Today was fairly amazing. We spent the morning at the pre-conference where we heard from Steve Arterburn and Marilyn Meberg (Who I adore and is only in second place to Patsy Clairmont in my book) with amazing messages. Sandy Patti sang and actually did two songs I really liked for a change and I really enjoyed her speaking today.
We came back after the pre-conference and had an amazing dinner (I told you the day was amazing, so it is the word of the day). I had chicken parm and it was yumilicious. Then we headed back down for the evening session where we heard the amazing Patsy Clairmont's talk which ended in talking about the death of her best friend last December. Her friend died of breast cancer and it was all very sad and tears were shed.
For any of you who follow Christian music, you are probably aware that Steven Curtis Chapman lost his youngest adopted daughter last May in a terrible car accident involving his teenage son. The son, Will, had just gotten home and Maria, very excited to see her brother somehow got in the way of the car as it was pulling into the driveway. He performed tonight and his two teenage sons were part of his band. Not long after the accident, I remember hearing "Cinderella" on the radio, which basically talks about as a father, taking the time to dance with your daughters because "I know something the prince never knew....that all too soon the clock will strike midnight and she'll be gone." I remember being very teary the first time I heard this song after Maria's death and thinking "How will he ever perform this song again?" Tonight, he did and Shell and I cried the whole way through it. He spoke of the need to sing this song because he knows that he will dance with Maria again one day in heaven. VERY emotional night!
Now we are back in our room, drinking the bottle of wine I brought along as it is after all, Friday night. It's been a great weekend, full of thought provoking thoughts for me about parenting and the need to want to do it better. Doing so will require giving up some of my human selfishness and the need to have quiet time. I think I am a fairly normal parent, but I so want to raise my kids in an apparent Christian home. I mean, we are that, but there are days it probably doesn't seem like it, when life and problems and weariness gets in the way of stressing the important things to my kids. Sometimes it is easier to be critical instead of guiding and I need to be aware of the fact that they are not going to make correct decisions at this time in their lives. I need to open the doors of communication, especially with my oldest one, despite the fact that he is so often a closed book.
I need to take a lesson from Steven; that the clock can strike midnight at any given moment. Yes, when the song was originally written, his thoughts were that the child would grow up, but "gone" can also mean gone. We are never promised tomorrow and we never know when the decisions of our children, a terrible accident or the decision of someone else can take our children from us. Every single moment is precious so even if the child is a difficult one, most importantly, they need to know that they are loved.
I'll be doing a lot of praying on this in the weeks to come, about being more honest and forthcoming with words and affection, about being more patient and less impatient with my time. We only get one chance to bring our kids up in a way that will hopefully impact their lives forever. I need it to be positive.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
So we have safely arrived in DC and it is hot and humid with rain in the forecast tomorrow.
But it is still all good. I am in DC with a good friend and we are having a great time. We got a late start leaving as we stopped to visit with Shell's parents as I had not seen them in quite awhile but that meant that the metro was not busy so it was a smooth ride into DC. Our hotel was literally half a block from our metro stop, so for the first time in years, I had no trouble finding the place.
We checked in and as all Shelley had for dinner was an herbal life shake, we went down to the restaurant for a bite to eat and split a small but awesome pizza and of course there was some wine involved for me. It was quite good. We then went outside as Shell needed a smoke and we got to chatting with this other lady who is here for the conference who now thinks Shell and I are lesbian lovers. This is because we were talking about leg shaving and those of you who don't know, I am as obsessive about that as I am about vacuuming. Shell also knows this about me and said in front of said lady, "Well, I brought my razor because I know how you are about that."
So we are now back up in the room and ready for bed and I am loving my little pink house as Deyse calls it (meaning my little Acer computer) which came along with me for blogging purposes. We have to be at the Verizon Center at 10:00 in the morning for the pre-conference and then we have some free time until the next part at 7:00 tomorrow night. Good food and a glass of wine will probably be involved.
A shout out to Susan who is doing fabulous with her exercise and Susan, you can totally hit that 100 pounds down by your one year surgiversary. And you know what? Even if you don't so what. This is not a sprint, but a marathon and all you can do is run it well, and you will.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Okay, so August 19th marks the start of the operation to get to a size 14. I tried on a pair of the 14s I have in my closet and there is definitely work to be done. The 19th is when the kids go back to school so I can get hopping back into my normal non-summer routine.of having a few hours to myself in the afternoon to kick up my workouts. I am actually really looking forward to it. I need the routine that has been interrupted by summer vacations. I am planning on some afternoon biking on the canal and when the weather cools a bit I am debating heading to the high school and trying the C25K beginning runner's program. I hear that sprints etc are excellent fat burners, so we'll give it a go. I am also hoping for a weekend hike with Judith one of these days.
Then there will also be the elimination of the foods I should not be eating. Orange slices, I love you, but we must soon part ways. I would love wearing those size 14s way more than I enjoy eating you and your chewy goodness. Bread, though we do not cross paths often, my relationship with you is simply not healthy and I have to cut you out of my life.
I do believe in health at any size but I am not ready to be finished on this particular journey. There are still goals to be met. Could I technically be happy at a size 18? Probably, but not satisfied and I am discovering that there is a difference. After being 315 pounds a little over a year ago, I am pretty happy with my body right now. It does some great stuff for me with less of it to be carted around. Sitting with my legs crossed alone brings me moments of great joy. But I believe I can push myself harder to get to that size where I think I can be satisfied. I don't need to be a size 2 or 4. Don't want to be really. I prefer having some curves thankyouverymuch and I have never wanted to be a stick insect, as The Brit calls non-curvey girls (no offense non-curvey girls, this is just a personal preference).
So ONWARD to the 14s. I'll keep you updated on the progress after August 19th.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
So ya'll know that The Brit only had half of the WLS done a year ago as they had to give him the gastric sleeve. The intent was to go back into surgery a year later and further reduce the stomach size and do the bypass part of the procedure...but stuff changes.
In the last year as he dropped over 100 pounds, his company changed hands and thus we were forced to change insurance the first of the year. Our choices were Aetna or Aetna, so we went with Aetna, obviously. Though Aetna does cover the surgery, The Brit's company did a WLS exclusion with their policy so for right now, we are screwed unless we win the lottery. Totally frustrating.
I also have guilt because they were able to do all of my surgery in one hit, yet I am struggling to overcome this (some weird version of "survivor's guilt" or something). He has done really well with losing and maintaining his weight loss. Exercise is hard for him because he works long hours, so though he does hit kickboxing with Michael every Tuesday. If we are able to get him at least two more days of cardio, he will continue to be successful until something hopefully changes with our insurance or we win that lottery I mentioned earlier.
Exercise is such the key. I get this so much more than I used to. I can maintain my current weight by watching my food intake alone, but if I want that scale to move, I have to move. And the more I move, the more I find I want to move and that I enjoy moving. I've even learned to love to sweat because it reminds me that I am working really hard. I also love trying new things. I still want to give running a go and would also love to try my hand at hiking. It's really all about experiencing life instead of watching it go by. I can't begin to tell you how much I have enjoyed my biking excursions. The nature, the water, the friendliness of the other people on the canal; it's amazing. I get so much more from it than just the exercise alone. The same even goes with kickboxing. Every time I finish, I have that satisfaction that I can do it and I feel so much better for having done it.
The assortment of cardio also keeps me from getting bored. There are always new things to try and when I maintain a "can do" attitude, more often than not, my attempts are successful. They aren't always easy, especially at first, but nothing worth doing generally is. We have to work at the things that matter.
We just have to make the decision that WE matter and WE are worth it.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Mondays often have very few redeeming qualities. Complaints from people, kids calling me to tattle on each other, then a doctor appt for Aaron's meds where I was told I had to take my bottle of WATER back out to my car because they had just gotten new carpet. Seriously? What made it even worse was that once I took it out to the car, and sat back down in the waiting room, I saw that the chick sitting across from me had a bottle of COKE! Deputy Dawg didn't see HER apparently. Sheesh.
Then on the way home, I realized my driver's license had expired on Friday! Oops! So it was out to the MVA to wait forever as they were packed, but can I tell you this? For the first time since I have been driving, I love my picture! And I got to change my weight and lied ten pounds in my favor as I have to have this license for five years, I am so going to put under 200! Besides, I will get there.
Got home and the kids continued to fight until their grandparents got here to take them camping. YAY! Quiet, down time! Makes me happy. Went out for sushi tonight with The Brit, Shell and JUDITH! then to the Christmas Tree Shoppe and Ross' (was not real excited about it). So a pleasant evening after an insane day.
So two days of down time/VBS prep and then off to DC with Shell!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
I am editing this just to say that Sundays take on a life of their own and they are often weird. I don't know if it is because we get up so early for church or what, but I am usually tired and or grouchy and I'm not the only one. Somehow I need to remedy this particular day of the week with something. Anything that can change the course of this particular day. I vented earlier because I was frustrated. I don't consider that wrong, but there are just moments where nothing we do is right. We all have days like those. Today was one for a few people apparently. I was disagreeable as well and trying to find some stable ground...not sure I found it.
It passes. Weird days always do. I would just like a way to make them un-weird and way more fun like Saturdays tend to be.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
My favorite birthday gift was a framed picture from Jim of our official Friday night logo that he created:
Is that not hysterical? We have to find a place on the back porch/deck to hang it.
I did consume a good bit of wine last night but it was a great night. We had Lisa and Phil, and Tod and Jim and Emily and Dave, plus Robyn, Laura, PK, Dane and Kirk. It was awesome. My guys took me out to dinner for hibachi before the fire pit and it was fabulous, then mucho wine and laughter on the deck.
Despite the fact that I did not get to sleep till after one in the morning, I did get up to go to kickboxing this morning at 9:15 as Michael/Jack was filling in for the usual Saturday morning person. I actually had a tiny hangover when I got up but the workout helped a lot! I felt fabulous when I was finished! I adore him...I just want to keep him in my pocket as he makes me laugh.
So, an excellent birthday overall. Not sure what tomorrow will hold but I'm sure it will be amazing! After all, life is pretty damn amazing!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Who would have thought? When I was a kid, I was convinced I would never live past the age of 30. I think it is just a matter of when you are in your youth, you simply cannot imagine getting "old". But now that I am "old" at least old by my childhood standards, I can safely say that I don't feel old at all. I think in many ways, having WLS when I did was the perfect timing because I feel younger than I ever have before. I am active and get into my head that I can do anything I set my mind to. Those feel much like the thoughts and ambitions of a child and I am quite happy to have them.
I have many blessings in my life. My husband, who is amazing and wonderful. My kids, who drive me nuts half the time but I dare say I will miss them once they are grown. I think. I have fantabulous friends who take me as I am and put up with me and my blogging. I have my family and I am close to most of them. I have six sweet and cuddly kittens who are absolute stress relievers. I have God in my corner and with that comes the knowledge that no matter what happens, in the end, it will all be okay. More than okay; it will be perfect.
So all in all today, I am happy for the past 43 years and the trials and triumphs that have made me who I am. I don't regret a moment of any of it as it has all made me the person I am today. Thanks to all of you who encourage me, befriend me, call me down when I get out of hand (HA!), allow me to cry on your shoulder and make me laugh regardless of the situation.
Here's to 43 more! At least!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
We estimated we did about nine miles on the canal today. It was really humid too and I was all sweat stained, which really made me happy. I love looking like I've been exercising and if that makes me weird, well, you'll just have to embrace it. We had seven deer sightings, three of them fawns and one as close as right smack next to us. It was awesome. They rarely run because they are apparently accustomed to the bikers, hikers and walkers on the towpath. The other really cool thing is that towpath people are all so friendly. Everyone who passes says "Hi" and I even got a "How ya doin', hon?" from someone today. Feels very boho and fun.
My mother then took me out afterwards so I could pick out my birthday gifts. I got an awesome bag for my bike so I can take my camera with me next time, and the rack for the back of the bike to attach the bag to. I picked myself up a little $10 computer which will tell me my speed and more importantly, the miles we are doing so there will be no more guessing. Now The Brit just has to fit the stuff for me, because when it comes to that stuff, I prefer to be a girl .
My mother is still obsessed with my ass. If you all remember, at Christmas she informed an entire store about my ass. Today, we are walking through Dick's Sporting Goods as she loudly proclaims "You have no ass!"
Tomorrow for the bday, it is sushi for dinner and then the fire pit. I have to bake a cake tomorrow afternoon and do some veggie cutting. Unfortunately, I have to work, but may try to escape a little early!
And no, Jaime, not preggers! Bite your tongue!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I made it a point to eat better today so as to not have anymore episodes like the one last night. Though I am sure I have not seen the last of them, it would be nice to keep them in check during workouts.
I think for my birthday we will be going to dinner and then back here for firepit frenzy. I'm even going to bake my own cake which I am sharing with Tod, whose birthday was at the beginning of the month. I actually found, thanks to the other Kim, a reduced sugar Pillsbury mix with icing to match. I'll let ya'll know how it is.
The Brit just went upstairs and he left on The Food Network and they are showing all these greasy burgers. I'm trying to resist the urge to barf. So few things have been appealing to me lately and can I tell you how the taste of soda gags me now? Hate the stuff, even the diet stuff which I used to drink. Blech. I was desperate enough that I turned the channel over to "Toddlers and Tiaras". Now how wrong is that? I don't get these people either; making their kids up to look like slut puppies or something. Creeps me out, but at least I'm not tempted to barf. It's a much more eye rolling show and thankfully I am not paying that much attention anyway.
Summer television is the worst. I'm so selective about what I watch anyway as I don't like being a slave to the television in the evenings as I feel I miss out on too much of life. I have my shows I enjoy and some I record to watch on a quiet afternoon and just a few during the week. I just cannot sit here and watch one program after another just because they are on the television. So during the summer I actually miss the few shows I watch as there is nothing on.
And you know what? These pageant parents are freaks of nature....
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I had to leave kickboxing tonight about twenty minutes early.
I had another day of just not wanting to eat much. Just a combination of not feeling hungry and being busy. I had my coffee this morning and ate a bowl of fruit for breakfast. With no interesting leftovers in the fridge, I grabbed a rather unappetizing frozen diet dinner and took it with me to work. When I heated it up it had all of like six tiny bites of chicken and some white rice. I try to steer clear of white rice unless sushi is involved, so I ate just a little rice with the chicken rations. Then it was off to a nail appointment followed by a Walmart shopping excursion. Then home to put it all away, put finishing touches on dinner, fold a load of clothes, cut up fruit, make a sugar free pudding pie, and vacuum and then I had an hour before having to leave for kickboxing, which I used to paint my toenails and catch up on email.
Totally meant to eat something. So didn't. I felt great at the start of Jack's class, but by the halfway point, I felt absolutely drained of energy to the point I felt shaky. I usually attack his class with a vengeance and give it all I have, but tonight I kept trying to and I kept forgetting what combination came next. I felt foggy and disoriented but still attempted it until 7:15, when I just had to quit. I was shaking and sweating bullets and had a fear of the YMCA having to call an ambulance after I hit the floor of the gym. I barely remember leaving.
Felt better once I ate dinner. So, not sure if it is a low blood sugar thing or what. It has happened to me before after eating normally during the day. It just feels like my blood sugar plummets out of nowhere and my hands start shaking, etc. Eating or drinking something usually helps but it is an odd feeling when it is happening. Tonight in class I must have looked like a chick who decided to get her drunk on and then try kickboxing.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Sorry, Mondays just always bring to mind the Boomtown Rats.
Today was relatively productive. Started giving myself an early birthday present of a clean house, so I mopped floors downstairs and did some things that I had been neglecting. Always gives a sense of accomplishment.
My youngest son has requested business cards. Yeah, he's nine. But the kid is a go-getter, I tell ya. He will help neighbors mow lawns, trim weeds and just do general cleanup and then because he is so cute, they pay him. I firmly believe he will be the child supporting us in our old age.
I have been pretty low lately on the appetite scale. Food is not really appealing to me other than like fruit and cucumber and the damn orange chewy things. I look in the fridge and nothing looks interesting. Now for some this may not be a problem but I am supposed to get in like 80 grams of protein a day and I hate protein drinks. I'd be lucky today if I got in 20 grams. Just not real interested in eating. Tired of all of it. Maybe it's just something hormonal and will pass soon.
Hey and guess what? School starts in a month. Whoop!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Yeah, another weekend bites the dust. But today was productive. We made a volcano with my girls this morning with wood, chicken wire, old tshirts and plaster paris. Next Sunday we paint and we have a volcano. Once home, we finished cleaning the boat, including the really gross floor coolers, so hopefully we will be able to take it out on Saturday.
I can't wait to be back out on the water as it is one of my favorite places to be.
I've noticed many of my bloggy friends don't blog as much in the summer momths, so I have decided that though I am for now continuing to blog each day some posts may be shorter.
Like this one
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Firepit Frenzy last night was perfect; exactly the kind of thing I had originally envisioned. Oh, they are always fun, but last night was a brilliant mix of people, who all came together in the name of fun. Shell came and brought a new friend named Judith. Tod came and brought his friend, Jim. Robyn was there as well as three of my youth girls. I loved it. I made two new friends, enjoyed some old friends and got to hang with my adopted daughters. I can't bring myself to cancel it next week for my birthday, so I'm thinking an early dinner out and then have Firepit Frenzy. I owe Tod a birthday celebration, so we'll have a dual cake or something next week. I'd like to find something low sugar/low fat in the way of cake, so I'll need to do some googling.
Tonight we are are scheduled to go see some bad local baseball with Lutheran Night with the Hagerstown Suns (though oddly enough I can't find mention of it on their website. Is that because it is a church thing? . Tomorrow we continue boat cleanup in the hopes of taking it out next weekend if the weather is good. Hopefully Tod will come with us as I have great fears of driving this thing up on the trailer when we are finished. However I am really looking forward to taking it out on the lake.
So, fab weekend so far. Hoping it remains that way!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Short and sweet as it is Firepit Frenzy night and I will be drinking wine and will be totally annoyed with myself if I don't blog now and have to do it at like midnight.
Today was productive as we went to Costco. We buy all of our meat in bulk and it lasts on average six months before we have to stock up again.
Holy crap, and there you have it. That's pretty much been my day so far! A little cleaning, getting some huge boxes for VBS sets, trying to embarrass my eldest by trying to make him carry tampons through the store. I have explained to him numerous times that God made sure he would never need them so why be embarrassed....."everyone knows they are not for YOU. I am walking through this store with three males...who do people think they are for?" The Brit explained that one day, the son would be going to the store to purchase these for his wife. Teenage boys embarrass so easily! He keeps saying he is going to find a way to embarrass me back but girlfriend here does not embarrass easily
Okay, gotta go uncover patio furniture now that the rain seems to be over! Happy Friday, Blogland!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
First off, I have to comment on a Lifetime movie of all things. I am not a huge fan of their movies but stumbled across one last night that I recorded and watched today called "To Be Fat Like Me". Basically a teenage girl goes undercover to discover how being the fat girl was different from being the thin, popular girl. She felt that personality would win out over looks. In this movie, she befriends a girl who is obese and who also thinks she is obese, due to the fat suit. The movie was surprisingly good with a few nerve striking lines, such as:
"When I'm fat, I don't own my own body anymore. Everyone else has a right to an opinion on it, like what is that about?'
"I eat too much when I'm stressed and I hate exercise, but that's my problem. How did it become everyone else's?"
The main character says something along the lines of well, they think that people like us cost the system, to which the truly larger girl says "Do you really think teenagers moo at us because they're really worried about the health care system?"
"How are you supposed to believe you are worth something when you are told 15 times a day that you're not?...Drunks don't have to drink to live..." In other words, when food is the demon, we can't just cut it out of our lives or we die. But yet how successful would any alcoholic be if they had to drink just a little bit of alcohol every day?
Words are power. Chose yours carefully.
I got semi-offended on Facebook tonight and am not sure if I am being overly sensitive. I posted the following:
Survived the bike ride...did between 7.5-8 miles. Not bad for a first time out! Biking girls, I wore bicycle shorts with the padding and still ouch on the girly bits! What needs to happen?
I asked it there because a few of my friends bike and I'm sure they have encountered the issue. Meg responded and then this guy I did theater with a kabillion years ago who used to be twice as big as I ever was but had WLS several years ago, replies and says, "
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Can I just say how good it still is to be down over 100 pounds? I mean seriously, there are days when I ponder how good I feel and wonder how on earth I went all those years as heavy as I was. I can go for hours physically and though I may be tired at the end of it, I am not incapacitated. I don't always keep my eating perfectly in check (orange slices...those chewy, sugary things, not the fruit, are the devil in my life right now) but it is never blind eating now. Before I would just eat whatever and rarely give it a thought. Now, even bad choices are conscious choices and when I make them, I then exercise a little harder. Fifteen months later, and I am truly still in awe of the things my body can do.
Tomorrow we're going to see how this body does on a distance bike ride down the canal. I am both nervous and excited. I'm not overly steady yet biking but have really wanted to get more serious about it. We shall see how it goes tomorrow. I would really like to work my way to a 5K one of these days, so I figure any new form of exercise I can work in will be a plus.
Fun stuff on the horizon. Friday night of course is firepit night, so come on over if you so desire. Saturday we are going to watch bad baseball at Sun's stadium as it is Lutheran Night. We also have a boat to finish cleaning this weekend and it is only supposed to be in the seventies so that is perfect.
Next Friday is my 43rd birthday and The Brit is asking me what I want to do. So, what do I want to do? We can either do or cancel firepit night based upon that decision. If I can't think of anything he will just have to surprise me. Anyone have any suggestions?
The following week the kids are going camping and Thursday evening, Shell and I depart for DC for Women of Faith. I've been debating not getting tickets for next year yet on the other hand, I love the girl weekend away in the city. I guess I'll decide while there as it is easiest to get next year's tickets at the conference.
So do ya'll have anything exciting coming up? I love little events (and big ones) that just make up this marvelous journey of life.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Today was just one thing to do on top of another. Absolute insanity. Tons to do at work and lots of people in today. Then I left there to go grocery shopping, then home to unload it all, cut up fruit, get dinner ready, do dishes, start laundry, vacuum up and down, water flowers and clean the bathroom. Then off to kickboxing, home for dinner, clean up dinner, switch laundry loads.
The day is finally almost over and there is still blogging to do.
My cat, Hannah, has this funny thing she does where she has this one toy which is a long fabricy thing. She loves to walk around the house with this in her mouth and talk to it...LOUDLY. Meo-ow...me-ow. You get the picture. Another cat, Jonah, does this occasionally at night and he is a little quieter about it. Well, five minutes ago, Hannah was having one of her talking to the toy and dragging it around the house episodes and making me laugh (as I adore my cats and am always amused by their antics), when down the stairs comes Jonah with a toy in his mouth talking to it! It was like he heard Hannah playing a game and wanted to come play too. Cracked me up!
Monday, July 13, 2009
How on earth is it Monday already?
After an uneventful morning, I left work, picked up the kids and went to the gym. Thirty sweaty minutes on the elliptical with the Weight Loss option (meaning it is essentially hill intervals), then several of the circuit machines. Stopped by the library so the kids could renew some books they had out and then home to get some stuff done. Tonight I did a two mile walk our gorgeous park while picking up litter; giving back to the community a bit. After all, I do mission work with the youth in other areas, so maybe it should start at home and our park is too beautiful to be ridden with litter.
Thursday, as Jennifer is apparently keeping her stupid Turbo Kick, (though she is vaca next week so my hopes are that Jack will have her class) I plan on packing up my bike and the kid's bikes and head to the canal for a ride. I'm a little nervous as I am not yet real steady biking but the tow path is pretty level so I'm hoping it will be good practice for me as I really would like to ride more. I just need to build up my confidence with it.
So I'm trying to kick it up a notch. I've had my exercise break on vaca and now it is time to get serious again. Maybe there is a 30 day workout challenge in the near future...anyone with me?
Oh and Susan, so good to hear from you last week! Sounds like you are doing great! I'll have to check out the Hopkins newsletter to see what that is all about.
Shell, I do need to call you...days are getting away from me. Forgive me. Summer is insane with kids, but then again, you know that!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Tonight on Discovery Health I watched " I Eat 30,000 Calories a Day." and I have to say I was both amazed and nearly tearful. It kind of amazed me in the way that someone can actually consume that number of calories a day. I can hardly grasp those numbers and what it entails to eat them, even if I think back to my life pre-WLS. Could I have ever wound up there, weighing at 600 or 700 pounds? I would hate to think so but anything can happen. I never expected to weigh 315 pounds either. I used to measure myself against other people and think "As long as I never allow myself to get that big." But then I would gain weight and the standard by which I measured that would have to change. It's funny the things we try to do to make ourselves feel better or at least not as bad as "that person over there".
But more than anything in watching this program I felt such empathy for most of them. One man I think took a second mortgage on his house to pay for some repairs and used half the money on food. Now he is struggling to lose about 140 pounds so he can have RNY and he has social services helping him. I just want to go visit him and cheer him on and tell him he can do it...but he is in England. He was one of the two (there were four people they featured who were morbidly obese) who seemed like he wanted to change. They say these individuals are addicted to food and this man said something that struck me. He said if he was surrounded by empty whiskey bottles people would believe he had a problem.
When it is a food addiction, people just expect you to stop eating but in reality for these people it is not that easy. And eventually, when addicted to food to the point that you become bed-bound, what else is there to bring happiness other than eating? It's a deadly and vicious cycle, and one that few people look at with any kind of sympathy.
I followed that show by watching "The 650 Pound Virgin" about a guy who lost 400 pounds through diet and exercise because he was courageous enough to approach a young personal trainer and ask for help. And the trainer was more than willing and now the two are best buds. But it a morbidly obese man having the guts after living a childhood of ridicule asking for the help and it took the compassion of another man to say yes. It could have been easy for the other man to laugh or say "dude, just stop eating" but thank God for his maturity and wisdom.
Those are the things that have the power to change the obesity epidemic: maturity, compassion, wisdom, courage. Ridicule and laughter in the face of someone else's pain is never going to change the world.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
So now that both kids are home, the peace as I knew it, is over. The youngest came home last night, which was fine and he was a huge help today with cleaning up the boat and some other things we needed to get done. The older one came home late this afternoon...so let the bickering begin.
13 year old boys are mind boggling. They have eyes for one thing: girls. Nothing else matters, which kind of floors me a little bit. Case in point: 13 year old boys are lazy. IF you can get them to do a job, it will probably be half assed and it doesn't matter if this job is being done in front of GIRLS. I would think that the girl crazy boy would want to impress the girl by working really hard and doing a fantabulous job, but NOOOOO. It just makes no sense to me, but then again, I have never been a 13 year old boy. Thank you, God.
Church tomorrow will be interesting as our music director is on vacation for two Sundays and she takes half the praise band with her (her two sons). So our music is recorded and we have to figure out the intros and one of the three of us has to sing from the back of the church at the sound booth so he can start and stop the tape. I hate it. Not complaining about her taking vacation; everyone is entitled, but it does stress me out when she is gone. I'm sure it will be fine; it always is but I always feel better with a human music director present and not a tape
Summer, though I love it, makes me feel in many ways like my workouts and weight loss have come to a weird crossroads. I don't have alloted time to myself like when school is in session (five more weeks!) in which to plan my workouts. Exercise is often very spur of the moment many days, when opportunity presents itself. I also have to really balance keeping my house clean when kids are home all the time, so this also interferes and makes things more difficult. I'd love to say my kids pick up after themselves but I would so be lying! Then there is VBS which is right around the corner and I don't feel at all prepared for it yet. Still a few weeks away but close enough to make me nervous. Kirk and I discussed that we would rather do three mission trips, three weeks in a row than ten hours of VBS in a week. If I could give up any one thing at the church, it would be VBS. I think the reason is that my creative abilities are not VBS oriented. I am not a decorator. I have no idea how to cheaply decorated the front of the sanctuary to look like Rome (and when I say "cheap" I mean "Free"). I don't know how to make "Theme" snacks. I don't know how to turn a classroom into a cave. I don't have that kind of vision. My vision has to do with words on a page. Thus lies my frustration. Some people have these abilities and I'm not one of them.
So if anyone knows how to turn a very contemporary sanctuary into Rome for no money, please leave me a comment!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Today was really low on the Stuff To Blog About scale. It was essentially work, ship broken camera back to Canon, outlets for refills for my room smell good stuff, home to mow the yard, clean up the deck and do some container gardening. Take a second shower, go to new seafood place for dinner with The Brit, come home for Fire Pit Frenzy with Robyn and the youth group.
So seriously, nothing blog-worthy tonight.
Tomorrow we are picking up the boat and giving it a good clean and I want to get some flowers for another container garden. Excitement abounds around these here parts, lemme tell you!
Happy weekend, peeps! Stay safe!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
At the Y there is a Tuesday night kickboxing class taught by Michael, aka Jack and a Thursday night class taught by Jennifer. I am a huge fan of Michael's high energy class because he is a fabulous instructor. He explains how to do things at our own pace but is funny and also brutal. Jennifer's class I tolerate. She doesn't work up to one huge routine by the end of the 45 minutes, which is one of the things I love about Michael's class. But I love kickboxing in general so though I don't enjoy Jennifer's class very much, I go because cardio kickboxing is a great workout.
This week was my first week back at both classes. Tuesday night was great but tonight when I got there, I discovered that Jennifer was doing Turbo Kick for the first half of her KICKBOXING class. I was slightly annoyed but figured they had to be similar so I would suck it up and deal.
Then the class started. Lemme tell ya, Turbo means frenzied in Jenniferland. This crap was so fast and the moves changed so rapidly that it left me stupefied, which was quickly moving into pissed off. I got the impression she had been doing this occasionally over the last four weeks while I traveled as her class was suddenly way smaller tonight. One guy packed it in and left in the first ten minutes. I gave up and stood in the back of the room with another woman who had bailed on it as well. Another person then came back and grabbed her stuff and said to me, "I can't keep up with this." So there were four of us out of an already small class who this crap was not working for. I tried to jump in a few more times but it was worse than Zumba for me.
I tried to wait it out for the kickboxing part of the hour but when it arrived, she kept it every bit as frenzied as the Turbo Kick. I finally grabbed my stuff and left, completely annoyed. I stopped at the desk to ask one of the guys I talk to occasionally if her class was going to stay that way and he had no idea it was now anything but kickboxing. He had me leave a note for the person who handles the classes so we'll see. I'm sorry, but it is wrong to expect actual kickboxing when you attend a kickboxing class?
So I came home completely annoyed I had wasted that hour of my life for nothing and elected to go walk. As I went back out my front door, my neighbor across the street was coming out to walk too,and good gravy has she lost weight! She said she was down about 50 pounds so far. She looks fantastic and I am so happy for her. She actually motivated me to work harder to get to the size I am longing for. We walked together and talked (we have spent very little time chatting in the past) and it turned out to be a perfectly enjoyable evening.
Came home and cut up all my beloved summer fruits to get ready for Fire pit Frenzy tomorrow night as I think my whole youth group is coming!
Happy Friday to all!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Two more pounds down this morning. Either exercise is underrated or the day I weighed in, I was retaining major water. But whatever, the scale is going in the right direction, which is good as my entire body hurts. Getting back into the swing of the gym is tough on the muscles.
Today was pure bliss with the kids away. I worked, went to the gym, went grocery shopping and had sushi with The Brit for dinner, followed by a trip to The Christmas Tree Shop, where I could actually look at stuff I wanted to look at instead of "Mom, mom, mom, look at this! Mom, look at this!" Then to the Christian bookstore to pick up my VBS craft order and they gave me a free display of the VBS we are doing. I love to get something unexpected and free.
My youth kids are looking at next year's trip and it seems to currently be going in the direction of coastal Carolina. The 2010 registration has already opened and good sites go fast, so it is not too early to start thinking about it. YouthWorks is a fantastic organization. Basically, we spend a week helping a community, establishing new relationships and watching God work through each and every one of us. It is the perfect blend of work, worship and fun. We worked on the homes of some people, painting decks for the elderly and doing gardening. We also spent two days running a kid's club for the children of the community, many of whom were Spanish speaking children. Group activities including crabbing, exploring the town, a talent show, amongst other things.
When the churches arrive (There were four churches our week. Us, a group from Minnesota, a group from Tennessee and a group from Pennsylvania) we are mixed up in work crews. Those crews not only go to housing projects and kid's club together, but we also take a turn at meal prep or clean up (cooking or cleaning up for 70+ people is plenty of work!). By the end of the week, we are all exhausted but happy.
Aaron did fairly well but he had one really bad day. He was not in my group, but in the group of a very good friend who was a male leader this trip. Wednesday, Aaron simply decided he was too tired to work and poor Kirk had to ride him all day long. I actually had to have a talk with him about the privilege to serve this community for a week.
The same day, two of our teens and one of our male leaders kidnapped a huge stuffed mascot from Minnesota. They then wrote ransom notes, requesting that if MN ever wanted to see their dummy "alive" again, they needed to do dinner cleanup or something along those lines. All the leader were amused and the MN leaders said this had happened before and everyone had fun with it.
Well, that night, MN teens retaliated and kidnapped air mattresses out of the Maryland guy's room and the Tennessee guy's room. Without a doubt, the kids had no idea whose mattresses they took, but one was Aaron's and he FREAKED OUT. I didn't witness it as the leaders were in a meeting but apparently he flew outside, yelling about how he was going to kill someone and running around the church like a crazy person. It was about nine at night, so his meds were pretty well worn off and my own opinion is that he has been picked on enough in school that he took this personally. One of our older teens got him settled down and then we returned the mascot as Aaron was so flipped out. One of the MN leaders, who did not know about Aaron's freak out session told me she couldn't believe we had caved son fast. I told her had any other air mattress been stolen but Aaron's, the game would still be on.
So, he and I talked about it and how it was not personal and it was just church kids having a good time. Hopefully Aaron will live and learn.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
So I installed this crazy iGive thing like a year ago and it's this annoying pop up that happens on sponsored sites, where if you purchase something from a sponsored site, iGive donates so much to a charity of your choice that is on the list. But I'm tired of looking at her and for the life of me, neither The Brit or myself can get her out of our lives! I have uninstalled her numerous times and she simply will not go away! I have emailed the company and their instructions do not make her go away! Grrrrr.
I was down two pounds today...Yippee! I am also achy and sore from working out the last three days and now I have the familiar knee ache from kickboxing tonight, but dang, I had missed it! I think I grinned through the first five minutes of it because I felt like I was really home again. Then once I was sweating bullets, I wondered why I had ever missed Jack and his brutal class. By the end I felt happy and pleased that I had more or less kept up after four weeks out. It's a vicious cycle.
As a reward, I came home and ATE A HERSHEY BAR! What on earth is wrong with me? It simply must stop!
So anyway, I have a dilemma, which is not a real dilemma, I mean not compared to poverty and a financial crisis or anything. Just a little Kim-dilemma. Once upon a time, I had a guitar and I took a few lessons but then kids came along and lessons had to stop. I have always wanted to learn how to play and since losing 100+ pounds, I have this thing about reaching all my goals (one day parasailing will be realized!). In place of guitar lessons, I started getting my nails done....gels and all that. Then when we were robbed in September, my guitar was stolen. End of story.
Until tonight when a guitar came into my life by surprise. And then that old urge to play came over me again. But I have nails and that makes holding down strings pretty well impossible. So, I could give my nails a break, take off the gels and just get regular manicures for a bit and see if I can pick up playing this thing. Otherwise it sits and gathers dust like the last one did. I have to admit, I sat here staring at it in longing, with images of the Indigo Girls and John Denver running through my head. I love acoustic guitar, so I picked it up and gave it a few strums, which made me all tingly inside. But would I have the discipline to teach myself to play? After all, I ATE A HERSHEY BAR tonight.
Food for thought.
Monday, July 6, 2009
So is anyone other than Meg still out there reading this little blog? I know I have been gone for a month and that I have not finished posting my England travels, yet alone my mission trip journal (which I left at the site, btw), but are ya'll still out there? Give me a little love if you are. I hate to appear needy, but I'm feeling rather lonely!
So I hit the gym really hard today. Elliptical 30 minutes and for the first time, used the one that incorporates the arms. I was worried about lasting a full thirty minutes after not doing it for a month, but I persevered and got through it. Go me. Then I hit several of the resistance machines and ended with 100 crunches on the stability ball (I love those things). I will probably be sobbing with abdominal muscle pain by mid-afternoon tomorrow, but that's ok. Then kickboxing tomorrow night. Let's go, Jack! I'm back! Bring it!
I'm still a little off in my sleep; still rather sluggish in the mornings, but so glad to be home! Now if the kids would only go back to school life would be grand. It is such a double edged sword. Going back to school means summer is over and cold weather is on the way, but all summer they drive me batsh*t crazy! If I hear the words "I'm bored" one more time I may scream. I am like, never bored. In the rare moment when I'm not working or cleaning, I have hobbies I love to do! No boredom here! So the fact that they are KIDS with minimal responsibility and can't find things to do, I just don't get it. As kids, we used to be out the front door with our friends by 8:00 AM in the summer. We played outside all freaking day and when mom rang the cow bell, we knew it was time to come in for dinner (seriously, the woman had a cow bell and no, we did not live on a farm.). After dinner, we were back outside and we knew that the when the street lights came on, it was time to come in for the night. So, no, I don't get the whole "I'm bored" thing coming from kids these days. Yes, we had a television but we preferred to be outside playing and even once Atari was born, it only kept our attention for a short while (I mean, how long can you ping a little ball back and forth before falling asleep?). We didn't look to our parents to amuse us because we had imaginations and friends we played with. We made forts in the bushes and pretended we were stranded on a desert island and mixed up mud and leaves for food, ruining my mother's little cedar box, but she got over it. She only brings that up once every other month or so now
I'm sure as they get older summers will be a little easier. I think. I hope. They will be, won't they?
Now comment! Go!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
So that is what I have gained in four weeks of constant travel. I was going to wait to weigh in for four weeks in an attempt to get back on track but I was having food issues so I knew I just needed to be accountable.
The damage was bad enough, though not as bad as I thought. The former super morbidly obese girl in me was convinced I had put on like 20 pounds or something. I'm thinking a few weeks of deliberate exercise will remove those eight pounds, or at least that is my goal.
I did go to the YMCA today and swam laps for awhile and tomorrow I will either go to the gym or walk a few miles around the park. Tuesday night is back to kickboxing which after four weeks of not being there, should pretty well kill me. But exercise is back on my radar again now that I am home!
I also need to de-carb, which is way harder for me than getting back to the gym, but I'm working on it.
It's very difficult when our normal foods are taken out of our control. England, totally different foods (though my biggest issue there was bread in the mornings!). Mission trip, food totally planned for us. Pasta, pizza, tacos (yuck), pork bbq. Lunches were always a sandwich and a carb and sometimes a piece of fruit (they did fruit cups, but that involves way too much sugar!). Breakfast, sugary cereals, hard boiled eggs (not a fan), chipped beef gravy over biscuits, so you get the picture.
It's so much easier for me to eat better at home and even there I have challenges at times, but they are not constant and they don't last four weeks.
So it is onward and in this case, downward!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
I've discovered today that one of the things I like most about the mission trips are that free time is spent in relationships with others. There are no electronic interruptions. People talk to each other, play games together, do things together. There is laughter. There is conversation.
I am missing these things today.
Yeah, after four weeks of constantly being on the go, I am still a little tired and a little out of sorts today. But I think part of the being out of sorts is withdrawal. I am female. I enjoy conversing with others. That's part of the reason I blog, I think. It not only satisfies my need to write, but also my need to converse with other readers, whose blogs I also read.
Males are not so big on conversation and I live with three of them. They get annoyed when they can either not watch television or not watch it in peace. Yeah, there are times I get frustrated when I am trying to watch something and am being interrupted constantly, but I have not sat down to deliberately watch something in over four weeks. I can honestly say, I have not really missed it. I prefer the conversations. I prefer relationships with people and interacting with them.
This is why I am missing my girls today.
From left to right, me, Corrina, PK, Rachel and Molly in the front.
Okay, so they aren't really my girls but their parents generously loan them out from time to time and I am so thankful that they do because it is at times, difficult living with all boys. These four girls are darling, amazing, funny as hell and have personality I would have died for at their age. They are all beautiful but not vain and they genuinely love each other, and love God and they share some of that love with me.
We spent a week talking, laughing, walking and working together, side by side. Interacting. Deepening relationships among each other and among the guys in our group. We talk, we offer advice, we spill our guts, we listen, we often hear what is not being said. It's the beauty of relationship. It's the way I think God intended things to be; He wanted us to interact with other in meaningful ways. We did that this past week.
Being with them was a blessing for me, despite the withdrawal today. I miss the sounds of laughter, meaningful looks, playful scowls, eye rolling and mischievous winks. I miss interacting with them as I sit here all alone, with one male upstairs and two others at the park.
God is teaching me things by giving me boys, but I am so grateful He allows me a few borrowed girls from time to time.
Friday, July 3, 2009
...and hopefully for awhile this time as I'm soooo tired! I will give you all the lowdown in the upcoming days of mission trip '09, but my thoughts for tonight are:
- Really tired
- Want some wine
- It's really quiet without the voices of 70+ people around me and I'm not sure if the silence is a good thing or a bad thing.
- I really, really love my youth kids and miss them already.
- YouthWorks is an amazing organization.
- I get to sleep in tomorrow, praise GOD!
- I appreciate you and I think you're great.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
So I mentioned to you earlier that Leisl was an amazing poet and she has given you (and me) the opportunity to read a bit of her work. I think you will agree with me that she has talent that needs to be shared!
Sunshine and Blue Leaves on Trees
Trapped inside myself. Dying the death of self worth, aching to be free, free of myself! I am unsafe, peculiar, worthless and possessed by my secret. The shame, the blame, the flame in my secret soul is burning holes through my skin! And what is worse, is it must be my fault, my fault for letting it happen to me! What is wrong with me? I take it because it must be true, all of those terrible things that you say about me. I take it now because I am the secret with you!
I�m weak and unwilling, but I�d rather make you happy and share in your lie because that is what you�ve seduced me and reduced me to do! Who will ever believe me after all you�ve achieved? They�ll think I�m the liar, the cheat, the thief of your success, the stealer of your manliness! They�ll think I�m crazy or that I deserved it because I was �too lazy� to make the bed for you!
Who I am?
Who I am?
Who I am?
I am the unmovable Keeper of secrets and lies.
I am the weaker without any words.
I am the actress who wins The Academy Award.
I am the one you kill with your selection of swords.
The truth is, I am the dead, living and forgiving your abusive cries.
I am all you have and not what you deserve.
I am sick and unhealthy in mind and in spirit and when you walk in the door I FEAR IT!
And inside my head, my heart, my soul the rigorous ranting and raving takes hold, explores and controls and finally explodes!
I really am just like you?
Who I am without you?
Who I am without you?
Who I am without you?
Without you, I am Sunshine and Blue Leaves on the Trees.
I am cool vibrant mist in the breeze.
I am Night and Day all swirled
Into One, making Peace with the
Moon and the Sun.
Without you, I am Laughing and Lulling myself into Sweet Sleep.
I am able bodied, intelligent and sweet.
Without you, I am something like Nothing You�ve Seen!
Without you I can follow my dreams!
*Leisl K. (Weaver) Miller
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Today's guest blogger is Kim from Thoughts by Kim. Kim is a fellow C&P gal, who is also currently dealing with infertility issues. She is amazing and when I asked for volunteers to blog, she was more than willing to share a post with us!
So in honor of summer, here you go...
I know � the words bring up images of all sorts of things� all staring
Chevy Chase, I�m sure.
For me� the concept of a family vacation means a �clipboard of fun� (aka meticulously planned activities for every second!), chaos, and a load of laughs� let me just give you some scenarios via a bulleted list.
- Driving to
Monticellowhile on a trip to and after an hour of driving realizing that our Dad has gotten us lost in a completely different STATE! Washington, D.C.
- Going to the San Diego Zoo with my Dad and one older sister� and my Dad notoriously had a �trip hat� that he wore everywhere while on a said vacation� this time � very poetically � a bird pooped right on the bill of that hat! HA!
- Another trip to the Wild Animal Kingdom or something in that area � a different vacation� going on the safari tram� and someone having to stop the train because their pacemaker went off.
- Almost getting kicked out of a bed & breakfast because we woke the whole place up while playing competitive board games� we were REALLY in to it and probably were yelling at each other.
- Getting food poisoning on my first trip with John�s family� landing myself in the hospital� only AFTER they went to the Cracker Barrel for breakfast � I planted myself on the bathroom floor of the restaurant for that entire meal. Then on the way home from the hospital� doing the same thing on the floor of Luby�s while they ate dinner. (In their defense � I was in the hospital for 8 hours!)
- A trip with John�s family to a football game across the state� we dropped our things off at the hotel and went on to the game�. Not realizing that the hotel either serviced the rooms with all heat or all air conditioning� that day it was heat, and I cranked our thermostat up full blast� it never did cool down in there that night. ARG!
- Same trip � ordering (accidentally) something that wasn�t on the menu of Denny�s and NEVER getting my meal.
- My sister�s obsession with having a trip food item� something that we sample every restaurant we can � for instance � key lime pie in
Washington, D.C.or fudge in Mackinac Island, MIor guacamole in Santa Fe, NM
- Being on one trip while still engaged with John � and since we couldn�t stay in the same room� we were the only ones that didn�t get a jacuzzi tub in our room on one leg of the trip�
- Getting a major medical procedure the same day as flying across the country� said medical procedure was the awake equivalent to a colonoscopy! Yikes!
- John remembered that many years later, and made it up to me on a different trip � we got our own jacuzzi tub� but were so tired because it was the last night of the trip � we didn�t even use it, and we ordered pizza to be delivered to our room instead of going out to dinner.
- John and I deciding that we would drive to meet up with the family for a trip� and naturally OUR trip started the day after Hurricane Katrina� so we drove right through the devastated areas� and had to wait 3 hours in line for gas at a filling station.
- That same road trip � my doctors had changed my medications for my blood pressure right before we left� I�d never been able to sleep on a car trip before in my life � so we were planning all sorts of audio books and things to listen to� but I slept the ENTIRE trip from Houston to Williamsburg, VA AND back.
- Another trip plagued with food poisoning� John and I got food poisoning on Christmas Day one year, and actually had to travel on a plane with it. I used very barf bag within a couple of rows of our seats. I had to endure a drunk guy making fun of me too � it was literally the worst ride ever!
I think that this list gives you plenty to laugh at, groan about, and certainly evidence that a trip with me is never anything short of an adventure!