Afterthoughts

I received two great comments to my last post and I first want to say to Jil:  Why do we not live closer?  I think we could be BFFs if only we were within driving distance of each other (well, we are, but it would take a couple of days to get there!).  You are so wise and honest and giving and I love all those things about you.  You're always in my corner, girl, even though we have never met face to face.  I love you for it.



I guess I am a little scared of being judged.  I have run into a LOT of judgmental people in other aspects of my walk of life and I hate it.  I know we all pass judgments from time to time but some do it with such reckless abandon that it is frightening.  I'm not in any way ashamed of the surgery I had; it gave me a whole new life that I'm loving BUT I totally have to WORK to keep that new life.  As Laura said "If all it took to lose weight was the surgery; you wouldn't even be at the Y!"  True.  So very true.  I have to make the conscious decision every day to exercise but it is so worth it for me, because I never want to revert back.



I didn't tell Jerry at first either, the first time he trained me with the stability ball.  I had told him I had lost a lot of weight but didn't tell him about the surgery.  Then I felt guilty (I don't get why, so don't ask.  I can't figure it out) because he was being so nice to me and I had not been upfront with him.  When I told him I even phrased it as if it was a terrible thing I was getting ready to tell him.  I said "I need to tell you something and I don't want you to think less of me..."  WTH?  I don't even make sense to myself sometimes. 



I think women are more difficult to tell.  I think we are more judgmental than our male counterparts.  We are always concerned about how we measure up against other women.  I find myself doing it at times and I hate it.  I prefer not caring what anyone else thinks about my life, but yet on some level, especially with my surgery, I do care.  I don't want people thinking I cheated, even if I don't believe that.  I don't want people thinking it of me.  But yet, I can't control what other people think so maybe that is why I elect to not always tell people.  Sometimes now, I almost forget I had surgery because time has passed and what I am doing now has more to do with just being normal (despite my half hour long dumping session the other night...that's the only time I don't feel normal).  I work , I clean, I exercise, I cook, I parent, I am a spouse.  Exercise is just a part of my day to day routine and I never think anymore "I need to exercise because I had this surgery and I need to be true to it." I exercise because I want to get to a size 14 and more importantly because, damn, it makes me feel better overall when I do work out.  I feel better physically and mentally for doing it. 



I guess it is just one of those things I need to come to terms with and sort out for myself about how to handle it in the future.  Not sure why it is so complicated for me, yet it is.



Happy weekend, kids!  Be safe!

Should I Feel Guilty?

So really quick on The Biggest Loser....is anyone else watching it?  Last night was kind of uneventful except for these observations/facts:

• Shay and Daniel, my orange team, kicked the challenge to win immunity for the week.  I love these two.  They are so real and Dan is such an inspiration and the poster child for never giving up; see what you want and go for it! 


• Anyone else want to kick Tracey's ass?  I love you, Coach Mo, but please, stand up to this hobag and don't allow her to make all the decisions for your team.  You wanted Julio to stay and she got her way one more time.  Ugh, it is becoming sickening.


• Danny seems sweet, but Liz has not yet endeared herself to me, even though she had apparently done that with many members of the cast.  She seems to complain a lot, but again, we are only seeing what is being aired.


• Julio went home and is kicking it on his own.  He looks GREAT!

Now, everyone knows the stigma that can go with WLS.  Some see it as "the easy way out" *cough, cough* though I don't know what planet those people are from, but whatever.  But anyway, due to that mentality, I don't generally tell strangers about my choices.  Jack McFarland knows as I think I told him at one of my first few kickboxing classes.  Jerry, the very nice older gentleman who works at the Y knows too as I told him.  But at the gym, that is kind of it as far as who knows about my surgery.

Now I have been taking a Muscle Makeover class with this very nice lady named Donna.  Really like her.  She knows a lot about fitness and is actually getting certified to be a personal trainer.  As she is a wealth of information, and I am constantly reading stuff on fitness, health, foods, etc, we chat a lot before class.  During our discussions, I have told her that I have lost over 100 pounds and at one point in one of our conversations, she asked me what made me finally decide to change my body.  I went into the whole having been overweight/obese since I was a kid and I just wanted the second part of my life to be different.  Tonight we were talking again and I was telling her about my crunches on the stability ball and even doing 200 of them, I had no feeling of soreness the next day anymore and she suggested I hold a weight while doing them.  I confessed to her how I wanted to be a size 14 but my body seemed to want to hang onto the 18.  Sherri, another lady in our class who sometimes teaches Spin, said that we all needed to get past the number and just work on health and I agreed but said I still wanted my number.  I have no desire to be a single digit size; I like to have some curves.  At the end of our conversation, Donna said to me "I'm just so proud of you for achieving so much."

Why do I feel guilty for not being up front about my surgery?  Is it because so many people have the "easy way out" mentality that we or at least I, occasionally wonder if I somehow cheated?  Do I need to be upfront with people I am discussing weight loss and fitness with?  What are the right answers?  I'm not ashamed of my surgery, yet at the same time, I don't want people thinking less of what I have done because I had it.  I have worked my ass off to get to where I am and I know that.  But should I feel guilty about not telling the whole truth?

Really Getting Down to Business

So I think exercising has become my new obsession, which is not a bad thing.  The Brit's is golf and exercise is mine and I really want in those size 14s and I really want to be below 200 pounds and I'm getting really close.  It's that time of the month right now so though I am doing all the same working out, I am not currently getting on the scale till probably the weekend.

I am also going to officially begin the C25K program.  I have been doing some treadmill running as I have mentioned and have dropped about 7 pounds with it, but I need to get more serious to get where I want to be.  I would really like to get through the nine weeks of the program if my knees cooperate.  I so far don't like running; I have yet to find any joy in it, but I also haven't given it enough of a chance yet, I don't think.  I may get to the end of the nine weeks and still hate it...or maybe I won't make it to the end of the nine weeks.  I downloaded the podcast for week one, which from what I understand has music and cues on when to begin running and when to stop.  Hopefully the songs are not crap .

I am nearly to goal on the breast cancer walk, so now anything more is a bonus.  Thank you to sister, Vicki on her donation, as well as to two families at church who have given me checks.  You all rock!

I've been a bad blogger

Insanely busy week, so sorry about the lack of posting!  Home is always busy, but the church was busy this week too and I was busy, and let's just stick to the facts, shall we?

My scale is still dropping.  I despise, loathe and detest running sprints, but by george, it has gotten my scale moving for the first time since June, so I will take it and literally run with it.  Jack taught an extra kickboxing class this week so I took that twice and only made one Muscle Makeover class but did run sprints Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  Three times a week is currently my goal and though it pains me to think it, I should next week switch from minute sprints to 90 seconds.  I don't want to, but I will and I have the weekend to groan in my head about it.

I visited Shiloh this week and she is doing incredibly well.  She still doesn't know a lot as far as her treatment goes as she hasn't met with the oncologist yet, but we all continue to pray for the best news.  But she was up and around and gave us a tour of her parents home where they are living and wow, what a beautiful place!  It was a really good visit and it's just sad that the oboxious place we met did not put us in a situation to become friends earlier, but we're there now and I look forward to seeing her again and cheering her on as she fights this disease.  Her children are positively precious and seem to be taking everything in stride for as much as young ones can comprehend what is happening.  They all need your prayers, so please keep them coming.

I have signed up for Washington County Relay for Life, but more on that way later as that is not till summer 2010, but it all has to do with walking and raising money to kick cancer's ass.  I am so grateful for the donations you all have given so far for the walk against breast cancer.  I am still $55 short of my goal, so if you can help, please go here and seach for Kimberly Jones and help me give cancer a big ole boot in it's backside.  Cures to breast cancer and all cancers start one step and one dollar at a time, so even small donations add up to amazing things.

Biggest Loser Wednesday

Wow, was last night emotional or what?

This week was the week of Choices and the first choice presented to the contestants was a 2lb advantage for a team at the weight in or not having their trainers for a week.  If no one jumped at this, the stakes would go up...a 4lb advantage, etc..

So Tracey, the chick who wound up in the hospital the first day and who is dear, sweet Mo's partner, decides two pounds is totally worth it and without consulting Mo, she takes it.  Seriously?  FOR TWO FREAKING POUNDS?  Of course, Jillian and Bob are livid when the truth comes out, explaining to Tracey Of The Crazy that she needs to trust the weight loss process and Bob and Jill to train them effectively.  Uh yeah.  I concur. 

So then we have a temptation, which always involves food.  The contestants are in little segregated areas and are faced with a miniature 100 calorie cupcake. (One contestant states he wants to take the cupcake and rub it all over his body...priceless!).  The rules are as follows...whoever eats the most cupcakes (they can chose not to eat any, which is what the smarter contestant should do IMHO) gets control of the game on weigh in day.  Meaning, that person can chose out of each team of two, which weight will count for the week.  Guess who eats four cupcakes?  Right, Tracey Of The Crazy. 

So people are worried as the loose canon of the week has their fate in her hands and poor Mo has no trainer thanks to Crazy Girl.  Some of the contestants speak to Tracey Of The Crazy before the weight in, asking her what her plans are for their team, to which  she responds with "What are you thinking?" Amanda, one of the smaller ones on campus asks to let her partner's weight be the one that counts, because Amanda has not been dropping big numbers.  Daniel asks for his weight to be the one that counts, because Shay, being the biggest girl ever on the show at close to 500lbs, needs to stay on the ranch. 

So the weigh in happens and Tracey of the Crazy pretty much does the opposite of what was asked of her.  Amanda's partner, Rebecca is chosen to have her weight not count, but thankfully Amanda pulls a 5 pound loss that keeps them out of trouble this week.  Antoine and Sean fall below with Daniel and Shay, because of course, Tracey of the Crazy picks Shay's weight to count.  b*tch.

So as is TBL custom, the contestants in danger of elimination sit down to plead their cases before the votes are cast.  Shay is devastated.  Her druggie mom is dead and she has no support anywhere.  She only wants to be happy and inside she is as far from that as she can get.  Shay is crying, other contestants are crying, I'm crying.  Antoine looks at Sean and says "Can you do this at home?" and Sean says "Yeah, can you?"

And just like that, two guys are every bit as selfless as Tracey of the Crazy was selfish this week.  The guys went home and have lost a bunch of weight already by the time last night's show aired and Shay and Daniel live to see another week.  Tracey of the Crazy now probably has a target on her back and judging by the previews for next week a little bit of karma is heading her way.

It's the good stuff, like Antoine and Sean that make me love this show.  I love the weight loss, the adaption of healthy lifestyles, but it's the stories that keep me coming back for more.

It's Always Something

So I thought about writing about family drama, but I'm going to see how it all plays out.  It does not involve me other than I am a member of the family, thankfully (thankful that it doesn't involve me...thankful for being a member of the family depends on what day it is and what is going on LOL!).  Hopefully it will all resolve.



Shiloh is doing well well.  She came through her mastectomy fine and will start chemo in three weeks.  The pathology report came back and only two of eleven lymphnodes positive for metastatic cancer!!!! Keep the prayers coming gang as they are working!  Her outlook and attitude are incredible!



Huge blog THANK YOU to Shelley for sponsoring me for the 5K breast cancer walk!  Thank you, friend!  Shell lost a friend to breast cancer a few years back, so she knows firsthand what this disease can do.  Her donation will go with others to help support women getting mammograms and help for women battling breast cancer!  If you can help join in the fight by sponsoring me, please go to the CBA and search for my name (Kimberly Jones) to donate.  I am currently at $125.00 in donations and that beats my minimum goal of $75.  My high end goal is $200 and any more than that would just be a blessing!  Well, all donations are a blessing but an extra one!



I ran sprints again yesterday after a weekend of really bad eating and have dropped another two pounds.  I feel as if I have found a bit of magic for however long it lasts!  I am not to the point yet where I enjoy running minute sprints..the last thirty seconds, I am sure that death is right around the corner, but I'm getting through them and the results will keep me going. 



I don't post these kinds of things here to brag or to say "See what I'm doing."  I do it to keep myself accountable as well as in the hopes it may help someone else.  Exercise is rarely fun but the results are and I like sharing what I have learned, such as switching up your workout routine can do really cool stuff to your body!  It still amazes me, as a girl coming from 315+ pounds at one time that I can exercise!  It still amazes me that I was a soda-holic and now don't even crave them.  Sometimes if someone has a root beer, I'll have a sip, but that's it and that's all I need and that is an extremely rare thing!  I once scoffed at the people who would tell me that once I started drinking water I'd crave it.  Yeah, right!  But now I can see that it was oh so true.  I do crave it and drink more of it than I ever have before in my life.  The norm for me is 64 ounces a day of water alone and then we always get water in our foods as well. 



I think it also really important to stress that yeah, we are in a terrible economic time; we all know it.  Stress can take a terrible toll on us, so the importance of exercise and taking care of ourselves becomes even more important.  The best thing you can do for anyone you love is to take care of you.  Your loved ones want you around for years to come and when we put everyone else first, we inevitably place ourselves last.  In some situations, that is fine, but not so with health.  You won't be around to take care of your loved ones if you don't care for yourself. 



Be kind to yourself.



You deserve it and you are worth it.

Happy Friday!

There are people in my life who do not understand these friendships I make via the internet.  I have made friends from chat rooms and message boards and many from the blogosphere.  I have met people who helped me through my father's cancer diagnosis and eventual death, because they had already been there with their own father.  I have met women who were molested as children and we were able to help each other.  I've met people who share similar interests.  And I have met incredible women who took the WLS path before me.

Yesterday, Susan donated to my walking the 5K for breast cancer.  Today, Jil donated as well.  These are people I have never met face to face; have never spoken to on the telephone.  Just plain good people who are willing to invest in a cause that in some way affects or will affect us all.  So Jil, thank you, and I will be praying for your friend who is battling breast cancer.  We are in this to kick cancer's ass!

So, I ran sprints again today...one minute sprints and three minutes recovery.  It nearly killed me but you know what?  For the first time in forever, my scale dropped three pounds this morning so I was totally motivated!  It's hard for me to run, but if it is the kick my body needs to get back to losing, then so be it.

Again, if you can help in the fight against breast cancer, go here and sponsor me in the 5k (Kimberly Jones), as I walk with Shiloh, her family and friends. 

Have a happy and safe weekend!

Peace out!