Betty at iGive must die

So I installed this crazy iGive thing like a year ago and it's this annoying pop up that happens on sponsored sites, where if you purchase something from a sponsored site, iGive donates so much to a charity of your choice that is on the list.  But I'm tired of looking at her and for the life of me, neither The Brit or myself can get her out of our lives!  I have uninstalled her numerous times and she simply will not go away!  I have emailed the company and their instructions do not make her go away!  Grrrrr.

I was down two pounds today...Yippee!  I am also achy and sore from working out the last three days and now I have the familiar knee ache from kickboxing tonight, but dang, I had missed it!  I think I grinned through the first five minutes of it because I felt like I was really home again.  Then once I was sweating bullets, I wondered why I had ever missed Jack and his brutal class.  By the end I felt happy and pleased that I had more or less kept up after four weeks out.  It's a vicious cycle.

As a reward, I came home and ATE A HERSHEY BAR!  What on earth is wrong with me?  It simply must stop! 

So anyway, I have a dilemma, which is not a real dilemma, I mean not compared to poverty and a financial crisis or anything.  Just a little Kim-dilemma.  Once upon a time, I had a guitar and I took a few lessons but then kids came along and lessons had to stop.  I have always wanted to learn how to play and since losing 100+ pounds, I have this thing about reaching all my goals (one day parasailing will be realized!).  In place of guitar lessons, I started getting my nails done....gels and all that.  Then when we were robbed in September, my guitar was stolen.  End of story.

Until tonight when a guitar came into my life by surprise.  And then that old urge to play came over me again.  But I have nails and that makes holding down strings pretty well impossible.  So, I could give my nails a break, take off the gels and just get regular manicures for a bit and see if I can pick up playing this thing.  Otherwise it sits and gathers dust like the last one did.  I have to admit, I sat here staring at it in longing, with images of the Indigo Girls and John Denver running through my head.  I love acoustic guitar, so I picked it up and gave it a few strums, which made me all tingly inside.  But would I have the discipline to teach myself to play?  After all, I ATE A HERSHEY BAR tonight.

Food for thought.

Hellooooooo?

So is anyone other than Meg still out there reading this little blog?  I know I have been gone for a month and that I have not finished posting my England travels, yet alone my mission trip journal (which I left at the site, btw), but are ya'll still out there?  Give me a little love if you are.  I hate to appear needy, but I'm feeling rather lonely!

So I hit the gym really hard today.  Elliptical 30 minutes and for the first time, used the one that incorporates the arms.  I was worried about lasting a full thirty minutes after not doing it for a month, but I persevered and got through it.  Go me.  Then I hit several of the resistance machines and ended with 100 crunches on the stability ball (I love those things).  I will probably be sobbing with abdominal muscle pain by mid-afternoon tomorrow, but that's ok.  Then kickboxing tomorrow night.  Let's go, Jack!  I'm back!  Bring it!

I'm still a little off in my sleep; still rather sluggish in the mornings, but so glad to be home!  Now if the kids would only go back to school life would be grand.  It is such a double edged sword.  Going back to school means summer is over and cold weather is on the way, but all summer they drive me batsh*t crazy!  If I hear the words "I'm bored" one more time I may scream.  I am like, never bored.  In the rare moment when I'm not working or cleaning, I have hobbies I love to do!  No boredom here! So the fact that they are KIDS with minimal responsibility and can't find things to do, I just don't get it.  As kids, we used to be out the front door with our friends by 8:00 AM in the summer.  We played outside all freaking day and when mom rang the cow bell, we knew it was time to come in for dinner (seriously, the woman had a cow bell and no, we did not live on a farm.).  After dinner, we were back outside and we knew that the when the street lights came on, it was time to come in for the night.  So, no, I don't get the whole "I'm bored" thing coming from kids these days.  Yes, we had a television but we preferred to be outside playing and even once Atari was born, it only kept our attention for a short while (I mean, how long can you ping a little ball back and forth before falling asleep?).  We didn't look to our parents to amuse us because we had imaginations and friends we played with.  We made forts in the bushes and pretended we were stranded on a desert island and mixed up mud and leaves for food, ruining my mother's little cedar box, but she got over it.  She only brings that up once every other month or so now  

I'm sure as they get older summers will be a little easier.  I think.  I hope.  They will be, won't they?

Now comment!  Go!

Eight Pounds

So that is what I have gained in four weeks of constant travel.  I was going to wait to weigh in for four weeks in an attempt to get back on track but I was having food issues so I knew I just needed to be accountable.

The damage was bad enough, though not as bad as I thought.  The former super morbidly obese girl in me was convinced I had put on like 20 pounds or something.  I'm thinking a few weeks of deliberate exercise will remove those eight pounds, or at least that is my goal.

I did go to the YMCA today and swam laps for awhile and tomorrow I will either go to the gym or walk a few miles around the park.  Tuesday night is back to kickboxing which after four weeks of not being there, should pretty well kill me.  But exercise is back on my radar again now that I am home!

I also need to de-carb, which is way harder for me than getting back to the gym, but I'm working on it.

It's very difficult when our normal foods are taken out of our control.  England, totally different foods (though my biggest issue there was bread in the mornings!).  Mission trip, food totally planned for us.  Pasta, pizza, tacos (yuck), pork bbq.  Lunches were always a sandwich and a carb and sometimes a piece of fruit (they did fruit cups, but that involves way too much sugar!).  Breakfast, sugary cereals, hard boiled eggs (not a fan), chipped beef gravy over biscuits, so you get the picture. 

It's so much easier for me to eat better at home and even there I have challenges at times, but they are not constant and they don't last four weeks.

So it is onward and in this case, downward!

Let's Hear it for the Girls

I've discovered today that one of the things I like most about the mission trips are that free time is spent in relationships with others.  There are no electronic interruptions.  People talk to each other, play games together, do things together.  There is laughter.  There is conversation. 

I am missing these things today.

Yeah, after four weeks of constantly being on the go, I am still a little tired and a little out of sorts today.  But I think part of the being out of sorts is withdrawal.  I am female.  I enjoy conversing with others.  That's part of the reason I blog, I think.  It not only satisfies my need to write, but also my need to converse with other readers, whose blogs I also read. 

Males are not so big on conversation and I live with three of them.  They get annoyed when they can either not watch television or not watch it in peace.  Yeah, there are times I get frustrated when I am trying to watch something and am being interrupted constantly, but I have not sat down to deliberately watch something in over four weeks. I can honestly say, I have not really missed it.  I prefer the conversations.  I prefer relationships with people and interacting with them.

This is why I am missing my girls today.



From left to right, me, Corrina, PK, Rachel and Molly in the front.

Okay, so they aren't really my girls but their parents generously loan them out from time to time and I am so thankful that they do because it is at times, difficult living with all boys.  These four girls are darling, amazing, funny as hell and have personality I would have died for at their age.  They are all beautiful but not vain and they genuinely love each other, and love God and they share some of that love with me. 

We spent a week talking, laughing, walking and working together, side by side.  Interacting.  Deepening relationships among each other and among the guys in our group.  We talk, we offer advice, we spill our guts, we listen, we often hear what is not being said.  It's the beauty of relationship.  It's the way I think God intended things to be; He wanted us to interact with other in meaningful ways.  We did that this past week. 

Being with them was a blessing for me, despite the withdrawal today.  I miss the sounds of laughter, meaningful looks, playful scowls, eye rolling and mischievous winks.  I miss interacting with them as I sit here all alone, with one male upstairs and two others at the park. 

God is teaching me things by giving me boys, but I am so grateful He allows me a few borrowed girls from time to time.

Home Again

...and hopefully for awhile this time as I'm soooo tired!  I will give you all the lowdown in the upcoming days of mission trip '09, but my thoughts for tonight are:

• Really tired


• Want some wine


• It's really quiet without the voices of 70+ people around me and I'm not sure if the silence is a good thing or a bad thing.


• I really, really love my youth kids and miss them already.


• YouthWorks is an amazing organization.


• I get to sleep in tomorrow, praise GOD!


• I appreciate you and I think you're great.

Poetry by Leisl

So I mentioned to you earlier that Leisl was an amazing poet and she has given you (and me) the opportunity to read a bit of her work.  I think you will agree with me that she has talent that needs to be shared!

Sunshine and Blue Leaves on Trees
 
Trapped inside myself.  Dying the death of self worth, aching to be free, free of myself!  I am unsafe, peculiar, worthless and possessed by my secret.  The shame, the blame, the flame in my secret soul is burning holes through my skin!  And what is worse, is it must be my fault, my fault for letting it happen to me!  What is wrong with me?  I take it because it must be true, all of those terrible things that you say about me.  I take it now because I am the secret with you!
 
I�m weak and unwilling, but I�d rather make you happy and share in your lie because that is what you�ve seduced me and reduced me to do!  Who will ever believe me after all you�ve achieved?  They�ll think I�m the liar, the cheat, the thief of your success, the stealer of your manliness!  They�ll think I�m crazy or that I deserved it because I was �too lazy� to make the bed for you!
 
Who I am?
Who I am?
Who I am?
 
 
I am the unmovable Keeper of secrets and lies.
I am the weaker without any words.
I am the actress who wins The Academy Award.
I am the one you kill with your selection of swords.
The truth is, I am the dead, living and forgiving your abusive cries.
I am all you have and not what you deserve.
I am sick and unhealthy in mind and in spirit and when you walk in the door I FEAR IT!
And inside my head, my heart, my soul the rigorous ranting and raving takes hold, explores and controls and finally explodes!
I really am just like you?
 
Who I am without you?
Who I am without you?
Who I am without you?
 
Without you, I am Sunshine and Blue Leaves on the Trees.
I am cool vibrant mist in the breeze.
I am Night and Day all swirled
Into One, making Peace with the
Moon and the Sun.
Without you, I am Laughing and Lulling myself into Sweet Sleep.
I am able bodied, intelligent and sweet.
Without you, I am something like Nothing You�ve Seen!
Without you I can follow my dreams!
 
 
 
*Leisl K. (Weaver) Miller
01-18-93

Family Vacations

Today's guest blogger is Kim from Thoughts by Kim.  Kim is a fellow C&P gal, who is also currently dealing with infertility issues.  She is amazing and when I asked for volunteers to blog, she was more than willing to share a post with us!

So in honor of summer, here you go...

Family Vacation

 

I know � the words bring up images of all sorts of things� all staring Chevy Chase, I�m sure.

 

For me� the concept of a family vacation means a �clipboard of fun� (aka meticulously planned activities for every second!), chaos, and a load of laughs� let me just give you some scenarios via a bulleted list.

 

• Driving to Monticello while on a trip to Washington, D.C. and after an hour of driving realizing that our Dad has gotten us lost in a completely different STATE!


• Going to the San Diego Zoo with my Dad and one older sister� and my Dad notoriously had a �trip hat� that he wore everywhere while on a said vacation� this time � very poetically � a bird pooped right on the bill of that hat! HA!


• Another trip to the Wild Animal Kingdom or something in that area � a different vacation� going on the safari tram� and someone having to stop the train because their pacemaker went off.


• Almost getting kicked out of a bed & breakfast because we woke the whole place up while playing competitive board games� we were REALLY in to it and probably were yelling at each other.


• Getting food poisoning on my first trip with John�s family� landing myself in the hospital� only AFTER they went to the Cracker Barrel for breakfast � I planted myself on the bathroom floor of the restaurant for that entire meal. Then on the way home from the hospital� doing the same thing on the floor of Luby�s while they ate dinner. (In their defense � I was in the hospital for 8 hours!)


• A trip with John�s family to a football game across the state� we dropped our things off at the hotel and went on to the game�. Not realizing that the hotel either serviced the rooms with all heat or all air conditioning� that day it was heat, and I cranked our thermostat up full blast� it never did cool down in there that night. ARG!


• Same trip � ordering (accidentally) something that wasn�t on the menu of Denny�s and NEVER getting my meal.


• My sister�s obsession with having a trip food item� something that we sample every restaurant we can � for instance � key lime pie in Washington, D.C. or fudge in Mackinac Island, MI or guacamole in Santa Fe, NM


• Being on one trip while still engaged with John � and since we couldn�t stay in the same room� we were the only ones that didn�t get a jacuzzi tub in our room on one leg of the trip�


• Getting a major medical procedure the same day as flying across the country� said medical procedure was the awake equivalent to a colonoscopy! Yikes!


• John remembered that many years later, and made it up to me on a different trip � we got our own jacuzzi tub� but were so tired because it was the last night of the trip � we didn�t even use it, and we ordered pizza to be delivered to our room instead of going out to dinner.


• John and I deciding that we would drive to meet up with the family for a trip� and naturally OUR trip started the day after Hurricane Katrina� so we drove right through the devastated areas� and had to wait 3 hours in line for gas at a filling station.


• That same road trip � my doctors had changed my medications for my blood pressure right before we left� I�d never been able to sleep on a car trip before in my life � so we were planning all sorts of audio books and things to listen to� but I slept the ENTIRE trip from Houston to Williamsburg, VA AND back.


• Another trip plagued with food poisoning� John and I got food poisoning on Christmas Day one year, and actually had to travel on a plane with it. I used very barf bag within a couple of rows of our seats. I had to endure a drunk guy making fun of me too � it was literally the worst ride ever!

 

I think that this list gives you plenty to laugh at, groan about, and certainly evidence that a trip with me is never anything short of an adventure!