It's Been in the Pain that I have Grown

Today was fairly amazing.  We spent the morning at the pre-conference where we heard from Steve Arterburn and Marilyn Meberg (Who I adore and is only in second place to Patsy Clairmont in my book) with amazing messages.  Sandy Patti sang and actually did two songs I really liked for a change and I really enjoyed her speaking today.

We came back after the pre-conference and had an amazing dinner (I told you the day was amazing, so it is the word of the day).  I had chicken parm and it was yumilicious.  Then we headed back down for the evening session where we heard the amazing Patsy Clairmont's talk which ended in talking about the death of her best friend last December.  Her friend died of breast cancer and it was all very sad and tears were shed.

For any of you who follow Christian music, you are probably aware that Steven Curtis Chapman lost his youngest adopted daughter last May in a terrible car accident involving his teenage son.  The son, Will, had just gotten home and Maria, very excited to see her brother somehow got in the way of the car as it was pulling into the driveway.   He performed tonight and his two teenage sons were part of his band.  Not long after the accident, I remember hearing "Cinderella" on the radio, which basically talks about as a father, taking the time to dance with your daughters because "I know something the prince never knew....that all too soon the clock will strike midnight and she'll be gone."  I remember being very teary the first time I heard this song after Maria's death and thinking "How will he ever perform this song again?"  Tonight, he did and Shell and I cried the whole way through it.  He spoke of the need to sing this song because he knows that he will dance with Maria again one day in heaven.  VERY emotional night!

Now we are back in our room, drinking the bottle of wine I brought along as it is after all, Friday night.  It's been a great weekend, full of thought provoking thoughts for me about parenting and the need to want to do it better.  Doing so will require giving up some of my human selfishness and the need to have quiet time. I think I am a fairly normal parent, but I so want to raise my kids in an apparent Christian home.  I mean, we are that, but there are days it probably doesn't seem like it, when life and problems and weariness gets in the way of stressing the important things to my kids.  Sometimes it is easier to be critical instead of guiding and I need to be aware of the fact that they are not going to make correct decisions at this time in their lives.  I need to open the doors of communication, especially with my oldest one, despite the fact that he is so often a closed book.  

I need to take a lesson from Steven; that the clock can strike midnight at any given moment.  Yes, when the song was originally written, his thoughts were that the child would grow up, but "gone" can also mean gone.  We are never promised tomorrow and we never know when the decisions of our children, a terrible accident or the decision of someone else can take our children from us.  Every single moment is precious so even if the child is a difficult one, most importantly, they need to know that they are loved.

I'll be doing a lot of praying on this in the weeks to come, about being more honest and forthcoming with words and affection, about being more patient and less impatient with my time.  We only get one chance to bring our kids up in a way that will hopefully impact their lives forever.  I need it to be positive.