Friday, October 31, 2008

One! Just.... Milky Way miniature...ONE....and I am sitting here feeling like the thing from Alien is going to come bursting out of my stomach.  Ugh!  Always err on the side of caution, dear WLS friends, because as good as that ONE little tiny candy bar tasted, it was way not worth feeling how I am feeling right now.  I'm assuming I will not toss my cookies, as that has never happened, but damn, am I wishing I would just to feel better.

I am dog tired tonight.  Insanely busy day.  Worked, worked out, went to grocery store for a few items, came home and did dishes, then raked and bagged all the leaves out front, then cleaned the bathroom, then vacuumed up and downstairs, started laundry, started dinner and then started handing out candy to little kids saying "Trick or Treat!" And currently dumping...a pretty well rounded day, I'd say.

You know what I don't get?  We have a couple of neighbors who are pretty religious.  Now, I consider myself "pretty religious" too.  Jesus and I are pretty tight and my faith is a big part of who I am.  But I don't get the Christians who refuse to take part in Halloween.  Yeah, I get that it started out as a pagan holiday, but c'mon.  The little tykes who are all dressed up in costume are so freaking adorable and it's a fun time for them.  They don't get the whole pagan thing or any of that; they just want to dress up in pretty or scary costumes and parade around their neighborhoods and get some candy.  I'm sorry, but I fail to see the harm in that.

I also don't get the people who DRIVE their kids around to different neighborhoods looking for participating houses.  Walk it, honey, or keep on walking past my house.  We never did that as kids.  We did trick or treat in our own neighborhoods.  Does Halloween hopping prepare kids for bar hopping when they get older?  I just don't get it. 

I sat outside with the candy bowl for awhile but it got too chilly for me (and yes, Susan, I am wearing the hoodie!).  Now I am quite ready for pjs and a good book and as I have not had a kid in about 15 minutes, I'm thinking the porch light needs to be turned off and we'll call it a Halloween (it goes till 8:30, so there are technically still 27 minutes left). 

But in the meantime, I am still feeling a wee bit like this:

Happy Halloween, internets.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

It Just Never Ceases to Amaze Me

Ya'll are probably getting tired of hearing it, I'm sure, but I just can't help myself.  When you have been obese your entire life, when being fat was your "normal" and then suddenly it all changes to something different than what you have ever known before in your life...well, it's hard not to talk about. 

I always said that I had no idea what it would feel like to be thin.  Now, I am not thin by any means, but work with me here.  I didn't know what to expect from losing weight because I really didn't have any frame of reference.  There was nothing to compare it to.  When I dropped 50 pounds, would I physically feel lighter?  See, I had no idea.  I didn't know what lighter felt like. 

Now, I'm starting to get it.  Do I feel lighter?  No, but I can run up a flight of steps.  Today I did 25 minutes on the elliptical and 25 minutes on the treadmill.  Do I feel lighter?  Nope, but moving no longer causes me to ache and my energy is through the roof. Do I feel lighter?  No, but I take great pleasure in crossing my legs (OMG, I had no idea that simple thing would be so wonderful!). Apparently, that is what lighter feels like.  Lighter feels like stuff I have never been able to do before, at least not easily.

Last May, only a few weeks after my surgery, I went to Maryland Sheep and Wool and I bought a hoodie in a size XL.  At the time, I had 3X hoodies that were too tight for me to wear.  About two months ago, I tried on this hoodie and was sorely disappointed that it still didn't fit...way too tight.

Tonight, I am wearing it comfortably.  That makes me know I am lighter.  I nearly squealed when I put it on I was so happy and it's warm and cozy and I'm wearing it.  If I wasn't 42, I would have done a cartwheel. Give me a few more pounds and I could still attempt it! j/k

It's hard to be obese and not really know what you are missing by not being a normal size.  Obese was my "normal".  I knew the things I could do within the constraints of my body and that was simply how it was, so it was damn near impossible to imagine anything else.  I was envious of the larger people who were skinny when they were teenagers or when they got married because they knew what they were missing.  I really had no idea.  I could imagine what it would feel like, but I didn't actually know.

Now I feel like I could conquer the world if the mood hit me.  I feel like anything is possible.  I never saw myself as being in a shell, but to an extent I was, because now I will and can strike up a conversation with anyone.  Before I would feel so self conscious if I tried to speak to a stranger.  Before, strangers never struck up conversations with me because being obese can make you invisible.  (and Brit, we are talking harmless conversations such as getting in the wrong line at the grocery store because Miss Coupon-Thing has a kabillion of them for her ten items).  But now it is so comfortable. 

Just like the hoodie. 

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Tune Up

So now that I've had the boobs checked, the hoo hoo tuned up, it is now time to get the back door serviced by means of a colonoscopy.  Yippee.  November 11th. 

This brings about concerns for an RNY patient.  See, I don't do well on liquid prep, even as a post-op.  You're talking about the girl who can't even drink Alka Seltzer because it makes me want to heave.  So, the alternative to the liquid prep is the pill prep.  Basically, for those of you not in the know, starting at 6:00pm on the 10th, and within an hour, I have to take 20...yes, 20, horse sized pills.  Then the next morning, every 15 minutes, I take four more pills until I take the last 12. 

Will my pouch be able to deal with this?  It's a concern.  But once it is over and done with, all my stuff has been checked out and with the colon, I should be good for another five years or 50,000 miles.  Thanks, parents, for giving us the scare of colon cancer, as where most folks don't have to undergo this until they are 50, this will be my third one.  They never found anything scary, thankfully...a few non-cancerous polyps, but better safe than sorry.  I'm starting to enjoy this new life my new body has given me, so I'd rather not have my ass fall off from cancer.

Tomorrow, the dentist and then I think I am finished with appointments for awhile...or at least until the 11th.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Another Day Down

I never thought I would say this, ever, but I really enjoyed my workout today.  No, it wasn't any different from any other workout other than the fact that I had not been at the gym in four days.  Yes, after my post about stressing how regimented I am about working out, I skipped days.  Yes, family was still in town on Friday and then there was the lock in with the kids and yesterday, there was a kitchen in shambles.  Both are very valid excuses.

But the guilt was killing me.

So when I found myself on the much hated elliptical tonight, I realized how GOOD it felt to be doing it.  I find that really odd, but it did, it felt fabulous.  I didn't cut any corners; I did my whole workout and I feel so much better for having done it and for being back on the wagon.

Oh and I have been subpoenaed...they caught the dude who robbed us.  I go to court on December 16th.

Monday, October 27, 2008


I'm using "shattered" in the context that the English use it, meaning "I am so damn tired I'm not sure how I'm moving."  Needless to say, this post will not be as long as my day has been!

Was up and at 'em by 6:30 this morning.  The contractors were coming to do our kitchen this morning, I had to drive to Baltimore for my 6 month post op, The Brit had to take my sister to the airport and my mother was hanging at the house while we were gone as the kitchen guys were here.

Check up went well.  Protein still a bit low but Pat surmised it is possible my protein number was a lower one maybe even before surgery.  It has come up from last time and is only about 3 points off from normal, so I'm getting there.  Everything else was fine and I don't need to go back until my one year anniversary.

Drove back home and set about to to work cleaning.  After a busy weekend, nothing got done, so the place was a mess and I still had two guys working in the kitchen until about 4:30.  Once they left, I was about 3.5 hours putting the kitchen in order, rearranging cupboards, now that I actually have SPACE.  I'll take pics once I'm finished.  I'm almost there, but am just too tired to do anymore tonight.  The rest of my week is looking equally insane.

Tomorrow, work till 12:30, then nail appt at 1:00, and oldest son has an appt at 3:00.  Gym at 6:00.

Wednesday: Gastro-doctor at 2:30 (both of my parents had colon cancer, so I've had two colonoscopies in the last 6 years.  No problems, we are just being careful and it is time to see the butt doctor again this week...ugh!).

Thursday: Dentist appt.

Friday: the kids are out of school early and that night is Trick or Treat.

Saturday morning: Wake me up and die.

Sunday, October 26, 2008


First of all, a huge THANK YOU to Laura over at StratCat On-line for saving my butt last night, as it was not looking like I would get home by midnight to blog.  The Brit had his Blackberry with him and though I could get to my blog hosting site, it would not allow me to log in, so I emailed Laura and she gave ya'll that little post from last night.

The weekend was a blur!  Friday night, youth sleepover at Paula's:

Dane and his kitten, Rudy (no animals were harmed in the taking of this picture).

Rachel, Corrina and Dane outside for the bonfire.

The Claw

Rachel and Paula's hubby, John, sharing a joke.  I love this picture.

PK and Haley the next morning.

Paula making her thrice annual breakfast (or so I hear...John says she only cooks breakfast about three times a year).

Got home on Saturday around 11:00 and The Brit and I went shopping.  CJ Banks was having a huge sale, so I got three sweaters and then we went to KMart and The Brit was delighted to be able to buy sweatshirts in a "regular store".  He's doing so well!

Got home and then it was time to start picking up the youth kids to head to Lancaster (Close to two hours away) for Field of Screams.  I faced my fear and did all three attractions but remember VERY little of the first one.  Apparently at one point early on, I refused to move, so Corrina grabbed my hand and never let go until we were out.  The kids said I had conversations with some of the actors working the houses but I don't remember.  I just wanted OUT!

Didn't get home until close to midnight and then was back up for church at 6:15.  Got home after church and our new cabinets and new fridge had been delivered (cabinets will be installed tomorrow) so I had to spend time getting the food into the new fridge (which I love!  It is so big!) and doing some tidying up.  Then we went to Costco for meats, which we do every 4-5 months, then to lunch, then to Lowes, then to Walmart, then home to get the meats divided into servings and in food saver bags.  Then it was get a coat of paint on the kitchen wall where they took out the old fridge and here it is almost 9:00 and I still have another coat of paint to do!  Aunt Flo has arrived and I am dog tired!

Tomorrow morning, I drive to Hopkins for my six month follow up, so I'll talk more about that tomorrow!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

As Kim Is Being Chased In A Haunted House.....

.....and hopefully is not biting anyone; she has blackberried me to put a post up!!

So Here It Is!!!

Everyone Take Care,


Friday, October 24, 2008

Busy Weekend

My pouch and I are not speaking at the moment.  It's mad at me for going about that two bite rule we have in regards to a dessert as last night I had about four bites of my youngest son's chocolate cake.  It was really good, but I paid the piper.  No barfing, but I was home afterwards, lying on the bed and three hours later when I actually went to bed, I was still feeling rough.  Today, my cereal went down fine, but literally one bite of my leftover crab linguini has sent the pouch foaming.  We'll get over each other soon and be back on good terms, I hope.

Tonight is a youth lock in and then tomorrow we are taking the youth to "Field of Screams" in Lancaster.  It will probably be a late night both nights so tomorrow night's post may just be "Had fun, sleepy!" but I promise pictures on Sunday, from one or both events.  Can't quite believe I signed up for Field of Screams as I hate being scared.  When I was a teen, I bit someone in a haunted house who grabbed me.  I react a bit harshly to people trying to scare me, so I can't believe I paid $25 for people to do it to me tomorrow night.

Okay, time to clean up and get out of here...tons to do before this evening, including the gym!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Heba, Heba, Heba

So is anyone else watching "The Biggest Loser: Couples"??  Does anyone else despise Heba?

This is my first season for watching but apparently working my butt off at the gym makes me want to watch other people doing the same thing in order to grab that gold ring.  It's even giving me a small "Days of our Lives" fix as Allison Sweeney is the hostess of the show now.

I spent the first few weeks hating Jillian.  She seemed to be the biggest bitch in the world, standing there in the gym screaming at her team to not hold onto the treadmill, or to not stop whatever cardio they were doing.  But the more I got to know Jillian and I watched her tackle with her team some of the psychological issues with them, the more I came to realize that she seems to truly care for these people.  I just don't get the same warm fuzzies from Bob, though I certainly don't dislike him.

But that brings me to Heba, who seems to be the conspiring, troublemaker of the group.  She would probably swear it was Phil for as often as she whines "Phil doesn't like me.", but Heba, grow up.  The little conspiracy between her, Vicki and Brady was enough to make me want to puke.  And Vicki, who whined about how the last challenge didn't have a big enough prize for her to care.  Spare me.

Give me the black team any day.  Colleen is a doll baby; a genuinely nice person.  Renee and Michelle, the mother daughter team are growing on me.  I've always liked Michelle, but mama, Renee, who left Michelle's daddy and then took all the siblings with her but Michelle, bugged me a little, but it is improving.  Phil, who with his wife, Amy (who was voted off last night by the three way conspiracy of bitchiness) are raising three kids, one of the autistic.  And the black team has Jillian.  I love cheering them on.

But can we please get Heba out of there?

Oh and I lost another pound this morning.  After weeks of watching the scale creep along, it is nice to see it actually moving a bit more least for now.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


This has been a pretty amazing week in terms of WLS.

First off, a few weeks ago, I got a pair of CJ Banks stretch jeans off eBay in a size 20 and was delighted that they easily fit me.  Of course, I rationed that they were, after all, stretch  jeans, so maybe in other jeans I was not really a a size 20.  But last week, I won another pair of CJ Banks jeans that are not stretch in a size 20 and they arrived the other day.  Guess what?  They fit!

In terms of the scale, things have been slow.  Our drummer from the praise band had not been in church for a month due to other obligations but he was there this past Sunday.  In the month he has been gone, I'll bet I have lost no more than 7 or 8 pounds, IF that.  But when Dave saw me on Sunday, he went on and on about how much weight I have lost since he last saw me.  So, the next time you begrudgingly roll your eyes at the whole "Muscle weighs more than fat" thing, know it is true.  My scale has not been showing me the results I think I deserve based on my workouts five days a week, but my body is.

Then this morning, out of nowhere (and yes, I am back to almost daily weigh ins) I dropped two pounds.  I'll take it.

Tonight, I did something I have never done before.  I bought pajamas at a regular store!  I have been continuing to wear my size 26-28 pjs and they are hanging on me and with a youth group sleepover Friday night, I knew it was time to bite the bullet.  One of the two pairs I bought is actually only an extra large with no number in front of it!

I must say, I love my pouch.  I love my more improved body.  I love having my health back.  I hate exercise but LOVE the results I get from it that make it all worthwhile. I love carbs, but try every single day to limit them because they can be sabotogers.  No one should ever go into any WLS thinking it is not going to be work; that you can just sit there and the weight will fall off.  At first, it will.  But then you need to focus on that gold ring and do the work it takes to get there, because it is so, so worth it.

The saying is true: Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.  Though I think I would like to substitute the word "healthy" for "thin".  I love being healthy and seeing what my body will do.  I'm finding that it can do things I never would have imagined possible.

So, so worth it.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Know what I hate?

So. I went to the gym this evening because of having lunch with the family that was leaving to go home.  I walk in, and there, leaning on the counter requesting towels is my gynecologist.  I hate this because I never know what to say or do.  On one hand, if I say, "Hi Dr. G!" then everyone who knows who he is, knows he has probably seen all my girly bits.  If I ignore him, I feel rude.  After all, we do have a pretty intimate relationship.  Anyone who sticks a gloved finger up my backside, well, we should probably be on a first name basis.

What happens is actually even more awkward.  He looks at me and I politely nod and he gives a infinitesimal sort of smile, with only the smallest hint of recognition in his eyes. 

Then I giggle.

Because the thought flies through my mind that if I lay down on the floor, all spread eagle, he would suddenly nod his head and say "Kimberly!  How are you?"

Monday, October 20, 2008

So Behind

Blogging friends, I am so behind on my blog reading so please be patient with me.  It has been a busy couple of days with family and I am just not yet caught up, but I'm going to start working on it as soon as I finish this post!

Danette goes home tomorrow and I am very bummed.  We all sat around my mother's living room tonight, laughing over old memories and it was very much fun.

Susan, thank you for your all too kind comments and now I have a question for you.  I have been tossing around the idea of paying you a visit in the hospital, probably on the day you would be released (as the day after surgery, I was not fit for any visitors!) but I didn't want to make you uncomfortable in any way, so I totally understand if you would prefer I not.  I just thought if I could pop in briefly to say hello and see how you were doing and maybe help alleviate any concerns you may have.  I, at first, thought of making it a surprise, but didn't know if that was such a good idea. So believe me, if your knee jerk reaction is "Stay away from me you crazy internets stalker woman!" I am okay with that and we will still be friends.

I finally got my Nike heart rate watch today.  Wow, what a pain to figure out how to use it!  I still have fears about trying to use it at the gym the first time as it took three of us to work out how to set the time!  I won this baby off eBay for $28 and that included shipping.  When I opened it, the little Nike tag said "Suggested retail value $98."   Gotta love a good bargain.

Okay, so I am off to blog read!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

More Party Pics

Before posting a few more pictures, I guess I have to say that I have been pleasantly surprised by how well this family thing has gone in light of how lousy, hurt and betrayed I felt back in July.  Am I still going to be careful about second person invites?  You betcha!  But I'm working on putting July behind me and moving forward, albeit with caution.  I think that is only fair after being hurt, but I'm trying.  I'm even taking tomorrow off work to spend some more time with the family.  See, I genuinely enjoy everyone in a social setting; if we could just forever do away with the behind the scenes drama, it would be fine!

Anyway...I was asked for more party photos, so:

Left to right is Barb from church, Lynn, whose husband used to work with my dad at the post office (and yes, Laura, that picture when my mother came in did have your dad with a front row seat, beer in hand!  He cracks me up!), our Pastor and his wife, Becky.

I was told all weekend how much I looked like my brother, Doug, on the left. Next to him is wife Margaret and their son, JJ.

Sister, Connie, in white, Maryann in red, and our friend, Lou in orange!

I was also told how much I looked like this brother, John, with his wife, Cathy.

And lastly is me just being silly as my youngest son was shooting all kinds of photos!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

The Party: Part 1

I have lots of photos but I'm too tired to downsize but a few.

The party went well as did the decorating.  I think that everyone got along as far as I could tell.

I think mom was surprised.

That's mom greeting Cathy's mom, Teen.  Behind her is Steve, who used to work with my dad at the post office.  The girl in the orange is Lou and Kirk is leaning up against the wall.

Mom and Robyn.

Paula, her son Kirk, hubby, John and another one of my  youth kids, PK (with the hat).

Me and my neice, Danette, who I had not seen for 12 years until today.  I love this girl (She's really in her thirties, but she's a girl to me!) with all my heart as we essentially grew up together, even living in the same house for a time when she and my sister moved to California.  We used to play Charlie's Angels together, along with Danette's sister, Kim and my brother, John.  It was so good to see her and I'll miss her when she goes back on Tuesday!

That's it for tonight, kids!  More tomorrow!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Here We Go

So in a few short hours, this whole party saga will begin.  We're meeting my brother and sister in law from California for an appetizer (no issues at all with this 'em!) and then we head to John and Cathy's for chili with Connie and Danette, my neice (again, no issues with the latter two).  The beach sister will not be arriving at John's until probably 8:30 or 9:00 tonight, and by then, The Brit and I will be gone as the kids are getting home from a party and we need to be here. 

A little bit of oddness has already started.  According to beach sister, Connie was going to be staying at John's until after the party and then moving to my mother's place.  Now, Doug told me that Connie called them the other night to say she was staying in the same hotel that they were. 

UGH! Let it be over!  I still need to fine tune the powerpoint but I need The Brit's help to do it.  Hopefully he can look at it tonight or in the morning so I can take it over to the hall tomorrow when we go decorate, just to make sure there are no technical issues.  Hopefully it won't take long because I need a little stress relieving later tonight, I believe.

And I'm now six months out of surgery and I think a glass of wine will be called for later.

Wish me luck.  I'm gonna need it.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I'm Losing my Mind....

...I never had it to begin with.

That's a little song I made up a long time ago and I'm feeling it at the moment.

So, remember the little robbery saga?  The evening after it happened, we had a neighbor, D, who came up to speak to The Brit and D asked if the person who had broken in had stolen any medication.  The Brit told him that yes, ADHD drugs had been taken.  Then D proceeded to tell him a story that two guys who were living down the street "T" and "V", had been doing some work for him and they had stolen some pain medication and then another day, D caught them trying to steal tools.  Instead of calling the police, D just told them to get the hell out of his house and stay away.

So the day after our robbery, the officer came back and D and his wife came down to speak with him as well and they gave the information that they had given The Brit.  The officer told us that a detective would be assigned as there was a possible suspect and for two weeks we didn't hear anything else.

Then this past Tuesday night a detective showed up at the front door, carrying...are you ready?  Our camera.  The story as we best understand it is this:  T was working for a horse farmer the next town over and some of her jewelry came up missing, so she called V as she knows him.  V told T he wanted him out of the house and to take anything that might incriminate him with him.  T obliged and found an apartment right around the corner and he used our camera as a security deposit.  The horse lady had also called the police, so now they were looking for T.  They have not yet found him, but they did find where he was staying and recovered the camera and some of the horse lady's jewelry.

Then midnight last night, our phone rings and it's D, telling us that T had just called him and told him that he knew D was the one who had turned his name over to the police and that D's house was next.  Lovely.  I so want this jerk caught so my nice, quiet little neighborhood can get back to normal.  Drama at home is more than I care to deal with.

Oh and in case anyone is wondering about my mental state right now with the party so close at hand....

I'm getting prepared....

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Really Sleepy

Paula's test went very well; no problems at all.  I am dog tired tonight as when I got her house last night it was pushing 9:30 and at ten I realized I had left my entire pill thingamabob at the church.  Though I knew that skipping my vitamins etc would not be an issue for one night, the big problem was not having my Tylenol PM as I have huge issues falling asleep and staying asleep and then throw in sleeping in a bed I don't generally sleep in....well, you get the picture.

So after very little sleep, and being up at 5:45am, we got out of the medical center around 10:00 and then went to eat as Paula hadn't had food since the morning before.  Then we swung by the church to pick up my pill thingamabob, then back to her house, where I hung long enough to drink a cup of coffee,  and then left and got gas, went to the post office, then to the YMCA for a huge workout as I missed yesterdays.  Then it was home to shower and do a few things, then to my mother's to nick pictures for the slide show for her party, then to Wings for dinner, then to Walmart to get the boy's Halloween costumes as they are going away tomorrow and then to a party Friday night.  So I am finally home and ready for a comatose state...after I scan photos!

More tomorrow...way to busy now!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Shaping Up to Get Busy

So today is shaping up to be a busy one and I still don't have all the kinks worked out yet.  I have a hair and nail appointment at 1:00 and am hoping to get to the YMCA sometime before 4:00, but we'll see how that goes.  The SIL is picking me up to go decoration shopping at 6:30 and from there, I need to head to Paula's or to the Y depending on how time pans out today and when and if I can get a workout in.  I want to, but today's stuff does not have specific times to wrap up and to make matters worse, I forgot to take my pill that counteracts what iron does to my body, so I am all kind of tight and uncomfortable today if you get my drift.  I took it this morning but relief will not happen for a few hours at least.

My house is as up in the air right now as my day is.  Our new cupboards are due to be in around the 20th which may mean that a day next week, both the cupboards and the new fridge (YAY!) will be installed.  So for my life this means, painting a spot in the sitting room where we took down a desk (and though I took the paint lid to Lowe's to have the color already on the walls recreated, it does not match, so this morning I was adding white to it in order to get the color closer.  I think I have succeeded but will not know till I get home), moving the shelf unit in the sitting room to the other wall once it is painted, empying the dishes out of the hutch in the kitchen so it can be moved to the wall in the sitting room where the bookcase was and empyting the cupboard above the current fridge which is being taken down and replaced.

Tomorrow afternoon, I need to get to mom's in order to steal some photos out of her albums for our movie that will be shown at her party, so they will need scanned and put into the project. 

It's crazy, working out five days a week gives me less time to get things done at home, but by working out, I have more energy to get stuff done.  Where is the happy medium, people? 

Shaping Up to Get Busy

So today is shaping up to be a busy one and I still don't have all the kinks worked out yet.  I have a hair and nail appointment at 1:00 and am hoping to get to the YMCA sometime before 4:00, but we'll see how that goes.  The SIL is picking me up to go decoration shopping at 6:30 and from there, I need to head to Paula's or to the Y depending on how time pans out today and when and if I can get a workout in.  I want to, but today's stuff does not have specific times to wrap up and to make matters worse, I forgot to take my pill that counteracts what iron does to my body, so I am all kind of tight and uncomfortable today if you get my drift.  I took it this morning but relief will not happen for a few hours at least.

My house is as up in the air right now as my day is.  Our new cupboards are due to be in around the 20th which may mean that a day next week, both the cupboards and the new fridge (YAY!) will be installed.  So for my life this means, painting a spot in the sitting room where we took down a desk (and though I took the paint lid to Lowe's to have the color already on the walls recreated, it does not match, so this morning I was adding white to it in order to get the color closer.  I think I have succeeded but will not know till I get home), moving the shelf unit in the sitting room to the other wall once it is painted, empying the dishes out of the hutch in the kitchen so it can be moved to the wall in the sitting room where the bookcase was and empyting the cupboard above the current fridge which is being taken down and replaced.

Tomorrow afternoon, I need to get to mom's in order to steal some photos out of her albums for our movie that will be shown at her party, so they will need scanned and put into the project. 

It's crazy, working out five days a week gives me less time to get things done at home, but by working out, I have more energy to get stuff done.  Where is the happy medium, people? 

Monday, October 13, 2008


Where in the name of all that is just and good did the weekend go?  I swear, I blinked and it was Sunday night and hell week, aka, the week before the party from hell, was upon me.  Blech...can I tell you how much I am dreading it?

So after my whole post about exercising five days a week, I realized that it may take a miracle for me to get to the gym tomorrow.  I have to work, then have a nail and hair appointment at 1:00.  Working out with tackly nails could be bad but I may risk it.  Because also tomorrow, I have to fix dinner for the family, then go decoration shopping with my sister in law (one of the Chosen Ones) and then I head to Paula's for the night as she has a medical test on Wednesday morning early that she asked me to take her to.  I also have no freaking idea what time this decoration shopping is taking place or how long it will take, though maybe working out after the shopping is a possibility. 

I know I will neither die nor gain twenty pounds from missing a workout, but it is just not in my rules to allow it.  I can't make up the time on Saturday due to the party and on Sunday, I plan on lying around and moaning about how glad I am it is over and I certainly don't want anything to interfere with that.  I have been dreading this party since July so I own the celebration on Sunday, thankyouverymuch.

If I close my eyes will someone just tell me when it is over?

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Skinny on My Exercise

So one of the bloggers I read started a Yahoo Group for WLS folks and one of the gals tonight was asking how to get herself motivated to exercise.  So, I thought I would share with you what I shared with her in the hopes of maybe helping someone out or inspiring someone maybe.  Besides, it is way better and more productive than moaning about this upcoming party on Saturday

So, here is what I shared in my email:

The exercise thing I think I finally have down now, so I'll share with you what worked for me.  I joined the YMCA back in August because I knew that if it was up to me to do the exercise at home or by walking outside, it would never happen.  At home, I simply have too many distractions.  I could started exercising and start thinking "Oh, the floor needs mopped.  I need to dust." ect.  You get the picture.  As someone who never enjoyed exercise, if I could come up with a reason not to do it, I was all about that shit!
The YMCA presented it's own challenges and knowing myself, I set up a few basic rules and I MADE MYSELF STICK TO THEM.  Fact is, there is no one who can do this for us and I went into this surgery deciding that I was going to give it all I could.  I wanted to play by the rules and it give it my all.  I didn't want having my insides rearranged to be just one more failed "diet."
So, the rules that have been working for me are:
1. I work out five days a week.  No exceptions (other than illness).  I generally do Monday through Friday, so if I miss a weekday, I have to be in there on a weekend and that is great inspiration for me because I want my weekends off!
2. 95% of the time, I go work out right after work.  This is again, because I know me.  If I go home in between, the chances of me going back out again are slim to none.  This could also work for you if you went right before work, but that isn't an option for me with two kids to get off to school in the mornings.  The only time that routine changes is if I have a doctor's appointment or something after work and in that case, I MAKE myself go in the evening.  If I don't, I am in there on a weekend and I don't want that.
3. I alternate working the circuit; upper body one day and lower body the other day.  All five days I end with 40 minutes of cardio (I am working up to 60 minutes but it is a process!).  Some folks prefer to start with their cardio, but as sweating is not something I really cherish, once I am all hot and gross, I want to leave and go home.  That's just me.  The other thing I always try to do is to challenge myself weekly.  Whether it be by increasing resistance on a machine or on the treadmill or elliptical or doing more reps, or whatever.  And it doesn't have to be big.  I am slowly working my way to 60 minutes of cardio and I sometimes increase it by two minutes a week.  I also switch it up; 20 minutes on one cardio machine, 20 on another or whatever.  It keeps me from getting bored.
Those are my basic rules but #1 is the greatest of them.  I treat going to the gym like I simply have no choice in the matter, because if I give myself a choice, I won't want to do it. 
Now for the good stuff.  I do not enjoy exercise, but what I have found that I enjoy is the feeling of accomplishment when it is over, knowing I have not cut any corners.  I love the fact that I am changing my body.  I started my WLS experience at 315 pounds in April.  Six months later, I am down 82 pounds and still have 73 to go, but I can see and feel definite changes in my body because of working out and I love that.  I don't have all the overhang around my bra anymore.  My body is developing curves (I have never had any desire to be as thin as a rail...I prefer healthy and curvey).  My energy level is now incredible.  I sleep so much better and wake up feeling rested.  Overall, I feel like a different person.
Is exercising hard?  Hell yeah, but I find it very worth it.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

You are Amazing, God!

This post is actually a long distance dedication pictoral post to Kim in Texas, who really doesn't get to experience the vibrant colors of Fall.

To the highest of heights to the depths of the sea

Creation's revealing your majesty

From the colors of Fall to the fragrance of Spring

Every creature unique in the song that it sings.

Indescribable, uncontainable, you placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name, You are amazing, God!

All powerful, untameable, Awestruck, we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim: You are amazing, God!

Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God

You are amazing God

Friday, October 10, 2008


So I have to come clean about something. 

A really long time ago, I was an addict.  And it was pretty bad.  I had to have my fix at least five days a week and when I couldn't get it on the weekends, I found a new way to get it.  Now, almost 20 years into recovery, I'm starting to feel myself slipping up so I need to be accountable here before it all goes south once more.

Twenty years ago, I was addicted to "Days of Our Lives". 

It started out innocently enough.  My mother watched it and during the summer months, when I didn't have school, I started watching it with her.  Then once school would start up again, I would make her tape record it for me. Yes, you heard that right.  It was in the days before VCRS.  Then Robyn and I would listen to the audio tapes any time we could.  Once VCRS came out, we were in heaven; we could watch the episodes and actually SAVE the ones we didn't want to part with.  And dare I say, I still have some VHS tapes upstairs from twenty years ago?  I do.  I can't bring myself to part with them.

DOOL was the reason I wanted to marry a Brit as I was hopelessly in love with the character of Shane Donovan.  Robyn and I went a step further in high school and started writing fanfiction about the soap; I have a closet full of notebooks upstairs (Again, before the age of computers!).

As I grew older, and storylines became more ridiculous (Marlena possessed by a demon?  C'mon!) I stopped watching.  It was difficult as there are no twelve step programs for soap opera addicts, but I did it.  I cut loose from the show and have barely not looked back since. 

But now I find myself slipping and I swear, it was all completely innocent.  I started working out.  See, they have these big televisions at the Y and as I go right after work at 12:30 and DOOL starts at 1:00...well, it is up there on one of the screens in Close Captioning.  But I kept my iPod on and tried to ignore it.  Then I would occasionally chance a glance at the television set. What I discovered was that like 80% of the characters who were on when I used to watch it are still there! 

That's when it started getting bad.  I started reading the Close Captioning when I was on the treadmill and the elliptical.  But I swore to myself I would never go back to DVRing it.  Nope.  Never.  Watching words at the Y was innocent enough; I don't even get to see the whole thing!

Today, I unplugged my headphones from my iPod and plugged them into the volume/channel control for the television and listened to it.

DVRing is only a matter of time without intervention.

Thursday, October 9, 2008


So Blogger
Through Thick N Thin gave me a lovely award (I really need to know her name...but Deb is sticking out in my head.  Am I right??) and as my earlier post today was all full of piss and vinegar (and to an extent I still am full of that but am trying not to think about it) I thought I'd pass this along.  "Deb", if that is indeed your name, thank you!

The Kreative Blogger Award requires that you list 6 things that make you happy and pass it on to 6 other bloggers.  So, for me:

1. My faith
2. My family
3. My cats
4. My wonderful, incredible friends.  I have no idea where I would be without them.
5. My husband, even when he is in a bad mood.
6. The ocean and all nature, but especially the ocean, which I cherish beyond words.

I award this to the following bloggers:

1. Kim

2. Laura

3. Jil

4. Meg

5. Lacy

6. She's a Rebel

Here to try to find my happy place

So with T minus 9 days until the party from hell, my irritation has already begun.  In the event any of you need a reminder that I am still riding the tail of the last family drama, you can refresh your minds

So now the same sister who came to the beach without bothering to tell me she was coming, is sending emails out to the family about their arrival plans next Friday and how she and her hubby and my niece and my other sister are all planning to stay with my brother, aka "The Chosen One" (as I am the opposite and not the chosen one apparently, which is fine.  I'm used to it.  I'm also accustomed to the smell of manure, living close to a farming community, but I still don't necessarily like my nose rubbed in it) on Friday and maybe my other brother and sister in law would like to come over too for an impromptu party.  No mention to me or my family, which again is fine.  At this point, I'd rather eat poop then to go hang out on a Friday night with this sister.  Then she goes on about Saturday and how they can go out and get stuff for the party and decorate, etc.  She ends with the fact that she can't wait to see everyone, especially Kim and The Brit because they must look fabulous.

Should I feel as patronized as I do?  I don't think I can look at this objectively because though I don't think about the whole beach crap very often anymore, it only took this one email to bring back all of my bitter and hurt feelings.  I have been DREADING this party ever since July when it all came to light and I wish I had a time machine to make it suddenly be October 19th and the whole ordeal was behind me. 

I am very blessed.  I am and I know I am.  I have a wonderful immediate family.  I have amazing friends.  I have a few siblings I genuinely get along well with.  My blog/internet comrades are incredible.  I am surrounded by funny, honest, REAL people who I don't have to second guess all the time.  I keep trying to remind myself of that as I mentally prepare for this party. 

I just want it to be over.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


Though it has taken from 2:15pm until now, 10:17pm, we are now the owners of a security system on the house. Two weeks ago, I'd of never thought it was something I wanted or needed, but once someone has been in your house and has gone through all your stuff, helping themselves to what they want, well, it kind of changes your perspective.  Now at least when I leave my house, I know that if someone tries to get in here, the police are going to be immediately notified.  They also put in a smoke alarm so that if my house catches on fire while we are away, the fire department will be notified, thus hopefully saving the lives of six cats and a guinea pig if we are not home.  I guess that technically, we just purchased peace of mind and I can live with that.

In even better news, the new camera will arrive tomorrow!  I am very excited about that and we were even able to upgrade to the Canon 40D.

Okay, it's getting late and the security guy is just now leaving so I am calling it a night!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

So What Do You Think?

Have any of the rest of you been completely enthralled with the case of missing Caylee Anthony?  I have her name set up as a Google alert so that I get updates periodically during the day and it is pretty safe to say that I am obsessed.  Yes, I know that there are hundreds if not thousands of missing children out there, but when one child gets this much media coverage and a case has this many twists and turns, it is hard not to follow it closely.

I heard today that Mommy Dearest, Casey, has been upgraded from a person of interest to a suspect and I think it is about time.  I'd also like to see this woman mentally assessed so we can find out if she is just crazy or more like guilty in her child's disappearance with not reporting her missing for 31 days.  Then she lies to the police and sends them on wild goose chases to places she has never worked and to people she has never met and it blows my mind how they keep releasing her from prison.  Some say they want to keep her out in the hopes that she will lead authorities to Caylee, but I think that is doubtful.  Today I heard that she wants permission to leave her parent's home in order to search for her daughter.  I say keep a close eye on her lest she try to disappear just like little Caylee did. 

Though I pray daily that this little one is found alive, I think hope is waning on that happening.  Though how someone could hurt this little child, any child, is beyond me.  If Casey is responsible and didn't want Caylee it seems to me that there were two grandparents who would have gladly taken her. 

So what do you think?  Do you think Casey Anthony is responsible for whatever happened to her daughter?  Do you think she knows what happened?  And what about Caylee?  Is is alive and safe out there somewhere or safely in the arms of her heavenly Father? 

Monday, October 6, 2008

Memory Lane

So I've been sitting here at the computer for the last few hours, scanning photos for my mother's 80th surprise birthday party on the 18th as I'm in charge of the slide show.  What I realized is that I can share some of my younger photos with all of you after completing all this scanning!

One of the few photos of me when I was a normal size.

mom, me and my three brothers.

Then we start to balloon....

Mom and my neice, Danette in the front.  Then in the back from left to right: me, brother John and my other neice, Kim.

Me in the front next to mom, looking gorgeous as now not only was I packing on pounds, but I had glasses and straight hair to boot.  Please note the lovely ponytail holder...not sure where I was going with that.  Behind us are my sister, MaryAnn, her hubby, Ron and one of my older brothers, Doug.

Now we are jumping ahead a whole bunch of years.  This was probably 13 years ago...I'm the one who is as big as a house, if you had any doubt. From left to right: Sister Connie, Sis in law, Cathy, mom, John, my x-roomie, Mike and me.

This was taken in Baltimore...not sure how long ago.  I'd venture to say it was a year or so before I met The Brit.  Front row, my dad (who died in 1999) my mom, me and back row: Neice Becky, her dad Denny, sister Vicki, sister Maryann and her hubby Ron.

And finally, my parents, The Brit and I on our wedding day.  Yes, we got married on the beach.

Thus concludes our fat tour of 2008.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

The Highs

Weekends are just not normally blog-worthy.  I mean, they're nice and often times relaxing but nothing of interest really happens.

We went to a Fall festival yesterday and it was nice.  Didn't buy anything other than soup but I did get to commune with some horses for awhile. 

Today was the animal blessing at church and it was really neat.  We had cats, dogs, guinea pigs and one hermit crab and several of the folks who brought them were not members of our congregation.  It struck me funny that folks won't go to church but they will bring their animals to blessed.  Shows us how truly important to us our furry friends are!

In more exciting news, if you read my weight ticker, I am now down 80 pounds! The other biggy is that on a whim I tried on a size 20 jeans today and they fit me...easily!  One of my ladies at church hugged me this morning and told me how wonderful I looked and another one told me I was getting curves.  I never want to be a stick insect; I like having curves.

I wonder if the novelty of weight loss ever truly wears off?  I am just delighted every single day with how I look, feel, and what I can now do. I like going to the gym five days a week because I CAN DO IT.  It is no longer a massive effort just to drag myself there and though I truly WORK when I am there, the sense of accomplishment I have once I am finished is amazing.  I challenge myself each week to do something a little longer, a little harder or to try something new altogether.  I'm 42 years old and feel younger than I have felt in I know 20 years. 

I want to revisit the list I wrote back in March of 2008 to see where I am 80 pounds later.  Let's have a peek, shall we?

  • Be able to bend over comfortably to tie my shoes CHECK
  • Sit on the floor without having to worry about how to get back up. GETTING THERE
  • Be able to lie on my stomach without my boobs asphyxiating me.  DONE!
  • Running up and down the steps instead of barely making it.  DONE AND I LOVE IT!
  • Get rid of my CPAP machine!  (Cannot wait for this one!) STILL CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS ONE
  • Buying clothes in a normal store ALMOST
  • To be able to fit comfortably into my car seatbelt and to not have to use an extender on an airplane
  • To be able to cross my legs YES AND IT'S FUN
  • To be able to sit Indian style (I so miss that) YUP!
  • To be able to take my kids to amusement parks and ride the rides with them! NO PARKS YET
  • To go dancing again NOT YET BUT I COULD
  • Horseback riding SPRING
  • Bicycle riding DONE!
  • Shop at Victoria's Secret (so I can find out what the big secret is!) BOOBS ARE STILL TOO BIG
  • To not have lower back pain every morning HAVEN'T HAD IT IN MONTHS!
  • To actually have a napkin in a my lap be useful (as opposed to my boobs catching all the food) HAVE NOT RUINED ANY CLOTHING IN A LONG TIME
  • To have a really short haircut! AND GETTING SHORTER WITH EACH CUT
  • To get out of the back of a car gracefully DONE!
  • To not mind having my picture taken! GETTING BETTER
  • Actually looking cute in overalls! HAVE NOT BOUGHT ANY YET IN A LOWER SIZE
  • To not have to deal with the innuendos relatives make about my size THE COMMENTS THEY NOW MAKE ARE GOOD ONES!
  • To have lots of energy ABSOLUTELY!
  • To feel normal for the first time in my life SO CLOSE!

Again, amazing.

and to end on an amusing note, JJ has taken to making up his own medleys apparently.  He started out wtih "Who Am I?" by Casting Crowns, which we sang in worship this morning and ended it with a show tune.  It went a bit like this:

"I am a flower quickly faded, here today, gone tomorrow, a wave in the ocean, a dhujfhdj in the wind.  Still you here me when I'm falling, I am yours....tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow.  You're always a day away!"

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Don't Vote

Okay, there is a bit of language in this video, so if you are easily offended, don't watch it.  But I like what it said; good stuff.

And if you aren't registered to vote, get out there and register.  This is important, people.  I am not the most politically savy gal in the world, but even I know that this country is in some deep doo doo at the moment.  So we need to get out there and register.  Git 'er done and all that.  Then next month, we have to honor our commitment to registering and to this country.  Your vote counts.

Friday, October 3, 2008

That Which Won't Kill Me

Today was insane again.  Tomorrow is Fall Clean up day at the church and though I want to help, going puts me there seven days this week and that is just over the top for me.  As Paula didn't plan on going either, we asked for an assignment and were given the cleaning of the pews.  UGH!  This includes cleaning each pew, front, back, seat etc with water and Murphy's Oil Soap, taking off all the cushion and vacuuming them and then cleaning the floors beneath the pews.  It was tiring and took a long time!

After completing that, and though tired, we still went to the gym and though the impulse was there to cut things short, we elected not to.  Did a normal workout.  Then got home and finished laundry and did some other general cleaning so I can hopefully relax and only do fun things the rest of the weekend! 

The cold is still sinking into my bones and tonight I revelled in a hot bath to warm myself from the chill.  It's a sad reminder for me that winter is just around the corner.  Oh, how I hate it.

Kim H has been nominated for a blog award at  So if you have a minute and read her, go vote!  You have to join the site to vote (they ask for an email and password), but it's no biggie.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Insane Day and it Ain't Over Yet

Nothing major happened today; it has just been very busy!  Work has been crazy this week with two bulletins, a newsletter, bills, council nomination forms and a third bulletin for a blessing of the animals service on Sunday afternoon (yes, we all get to bring our critters to the church in honor of St. Francis).

Left there and went to the YMCA to sweat for an hour, then out to hit a produce market for mums, pumpkins and cornstalks to decorate the front porch.  Then it was decorate, tidy up, start dinner, put out other Halloween decorations, make tuna salad, eat dinner, clean up dishes, dust and now here I am!  Whew!

I just want to clarify from yesterday's post, that I was not putting down the lap band surgery.  I don't think I came across that way in rereading my post, but if I did, I apologize.  I did say it was not a surgery I wanted, just as I know that the RNY is not the surgery everyone wants.  I said in a older post (don't ask me how long ago, but it's been awhile) that I really didn't understand why I was okay with having my insides rearranged but not okay with having a foreign body in me.  I know the reverse is true for other people.  People have successes and failures with both surgeries and both are tools and if you don't treat them as such, you will set yourself up to fail. 

Surgery is not a cure-all for obesity, but it can definitely help you achieve your weight loss goals if you change the way you think about food.  We have to learn to eat for nutritional value and not eat emotionally for whatever reason.  I've grown to believe that 90% (this is just a number I have pulled out of my ass, so no one quote me or try to prove me wrong, because I probably am wrong.  I'm just making a point) of weight issues stem from us eating our emotions in one way or another.  We eat when we are happy, sad, celebrating, stressed, etc.  Because I can't eat the way I used to, I still struggle with wanting to smoke when I am stressed out and just as the stress eating, stress smoking is all psychological.  There is no nicotine in my system any longer, but if stress hits me, my head tells me to do something oral, like eat or smoke.  It's a constant struggle for me and probably will be until the day I meet my Maker!

So there you go.  I am counting the days until an insurance check so I can replace our camera.  Of course, now that it is not at my disposal, I see opportunities for photos EVERYWHERE!  The produce market I went to today was out some long country roads with little farms and horses....sigh!  Soon!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Fall Days and Questions

AS much as I love October, it is a bitter sweet pill for me to swallow.  The days are a lovely temperature and I love all the fall mums, pumpkins and scarecrows.  I love attending all the harvest festivals and handing out candy to the Trick or Treaters on Halloween.  I love it when the leaves begin to change (and I will hopefully have a new camera soon so I can capture those leaves) to all the brilliant colors of Fall.  But the mornings and evenings are are so chilly that already I sit here in my pajamas with a hooded jacket overtop.  The jacket will probably remain in place until mid-May.  I am not a lover of the cold and never have been.  Even at 315 pounds, I was cold all Fall and Winter, so now, nearly 80 pounds less, the chill seems to be setting in earlier than usual.  Heat makes me happy.  Cold, not so much.

Our resident Pre-Op, Susan, has questions as any pre-op would have!  I know that with Lacy, Meg and Kim having gone before me, I asked them tons of questions as my nerves set in with the final countdown until surgery! 

So, today's topic:

Hello everyone, Thank you so much for such good information. I can see where it will pretty much be a trial and error type of thing but I print off all emails and save them so at least I have a reference point.
I am going to see a good friend of mine Saturday night, (we're going to see the new chick flick - Nights in Rodanthe) who got a Lap Band about 5 years ago. While she has had a lot of success with it, she is still not where she wants to be weight wise and it has left her felling very frustrated. Kim, she was an early patient of Dr. "S" while he was still at Sinai Hospital in Baltimore, before he went to Hopkins.
My friend is now considering Bypass and I was wondering what everyone thought of having that after a lap band?
In any event I love to get together with her as we have a lot in common, mainly weight issues and have really been supportive of each other. We even go on vacation together, hence wanting to see Nights in Rodanthe....which is a small town on the Outer Banks of NC,where we go on vacation.
Well, back to work ....have a great day everyone ...

I don't think that RNY after a lapband is all that unusual anymore.  I remember seeing an episode of "Big Medicine" last season about a woman who'd had the lapband and was now getting RNY.  The scary part was that the surgeons couldn't find the band to remove it (*shudder*  That is one of the reasons the lapband was never an option for me.   A foreign body in me was not a comforting thought!).  I just did a Google search to see if I could find any information though and found very little.  I would recommend that your friend go back and talk to Dr. S and get his opinion.  My personal opinion is that the man is amazing.

The other reason being banded was not an option for me is that I know myself.  The band was not going to keep me from eating the wrong things.  I would still be able to consume sugar with minimal, if any, ill effects.  With my RNY, the mere thought of dumping keeps me honest.  Sure, I can have the occasional Hershey Kiss or a bite of a dessert, maybe even two bites, but then I stop.  I've learned to be satisfied with a bite or two.  Though at nearly six months out, I have never actually thrown up, I have had the sweats, nausea and pain that comes with eating something that didn't agree (I think I shared my story about the sugar free candy that had me leaning over the kitchen sink) with me.  That fear is enough to make me not want to push the envelope.  It makes me keep the majority of my choices healthy.  Am I an angel?  Hell no.  I struggle with carbs; I love those stupid honey wheat pretzel twists and a few other carbs that are not full of sugar, but I try to not allow myself to get out of control.

Anyway, anyone else have any thoughts on Susan's question.  Susan, let us know what your friend decides to do!  Oh and I'm interested in knowing how the movie is after you see it!  I read the book, but the problem I had with "The Notebook" as a movie is that Hollywood changed the end and I hate it when they do that!  Just a pet peeve of mine

In gym news, today I used the Titanic treadmill and had a total Titanic experience.  I set the beast for "Intervals" and it went from a 1% to 8% off and on.  The first time that sucker when to 8%, I was reminded of the movie Titanic when the ship broke in half and all the people were sent sliding down to one end.  I usually walk hands-free on the treadmill, but I was holding on for dear life!  But I completed the course though it kicked my butt good and proper!  I still then did 15 interval minutes on the elliptical as well and went home like a wet dishrag.  I have to say though, that I really enjoy challenging myself at the gym.