The road of least resistance

I don't generally like to blog when I'm angry or in this case, frustrated, but there are times when this blog is therapy when I don't feel like people are hearing me or understanding me.

There are certain things that even though they  are "not right" are simply necessary.  Not because it is life and death or anything like that, but sometimes you just have to decide what is the lesser of two evils.  This is not always an easy thing for me to do and apparently it is an even more difficult thing for someone else to understand. 

Being the female, I put up with a good bit of flack from the mothers in this family.  If the Brit and I decide to do something or not do something that my mother doesn't like, I get the flack from it.  If his mother is not happy about something, I get the flack for it (such as not sending a birthday card because I didn't get it out in the mail on time for it to arrive overseas in a reasonable time frame).  The mothers do not go to him, they go to me, and I do my best to pick and chose my battles and there is a certain element of respect that one has to apply when dealing with older parents as well.  The fact is that often the Brit is not aware of the flack that I deal with.  I just do my best to take it in stride, smooth it over and allow life to go on as pleasantly and stress-free as possible.

So there is this "thing" coming up that we were invited to that we really don't want to attend, however, not attending is going to cause lots of that flack I mentioned earlier that I will be the one to receive.  Now, one might say "Who cares?  The other people just need to deal with it."  Yes, there is that option, but I am not one to cut off my nose to spite my face.  Pissing off my mother makes my life difficult in many ways.  She is the one I call if I need someone to be here for the kids if I need to go somewhere or do something.  She is the one who will go shopping with me if I don't want to go alone.  If I have to take the kids out during the day for some reason, she is the one who will go along and help me field them.  She is the one  who when she stays for Sunday School, will bring my kids home afterward so I don't have to hang about an extra hour waiting for them.  Do we always get along or see eye to eye?  No.  It's a relationship, so there is give and take.  This is, unfortunately, one of those times I have to give despite the fact that there is nothing I'd rather do than to selfishly do exactly what I want to do. 

When parents get older, one has to be careful about how they leave things as well because I do not want to go through some "We're not speaking" thing and then have something happen to one of them during that time (this goes for my mother as well as for in laws).  There is also that factor of when they get older, they tend to become at times a little more one way and I can either enter into many pissing matches with them or I can just accept this about them and move on.  I chose to accept and move on because I prefer to not have the contention or the stress in my life of having a family member pissed off at me. 

This is the way I generally chose to handle all parents in my life, because one day I'm going to be the elderly mother who may want my children to do certain things at certain times, and not necessarily because I have a right to do that but because I am old and sometimes cantankerous and want my own way because I may not have that many days left on this earth.

So for now, I chose the path of least resistance because I am going with what I feel like dealing with as it will ultimately fall on me.  So, I'd rather have the parental party happy than to endure days or weeks of being snubbed.  Does it always make sense?  No.  But sometimes it is just the way it is.