowing that very little had changed, or even if I had changed a lot of things, wondering how long I would be able to keep up the regime and how long it would take to get down to a healthy weight.
I don't have those thoughts anymore. Working out is so much easier now than it was at 315 pounds and five days a week, I simply act as if there is no other choice other than going to the gym. I just don't give myself the option. I go. do. I feel good about it. I'm starting to like sweating, because it means I'm working harder than I have ever worked before.
Food no longer has the hold on me it once did because I'm too busy to spend much time thinking about it. When weight keeps you exhausted and lethargic, what else is there to do but think about what to eat? When I'd feel angry or depressed, I'd reach for comfort food, but now, I do something physical instead. I work out, I clean, I move, I walk, I ride. Hell, even the sex is better (sorry if that is TMI, but we're all about the honesty here at knittenknittens.).
I'm living my life and learning new things about it and me, every single day.
And I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Some days are so incredibly busy and where that generally doesn't bother me one iota, it does bother me when no one else can see that there are days when EVERYONE is busy. This post is a rant and if that bothers anyone, stop reading now.
My day started out with work and clearing out a Sunday school room, helping to move large partitions and foozeball tables out of the way for a teacher. Then I took from the downstairs about three loads of garbage; boxes, bags, etc. From the church I went to the gym, where I worked out, then I was actually home for a full twenty minutes, where I changed clothes and then headed back out the door to take the kids to the dentist. Got out of the dentist at four thirty as my eldest would rather not brush his teeth, so he took forever because there was much scraping involved. Once we finally got out of there, it was onward to Walmart for groceries and I was reminded again of why I hate to take them to the store with me. Got home just in time to meet up with the man from Lowe's who was coming to measure the kitchen, so putting away groceries would have to wait until that was finished.
So once he left, I put away groceries, cat food, etc and then had to fix the kids dinner. Both wanted omlets, as The Brit was in a meeting and would not be home for dinner. When The Brit is not home for dinner, I don't really cook, because there is just no point. The kids are easily pleased with something simple and they look forward to it, so it makes all three of us happy. I still had other things I wanted to accomplish and as eggs are not agreeing with me anymore, I elected to eat later (though here it is almost 9:00 and I still haven't had anything yet.). So once they were fed and those dishes cleaned up, I gathered up and started laundry, watered plants, and vacuumed, then cleaned up all the crap the kids had thrown on my desk upon walking in the door. By this time, we are pushing 8:00 and I'm tired and wanting to watch Dr. Phil from Friday, which I have yet to finish. I actually got a whole twenty minutes of sitting down time before The Brit got home.
I guess I assumed that when one is not going to be home for dinner, one will take care of feeding oneself or at least let me know they are hungry and what they would like. But as someone else had a long day too, he elected to be cranky about the whole thing until I defrosted meat and cooked it for him (I have still not had dinner). Of course, despite the fact that, I too, was tired, I was not in a bad mood until his mood affected mine. Being tired is a delicate balance apparently.
Sorry, Brit, but I'm ranting here because I'd rather do it here than at you, as we are both tired and cranky and I would prefer not to argue. Simply not worth it. So now that the homework is finished, the kids are in bed, the house is tidy and the second load of laundry is in, I'm going to go find something not too terribly bad to eat this late at night.
Tomorrow is looking better already other than I have to start it out with a PAP smear as Aunt Flo was visiting two weeks ago at my appointment so they need to redo the PAP. I figure things can only go up from there, right?
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Today was not a good day to be my pouch. Or my food for that matter.
The Brit and I went to lunch today as I had a hankering for crab in some form, so there is a restaurant across town that has incredible crabcakes. As it comes with fries, I substituted a side salad, which they brought out first. So of course, by the time I had eaten part of the salad, I could only manage 1/4 of my crabcake. So, we boxed it up and I was looking forward to eating it later.
Upon arriving home, my neighbor across the street waved me over as they had another stray cat (we just found a home for one a few weeks ago and now there is another). As we discussed how thin this kitty was and that I recommended kitten food for the calories to put some weight on this little guy, and how they could put neosporin on the little wound on his back leg, the boxed up crabcake and my iced tea, which I had unwittingly sat on the hood of The Brit's car, promptly slid off and fell into the street. Crabcake and tea everywhere. So much for dinner.
So tonight, I heated up a bit of leftover steak and an ear of corn, which was not going down well at all. I finally gave up and ate a handful of grapes. Yes, the protein of my day sucked, but there are just days when nothing makes the pouch happy. Some people name their pouches, but I refuse because I think it is silly. However, if I were to name it and named it today, I would dub him Grumpy. And yes, he would be a male....
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Though today started out badly, the picnic was wonderful. Jim and Ruth have a cabin at The Woods in West Virginia that is adorable and if it were mine, I would be there every weekend. Paula, The Brit and I along with our kids and two of the teens, went down to the pool to go swimming and spent some time in the hot tub as well. We got to looking at their brochure of spa items and before we knew it, The Brit had talked both Paula and myself into a half hour massage.
Neither of us had ever had one before, but I had always wanted one. We went for head, shoulders and back and OMG. Amazing. We both loved it. Every. Freaking. Minute. Of. It. We have already decided that as our Christmas gifts to each other, we are going back, having an hour massage and a facial (something else we have never experienced). Already, I cannot wait. For thirty minutes, I felt like a queen or princess or something.
We ate well, then played a game and overall had a very pleasant day. On the drive out of there tonight, we saw deer everywhere. Loved it.
I think in some ways, and hopefully all good ways, I am becoming a different person. There are times when I am so comfortable with myself now. I rarely feel out of place. Six months ago, I would have never gone and undressed from the waist up for a massage. I would have been far too self conscious. Not anymore. There are moments I feel, do I dare say, pretty, which is a foreign thought to me and one I am having trouble voicing, even here. It just floors me, all these little changes in my body and mind and even in my soul. It's as if something has been set free which has never been free before and my soul is learning to grow its tiny wings. Though my soul is hesitant, the wings are still there, occasionally making small excursions, before returning to its protected nest. I owe so much to this surgery and to God for getting me through it.
I am working harder than I have ever worked before, so don't ever think it is a an easy journey or "The easy way out". There is nothing easy about it. Every bite has to be measured. I am working out HARD five days a week (I did TWO MILES on the elliptical yesterday and am only going to continue to go forward. Two weeks ago, remember, my best time was 90 seconds!). I think about exercise all the time now and it's not just a need to move, it is a desire and the ABILITY to move. At 315 pounds, moving was not an easy thing to do at all. Now, it is not only easier, but desirable.
My life is changing and blooming in ways I never would have thought possible.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Plateaus make me insane. I stayed exactly the same this week at 243. Hate it, hate it, hate it.
But I didn't sulk too long. Hard to sulk when I'm feeling so good. I did TWO MILES on the elliptical today! Woot! It felt amazing! My legs may be sore in the morning but that's ok.
The other excitement of the day was that I bought a pair of CJ Banks jeans, size 22 off a clearance rack in the store two weeks ago and on a whim I tried them on today. Okay, I had to lie down on the bed to get them buttoned, but they fit! I won't actually wear them yet until they are not as tight, but it wasn't a struggle at all once I was lying down. There are some days here in my world where it is just like Christmas.
Tomorrow, we are heading to a picnic and thankfully there is an indoor pool there as we are supposed to have a rainy weekend.
Sunday, is wide open other than church.
Happy Friday, y'all!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Glad y'all enjoyed my little freakfest stories from yesterday. I'll keep everyone abreast of my next sighting as heaven knows, if there is a freak within ten miles of me, he'll find me.
Is anyone else watching Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Loss Race? Does anyone else get weepy while watching this or is it just me? Richard. He just breaks my heart. He's the biggest person competing and he and his brother are a team and they are so close. I look at him and see me and I can feel his pain in my own heart. And then there is Verne and Patrick, a father son team, with the son being the larger of the two. I hear Verne talk about how much he worries about his son and I remember how my dad used to worry about me.
Then I have started watching "How to Look Good Naked." I just adore Carson and love what he is doing for the self images of women via this show. Again, I watched my recorded episode today with Heather and just got all teary eyed, because we all have scars, in one way or another.
I just feel for these people; those battling weight or sporting a horrible self image. Hi! Been there. Still there a bit. I still have trouble seeing myself as smaller, even though my head and heart knows I am.
I went for my followup with my PCP today and when she walked in, she gasped and said "Skinny Minnie!" I shook my head in distain, "No, I have a long ways to go before that is true." She gave me a reproachful look, "You aren't that far off."
But it is so hard to hear a compliment and accept it. I'm not used to them about my weight. I'm hoping I can get to the point where I can graciously just say "Thank you" instead of giving a laundry list of what I still need to do and how much I still need to lose.
I've often thought about getting to a point where I can help people who battle weight. I'm not sure where or how or if it would just be with WLS patients. It's just something that calls out to my heart. I could be the female Richard Simmons, just wanting to give those who suffer from obesity a great big hug.
I think I'll forgo the little running shorts and tank top though.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
This post may be slightly offensive,but I have to tell the stories because they really happened and crap like this only happens to me!!
I have always been a magnet for weirdos, for as long as I can remember and for awhile there while weighing 315 pounds, I didn't have the problem. Maybe being fat makes one unapproachable, I don't know.
Anyway, scenario number 1:
Two weeks ago at the Y, Paula and I had just started out workout. I was working with hand weights and she was using one of the arm machines in the circuit and we were chatting when this man approached us. It was obvious that he was mentally challenged, but it was still an odd conversation. I had seen him in there before working out.
W1 (Weirdo #1) to me: You're not going to tell on me, are you?
Me: No, I won't tell on you (while in my head, I am thinking, "What are you going to do?")
W1: You won't tell on me?
W1: Why does our skin itch?
Me: (in a dead serious voice, I may add) I don't know.
W1: (to Paula) You're not going to tell on me, are you?
So, for the last two weeks, the giggle fests have been "You're not going to tell on me, are you?" and "Why does our skin itch?" Paula and I will just say it out of the blue to each other just for our own amusement.
But he was harmless enough. The experience last night made me feel like I needed to go home and shower.
Aaron had therapy until 8:00 last night and as we had library books due back, we stopped at the library on our way home. He headed for the kid's section for more Hardy Boys books and I perused the new fiction in the adult section. After selecting three books and taking note that Aaron was looking something up on the computer, I wandered down the adult section to where they have the books on horses.
There was a guy, maybe mid-twenties, kneeling on the floor, looking at a book, and I walked around him to just glance at the titles on the shelf. This is where this entry gets a little offensive, but it really happened this way.
W2: Am I in your way?
Me: No. You're fine.
W2: (shows me a picture in the book he is looking at and I just glance at it, not really centering on what was in the picture, other than a horse) I think this is so cool; when a mare drops a foal.
Me: Yeah, it is. It's a miracle.
W2: I love horses.
Me: Yeah, me too. (the whole time I am preferring to not be having this conversation as I keep looking at books).
W2: I wish I was a horse.
Me: (nervous laugh. This was getting weird)
W2: I say that because I am messing with one now. A female.
Alarm bells are going off in my head, but I am still trying to convince myself this is all harmless. I say nothing.
W2: (in a hushed voice) When I'm with her, things that aren't usually that big, get bigger. Huge. Like a horse.
At this point, I am repulsed and sarcasm is dripping from my voice as I turn away on a "That's real nice."
I intercept Aaron and head to the security guy at the front door to report this jerk, but by the time we search the library for him, he is gone.
They always find me and I just have to document it for posterities sake.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
As my regular readers know, blogging is my therapy. When things get tough or confusing or overwhelming, generally, instead of losing my temper, bursting into tears or sinking into depression, I try to write it out here and then listen to the comments all of you make to help direct me back to the path of being centered once more.
Church can be hard work, and in a way, I find that sad, because it really shouldn't be.
My church has been through its ups and downs the last three years, but we have hung in there. When we suddenly found ourselves smaller and without a full time pastoral leader, I watched people take leads they had never taken before. I watched a congregation bond together and pick up the pieces and move on with Christ. As it should be. I found out that my little church was made up of some very wise people, who knew how to defuse situations and sometimes even head them off before they could begin. I came to know people I had never really known before, simply because we were too big before to know everyone so intimately. I saw people who had never taken charge of anything before, take charge and people who rarely helped, pitch in to get things done. It has truly been amazing.
But all churches have growing pains and some of ours have evolved by people just getting tired. Summer is a busy time here with three very large events: The mission trip, VBS and the yard sale, and the latter two affect more people. Though the mission trip is every bit as exhausting, it only exhausts a handful of us as opposed to VBS and the yard sale, which affect more individuals. So, at the beginning of all this work, we get a wonderful new pastor, who has his own ideas about things he would like to try and to his credit, he has been in the center of each of these major activities that took place over the summer.
But now that Fall is upon us, there are new things to start and other events to do and sometimes, people don't deliver information well and they tell instead of ask, which annoys other people and before long, you have a problem. A problem that if all involved would just take a step back and a deep breath, then calmer heads would probably prevail. But instead, it has to get worse before it gets better and bending is just something some folks are not willing to do because they are angry.
But aren't we, as the church, the ones the rest of the world should be looking to? If congregations cannot get along, then what hope is there for the rest of the world? Aren't we commissioned by Christ to be a family; His family? Nothing is engraved in stone (other than those Ten Commandments, one of which is "Love your neighbor, btw) and sometimes schedules have to be reworked and we all have to give a little. But when invisible lines in the sand are drawn, what are we accomplishing really? We're so busy with our own agendas and lines that we lose sight of what we are here for in the first place.
I can't begin to tell you how often I bite my tongue. How many times I stop myself from saying what I'm thinking, in the name of peace. I find it a worthwhile thing to do because I despise contention, yet I've been surrounded by it since last week and it takes an affect on my system. I'm tired, my IBS is flaring up for the first time in YEARS, and it is the cost of being a secretary who hears everything and worries about all of it too. But it's a sacrifice I make because no one needs to hear my thoughts on the situation; my opinions. I'm not even going to state them here. I will say that I could be equally as stubborn as some, but chose not to be, because then it just creates more problems.
It's time to step back and remember what we are doing here. We need to remember what we are commissioned to do. If we bicker amongst ourselves, how on earth can we go out into the world and live the Gospel to a world that is all too eager to forget about God? What does it say about us when we are not living examples of the love and mercy Jesus showed all of us? Grace. It's one of my favorite words.
So, when my heart is troubled by the actions, words or deeds of others or when I am fretting about when any turmoil will end, I take my deep breath, stand back and say a prayer. Then He gently reminds me of who is really in charge and that all things will work together for good.
He is my hope.
Monday, September 8, 2008
So, I have officially started selling clothing on eBay. There's a lot to learn!
My first two items have just sold (not for very much. I'm wondering if my starting price is too low???) and have been paid for and I am shipping them out tomorrow. I plan on listing more items Thursday night as Kelly told me that Sundays between 7-9pm and Thursdays between 7-9pm, are the best times to list. Thursday though, gets you two weekends on your listing, so I'm going to go with that.
There was the whole "how to ship" fiasco. I had decided upon UPS and had ordered a bunch of shipping supplies from them. Now I am finding out that USPS is way cheaper and they have flat rate shipping supplies, which of course, the buyers like. So, now that I have all these UPS boxes, I will soon be receiving a bunch of USPS boxes! Ah well, live and learn, right?
My pouch was cranky as hell tonight at dinner. Well, actually what it was, I think, as I am starting to figure this out, was that The Brit seemed a bit cranky at dinner. Being a man, if he is cranky, he won't admit to anything being wrong, which stresses me out and when I stress out, my pouch becomes very tempermental. So, I actually only managed about four bites of dinner and then twenty minutes of feeling sick. It finally went away, The Brit's mood blew over, and I just ate a bowl of high protein cereal to make up for not much dinner.
Life as a gastric bypass patient is never boring!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
So the highlight of the weekend was Saturday night dinner. The rest of it bombed. Can't be helped; The Brit's job called, but it still doesn't keep me from being cranky about it as what was supposed to be one all nighter, turned into an all nighter and an all weekender too. Oh well, only five more days till Friday.
It's one of those days where there is nothing to blog as nothing happened. My day consisted of church, Sunday school, a nap, a Lifetime movie and there ya go.
So tomorrow is work, gym, grocery store.
I'm just so annoyed right now.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
The Brit has had some big implementation at work the last few days, which translates into he isn't home much. He went in today and took Aaron with him at around 9:00 and by 3:00, I was climbing the walls out of boredom.
Hanna hit here, which essentially means we had lots of rain today and that cauesd interference with our satellite. Rain also meant that JJ could not go out to play and that Lilah across the road would not be coming out to play. So, for six hours, I had a Q&A with an eight year old that about made me insane. If he was a super hero, he would be Question Boy and he would save the world by making all the bad guys want to jump off cliffs just to hear some silence.
I have no problem amusing myself as I love to read or write or knit, but all these things require concentration and it is hard to concentrate during a Q&A. So, we finally drove into The Brit's place of business so we could hang out there with his team while they...implemented until after 6:00 and then we went to dinner.
So not a real eventful day. Rather dull. I did manage to color my hair this morning, oh and guess what? I bought this little sweater thing at Lane Bryant this week in a size 18-20 (Pre-op, I was a size 28 in everything) and I tried it on today to amuse myself and the damn thing fit. Awesome.
Friday, September 5, 2008
So are there any exercises that are good for the ass shelf?
You know what I'm talking about.
That fat that sits right above my rear end that I could sit a drink on. It so needs to go! So annoying.
I actually did the gym twice today. Went for my regular workout and then went back tonight with the family and swam some laps. I should sleep like a baby.
Hard to believe it is already September, which makes me think about Blog 365. Do I do it again next year? Most of the time, it was not too much of a hardship, however, I just don't have quality stuff every day. Some days are dull and boring, but before the end of it, I still have to blog.
On the same token, as a blog reader, I like it when someone updates daily. I miss my blogging friends who are sporadic.
So, what do you think?
Thursday, September 4, 2008
...that people would sometimes think before they say things. That they would consider how their words might sound to someone else.
I just wish...
...that people would remember that we all don't always agree all the time. And that's ok.
I just wish...
...that people would keep in mind that being kind is never wrong.
I just wish....
....that sometimes people could make their skin tougher when the above things are forgotten.
I just wish...
....that people would remember that disagreeing does not have to entail being mean in word and action.
I just wish...
...that decisions made in hurt were never made quickly nor rashly.
I just wish...
....that we could all treat each other the way Jesus treated those He met. Never with cruelty or bitter words. It's okay to be angry with someone or to think that things were not handled in a better way. But saying those words out loud? To that person? That's forever.
It's all in the delivery. When we approach problems with a sense of family and unity, then no one gets hurt and we solve the problems together. But when we draw an invisible line in the sand, the waves might wash away the evidence eventually, but the imprint on the heart remains.
I hold my tongue a lot because saying the words I may be thinking in the moment is just not worth the repercussions.
...Everyone would remember that.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
When I first started blogging about WLS one of my goals was to present a very true to life picture of the process, both before and after surgery. I know I have at least two ladies who read here who are pre-ops and I just think it is so important to know some of the challenges that lie ahead.
Today, I got an email from one of my on-line WLS buddies, that was addressed to our small group of WLS buddies. I wanted to share the email exchange so that people can see that this surgery is truly a TOOL and it is what we make of it. Sometimes we need to re-evaluate and switch things up a bit. This also enforces the need for some kind of support, be it in internet friends or a hospital support group. You don't want to go this alone.
So, the email conversation:
hello sweet ladies. I've missed correspondance with you lately. I've been aloof, but it hasn't been because I'm not always and ever thinking of you each and loving you from afar. It's just a different season. Maybe a more quiet season.
Welp, here I am to admit...I'm sucking it up. I haven't been doing super well, and it's showed in my stalled weight loss! Defeated? Course not! Discouraged? Not even very much. Ready to get moving again? You know it!
As I haven't been tracking my intake, I couldn't be sure of what my calories in/out are, but I'm fairly certain that my snacking tendencies have pushed my calories consumed range up above what they should be. I'm also not really pushing the protein AND I'm not drinking water as much. I've let those very important guidelines fall to the wayside, and now the scale is bouncing in between the same 7 pounds! GRRR. Some days I'm almost down as much as 90, and somedays it's back up in the 80's. It's been this way for over a month! (I think...like I said, my record keeping has sucked!)
I'm SO over this! Since I'm not blogging much right now, I had to get this outta my system to my best support group...*smiles*
So, I've gotten my booty back over to fitday to record my intake. I'm realizing that sitting on my butt doesn't count as exercise (yes, I promptly quit my C25K as soon as I stopped having that accountability. embarrassed? quite.)
So, yeah. there it is. I suck. a lot. but, I'm over it, and ready to start pressing on towards the goal to win the prize to which God has called me...!!!!
I'm wondering what you girls need accountability with, because if I'm asking for your help, I'm sure as heck ready to offer you my love, support and encouragement as well.
Most of us are headed quickly towards a year out. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?
I was looking at pictures from January of this year...and wowzers. I had no idea how unhealthy I was. I think I've started to forget that once upon a very short time ago, I was sick. I was dying. I was nowhere near living. And here I am, many pounds, and smiles later. So grateful, and so ready to keep moving.
K responded with this:
Oh L, I can soooooo relate!! I'm bouncing around in the same spot too - and I need the accountability as well... especially with the craziness that is going on job wise - and starting a new job... I'm going to need people pushing me to get off the couch when I get home from work these first few weeks and get a workout in. So lets figure something out - if it's a daily email... I'm in... whatever you think will help... sign me up! I've missed hearing from you too!
I then chimed in with:
Yeah, I hear you! Though I finally moved past my stall last week and now I am making myself only weigh in once a week on Fridays. The everyday thing was making me insane.
Moving? I am getting that one down, for now at least. I'm working out at the Y minimally three times a week and striving for 4-5 days a week though that is not always happening. I dare say, there are moments when I actually enjoy it. Never thought I'd hear those words coming out of my mouth. Carbs? I still struggle and I find that when I am indulging in them too much, that is when my weight stalls. I can have them here and there and do just fine, but when I turn it into "what can I grab to eat that is quick?" and reach for the pretzels or baked scoops and salsa too often, the scale reflects that.
I want to be the girl (I can cannot call myself a woman, even at 42 years old...don't wanna be one, it sounds far too grown up for how I feel now, which is lighter and freer than I was when I was a teenager!) that loves being healthy, loves working out and respects her body. But becoming that is hard work. L, I posted new After pics on Sunday if you haven't seen. I keep looking at my Before and then my most recent After and just marvel at the changes while at the same time am so embarrassed at just how bad I let it get in the Before pic. I don't look anything else like the girl I see in the mirror today and that is such a good thing and such a powerful reminder of the things I need to do. Will the reminder always be that powerful? Oh, I hope so, but as everyone else, I can let my guard down for too long and get into trouble. I so don't want to do that.
I'm up for it, girls! Whatever you all need. Emails, accountability; it's every bit as beneficial to me. After all, no one understands the challenges of WLS like another WLS patient!
Then back to L:
First of all, thanks for your support! I so needed it! Second of all, thanks for forwarding that on to J. I guess I had her email down wrong.
K, congrats on your new job, and things moving forward. I am so pleased for you!
Kimberlyyyyy. I'm checking out your before and after and isn't it just AMAZING?!? Sometimes, I'm shocked by the pictures I see of the "old me!" I visited my sister in law this weekend and saw some older pics of myself and was stunned!!
Your hair is DARLING. I LOOOOVE it! The color, the cut, the EVERYTHING. and look at that brit of yours. He's a stunna! Watch out! You two are coming out!
Right now, I'm trying to figure out my nutrition goals all over again according to my "new" weight of 245 @ 5'9. My goal has been set to weigh 175 by my birthday 4/28. I think I can, I think I can! Anyone know how to calculate caloric daily needs to lose 2.07 pounds a month? *laughs*
M arrived a little late to the party, but was in the same boat as we all had been before:
I've been away all day so I'm just catching up.
L, if a pound = 3500 calories, then you need a calorie deficit of 7,245 calories per week or 1,035 calories per day. I don't know how many calories you're burning... if you were lightly active at 245, you'd need 2,470 calories per day to maintain your weight according to this, so you could supposedly eat 1435 calories per day to lose 2.07 pounds per week (though the calculation changes as your weight gets lower). But who knows if this stuff is really accurate. All I know is our bodies seem to be MASTERS at survival, managing to live on very little food without losing!
Me? My problems now include (1) sticking to any kind of workout schedule being back in school, (2) eating carbs like it's no big deal, and (3) trying things that should be off limits... part of a cookie today, the top of a muffin earlier this week, a few french fries from chick-fil-a... it's a slippery slope.
And I'm stalled too. I once weighed 203. Now I'm 206.something, where I've been hovering for THREE WEEKS. Very annoying.
But we can all get back on the wagon by following the rules: protein first, 62 oz water, exercise. We're not done yet!
So, the surgery does not correct bad habits. It does not make us automatically want to go to the gym. If these were not habits before surgery, they are not going to automatically be habits after surgery. For any pre-ops reading here, heed me, because I did not heed the advice from others when I was a pre-op, if you can start an exercise program now, before surgery, do it. Start getting into the habit now. If you do not already consume 64 ounces of water a day, start now. I'm four months out and I still struggle with this. I wish I had started it as a pre-op.
After surgery, you are trying so hard to re-learn your body. You are struggling with "OMG, what can I eat that is the consistancy of cottage cheese?" and "Wow, when is my energy going to return?" Exercising prior to surgery can help with this and if your body is already in the habit of getting in plenty of water a day, it will surely be easier for you after surgery. These little favors that you do for yourself can make a huge difference in your early post-op life.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I have to tell you. I cannot stop looking at this:
I mean, it just blows my ever-lovin' mind. I really looked like that! How on earth was I ever comfortable? How did I do anything? It looks as if I can barely breathe!
It's like a roadside accident where I can't stop looking no matter how much I want to. OMG! How did I function yet alone live?
The answer is that I barely did. Yeah, I got stuff done. I cleaned my house. I even did yard work. It all kicked my ass (though you wouldn't know it by looking at the size of my ass in those before photos). I could spend a day cleaning, with taking many breaks because standing for too long would hurt my back or my knees and that night I would crash really hard and then have so much trouble getting up in the morning.
Now, I can get finished double or even triple what I used to do in a day, sleep like a baby that night and wake up before the alarm goes off in the morning. I look forward to working out. I have a list of things I want to do that is a mile long and I know I'll get it done.
I just can't stop looking at it. But then, I look at this:
And though I can see how much work still needs to be done, I also see someone happy and someone who is growing comfortable with her body and how it functions. This surgery has been such a gift; nothing short of a small miracle for someone like me who has been obese almost all of her life.
I wouldn't trade my decision to have this surgery for anything. It gave me my life
back.Because though I lived before, I'm not sure I was actually living.
There is definitely a difference.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Though working was not my intention when I woke up this morning, I can say that with the work week started, I am way ahead of the game.
The Brit and I went for my weekly horror at Walmart. It was nice to have the company as he is generally at work when I go. We also bought a small bike rack for my car for when I want to go riding at the park after work, I no longer have to cram my bike into my car, ie. putting the seats down, etc. This makes it nice and easy thankfully!
Then during the course of the day, I vacuumed, did two loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, cooked dinner, and cleaned the front porch. Not too shabby for a day of rest.
The bummer is that tomorrow, my eldest son has two doctor's appointments. One at 1:45 and one at 7:00. So, I either drop him off from the doc's and then go workout, or go in the evening with the eldest who is working out with the middle school program. The problem with going with him (unless The Brit is able to go, but he is scheduled for a hectic week at work) is that to do my normal stuff, I am going to take way longer than Aaron. I haven't been since Friday, so I am due to work with the weights as well as get in my cardio. I could also drop him after his first appointment and then go and do my weight work and take him in the evening and do my cardio then. I guess I'll see what The Brit winds up doing.
Okay, I'm actually going to go relax now for the remainder of the evening! Hope y'all are doing the same. Maybe I'll knit as I have two baby blankets to make (one is already started). Andie is having twins.