Sunday, October 9, 2011

In Search of Self Control and a Good Night's Sleep

Ah, the wayward blogger returns.  Seems there is so much I want to do and not enough hours in the day to accomplish much of any of it.  But I really need to start prioritizing a few things or I am going to be totally screwed in the long run and will have no one to blame but myself.

I keep talking about doing things but cannot seem to fit them into my schedule to actually accomplish much of anything but the fact is that if I do not start making myself a priority I am going to put on more weight and the pounds I have gained since last March already need to go.  My head keeps wanting to go back to running as I am thinking it will help keep things under control along with controlling my carb addiction, but my knees and the clock have been disagreeing with me.  But I need to give it another go.  I was never much good at it really but on some sadistic level I apparently enjoyed it as my head keeps returning to the thought. 

I have gone back to kickboxing and have been trying to hit the gym but it is hard.  Yet I know that cannot be an excuse.  I have some tight clothing and I refuse to start buying larger sizes.  Hell to the no.  I grocery shopped healthy today.  I even waffled over some protein powder but let's be realistic...I hated that shit. But I need to go back to eating like a healthy person.  I used to do it easily and am not sure when it got complicated.  I think I got comfortable and complacent and figured my problems days were over and that I could eat like other people and just not think about/care about what I was putting in my mouth. 

The fact is that it will never work that way for me.  I am not one of those people.  They exist; the ones who can eat anything and never gain an ounce but it will never be me.  I need to accept that and move on.  Working on it.

I have still struggled with sleep issues and have just switched over to the Ambien Extended Release.  Last night was the first night on it and it went well.  Here's hoping.

1 comment:

  1. Ya know it's been a long time since I commented, or you posted when I have to re-sign in in order to do it! Good to see you back darling! I will bring you some of the protein powder I love to death when I see you on Sunday. It's like a nummy milkshake, but good for you :-)