I can finally say that on Monday, we have our consult for RNY! I'm very excited. The weekend had me feeling rather wistful about a lot of things. People who have never had weight problems, may not understand the full impact fat has our lives.
We discovered some old video tape on Saturday from the first year we had the boys. It consisted of Christmas, Halloween and our trip to Florida (if video doesn't give you a good idea of what you really look like, nothing will) and it made me a little sad and then it seemed to fuel my determination. Disney and Sea World can be difficult when you are big in the size department. Lots of walking, trying to fit into rides that are not necessarily made for larger people, heel/back/leg pain after a day in the park. I find myself thinking that we are shortchanging our kids. Our inability to be as mobile as we should be impacts them. I found myself wanting to do Disney again after surgery and weight loss. I want to go and do it as a normal size, where I can truly have my children experience it and have me experience it with them.
That all got me to thinking about the beach. I love the ocean with a passion that may not even be normal. I love the sound, the smell, the sight of it. I love playing in it and treading the waves. I love the feel of sand between my toes. But again, weight impacts my ability to enjoy it fully. Walking on sand is not easy when you are
overweight big fluffyobese. There I said it. I hate that word with everything in me, but I said it. So now, I feel like I am shortchanging myself! I want to spend time at the ocean and be comfortable to walk the shore and lie on the beach (without someone calling marine rescue to come save a beached animal). I am missing out on some of my favorite parts of life!
I think we can become too accepting of things, like being obese. We start thinking "Well, that is just the way it is and the way it will always be and I just need to learn to live with it." But why? Why learn to live with it when you can fight back?
I know that surgery is not the answer for everyone and I commend people who are able to take it off naturally and keep it off. But time and again, that has not proven to work for me. So, I became immune. I gave up and tried to make myself accept the fact that this must be how God intended for me to be, and there are probably people out there who would adamently agree with that. But if I am unhappy, is that what God wants for me? I don't think so.
So in six days, I should have a plan to begin to change my life to one I am happy with.
And in two days, my life will change with lots of writing for the next thirty days. Hold on, ya'll. It could be a bumpy ride.