Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Courage


So, I have taught myself a little HTML for the purpose of adding colored fonts, which I was sadly missing!  Now, I am 100% happy with my new blog!

I've been battling an internal struggle now for years.  Well, I've been battling several of those, but one in particular has been bothering me lately.  For as long as I can remember, I have been writing.  In middle school, I used to write in my spare time as well as for English projects.  My favorite English teacher in middle school was Mrs. Martin and I still have her comments to this day written in my journaling assignment: "You should be a writer one day."  In college, my professor for Public Speaking (whose name is escaping me at the moment) wrote in his notes after one of my speeches "You WILL be a writer one day."

I held onto remarks such as these as they were my heart and soul's desire.  There is still nothing I love more than to get lost in a story in my mind.  For years now, when I lay down to go to sleep at night, I imagine stories and plots and characters until I fall asleep.  It keeps my mind from dwelling on much more disturbing things that would keep me awake at night, worrying.  I have written things; short stories, fan fictions, but nothing serious enough for publication.  So, I suppose I am already a writer, but even more than being a writer, I desire to be a published author. 

My genre is Christian Fiction as it is much of what I read.  Due to my schedule and kid's schedules, I often don't have time to get involved in a story that is complicated, unless I plan on taking notes.  I may start a book and then not pick it up for a week or more, so for me, it is better that things not be too terribly technical or that the plot not include a web of twists and turns that I can't easily keep track of.  Reading is an escape for me, so I don't want to be stressed out while doing it, afraid I don't have the time to follow the story close enough to get the most from the experience.  I'm not saying that Christian Fiction is fluff or shallow.  I enjoy a story with a real life plot; something the average person might encounter today.  The fact that God is interwoven into the story just makes it all the better to me.  That's the way my life works.  Real problems, but at the center of my life is God.  I believe this type of writing is a calling and I know I'm being called.  Fear stands in my way.

I've had a title and a plot all worked out for over a year now and have not written one word.  Writing seriously and not just for my own enjoyment terrifies me.  It is overwhelming.  To write a book?  A whole book with lots of pages?  It paralyzes me.  But I'm trying to work through it.  I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for taking the plunge into making writing my career.  I'm not sure I have what it takes, but the fact is that I will never know unless I try.

I turn forty on Monday and this number seems very significant to me. 



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