The key to change... is to let go of fear.”

So I have concluded that I am relatively terrified of starting this new job.  I feel as if I am leaving a protective cocoon to go out into the real world again.  Am I excited?  Yes.  And terrified.   What if I screw it all up and don't even make it through my 90 days probation?  Maybe I have forgotten how to be in a real workforce with real people.  Maybe I just won't "get it" with the things they want me to do.  I hate insecurity but I guess it is normal.  Of course, it doesn't help when I get my congratulations letter from the Humane Society that also says "We do not guarantee employment", but again, probably pretty standard stuff.  And again, The Brit is probably going to be away my first week working there which does not make me feel much better.  I am working on trusting God on this one as I told Him I would wait for Him to give me the job He wanted me to have.

I ran two miles today.  My treadmill and I are probably going to become good friends until the warm weather gets here. 

Hard to Believe...

 ...I used to blog every single day, huh?   I have been big on the suck of late!

So my notice was turned in at the church yesterday and pastor extraordinaire came in this morning and I said "Good morning" and he said, "No, it's not."  He was not happy, or so he says, with my resignation.  I blatantly but politely told him that when people in the church start lying about me, it is time to call it quits. Oh, and he is one of the people lying about me.  Nice and pastorly, huh?  He told people who were also not happy with his sermons that he had asked me and The Brit what we wanted to see him do with the sermons and we couldn't give him any feedback.  Nice.  He and I talked extensively after all this hit the fan about the sermons and heaven knows, he never called The Brit, even though he said he was going to.

So anyway....notice in.  Moving on.

I had my girls over to KNIT on Saturday.  Can you believe that one?  After being reminded of how to cast on, I started a scarf!  It was great to spend some time with Robyn, Lisa and Deanna and then Kelly and Tod met up with us for dinner at the Indian restaurant where I celebrated the new job and drank a lot of wine.  It rocked.

Came home tonight to find that the guys had eaten and had left all the dirty dishes in the sink and when the new job starts, this ain't happening.  I had The Genius come out to the kitchen to wash them but this needs to become a given.  Mondays and Tuesdays I am planning to go to Y right after work to keep up with my zumba and kickboxing  and Wednesdays is church and I need to leave my house by 6:30 that night.  If The Brit is home on time at 6:00 I will be minimally rushed and if he is late, it will be a bit of a frenzy.  So the kids are going to have to learn to automatically chip in, so we are going to have to have a family meeting and go over expectations this weekend sometime.  


I don't see working out being too tricky until after the clocks change in the fall.  With it being light out later soon, I can run or walk in the evenings.  I cannot leave exercise in the dust with working full time and I won't.  I feel too good when I work out and it keeps my overall health in good condition.  

So I am preparing mentally to completely change my routine which is where it has to begin.

Closing a Chapter on a Book that Did not Have a Good Ending.

I accepted a job offer today from the Humane Society to be an Administrative Assistant. I am thrilled to bits and a little bit sad, but on the same note, anxious to finally be done with the other church for good.  I placed calls today to my favorite people at the old church to let them know and to tell them that my formal letter of resignation would be ready for Monday night's council meeting.  I owed these three men an immediate head's up and also offered to do some work from home after I begin the new job on March 7th if they needed more time.  I do not want to leave them high and dry as that is not my style and these guys have been very good to me and highly supportive.

I'm a wee bit sad because I did enjoy working there.  The job was easy but on the flip side, other than dealing with The Church Lady, not very challenging.  I am leaving behind four weeks vacation which will be painful.  I am going from 20 hours a week to 40 which I don't really mind but it will be challenging for things like grocery shopping and working out, which has to continue to happen.  It's all do-able, but will just take some adjusting after being spoiled for five years.  It will be nice to have some extra money, not that we are strapped but The Brit has medical bills rolling in from these kidney stones and of course as they didn't happen till the first of the year, none of our deductible had been met.  

I will have to give up some things, like accompanying The Brit to San Fransisco this fall as I doubt I have more than two weeks vacation.  The kids will have to learn to get themselves out the door in the morning as I start work at 8:00.  They will also get home before me, and I am not giving up my kickboxing class so that will mean going right from work to the YMCA on Tuesday nights.  The kids and husband are going to have to help out a bit more as I no longer will have afternoons free to accomplish stuff.  So will all be adjusting for a bit but it is all good I hope.

So the chapter on CLC comes to a close.  There were many happy moments there, but the bad note a few select people caused can quickly overshadow the good stuff unfortunately.  Despite feeling a bit sad, I feel as if a great burden has been lifted....and that is a good thing.

Absentee Ballot

Yeah, I haven't been here and I really have no excuse.  Have just been busy single parenting and trying to get back on track as far as my workouts go and you know what?  I think the true bottom line is that it is my annual winter depression.  Though I hate winter in general, the time from February until the warmth finally arrives is the worst for me.  I am out of patience with the cold, I am tired of my winter wardrobe, I am sick to death of the marks the rock salt leaves on my floors and I am desperate to look outside and see green.  I miss seeing my friends regularly because there are no fire pit nights in the winter. I JUST HATE IT.  Given a choice, I would go upstairs to bed and hibernate until the temps reach 70.

So I have the blahs.  The winter blahs.  I cannot wait to see the buds on the trees and to be able to do some work outside as I am bored to death with inside work.  I want my kids to play outside for a change and I want my car windows down when I drive. I walk to walk and run in the park.  I know a lot of people complain about the humidity of summer and though I don't cherish it, given a choice over the cold of winter, I would much rather have the humidity. 

So there you have it.  I will try to find something of interest to write about.  I promise.  But a warm spell would help.

Teenage Nightmare

I am not certain I am going to survive the teenage years of one teenage boy.  He has almost overnight gone from difficult to impossible.  Let's see, he has been acting out in the class my friend the teacher pulled strings to get him into, he has thrown The Lawyers DS across the room, he has texted his friends, lying that he was sitting in the office because he got into a fight but he didn't get into trouble because his dad called and yelled at them (all lies..there was no fight).  Then he confesses that he had been a jerk lately because two kids in Biology are picking on him (this is known as The Genius deflecting...it is a common stunt.).  And this has been in the last 26 hours hours alone.

He supposedly has a new girlfriend, which he texted The Brit about, telling him that the girl's mother had invited him to stay the weekend.  Yeah.  Obviously, we said no, and I told him that either one of two things were going on there:  1) her parents really didn't know about it or 2) what kind of parents were they to invite trouble in the form of a hormonal teenage boy to stay the night at their house? 

Lord, give me strength.

So he has lost his phone for a week. (Emily, tell Dave a point for him).  This has been insanity and The Brit is away next week, so it sure to get better (insert sarcastic tone).

Kindness and Understanding that Have Your Back

Today we were taken in as members of our new church.  It was good; really good and it felt very right.

This morning before church I posted on the "evil" (as some of my friends refer to it, Facebook, something that said " is becoming an official member of "Name of church" this morning!"

I got a few nice comments, some congratulations and then this comment from a woman who was the wife of one of my former church's short lived pastors because he had much greater issues:


"Wow.  So soon...."


I was kind of angry about it.  I wanted to rant at her that this change in churches had been at least two years coming, but yet I didn't want to sound snarky nor did I want to offend any of my Facebook friends who still attended the former church.  So, I settled on "It has actually officially been four months and when it feels right, it feels right."


I wasn't entirely happy with that answer, but I chose the high road.  I felt she was judging me, like I had made a rash decision in my leaving the former church, but I tried to let it go.  Somehow it still diminished my mood somewhat and made me wonder if other people felt I was acting in a brash manner.


But a few minutes ago I got another comment from my new music director at my new church, who also coordinates my contemporary service there.  Her words were simple:


"We are so blessed to have you."


She didn't need to say anything else.  My guess is that based on the other woman's comment and my defense to it, she "got it" and spoke out her feelings and there was no need for anything else to be said.




God reminded me through her, that the battle isn't mine and I don't need to sweat the small stuff, because He has it for me.

The Broken Routine

For some reason when my schedule is turned on its ear, so is my eating.  This week has been about ice, a sick kid and a traveling husband and though my eating has not been horrible it has been far from stellar.  I need to get back to tracking my points because it worked and sadly, back to cooking instead of off the cuff dinners.  We have had Subway (not awful; half a turkey sub on whole wheat) and tonight was freaking pizza (two slices).  And damn that Jimnotmike and showing me those mini Reese PB cups because I bought a pack of them but no more.I have however not had a Twizzler or orange slice in weeks!  Today my allergies were in high swing for some reason and I spent the majority of the day sneezing so my plan to run on the treadmill fell through as not even allergy meds were helping me.  I turned down two lunch invites this week because The Lawyer was sick, so there has also been minimal adult conversation this week, which I find hardest of all.  I miss conversation with friends and the husband when he is not watching television.  It has just been kind of a lonely week.  

Last night brought insomnia at 4:00 am that had me awake and that always affects food intake for me the next day.  My resistance feels down with lack of sleep.  So I am looking forward to getting back on track again.  Always a struggle and always will be I suppose as long as I am on this earth.  

Kid free weekend starting tomorrow evening and after being in kidville all week, I am more than ready.  The Genius decided to try crap on me tonight with insisting he had no schoolwork to work on when he knows that is not an option.  He has an implemented study time every night and has for months beings he enjoys getting Ds and not turning in work. So after attitude from him and me informing him he could either study or go to bed, suddenly homework materialized out of the heavens apparently.

It has just been that kind of week.

Past My Bedtime and Forgot to Blog!

Good grief, days can get away from me!

I had to take The Lawyer to the doctor today and he has strep (strept? which is it?) throat, so he is now on antibiotics.  Then there was waiting for Deyse to come online to chat amidst laundry, vacuuming and some other chores, then kickboxing, home and dinner, The Biggest Loser, tending to my farm and city on Facebook games, posting something elsewhere (don't ask, I don't tell)and I finally thought my headache and I could go to bed, but NOOOO .  I forgot to blog!

I think I am becoming addicted to my classes at the Y.  I love the class setting and the fun of these classes.  It beats a lone workout any day and I am really excited for the new Rumba class on Friday (Hey Brit, grabbing a class this Friday.  All right?  All right).  I have convinced Laura from my kickboxing class to come and sample it with me so I have company.  I think I almost had my kickboxing GBC convinced as well but it doesn't start till 7:00 and though he works here, he lives 20 miles away.  Bummer but I am still really excited about this class.

And there really needs to be no ice and school tomorrow!