14 Reasons Why I Love The Brit

1. I love that after ten and a half years of marriage he still walks in the door with flowers often.

2. I love that he isn't afraid to be silly and he can make me laugh like anything.

3. I love that he supports me in anything I want to do, from schooling to theater to WLS.

4. I love that he loves to try to make my dreams come true.

5. I love that he isn't afraid to be vulnerable.

6. I love it when I wake him up on Sunday morning by using my hand as a "spider" walking up his arm, he sleepily waves it off again and again until he startles awake.  I laugh every time...and he has the same reaction every time.

7. I love that sometimes he calls me during the day just to see how my day is going.

8. He gives fabulous back scratches.

9. I love the way he always tells me how sexy I am...even when I don't feel sexy in the least.

10. I love that everyone in my family thinks he is the smartest person they know.

11. I love the way he holds my hand when we are walking together, or when he wakes up in the morning and I am still sleeping.  It's so sweet and always makes me feel cherished.

12. I love that he tolerates and secretly enjoys my obsession with pets, especially cats.

13. I love that he came 3,000 miles across the Atlantic Ocean to meet me...and then stayed.

14.  I love that I can totally see myself growing old with him.

Happy Valentine's Day, Ya'll!

Q&A Friday

First bit of information is that my gall bladder surgery is finally scheduled for February 24th!  I am insanely happy about this surgery because I am so incredibly sick of the whole burping thing which has been progressively getting worse!

Anyway, onto questions.  Jil asked about one of my favorite things, so I'll do those first as the answers are way easier! LOL!

She asked:  "You haven't mentioned the theater in awhile...are you going anywhere with that?"

I love theater and have been away from it for close to six years now, since we decided to pursue adopting kids.  When the kids were smaller, cutting out a couple of nights a week for rehearsals would have just been insanity.  But theater is something that is in my blood and few things give me the rush that performing on stage gives me.  I am actually going to be auditioning for "Grease" at the end of March at the Apollo Theater in Martinsburg, WV, which is only about 30 minutes away.  A dear friend of mine, Mandy, is directing the show and several of my long time theater friends are also auditioning.  The hope is that most of the auditioners will be adults, so Mandy can cast the show as adults.  But if more young people show up to auditions, then the main roles will have to be cast that way, so everything is kind of up in the air.  As the fat girl, I always wanted to play Jan, the Twinkie eating Pink Lady who falls in love with Rump and though I am not quite that girl anymore (still fat, but so much better than before!) I still think that is the part I will be singing for.  I think Twinkie-like cakes come in those 100 calorie packs, so if I am careful, totally doable!

Jil also asked: "What is your favorite musical and why?"

I love, love, love musical theater and have so many favorites that it is hard for to pick just one, though I narrowed it down to two.  "Les Miserables" has been a long time favorite of mine and I've seen the show somewhere in the neighborhood of seven times; most of the performances on tour but twice in Broadway.  A friend of mine, Dawn Younker, auditioned for the touring company back in the early 90s and was cast as Eponine, which was both her and my favorite role, so while Dawn was with the touring company, I caught the show several times to see her perform (and she was amazing, btw).  During her run with the company, the Les Miz head honchos came to NYC and fired what they considered to be many members of a "tired" cast.  Dawn's touring company was the one selected to perform in NYC while that cast was being replaced, so I got to see my friend perform on Broadway as well, which was awesome.

My other favorite is "Rent".  The music is amazing and the story so raw and real at times.  I saw the original cast on Broadway right after it opened, which was when Dawn was performing on Broadway.  The tickets to the show were sold out, but Dawn insisted we should wait in line anyway for any cancellations while our friends elected to go see another show.  What Dawn knew but I didn't know, was that the theaters held seats for any friends of the cast until about 10 minutes before curtain.  If no friends showed up, the seats are sold to those waiting in line.  Many of the people ahead of us in line gave up and left, leaving Dawn and I with center, two rows from the stage seats.  They were spitting on us and I loved it. 

When The Brit and I got married, our first year together, he took me to England and we were able to see the London cast of "Rent" as well.  So it is the show I have seen in two major theater districts.  The movie version is also very good and has most of the cast in it that was spitting on me the first time I saw the show.  They have also just released the final performance of the NY cast on DVD which I just got and watched last weekend.  Also very much worth the watch.  The show does have strong language, sexual implications and homosexual themes in it.  It is also one of the best shows I have ever seen.  The saddest part is that Jonathon Larson, who wrote it, never lived to see it open on Broadway, which makes me incredibly sad.

I guess I need to mention one other show from a performing standpoint.  When it comes to musical theater, the best time I have ever had on stage was playing the Rev. Mother in "Nunsense" twice.  Both times, I was able to do the show with some very good friends and it is one of the funniest shows out there, IMHO.  If you ever get a chance to see this gem, go for it.  I would eagerly do the show a third time if the opportunity ever presented itself.

Okay, on with the next topic!

Susan asked: "Please describe what you eat on any given day? I hope this isn't too personal but I 'm just curious."

Susan, this differs a lot depending on what I have in the fridge!  My day though almost always starts out with Special K Protein Plus cereal, 1% milk and a banana.  A serving packs 10 grams of protein, so I am all over that, and with a little Splenda, it's good. 

Lunch can be anything from soup, to half a turkey wrap, to a Kashi Pumpkin Spice bar (another ten gram snack) and a yogurt with some blueberries mixed in.  Dinner has been experimental of late because I got sick and tired of cooking the same things.  I hate to cook, so switching it up is important to me not only from an eating standpoint but from a boredom standpoint as well.  I love to slow cook (not much work and quick and easy cleanup) and in the colder months I will do beef stew and have recently tried beef stroganof though I try to go easy on the noodles in my own serving, but the kids love the noodles.  Also did a cranberry pork this week in the slow cooker and it was really good but next time I think I need to make my own Splenda cranberry sauce to cut down on the sugar. 

Other than slow cooking, I will do tilapia in the broiler, chicken, chicken tacos, shrimp quesadillas, etc.  I recently purchased "The Biggest Loser Family Cookbook" and have been trying some of these recipes from there.  Almost all of them have been good and the family likes them too.  Soup is my favorite Friday night easy meal and I have just learned to make it this winter!  42 years old and didn't know how to make soup!  Go figure!

Snacks are where I get into trouble, but if I'm keeping it real, the things I nibble on range from good days to bad days.  Thank God for the gym on the bad days!  Kashi Pumpkin Bars, Sugar Free Jello with a dollop of Light Cool Whip, grapes, cheese (a huge downfall of mine!  I love the stuff!) and on a really bad day when it must be chocolate, I've been reaching for 100 calorie Swiss Rolls, which must stop.  I buy them for the kid's lunch, but I think I am going to have to find a different alternative because having them in the house poses a problem for me.  Basically, I know they are there! 

Susan, this is actually a question I'd like to pose to my other C&P girls; not so much what they eat for meals, but what they snack on, on this is where I struggle.

Okay, Kim asked: "Have the boys said anything about the difference in you guys now that you've lost so much weight?"

My oldest is kind of oblivious most of the time, but he was a little shocked at the realization that The Brit and I were actually going to go tubing with them and not just watch from the sidelines.  The younger one, he's my vocal kid and is constantly informing me that something I'm wearing or thinking of wearing is too big.  So yeah, in one way or another, they notice.

And finally, Kim also asked: "How did you come to adopt the boys?"

We went through all the infertility stuff to a certain point where I just could not emotionally take it any longer.  Everytime I wasn't pregnant devestated me, so we finally spoke to someone in church that told us if we wanted kids, social services was the way to go.  We had looked at adoption agencies but the expense was insane (and why is that?  If so many kids needs homes why not make it affordable to the average person?).  So we signed up to foster and went through a six week class that honestly, in no way prepares you for the challenges you truly face with some of these kids.  These are not your "normal" run of the mill children; these are kids who have been through the wringer because of their parents.  The two boys were our first placement as we were signed up that we wanted to "foster to adopt".  I didn't want a revolving door at my house.  I did struggle a bit at first on if I wanted them and only because they were boys and there were two.  I had always imagined a girl and two boys at ages 7 and 3, with problems felt like a like to take on at once.

We had to foster them for six months and during that time, we grew to love them and went through with the adoptions.  I'm not going to say it has always been fun.  Our youngest had no language nor was he potty trained at three years old.  No one had ever enforced the latter for him, so it was really hard work to potty train a kid that old and we didn't manage with 100% success until he was nearly five.  He just wanted no part of it.  He would go in his pull ups and then to inform us he went he would bring us a clean pull up.  He had the brains, but not the drive.  His language was slow in coming and we had him assessed at Kennedy Keager at Hopkins after his Head Start speech therapist informed us that we needed to explore alternative means of communication but it couldn't be sign language as he has no digits on his left hand.  I informed her that the child could make cat sounds, cow sounds etc, so he would talk.  Sure enough, after talking to Hopkins we got him in with a real speech therapist and he took off.  Has not shut up since.

My oldest has ongoing issues, as you all well know, but we are in the process of getting him in with a highly recommended therapist.  The Brit and I meet with him next Thursday and I'm anxious to get a feel for the guy.  I liked what I heard in our brief phone conversation though so I have good vibes thus far.  I will keep you all informed.

Well, that's all the questions I have so far, so bring them on if you want more answers next Friday!

They are Trying to Kill Me (Ode to my children)

In the last two days, I have dealt with the following:

1. Talking to two of the youngest child's teachers because he has decided to develope an "I don't care" kind of nine-year-old tude that is also getting frequent sightings at home.

2. Constant lies from the older child.

3. An email from the oldest child's teacher because he called another kid a bastard this morning....in front of the teacher.  (Now I know kids are going to call other kids names, but for crying out loud, step away from the teacher to do it, dude!  I'm not condoning, but the name thing, in 8th grade and beyond?  Pretty much a fact.)

4. Discovering that the oldest child nearly failed gym last marking period because he "couldn't find his gym clothes" so he wasn't changing.  Please note that he puts away his own clothing.

5. Youngest child taking practice test tonight and when he missed like 6 words, informed me that he "doesn't care."  He is currently in his room and will be accompanying me to praise band rehearsal where he will be writing the missed words twenty times each; ten times for missing them and ten times for not caring.

Insanity, I tell you! Whoever said boys were easier than girls just landed here from another planet, I swear.

I had a nice exercise post planned to encourage Kelly and Jil, but tomorrow is another day.  Today has been full of the slightly shorter people I live with and trying to keep them alive....

What I Can't Do

After talking about my achievements in weight loss yesterday, I think it is only fair and educational to discuss what I can't do. 

There are habits that are way too easy to fall back into and my danger zone is nighttime snacking.  Oh, I can have A snack, but if I make it plural, I can pretty much count on seeing the results on the scale.  The hard part of this is that in the evenings my activity for the day stops or at least slows.  I bust my butt all day; work, gym, house stuff, kid stuff, dinner stuff.  But come 8:00 at night, it is time to wind down and if you put me in front of a screen, the urge to nibble comes about fairly easily. 

I'm remedying this by picking up a book or doing something with my hands to distract me.  It is imperative that I stay away from grazing and multiple munching.  I've worked too hard to throw it away on food that isn't necessarily bad for me, but not good for me either.  The scale keeps me honest and in check.  Bad food habits are part of the reason I weighed 315 pounds a year ago. I have no desire to revisit that time of my life when I feel so good now, and nighttime munching is not a need; it's a habit.  Habits can be broken.

The gym is also a MUST.  I don't always get there five days a week, though I try, but I get there as many days as is humanely possible given the limitations of appointments for kids or myself.  The other important thing is switching it up at the gym.  Repetitively doing the same old thing over and over again throws my body into a rut and it no longer wants to cooperate with my efforts.  I've been doing cross training on the elliptical, which has me again sweating bullets.  I've been doing 100 crunches with the exercise ball.  I change it up now and again with the treadmill or the bike.  When I was in there yesterday, I saw a guy, who I know was every bit as big as The Brit was before surgery, on the front row of elliptical machines.  These machines are different from the one I now use, but they are the machines I started out on because I found them easier as a beginner.  He did just fine, so pretty much anyone can.  I found myself silently rooting for him because of his size and how hard he was working.  And yes, it is work.  I don't go to the gym because it is a piece of cake; I go to push myself out of my comfort level.  I personally, find the elliptical to be an amazing piece of equipment, easier on my knees than the treadmill actually and it has really built up my cardio endurance.

I can't get lazy about this, ever.  All I have to do is think of the simple things I can do now that I couldn't do a year ago and it is a powerful reminder of why I can't get lazy.  Yesterday, there was nothing in my being that wanted to go workout.  I had a headache and was sitting back in the music room talking to Paula after my shift here at work ended.  I told her I didn't feel like going.  I sat there for a half an hour talking to her, then got in my car, planning on going home...and then went to the gym. 

I have to be a priority in my own life now.  I have to be here and be on top of my game to continue being who I am to the people in my life.  I didn't see how impacted I was by my weight a year ago, but I see it now...and I never want to forget about how it was a year ago.  Watching life instead of participating in it, feeling fat and ugly and unhappy with myself.  Oh, I was a great actress on the outside; smiling and laughing, but inside I was disgusted that I had let things go so far.  I was frustrated by nothing working for me in my attempts to lose weight.  Now, I revel in the things I can do!  I WENT SNOW TUBING, for heaven's sake!  Snow tubing!  Me! 

And snow tubing is just the beginning.

I am never going back.

Never.

Ever.

And don't forget Q&A Friday is coming up!  Ask and I will answer!

What I Love about Losing 102 Pounds

 

• Energy


• Being able to try daring new hairstyles without having to worry about how fat my face looks


• Being able to curl up in a chair


• Being able to cross my legs


• Being able to do 100 crunches


• Being able to cross my legs when sitting


• New confidence I never thought to have (Some people may not like it, but it makes me feel happier and more self assured.)


• Being able to run upstairs, even from my basement carrying a basket of laundry to the top floor without being winded.


• Snow tubing


• Baths


• Feeling at home in my own body for the first time ever


• Buying clothes in a normal store


• Sitting in booths at restaurants and not being afraid I won't fit


• Not spilling food down the front of me


• Only having one chin


• No more lower back pain in the mornings


• To no longer feel as if people are staring at me because of my size


• Having a much less limited wardrobe


• Feeling as if I can do anything I set my mind to


• Feeling great after a two hour workout instead of feeling like a three hour nap after walking for 30 minutes


• Living my life instead of watching it from the sidelines


• Finally loving myself to know that I am worth the work


• Understanding what it is like for those who are obese who struggle with the answers.  Dear Lord, never let me forget nor lose my compassion.  If I could, I'd be the female Richard Simmons.


• Knowing that I still have tons of things I want to try (horseback riding, parasailing, just to name a few) and that I can, indeed, try them successfully.


• Sharing the journey with my beloved C&P girls and The Brit


• Feeling utterly and completely happy

Gotta Vent

I have mentioned before that I am a bottler, meaning I bottle my emotions instead of letting them flow freely in a healthy way.  I do this because I hate confrontation and bickering, so my blog has become my venting post and you all my ventees and if the person I am venting about just so happens to read this, well, be happy I hold my tongue when I'm angry/annoyed etc and let it out here instead.  Keeps a much happier household that way.

I really, really, really try to make things convenient for people.  When someone says they wishes they had time to do something, say like, going to the gym, I try to find a way to make that happen for the person.  All I ask for is a schedule so that I can make something for dinner that doesn't require being on a timer.  I can slow cook and then it is ready whenever said someone gets home and it isn't burnt or overcooked or dry.  So yes, what nights someone is going to be later does matter.  If I use all my slow cooker stuff on non-gym nights, it kind of defeats the purpose of pre-planning meals to work around certain things.

So when I ask if someone is going to the gym tomorrow and I get growled at that the person doesn't know, yes, it annoys me.  If someone is going to the gym, then I need to get something defrosted TONIGHT so I can have it in the crockpot and cooking by the time I leave for work in the morning.  Unfortunately, that whole waving the magic wand thing doesn't really work in real life; some preparation is required on my part.  All I am asking someone else to do is to let me know their plans and if they haven't decided yet, to please make a decision as I would rather not ask a second time later and risk being growled at again.  That's just simple self-preservation, gang.

Okay, venting over and I feel better now.

Okay, I'm over it now

I'm now totally bored with the sick thing.  It's really time to move on now; tired of coughing and snotting and feeling just relatively lousy.  It's just the pits and tomorrow is Monday and the week starts all over again.  Ugh!  Plus no gym until this gets a bit better as I am coughing so much.  HATE IT!  So they will probably call to schedule my surgery tomorrow now that I am ill and probably unable to schedule until I'm well!

So this is going to be short tonight.  My brain is all foggy and I'm having trouble putting two thoughts together.  I still have some photos to download from DC yesterday; just haven't felt like doing it yet.  Today was church, annual church meeting, then Walmart for groceries, then "Rent" the final performance on DVD, then dinner.  Now, I am actually already starting to consider sleeping and it is only 8:52, but that is what sick does to me.  I keep hoping if I get plenty of rest, drink lots of tea and fluids that I will kick this thing but we are now on day 4 since it started.  UGH!  This stinks!

So, tomorrow we will continue with regular posting.  I hope.  I think.