Monday, August 21, 2006

8 Years


So today was the Brit's and my 8 year anniversary!  The Brit can never tell me anything he wants, but did say he wanted to be surprised, so I did something I have never done before and had a special delivery sent to his work:




The big balloon plays "You're still the One" when you tap it.  JJ has been having a ball with that all night!

As for what he got me, I'm about to show y'all one of my favorite things, but you have to promise not to laugh:




I was/am a "Touched by an Angel" fanatic.  Loved that show and miss it very much, but as they are finally releasing the series on DVD, I gave the majority of my taped VHS episodes to the church yard sale (and I'll have you know that they sold, so there are at least two TBAA fans in Hagerstown!), and am working on aquiring the series on DVD.  No commercials! heh.

We also went out to dinner on Saturday night to Dutch's Daughter in Frederick.  Very posh and excellent seafood, which is what I was in the mood for.  I highly recommend it for any special occasion.

But the best part of all about this year's anniversary is a promise of things to come!  The Brit told me at dinner Saturday night that for our 10th year anniversary, we are heading on an Alaskan cruise!  Despite the fact that it is two years away, (I tend to get  a little excited, plus I am a planner by nature) I have invited our friends, John and Paula to come with us, and I have already purchased a book on Alaska cruises.  I have been all over the internet bookmarking sites about cruises and whale watches (I have high hopes of finally seeing not only my beloved Orcas but also a Humpback in the wild!) and Alaska in general!  Very exciting!  Thank you, my Brit!

No real news other than that, other than the one other biggie....school starts day after tomorrow!! 

It was also requested by Irish Church Lady, after Saturday's photo hunt, to know more about the story of our Noah, so here's the scoop.  Our two boys, Aaron and JJ are adopted through social services.  When the Brit and I were unable to conceive, this was the route we elected to take to have children and the two boys were our very first placement.  They were already in an adoptive status, but we had to foster them for six months before we could adopt them.  The parental scoop was that bio-mom had crack issues and prostitution issues and bio-dad was an alcoholic.  Both bio-parents were actually in jail when the boys came to live with us.

The boys also had a little sister, Kaitlyn, but she was living with a cousin.  As the first two years passed and the boys were adopted by us, we came to know the little ins and outs of the bio family.  Bio-mom had an "arrangement" with this cousin, where she did not have to comply with scheduled DSS (Dept of Social Services) visitations of Kaitlyn.  She could simply call up said cousin and see her daughter whenever she wanted, which gave her no motivation to clean up her act.  She wound up in jail again.  We knew all these things because we chose to keep as many doors open for the boys as possible, so they still visited their grandparents, providing our rules were followed.  Our basic rule was no visits with the bio-parents.

So, as life went on, bio mom got out of jail again and during the summer of 2004, we found out that she was pregnant again.  We only shook our heads and prayed that one day this young mother would get her act together or stop having children (she was 14 years old when she had Aaron, who is now 11). 

January 2005 we received a call from DSS that rattled us...badly.  Bio mom had tested positive for crack at 7 months pregnant.  The baby had just been born and as we had adopted the two boys, could they place this third baby boy with us.  I went into freak out mode.  Though at one time, I had desperately wanted an infant, we had finally settled into a comfortable routine as a family of four.  Add to that the fact that we had absolutely nothing for a baby!  No clothes, no crib, no formula and we only had until the next morning to let DSS know as the baby needed to be picked up at the hospital in two days.

The Brit and I finally decided to go where God led us and we agreed to take little three day old Noah.  After I told one friend at church and the Brit told one friend at work about our undertaking, the baby supplies starting arriving.  Bottles, toys, a bassinet, diapers, wipes, clothes, diaper bag, and the list goes on and on.  We picked up this dear little soul at the hospital and I fell madly in love.




He was a beautiful baby; not a blemish on him.  I can't say for certain if he was in withdrawal from being a "crack baby" or not.  He had his days and nights confused, and would wake at night after about three hours, and I could easily be up the rest of the night with him.  Every time I got him close to falling off to sleep after being fed, burped and changed, he would get angry and force himself back to wakefulness.  But all in all, I loved mothering him and the boys loved being big brothers, especially JJ, who was always so eager to help me with Noah.

Our social worker when we took Aaron and JJ in was wonderful.  I could not have asked for a more personable, helpful young woman.  However, we did not get her with Noah.  Megan was a nightmare.  As soon as I would get Noah off to sleep in the afternoon, in the precious four hours I had with both boys in school, and would try to catch a nap myself, Megan would  call to tell me things of minor importance.  Bio-mom had visitation with Noah, so once a week we headed down to DSS, where he would be taken from me, and I would wait for an hour for him to come back.  Megan had told me that bio-mom was talking to the same cousin who had Kaitlyn about taking Noah and this set off alarm bells for me as I knew that situation all too well.  I filled Megan in on everything I knew about that "arrangement."

Three weeks after picking Noah up from the hospital, there was a hearing for placement.  The Brit and I were sure Noah would be able to stay with us for at least the time being until bio-mom got into drug rehab and adhered to all the things she needed to do to get Noah back.  We found ourselves sitting in the courtroom right across the aisle from the cousin and when the DSS lawyers gave the judge their recommendation that Noah go with family and be moved to the cousin's place, we were horrified.  We were equally heartbroken and furious when that was the way the judge ruled.  Add to that the fact that it was against the law for a foster child to be taken across state line to a relative without a current home study being done.  The cousin lived in the next state over and had moved since her last home study, but the jedge got around that by calling it an "Extended visitation."

The Brit had words with Megan after the hearing about what Noah had just been set up for; illegal visitations from a mother who was not going to clean up her act if she didn't have to.  We didn't understand why Aaron and JJ were not also considered "family" as Noah's half brothers (Noah had a different father than the other three children).  Not that any of his arguments mattered.  We had to go home, where my mother was watching Noah and say goodbye to him.

Megan called almost as soon as we got home, and we were not even permitted to keep him until the boys got home from school, so they never got to tell him goodbye.  Megan came and picked Noah up and we have not seen him since.  (*note: Aaron and JJ have seen Noah a few times the past year when visiting their bio-grandparents).

I was bitter and heart sick over what had transpired and a week later I spoke with Noah's lawyer.  What I found out was that Megan had not told ANYONE what I had told her about how visitations between bio-mom and Kaitlyn were working out thanks to the cousin.  So, I sat down and wrote a long letter to the judge.  I told him all I knew and I told him how as foster parents of Noah's siblings that we knew certain things and that these things needed to be taken into consideration.  I heard nothing back until four months later.

Noah's lawyer called me and what I found out was that the judge had forwarded my letter to all the parties involved; Noah's lawyer, bio-mom's lawyer and bio-dad's lawyer.  Because of this letter, there were no illegal visits as the lawyers sat down with their clients and the cousin and told them that things were going to start being done by the book, as they should have been done all along.  That knowledge at least brought me some peace in knowing that Noah stood a chance.

To wrap us this rather long story, bio-mom has been clean for over a year now and she now has custody of both Noah and Kaitlyn.  My boys see them both on occasion (but never bio-mom) which is good for me and for them.  Last January, I finally cleaned out my basement and took all the baby items to charities.  It took me nearly a year to be able to part with Noah's things and now all I kept was his baptismal outfit (We had him baptised in the three weeks we had him as that was important to us).  There is still a picture of Noah on our entertainment center as well as one of all three boys together that we had taken while he was with us.  It took me a long time to get over losing him, but now, I can honestly say that I am at peace and that I pray for Noah daily, as well as Kaitlyn, just asking that they have safe and normal lives.



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