The New Rage: Adam Lambert

So I have to blog about my boy at least once since Idol is over.

I was immediately intrigued by Adam when we were informed he was a theater guy.  Coming from lots of community theater myself, my ears perked up right away.  Then I heard him sing and I'm not always sure there are words to describe it.

No, not every genre he sings appeals to me; I have never been a heavy metal girl, but there is no denying this kid has pipes like I have not heard...well, for almost as long as I can remember.  Even with the singing put aside, he appears to be down to earth, articulate, kind and humble.  Personally, I'm glad he didn't win Idol, though he should have.  He doesn't have the Idol ball and chain around his ankle for a year and is free to do his own thing.  Sure, I like Kris Allen and kept remarking to The Brit about how the "dark horse" in the competition was growing on me.  Liked him?  Yeah.  Loved him?  Nah, that goes strictly to Adam.

The public seems to love him as well.  I've been watching interviews online and reading the comments from fans.  He has shaken up the industry.  Queen wants him to perform with them.  Clay Aiken bashed him the first chance he got, and for me, having always been a Clay fan, that lack of class knocked him down a few dozen pegs in my book. 

I'm rather annoyed by all the speculation on Adam's sexuality, however.  I mean, who cares? The kid can sing, he is easy on the eyes and appears to have a great personality.  Why should his personal life matter?  I know that with fame, comes all sorts of comments and speculations about every aspect of a celebrities life, but what gripes me are those who prefer to judge him or anyone on sexuality.  I had someone say to me "I really love to hear Adam sing, but I don't like what I've been seeing on the internet about him. You know, about him probably being gay."

Get over yourself.  The guy has more vocal talent in his little finger than so many do in their whole family.  I just don't get nor will ever get that kind of negativity surrounding sexual orientation.

For me, I totally plan on seeing this guy on Broadway or in concert one day.  I have not been to a music concert in YEARS, but I will be on the phone to order tickets for Adam's show as soon as he is performing near me.

Totally amazing.

Hump Day

My situation seems to be better, thank God!  Tension is gone, some conversation was had, life feels better.  It always does me so much good to write out my feelings here and to reread them, take them in again, try to sort them out.  It helps me to understand me better as often when I write "in the moment" about something that has happened, I am writing off the top of my head, writing what comes to mind out the situation.  Way cheaper than therapy.

Tod went to kickboxing with us last night and he was convinced I was trying to kill him.  When we got there and were talking to Jack McFarland, Jack questioned me as to why I had not been staying for floor work. I told him I hated floor work and besides, I had not brought my mat.  He pointed me to the front desk to get a towel.  Damnit!

The routine was especially grueling last night; one I had only done one other time before and had trouble picking up.  Last night with this routine was moderately better and that is not saying much.  Then the big bully Jack made us do the floor work.  Push ups. Can we discuss my knees?  Really needed my mat as towel was not cutting it!  Push up again and again and then HOLD.  Ouch.  Then crunches and then some crap about sitting down, putting our arms and elbows against the floor, hooking legs at the ankles and lift.  Are you kidding me?  I had a bit of difficulty at first because I was facing away from him and couldn't see what he was doing, so he came around to help me.  I told him I didn't like him anymore.  He told me I loved him and I knew I did.  Brat.

My mat is now in my car.

Tonight I am doing park laps with Tod at seven as it is too nice not to walk.  Then the finale of American Idol.  Dial Idol says that with measuring last night's busy signal, the winner is too close to call, which means a small margin between Adam and Kris. Adam simply has to win, though he doesn't need the AI contract; I'm sure he will be in popular demand once the show is over.

I'm hoping to work from home on Friday to work on the graduate powerpoint for church as it is easier to work with photos and music with my own programs.  However, I forgot to run it by the pastor today so will have to wait till tomorrow to get clearance though I doubt it will be a problem.  Then of course, it is a three day weekend and....

Eeek...two weeks from today we leave for England!

Conflict

So I am sitting here with hair color on my new haircut, which I love (I will try to get The Brit to take some flattering photos tomorrow if that is possible for me) while trying to get through to vote for Adam in the Idol finale. 

My situation from Sunday is still up in the air.  I have not spoken to the party and have not seen the party, because I don't know where things stand.  I have been in horrible situations in the past that have caused me to be quite the avoider when it comes to tense or conflicted situations. 

Right out of high school, I moved to Long Island, NY with a girl I graduated with.  We moved in with her older sister, who owned a house.  Joanne (the home owner) was a bit brash and a bit of a stereotypical loud mouth New Yorker, who tended to go out the mailbox in her underwear (so not kidding).  She was also not the tidiest person in the world and as I am a bit of neat freak, I often cleaned up the house.

One morning, Robin (the girl I graduated with and not to be confused with the other Robyn who I have been friends with forever) and I were late getting out of the house for our jobs because her car was in the shop and I had to take her to work, so we left the place a bit messy.  When we got home that night, Joanne freaked out on us...yelling and carrying on about the way we had left the house.  The fact that I was the one who generally cleaned it seemed to make not one bit of difference.  We exchanged words and I stormed out and went to a friend's house that I had met while doing a musical in a community theater.  I spoke with her mom until late into the night about the situation and she told me I should mend fences.  So I begrudgingly went back to Joanne's and worked it out with her.

The next morning, after Joanne and Robin had left for work, I packed my car and left.

I lived with a roomie once in Middletown that I worked with.  We got along great, though Juanita tended to be a bit on the moody side from time to time.  She was seeing a man so she was gone from the trailer several nights a week.  My aunt and uncle came up to visit so I went to see them at my parent's place and wound up staying the night.  When I arrived at the trailer the next day, the whole place looked as if a tornado had been through.  Pictures had been torn off the walls, tables upturned, broken dishes, etc.  It seemed that Juanita had a fight with her boyfriend and came home and just had a major tantrum.

I moved out the next day.

I lived with a gay male couple that I did theater with and though their relationship was good for awhile, it started to turn violent.

I would sleep in my car.

I just don't do conflict and that kind of stress.  I work great under pressure, but placed in a bad situation with someone, even once, and I am on guard.  I shut down and find an escape. 

I also realize this goes back way further.

When I remembered I was molested, which was while I was almost being raped, what I remember from when I was five or six was watching what was happening to me from the ceiling.  My mind, at a young age, had learned to escape.  During the almost rape, I didn't fight as I shut down completely, and that was when the memory of the early childhood trauma was remembered.

Though I am past both of those things, my reaction to conflict is probably never going to change.  If I cannot escape physically, I will shut down emotionally.  On Sunday, the upset individual was sitting right next to me, and I never even looked in that direction.  My attention was solely focused on my cell phone all of a sudden.  I can only remember snippets of what was said.

This person, if not upset with me for Sunday, may be upset that I have not called to check up.  But not knowing if anger was directed at me keeps me from calling and possibly facing more conflict.  I can't do it.  I can't set myself up for it.

I hope things are okay and I guess I'll know by Thursday, but there will be other people around.  I'll feel safer from the conflict that causes me to retreat.  If it happens, I know myself well enough to know that I will shut down in some way.  Escape.  My mind will react before I know what hit me.  I will escape either physically or emotionally.  Whatever option presents itself first.  I'm not offering excuses.  I am simply stating facts and it is only at 42 years old that I can so clearly see my past history of reaction to these types of situations.  I've been doing it since I was five.  Chances are the behavior is not going to change.  It's self-preservation; a way to protect myself from any harm even if emotionally.

This is also why I am a bottler.  When things upset me, I tend to bottle it up instead of addressing it with the person who upset me.  Addressing it could lead to conflict and I won't set myself up for it.  It simply is not an option for me.

Still can't get through on Adam's line.  That rocks.

TV Wednesday

Cannot believe that next week is The Biggest Loser finale.  I love this show and find the transformations so amazing.  Though I have not been a Ron fan, he finished a 26 mile marathon in last night's ep!  He walked it and it took him like 11 hours, but the with terrible knees finished the marathon when he has always been the first to give up on every challenge!  I was tearful right along with his son, Mike when Ron crossed that finish line! 

I find the whole show so incredibly inspirational and it actually helps me in my workouts too.  Helen has lost over 100 pounds, came in second in the marathon and she is 48 years old!  Though she is not my favorite, what an inspiration to people in their forties, like yours truly!  It's just so amazing what we can do if we put our minds to it.  We can do what has always seemed impossible if we just believe we can!

Then there is Idol and I only have two words for that.  Adam Lambert. 








Amazing.  Though I will say I am so sick of hearing that he's gay, because honestly...who cares?  The kid can sing his face off and leaves all the others in the dust.  Why does sexuality always have to become an issue in everything?  Granted, I'm very liberal minded, but still, c'mon.  It's a singing competition and he can sing.  End of story.

Tonight I fear Allison will go home, though based on last night's performances, it should be Danny.  He was not good last night and I am a fan of all four of the finalists.  We'll know in a couple of hours!

I was maybe a little too inspired at the gym on Monday as OUCH.  Between my arms and my abdomen (100 crunches, after no crunches since before gall bladder surgery in February) I have been rather uncomfortable the last 24 hours!  I did go in today and did 30 minutes on the elliptical.  Just couldn't bring myself to lift when I was still so sore.  Tomorrow night, kickboxing!