It Just Never Ceases to Amaze Me

Ya'll are probably getting tired of hearing it, I'm sure, but I just can't help myself.  When you have been obese your entire life, when being fat was your "normal" and then suddenly it all changes to something different than what you have ever known before in your life...well, it's hard not to talk about. 

I always said that I had no idea what it would feel like to be thin.  Now, I am not thin by any means, but work with me here.  I didn't know what to expect from losing weight because I really didn't have any frame of reference.  There was nothing to compare it to.  When I dropped 50 pounds, would I physically feel lighter?  See, I had no idea.  I didn't know what lighter felt like. 

Now, I'm starting to get it.  Do I feel lighter?  No, but I can run up a flight of steps.  Today I did 25 minutes on the elliptical and 25 minutes on the treadmill.  Do I feel lighter?  Nope, but moving no longer causes me to ache and my energy is through the roof. Do I feel lighter?  No, but I take great pleasure in crossing my legs (OMG, I had no idea that simple thing would be so wonderful!). Apparently, that is what lighter feels like.  Lighter feels like stuff I have never been able to do before, at least not easily.

Last May, only a few weeks after my surgery, I went to Maryland Sheep and Wool and I bought a hoodie in a size XL.  At the time, I had 3X hoodies that were too tight for me to wear.  About two months ago, I tried on this hoodie and was sorely disappointed that it still didn't fit...way too tight.

Tonight, I am wearing it comfortably.  That makes me know I am lighter.  I nearly squealed when I put it on I was so happy and it's warm and cozy and I'm wearing it.  If I wasn't 42, I would have done a cartwheel. Give me a few more pounds and I could still attempt it! j/k

It's hard to be obese and not really know what you are missing by not being a normal size.  Obese was my "normal".  I knew the things I could do within the constraints of my body and that was simply how it was, so it was damn near impossible to imagine anything else.  I was envious of the larger people who were skinny when they were teenagers or when they got married because they knew what they were missing.  I really had no idea.  I could imagine what it would feel like, but I didn't actually know.

Now I feel like I could conquer the world if the mood hit me.  I feel like anything is possible.  I never saw myself as being in a shell, but to an extent I was, because now I will and can strike up a conversation with anyone.  Before I would feel so self conscious if I tried to speak to a stranger.  Before, strangers never struck up conversations with me because being obese can make you invisible.  (and Brit, we are talking harmless conversations such as getting in the wrong line at the grocery store because Miss Coupon-Thing has a kabillion of them for her ten items).  But now it is so comfortable. 

Just like the hoodie.