I think I am still reeling a little bit while waiting for the Brit's approval, but today, this came in the mail for me:
Wow. Makes it all feel very official, doesn't it?
Of course, my mother chose today, when told I was approved to say "I really don't know how to feel about this." I guess as a mother, that is a legitimate statement, but I kind of wish she had voiced it sooner as opposed when I have finally nearly reached the top of this mountain I've been climbing since July. I can totally understand people being worried about me having surgery. Is there a part me of that is worried? Of course! I'd have to be a moron to not be worried! But some concern is healthy. I can also pretty much 100% guarentee that when they go to wheel my ass back to surgery, I am gonna cry. Know it now; that does not mean I don't want the surgery. That means the moment has come for me to make the journey to "the losing side" as they call it and that you should simply pray that the journey be safe for me, because until they give me the happy juice and put me out, I'm going to be scared. But let's put it into some perspective; the last time I was at MGM studios and the Brit was wanting me to go on the Tower of Terror, I cried then too...fear makes me cry.
So yes, though I totally understand that people, myself included, are worried or a bit scared, what I honestly don't want to have happen, is to have anyone elses fear projected unto me. In other words, during the approval process, I gladly welcomed concerns and even now after being approved, I will still welcome any questions. All I ask is to please not come to me freaking out because what if something terrible happens during the surgery or in the days or weeks after. I can't think about those things so much right now. Though the reality of approval and the letter is ALOT scary for me, I still have to keep my sights centered dead ahead and on the prize. I will deal with my waves of fear as they come and may even need you to reassure me that all will be fine, but I can't handle my own healthy fear and yours too. I'm not trying to be one way or selfish, it is just the way it has to be right now until I am at home and recovered.
I'm excited too. It is now within reach as all that is left is the pre op testing that is required, which I should hear about next week (and my chest x-ray has already been done! YAY!). I want to take every precaution to know that my system is ready to undergo surgery, as does my doctor. I have a lot of faith in Johns Hopkins and in our surgeon and I have even more faith in God.
It's all going to be fine.