Family Drama Again

So many of you may remember the Beach Sister situation of 2008 and if you don't know the story, please review the link. I have seen this sister one other time since then, at my mother's 80th birthday party a year ago.  I have very little desire to see her for the simple fact that if a relationship with me is not important to someone, I have no desire to force myself upon them.  That situation opened my eyes to the way things apparently were and I got hurt and have gotten over it.  But I am also from the school of "sh*t on you once, shame on them, sh*t on you twice, shame on you."  In other words, I am not setting myself up for anything again, thankyouverymuch.

Now, second scenario is my younger brother, who I grew up very close to, who got married and since marriage we barely have a relationship.  We had one for awhile but once we adopted kids, it really pretty much ended other than holidays.  This brother and his wife live in the next town over (like twenty minutes away) and I have not seen them since Easter.  They had an open invitation to our Fire Pit Frenzy Fridays, but have never shown up (sister in law told my mother she sent me an email saying she worked Saturdays, but I have never gotten an email from her...I never get emails from her so I would have remembered if one had showed up.).  And what really takes the cake is that two weeks ago, she had a surprise 40th birthday party for my brother and no one from our family was invited.  Nice.

So why am I talking about this?  Because these are the four people who will be at my mothers for Thanksgiving. I have been dreading this and a few weeks ago, I spoke to my sister, Vicki, about it, who in turn, talked to my mother, who in turn told me she understood if I didn't want to be at Thanksgiving and she would not be angry.  Oh, and these two couples, adore each other.

I was relieved until yesterday.  Yesterday I took mom to lunch for her birthday and her tune started to change a bit.  "So are you coming to Thanksgiving or not?"  I thought we had been over this and I voted no.  So I reaffirmed this with her and she fussed a bit more.   I said that getting together just because it was a holiday when people don't want anything to do with me any other time, was a joke.   Why did I want to be uncomfortable and forcing conversation for the sake of a turkey?  Yeah, there is the fact that my mother is 81 and I don't know how much longer I'll have her, but I would much rather have a nice dinner here either before or after Thanksgiving and invite her.  It's not HER I don't want to spend time with. 

There is also the issue that every time my youngest son sees the two who live so close (I don't think he has seen them since Easter either...if he saw them then, I can't remember as I was flying to England that evening), when we go home, I get the questions.

"Why don't they invite us over?"

"Why don't they send me a birthday card?"

Etc...and I don't have answers!  My youngest child adores them, which is what makes it so horrible for me...and for him.   When he doesn't see them, he doesn't think to ask the questions.  My mother says I should tell him to ask them those questions, but I don't want to put him up to it and they would think it came from me anyway.

So am I wrong to not go and to make other plans for that day?  Vicki, she is talking about trying to get you to come (and I laughed and said, "Yeah, because she is so close to them!") so be warned. 

In all reality, I have six siblings and though I love them all because I have to, four of them I genuinely like as people and adore spending time with.  Those are pretty good stats in my opinion.