Keeping it honest

So, yeah.  I know I haven't blogged much lately, but it's summer and it's busy and it's hot and I still have stuff going on or getting ready to go on, such as Women of Faith this weekend with Robyn. 

There has also been something else going on to an extent that I have battled about whether or not to post here, but I think I have finally decided to do it.  It makes me a little bit nervous because it is rather personal and it is something that some people may get judgmental about.  But with that being said, I try to always strive for honesty here and maybe blogging my experiences may help someone else.  As far as any judgments, people are going to think what they want to think regardless of what I may say or do, but the fact is that no one else knows my struggles other than me.

As you know, I've spent the last six months dieting and managed to lose about 25 pounds, which is a little bit frustrating.  The last few weeks, I have not been exercising due to being insanely busy and then being tired from being so busy.  My eating during this time has not been great but not terrible either and the week of the mission trip, my eating was at the mercy of YouthWorks.  Working out gets more complicated during the summer anyhow with having kids around constantly and trying to manage my schedule plus theirs.  I'm not making excuses.  I could find my way around it if I tried hard enough, I'm sure, but this summer has been busier than most, both with church things and extra-curricular boating, and the Brit being away off and on with work. 

For the last couple of years, I have looked at other options for managing my weight.  Here are the facts.  I have been overweight since I was six years old.  My mother said it started happening right after I had my tonsils out and I'm not sure what my tonsils have to do with anything, but that is her point of reference.  I was dieting in 4th grade and ever since that time have been consumed with losing weight and keeping it off.  I lost a chunk of it in high school by exercising with high impact aerobics twice a day and eating vanilla yogurt, a hard boiled egg and pear nectar every day for lunch.  I lost the weight but obviously as soon as I stopped that insane lunch combination and stopped exercising compulsively, the pounds crept back on along with some of their friends.  I have done Weight Watchers, South Beach, and some other liquid diet thing that I forget the name of.  I have belonged and worked out at Rando's, Gold's Gym, the YMCA and at Curves.  I don't buy junk food because having it in my house is deadly for me.   It is safe to say that I have been consumed with my weight for about 32 years.

I'm tired of fighting it and having to work so hard for so long to lose 25 pounds, only to have five of it already creeping back on.  However, I firmly believe that unless you have had a weight problem, you cannot understand what it is like.  You don't know what it feels like to have a thin, active person, who loves nature and biking and who longs to horseback ride living inside a body that is fat.  I have no desire to battle this for the second half of my life like I have for the first half.

So, I'm looking into gastric bypass.  There.  I said it.  I have made an appointment with my PCP and have left a message with a surgeon I have done some research on.  The process will take about six months, so that gives me time to back out at any point if I decide it is not the right thing for me.  I know it is just a tool to help with weight loss and I know that there are major life changes that have to  happen.  I am prepared for that and don't have a problem with it.  What I think of more is the positive life changes that will take place after the surgery.  The ability to have more energy and to do more.  The finally knowing what it feels like to be a normal weight, because as I cannot remember as far back as six years old, I have no point of reference.

I am researching this and asking questions.  I have found a great website at Renewed Reflections and have been talking to people there who have been through the process.  I personally know three people who have had it done and have spent time talking to them as well.  One friend, who had the surgery done two and a half years ago said that her only regret was that she had not had it done sooner. 

I have never been afraid of taking risks or doing things outside the norm.  Adopting kids through social services is outside the norm for many people, but we took that plunge and are so glad we did.  The argument of many may be that the surgery can be fatal, but so can being overweight.  I have not made any commitments to the surgery yet, but I am researching and gathering information. 

To end on a lighter note, on Saturday we took a friend's two teenage boys and one of their friends out on the boat with us.  It was great fun!