The Wayward Blogger Returns

Okay, so here is the deal.  NaBloPomo is doing a blog every day for the month of September and the theme (which is not a requirement) is "Beautiful".  I'm signing up so I can get back into more regular blogging again.  I have totally enjoyed the break tho!

I've been busy working out, Facebooking, Tweeting and enjoying the back to school time of year.  The weather has already started to get cooler here, which bums me out a little.  I actually had to wear a jacket this morning and it isn't even September yet!  In fact I think I need a jacket now!

My stress has been a little bit better, though my oldest son continues to play up and my mother is a compact stress machine who I never know where I stand with so I have elected to stop worrying about it.  She has been really hard work the last year and I guess when someone takes your deepest insecurities that you confided in them and then hurls them back at you in a way to make you hurt, well, let's just say it's not something you get over.  I now forever guard my heart around her and measure almost everything I say and I'm sure to her it translates into "we aren't close anymore" and maybe we aren't.  But we do have a relationship and I do love her, but for now it has to be on my terms and my terms consist of not giving her ammunition about my life to use against me when she gets pissed.  Never again.  So that is the new reality and though I may not always like it, it just is what it is.

In more exciting news, The Brit and I are going to take the motorcycle course at the college within the next few months.  It's something we both want to do and you only live once, so I for one want to do everything I can.  I think it was Danny Kaye who said that life is a canvas and we should throw all the paint on it we can.  A rule to live by.

Confessional

So I have been screwing up.  Despite the fact that I did exercise five days last week with the kids going back to school, my eating this week has been awful.  Stress makes me crazy.  A long time ago, when stress hit, I would manage it with a smoking vice.  Sadly, with the stress of the last several days, I have tried to go back to eating my stress.  The grim reality of that was apparent on the scale this morning, as I had gained two pounds.

No, maybe two pounds is not that big a deal, but with a goal of a size 14, to me, it is huge...and even worse, inexcusable.  I know firsthand the consequences of stress eating.  It results in pounds and I am not willing to revisit that particular place.  I spent enough time there and it was not a happy place, especially when being compared to where I am now.  I'm so much happier here and that magnet on my fridge is true: Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

So I am putting myself back in check or into a timeout or whatever I need to call it.  I've got exercise back on track, I think my stress is pretty under control finally, so now I go back to basics of Food 101.  I know what is good and what is bad.  I also know that the stress monster will again rear it's ugly head eventually and I need to come with a healthy way to combat it. My vices have never been healthy, so I need to explore this one.  How do you, my quiet readers, combat stress when it hits?  What helps you to cope?  What keeps you from the chocolate?

My kids are now on the same morning schedule now that Aaron has started high school, which results in a lot of bickering in the mornings.  The last three years they never saw each other in the mornings as JJ was not even awake when Aaron left.  Now though, they are both mine in the morning and they argue for the entire forty minutes they are in the kitchen together.  This morning it started again with JJ antagonizing Aaron who was trying to do his breakfast dishes, which resulted in lots of yelling.  Completely annoyed, I informed them that if this didn't stop in the mornings, they could come downstairs in shifts so they were never together in the kitchen.

This annoyed JJ so much that he grabbed his backpack and yelled "I'm leaving!!  And I'm not coming back!"

As he slammed out the screen door, I hollered after him, "Don't forget to tell the new people you move in with that you're a brat!"

Ya'll can go ahead and sign me up for that Mother of the Year thing whenever you're ready.

STRESSSSSSS

So last week had its share of issues that overflowed into the weekend and then some dribbled over into today.  Weekends tend to stress me out anyway if we don't have any plans.  We have two boys who if they don't have something to occupy their time, they become huge stressors. They bicker, argue and generally get into things they aren't supposed to, which trickles down to The Brit, who gets annoyed and then I, who doesn't handle stress well anyway, starts to get on edge.

And that was this weekend.  And this morning we got up to the same problem we had started dealing with Thursday night which was water backup in the basement.  Thankfully, it is now resolved and hopefully permenantly this time, but the last few days have left me devoid of much energy.

My mother also flared up in the midst of all this crap.  See, two weeks ago, The Brit installed an air conditioner for her in the spare room.  Well, her window was too large for the unit, so he did a quick fix with a plyboard and some duct tape (as that fixes all or so they say).  He checked with our favorite hardware store, who did not have the right size plexi-glass he needed, but would try to get in the right size.  Then last week, The Brit had a kidney stone Tuesday/Wednesday, we had water in the basement Thursday/Friday and our anniversary was Friday. 

So Saturday, my mother leaves her token blistering message of "I don't know if you plan on fixing this air conditioner or not but I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know."

Gotta love her.  No, she had no idea of what was going on in our world, as being 43, I don't call her with every little update as I am an adult.  But doesn't common sense dictate that AC does not always take presidence over everything?  Guess not.

In other news, I have fallen in love with Jodi Picoult.  I have read "My Sister's Keeper" and now am completely engrossed in "The Pact" which I just discovered is a Lifetime movie, which I am recording this weekend but not watching until the book is finished.  Especially as Hollywood likes to change the ending to books.  Let's just say that those of you who saw "My Sister's Keeper" but never read it....you don't have the real ending...and that kind of crap really makes me angry.

Who's That Girl?

Probably everyone who has ever lost a significant amount of weight has a moment like I did this morning; one of those moments where the brain has just not yet caught up with the rest of me. 

Due to a water problem at the house and The Brit waiting for the plummer, I elected to take advantage of my inability to shower at home.  So, I went to the Y and finally tried a Spin class, knowing I could shower there after class.  Well, lemme tell ya, that was a workout!  Part of the workout is sitting on the bike and pedaling and that is alternated with standing up and pedaling, all the while fluctuating the tension between one and ten.  The bikes are up against the windows and right across from us on the opposite wall are large mirrors. 

At one point, I saw someone dressed like me.  A t-shirt that was literally soaked from chest to back, who was standing up on this bike, pedaling at a level 10 and keeping up with the class.  It took a moment of staring to realize this girl, the one who was dripping wet and totally loving her Spin class, was me.  There was just that moment of not recognizing the physical person I have become, and I don't just mean how I look physically.  I also mean, me being PHYSICAL.  There are just still moments of "Who is this person?"  and I would have thought they would have worn off by now, but I suppose when you spend your entire life 100 plus pounds overweight, why on earth would I think a new understanding could take place as soon as a 16 months later?

My other amusing moment today was my ability to shower at the YMCA without a second thought about walking around the locker room wrapped in a towel in front of other people.  16 months ago, I would have been far too self conscious to do that. 

You know what?  I hope the novelty of these kinds of things never wears off for me.  I never want to be blas�bout how far I've come, even though I am not yet at the finish line.

Happy weekend, gang!  Stay safe, live your dreams and treasure every moment!

Christmas at my house

For me, the first day of school is a huge celebration.  It's not so much that they are going back to school, but more that I get my routine back, and my quiet time.  If I could get these two things and have them be out of school, I would not be so excited about them going back.  But my kids and routine do not go hand in hand for summer.  They are still not old enough to get that sometimes there are things adults want to do, like go to the gym, so they make it hard for me to get there, but being not quite trustworthy to be at home alone for long periods of time.

But I digress.  SCHOOL!  Aaron has already started soccer and seems to be liking it.  I think it will be important for him to be a part of a team and will hopefully help him to develop some better social skills.  JJ was excited to go back today and was excited when he got home.  Aaron is still at school as he had practice afterward.

For me, Operation 14 is underway.  Michael, my GBC, was back from vacation so I was back at kickboxing last night and loving it.  Today I hit the YMCA for 30 minutes on the elliptical and tomorrow I plan on working some weights but I need to do some research.  The classes out there that teach you that kind of stuff cost extra sadly, which bugs me.  I know I need to change some things up to hit my goal by Christmas, but knowing what changes need to be made is harder to know.  I think the running will help considerably though once Tod and I start that. 

It felt so good to get back there last night and today.  It still amazes me that exercise, something I once dreaded and hated now invigorates me.  Sure, there are days I would much rather park my ass in front of the computer or television and not bother.  I still have those urges, all the time!  But the fact remains that working out makes me feel so much better.  It fuels my soul, gives me more energy and just makes me feel a sense of accomplishment.  I don't enjoy the process.  Not.  At.  All.  But the aftermath of every workout is all good. 

Our wedding anniversary is Friday and the plan is to get Ron White tickets to celebrate a little later once the show happens.  He is rank and makes me laugh like nobody's business and I am hoping to get really good seats.  Very exciting. 

I Cannot Wait....

...to get back to the gym!  I feel disgusting after having sporadic workouts all summer!  But getting back into the swing of it is going to be difficult.  And I have not yet completely decided on my plan of attack yet.  I need to go from my current size 18, past the 16 to land very happily on size 14....and I would love to do this by Christmas.  I think it is totally doable, especially with the kids back in school in THREE DAYS! 

Honestly, they have been pretty good this summer.  It's just that they get bored and even more than that, it is my inability to get to the gym regularly as I don't have enough trust yet to leave them both home alone for more than the few hours I work each day.  The only other complaint is that they are messy...and that I have no time to myself.  I'm just one of those people.  I know people who cannot stand to be alone, ever...but I am not one of them.  Of course, with the kids in school nine months of the year, I get used to having some of that alone time and then suddenly in June...there is no more.  And that is an adjustment for me.  So really, when I think about it, in June, not only is my down time snatched away, but so are regular workouts so no wonder I get testy!   Yeah, I did manage to take the kids biking a few times, but all they did was complain about being tired, hot, thirsty etc (yes, they brought drinks with them but my kids are very anti-water and they suck down soda and then wonder why they are still thirsty, but as their mother, I don't know anything). 

So summer is finally drawing to a close and I feel a great sense of relief.  The kids had an enjoyable summer with lots of travel and new experiences, but now the normal routine will kick back into place and with that routine comes comforts.  The comfort of a steady plan and certain constants.  Though I enjoy being impulsive, there is something to be said about routine too.

So what do you all think about this not blogging every day?  Do you miss it?  Don't care?  Just curious.

Closer to the Countdown

The last weekend before the start of school!  All together now: WHEEEEE! 

The workout celebration begins Tuesday night with Michael's return to kickboxing....YAY!  I've missed my class!  Then last night, I had some wine...I had about three glasses I think, and I'm very confused about alcohol's effect on an RNY patient.  I used to think that in order to maintain any wine buzz I had to keep drinking as my body no longer absorbed alcohol.  But last night, I swear, I only remember having three glasses and man-o-wow, I was a wee bit shnockered!  Let's just say for the first time ever, I got on the trampoline with all the kids last night and though I could not manage to stand on it, I laid on it while they jumped and I laughed my tail off.  Good times!

Anyway, I digress.  I think I talked to MyTod about coaching me in running this fall and I'm pretty sure he agreed, so I think that is rather exciting.  I think.  Just want to see that size 14, peeps!  So we'll see how that goes.  We're going to start out on a soft track, possibly at South High, in the evenings.  I'll have to pick up an inexpensive pair of running shoes (Nothing costly till I find out if I'm going to stick with it) and some kind of shorts that are light enough but will also help me not chaffe.  How fun is this? 

Anyway, that's all I have.  Very excited for school.  Very excited for kickboxing and the gym.  My only concern is that someone took my husband this morning.  He took Aaron for his first soccer practice and has not been seen or heard from since.  He is either on the field or has been abducted by aliens.