I want to give Laura over at StratCat on-line a big thanks for saying what I was trying to say yesterday, much more eloquently than I did. Sometimes my thoughts get all jumbled up as I try not to offend people. Now, being more liberal here does not mean I am suddenly going to spew out a bunch of #@%* language. Mostly, it just means that I'm going to sit back and perhaps be more comfortable here in my little corner of the internet.
I had the day off work today and I realized that I have no idea how to really and truly relax. Last night, I was telling myself that on my day off for Administrative Assistant Day, I was going to just lay around, knit and read and maybe eventually get to Curves. The day started out sort of on plan. I didn't get up until 7:30, made sure JJ got ready for school, took him up to the bus stop, came back home, had some oatmeal and chai tea and then promptly went back to sleep again until about 10:40. I took a shower and got dressed and then my obsessive nature began to kick in. I decided that even though I was way going to relax today, I'd may as well throw some laundry in as the hampers were nearing full. So, I did that and then for some reason, I grabbed three heavy trash bags from downstairs and went up to the kid's room. That is when my inner insane cleaning lady kicked into overdrive. Honestly, I only intended to do a little tidy up of their bedroom; one hour tops. Then I saw all the stuff under the bottom bunk bed and three hours and four trash bags later, it was 3:00 and I was finished and it was time to head to Curves. So much for all that knitting and reading I had planned on doing.
That led me to try to figure out why I do that. Why it is I feel like I am just killing time if I just sit around and do things I enjoy doing. Do I secretly enjoy cleaning? I'm thinking no, but I do like a tidy home and I have three males in here working against me to make sure that tidy never,ever happens unless I am working overtime. At times, I get a little frustrated when the weekend rolls around and the males of the species spend it watching television, napping, playing video games or playing outside. I try my best to follow suit, but there are pants that need to be clean for Monday morning, or a meal that has to be cooked, served and cleaned up after and I always find myself wondering why I am the only one who doesn't get to really and truly take the whole weekend off. No, I don't work full-time, but with my part-time job, the house, the kids, the grocery shopping, the cooking etc, I'm thinking if I were getting paid what that is worth an hour, I may be vying for being the major bread winner. My day starts around 7:00 (sometimes 6:00) and ends around the time the kids go to bed.
I suppose it does balance out some weeks, when I go to my knitting group, spend some time at Shell's or like next weekend, head to Maryland Sheep and Wool. I also have a yearly getaway weekend to Women of Faith that recharges me for several months. Sometimes though it would be nice to hear "Wow, the house looks great, mom!" or "Honey, I don't know how you get it all done each day." (Try to keep from laughing hysterically. Yes, I know I need to rub a lamp). It's just that despite what people may think, I don't live to clean up after people.
And yet on the other hand, no one says anything to me when I decide I need a new pair of knitting needles, or I want to bid on childhood books off eBay. (I'm starting to think I have multiple personalities tonight..anger, guilt, anger, guilt). So, I guess it works. But before I can change my mind about that, say "Goodnight, Kim". Goodnight, Kim.